


The Missing Part

by Nightstar269



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Almost Suicide Attempt, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Banter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Rated explicit just to be safe, Rimming, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Teacher Obi-Wan Kenobi, Teacher-Student Relationship, obikin, smut with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-09-25 18:26:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 150,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightstar269/pseuds/Nightstar269
Summary: Anakin Skywalker, a student of mechanical engineering, has always felt as if he didn't belong anywhere, a feeling that was made much worse with the deaths of his mother first, and of the woman he loved some time later. Still haunted by the pain and heartbreak, and plagued by strange and disturbing dreams, he tries to go on with his life as well as he can.  When an initiative of the director of the university has the students attending the classes of another degree so as to enrich their knowledge, he will meet a certain Mr. Kenobi that will turn his world upside down.[Canon Divergence/Fix-It of Sorts. A story in which things are not what they seem at first glance, and that will deal with some of the events that took place in canon and ultimately led to Anakin's downfall in ROTS from a different perspective, especially concerning Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship. A story of second chances.]





	1. Same Old Routine

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I decided to change the rating just to be safe, as some chapters contain smut scenes that could be deemed as explicit. But I think that the rating M would be fine for most of the fic. Also, I tend to go back to this story a lot lol, and sometimes I edit some chapters on reread. So if you’ve already read it and have noticed some changes, this is why haha :)

Anakin woke up with a gasp, sweating, his heart beating madly. The clock on the nightstand read 4 AM. _Great_. Another nightmare, just what he needed the night before the exam. He didn’t remember anything from his dream this time, though. Not that his dreams made much sense anyway. Knowing well enough that there would be no way to get to sleep now, he got out of bed.

Anakin Skywalker. 23 years old. Student of mechanical engineering. An ordinary life, just like any other’s. And that was... well, good. He couldn’t really complain. He loved mechanics, and he had worked very hard for several years in a garage to save enough money to pay for the entrance into the university. _Mum would have been proud_ , he thought with the usual twinge of sadness.

He’d only been there for a year, but he could tell how much he loved his degree already. So, he was happy. He should be happy. Not being satisfied with his life would mean that Anakin was a non-conformist, spoilt brat. And Anakin could be many things, but that was certainly _not_ one of them. If anyone knew how difficult life could be, and how hard one should work to achieve things, that was him. So yes, he should be happy and satisfied.

Then why wasn’t he? Apart from the obvious, of course.

It’s not that he was unhappy either. He really meant it when he said he wasn’t a non-conformist spoilt brat, mind you. It was more like... like he should be doing something else. Like he was meant to do greater things. And okay, that _did_ make him sound a bit like a spoilt brat, but he didn’t mean it like that. _You certainly made it sound like that, Skyguy_ , a certain friend of his would have pointed out. _Oh, shut up, Ahsoka._

Chuckling lightly, Anakin came back from his reverie and finished brushing his teeth. Five o’clock. He didn’t know what to do until seven. As sleeping was out of the question (when he woke up from a nightmare it was impossible for him to get back to sleep again), he lay down on the sofa of the living room and began to go over the contents of the exam. Ten minutes later, he had given up on the task already. Anakin loved his degree, but Anakin also hated the theoretical part of it. He was a man of action, always had been.

He lay down completely resting his feet on the sofa. Taking a look at the mess around him, he instantly discarded the idea of getting everything in order so as to kill time. He _really_ wasn’t feeling up to it now, besides, it wasn’t as if it was going to annoy anyone, given the fact that he lived alone on this small apartment. He ceased looking around when he spotted the photograph on the coffee table, his own blue eyes looking back at him in the rounded little face of an eight year old Anakin. Eyes shimmering with a glee now unknown to them, so bright that it was almost as if it trespassed the glass of the photograph. Of course, the responsible for that was no other than his own mother, next to him in the photo and reflecting a joy as great as his own. What were they laughing at? Anakin couldn’t remember anymore. It wasn’t fair. He had read somewhere that humans tend to remember happy memories in detriment of the bad ones, but these were but a bunch of lies according to his experience.

And then another photo captured his attention, on the other side of the table. He was seventeen here, and little was left of the small kid of the other photo. However, the liveliness of his blue eyes and the air of mischief on his face were still there, as well as the same delicate features. Another woman was on his side, just a few years older than him, with brown curly hair and eyes the colour of honey. As was the case before, she was also responsible for the joy irradiating in his eyes in the photo; responsible as well for the lack thereof nowadays due to her absence.

Trying to evade from the sour mood that had started to take over him, he started to tinker with some machines he had built himself, increasing the mess in the already messy living room. Working on machines, circuits and all sorts of electronic devices had always been his way of taking his mind off things. It made him forget his problems and anxieties... It helped him focus his mind on the here and now.

* * *

“It’s outrageous! Just how could they do this?” she asked for the third time.

“Do what?”

“The exam, what else! Such impossible questions…"

“Well, I've done it pretty well.”

Ahsoka looked at him with a frown on her face.

“But we hadn’t even been explained half of the questions!”

“Ah, Snips” Anakin was smiling knowingly and with an air of superiority, “the wisdom of experience can do wonders. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“You’re just three years older than me, you git! And by the way, you have the face of a baby.”

“Do not!”

“Oh, yes, you do.”

Despite their frequent disputes, (and how utterly annoying she could be when she wanted to), Ahsoka was a great friend. His best friend, actually.

Anakin didn’t have many friends. That’s not to say he didn’t get on with the rest of his classmates—he did. In fact, his confident and humorous nature (as well as his good looks) meant that he was well-liked among them. The fact that he was three years older than the majority of them was not the problem for Anakin: after all, Ahsoka was that age and as mature as him (or maybe it was that they were both equal immature, but that was irrelevant to the matter at hand). The thing was that, to put it shortly, most of his classmates seemed to him a bunch of egotistical snobs, and Anakin would never be friends with that kind of people.

It was a sunny day of October. The two friends were talking in the large and liberating gardens surrounding the campus. They were enjoying the much needed minutes of the lunch break.

“Forget about the exam, Ahsoka. You know what _is_ outrageous?”

“Do enlighten me, you _wise_ old man.”

He ignored her sarcastic remark.

“That whole thing of assisting to the classes of another degree. As if we didn’t have enough with our actual degrees. What’s the sense in that?”

“To learn that even the most dissimilar area of knowledge can give us insight into our own field of expertise so that we can understand it better.” In the face of Anakin’s odd look, Ahsoka clarified, “Those were the director’s words in the gathering”.

“Cryptic as ever. Never seen a way of saying so little with so many words.”

“That was probably why you fell asleep,” she said reproachfully.

“No one saw me” he defended himself. “Well, apart from you. And by the way, the reason I fell asleep was that I was tired. The amount of work in the garage these days is killing me.”

_But not as much as the nightmares._

Ahsoka demonstrated once more just how well she knew him.

“That was it?” she asked in a somewhat hesitant tone.

“Yes” he replied curtly, “that was it.”

Talking about his nightmares, or the past, or _whatever_ Ahsoka wanted to talk about, was the last thing Anakin wanted to do right now.

Ahsoka resumed her conciliatory tone. “So” she said, “to which classes do you have to assist?”

“Something about _Literature_.” Ahsoka laughed at his exasperated tone. “You?”

“Something about Graphical Design.”

Anakin choked on his orange juice. “Why is yours much better? That’s not fair!”

“Ah, well, you know, Skyguy. The wisdom of experience can do wonders” she quoted him, smiling. “Surely they think that someone as sage as you can overcome the most difficult tasks.”

“Very funny.”

* * *

Anakin, almost breathless, entered the classroom with a muttered apology. The professor ignored him and continued writing on the blackboard. Well, it could have been worse. He just didn’t understand how he managed to never arrive on time to places.

It was his first class of English Literature... and he was lost already. He didn’t understand half of the terms in the blackboard. _You arrived late to the only class you shouldn’t._

He thought for a moment that he had entered the wrong class by mistake. _I mean, metonymy? What kind of illness is that?_ But, no, apparently it wasn’t an illness, but a _rhetorical figure_ , as he discovered later in the class.

The students were asked to localise the main figures in the poem they had read (or should have read if they hadn’t been late like Anakin). He was silently hoping not to be asked, trying to make sense of the many annotations in the blackboard, all the while pretending not to hear a couple of girls behind him whispering about him and trying to get his attention.

Anakin wasn’t interested in all that. He hadn’t dated anyone since... well, her. And not for lack of admirers, who were mesmerized by his good looks. No, Anakin was simply not interested in anyone around him (had he already mentioned that this university was full of snob, egotistical jerks?). Also, it might be a stupid idea ( _romantic, as Ahsoka would say)_ , but he hated it when people only wanted him for his looks. He might not have much money, and the many hours he spent at working resulted in not so good academic results, but he was much more than a pretty face. He knew he was clever, and brave, and resourceful; he just didn’t have many opportunities to prove it. Adding to that the fact that the only free time he had (that is, when he wasn’t at classes or working) he used it to try to catch up with his studies, something as luxurious as love was just not in the cards for him. Not to mention the phantoms of the past: he still wasn’t ready to love another. He doubted he would ever be.

But he was digressing, when he should be concentrating on the _fascinating_ world of poetry _._ So, he tried to actually pay some attention to the question their teacher was asking some student, hoping to pass unnoticed the rest of the class

“What would you say is the meaning of the metaphor in the last stanza?”

When several seconds passed without an answer, Anakin felt really glad not to be the only one who had no clue. But why was everyone looking at him all of a sudden? _Oh, shit._ The question was meant for him.

“Erm..., I haven’t read the poem.”

“Of course not. I would be extremely surprised if you had, since you were too busy arriving late while we were reading it”.

Anakin hadn’t been in that class for too long, but he could tell already how much respect that teacher instilled among the students. He looked strict enough, with his extremely polished clothes and his marked British accent. But Anakin was not one to have ever known cowardice, nor learned when to keep his mouth shut.

“Then why ask?”

A murmur of voices followed his comment, while the professor’s grey-blue eyes looked at him not with fury, but with a bored indifference that was far more intimidating.

“You’re the student from mechanical engineering, aren’t you, Mr...?

“Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker. And, yes, I am.”

“Alright, Mr. Skywalker, I’ll let you know that bad manners and unpunctuality will not be tolerated in this class. Furthermore, I highly encourage you to at least feign some interest in this subject, for no matter how boring you obviously find it, you may bore us even more. But in that case we’ll also be kind enough not to show it.” Another murmur, some muffled laughs. And the professor had the nerve to give the hint of a self-satisfying smile after saying that. Anakin had never been so insulted in such an educated way, which irked him even more— he was a direct, honest person. Hypocrisy was something he couldn’t stand. This adding to the first impression he had gotten of him, he reached to the conclusion that this professor was just like almost everyone in this University— just another egotistical, snob jerk.

Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but, perhaps fortunately, the professor interrupted him. “Stay in class after the lesson is over, Mr. Skywalker.” And after that he continued writing on the blackboard with his sophisticated handwriting. _Good, Anakin, you couldn’t have started any better._

When the class was over, Anakin waited on his desk while the professor was looking through a sheaf of papers. When a good five minutes have passed, Anakin cleared his throat, which finally got the professor’s attention.

“My apologies, I had forgotten you were here” Anakin, unimpressed, raised one eyebrow. “Please, have a sit” he said signalling the chair situated in front of his own desk.

Anakin complied, and with an air of resignation, said “So, what’s it gonna be?"

The professor looked vaguely confused. “Pardon me?”

“The punishment. For arriving late and, well...” Anakin didn’t want to admit he had been insolent to him, because he hadn’t. He absolutely hadn’t. Okay, maybe a little bit. But the guy had deserved it.

 He found it slightly funny that he had just referred to this strict, dignified professor with the term “guy” in his head. Although now that he thought about it, he seemed rather young to be a professor. In fact, he looked like just some ten years older than him.

“No, you misunderstand me. I think I talked to you clearly enough before. I hope you have already learned your lesson, and that no punishment will be required.”

“Oh.” That was unexpected. “Then why am I here, professor...?"

“Forgive me, my name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. As to the reason you’re here, I merely wanted to know what your notions of literature were.”

_So that you can ridicule me when I tell you I don’t know crap?_ _I couldn’t care less about it._ Nonetheless, he had to give a somewhat polite answer, lest he started to reconsider his decision on no punishments.

“In that case we’ll finish shortly. I have no clue.”

“None at all?”

“Zero” he answered proudly.

“That is inconvenient” he said thoughtfully, stroking his beard in a meditative pose. “I don’t fully understand the sense of this program, sending students to classes they have no basic knowledge of.”

“I agree with you on that, professor. It’s just stupid.”

“Nevertheless,” he continued in a stern tone, “if the directors have decided it, it might turn out to be useful.”

_Not one to question orders, uh?_

“Right, of course” he said unconvinced, trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice but failing to do so, if professor Kenobi’s glare was anything to go by.

“Alright, here’s what we’ll do. Can you come to the university on Tuesdays’ afternoons?"

Now Anakin was completely out of his depth.

“Um, no, I have to work.”

“How about Wednesdays?"

“Work also.” Professor Kenobi looked at him curiously, but didn’t ask anything about it. He was probably wondering just _when_ he got any time to study. The answer to that was pretty simple: almost never.

“When do you _not_ have to work?”

“Thursdays. And the weekends.” _Mostly._ “What for, anyway?

“Perfect, then Thursdays it is, at five o’clock in this classroom. To answer your question, you need to acquire some basic knowledge; otherwise you’ll be completely lost in my classes.”

Anakin tried not to give away how surprised he was. “And you’re just going to waste your time giving me private classes for art’s sake?"

“On the contrary, I think we’ll waste much less time during normal classes if I don’t have to stop the lesson every now and then to explain to you what a metonymy is, to name some example.”

Anakin chucked. Perhaps he wasn’t that bad after all. “Well, when you put it like that...”

The computer on the table gave a beep. “Oh dear. Give me a second. I don’t know what the matter with this _blasted_ thing is.” He pressed the keys in the keyboard with no criteria whatsoever, as exasperated as Mr-Calm-Kenobi could get. “Fascinating, it’s blocked now...”

“Allow me, professor?” intervened Anakin, who had been watching the whole scene with an amused smile. Ten seconds later, the problem was solved. “There you go.”

“Oh. I can see you are good with machines indeed.”

“As a matter of fact I am. But this? Any ten year old kid could have solved it.”

 “Well, one can’t be good at everything, can we?” he said somewhat defensively.

“No, I suppose not.” Anakin tried to suppress his chuckle— he still could be punished after all. “Gotta go, next class starts in a few minutes. See you then on Thursday, five o’clock?

“What? Yes, yes, that’s right” he answered distractedly, all of his attention focused now on some documents on the computer. “Until next Thursday, Mr. Skywalker.”

* * *

The day seemed to never end. He was exhausted. He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen on his face and sighed tiredly.  After repairing the motor of the last car, he thought he could finally go home and rest a bit. Of course, things could never go his way.

“Ah, boy, where do you think you’re going? You still have all these items to look into.”

Anakin looked at him, irritated. To say he hated his boss was an understatement. He knew how much Anakin needed the money, and how difficult it was to get a job in a garage in this town. So, naturally, he took advantage of this fact to exploit Anakin, loading him with much more hours of work than he paid him for. Sometimes this job made him feel like a damn slave.

“I’ve already done the work for today, Watto. These items were not here ten minutes ago.”

“But they’re here now, kid. An urgency has come, and these clients have paid a lot of money to have this repaired as soon as possible.” He shifted his mocked condescending tone to a sterner one. “Always complaining, so ungrateful. So you will have to stay a couple of hours more, so what? No big deal.”

“I don’t think so, Watto. I _am_ done for today.”

_“_ Oh, so I assume you’re done with this job already too, then?” He feigned a look of pity, enhancing the ugly features of his face. “Shame, but I’m sure you will find another job as a mechanic in this town soon, Ani.”

“You and I both know you wouldn’t fire me. You need me for this job.” No one else would work as efficiently as him for so low a salary. “And don’t call me that”.

Watto gave him an unpleasant smile.“I think you need this job more than I need you. But we can test this theory, if you want.”

What Anakin _really_ wanted at that moment, more than anything, was to leave this damned place and put this poor excuse of a human being in his place. Damn it, he hated the feeling of not being free to do what he wanted. So what if he needed the money—he could find something else. But then he thought of his studies, of how hard he had worked to finally be able to pay the costs of the university. He couldn’t risk it. He just couldn’t.

“I’ll see what I can do” he finally complied, taking a look at those items, hating himself while he said it.

“Excellent choice, Ani!”

“Don’t call me _that_ ” he grumbled again emphasizing each word.

“Oh, but why not?” he asked with an affected sweetness. “That’s how your dear poor mummy used to call you! And that girlfriend of yours as well. Surely the name instils some happy memories in you? Shame that they will never be able to call you that again, unless they do it from their graves!” And he laughed as if that was the funniest joke on the Universe.

That was it. Anakin had had enough. To hell with the money and his studies. That disgraced of Watto didn’t have any right to refer to his mother and Padmé in such a mocking way, especially having some idea of how wretched their deaths had left him. Then again, that was probably why he did it. The man took pleasure in making others suffer.

But before Anakin lost his self-control, the coward snake had already fled the room. In retrospect, that was probably the best thing he could have done—Anakin might have regretted his actions later. After all, he truly needed the money.

It wasn’t until three hours later that he was completely finished. Maybe it was his lack of sleep, or perhaps Watto’s insidious comments, but his head felt as if it was about to explode. He couldn’t wait to get to bed and have a much needed sleep. Hopefully the nightmares wouldn’t bother him tonight.

Once in his apartment, he let out a breath of relief. It was still messy, with several pieces and wires on the floor, but it was _his_ mess.

He had a cold dinner, brushed his teeth, took a shower, and put on his pajamas, which consisted in just a pair of pants. Once more, the same agonizing routine of everyday. The same feeling that he should be doing something else with his life.

His phone vibrated with a message from Ahsoka.

_Ahsoka: How did your literature class go, Skyguy?_

_Anakin: As if they’d been talking in another language. I would’ve understood the same._

_Ahsoka: lol. Panicked already? And how was Mr. Kenobi? He’s known for being strict._

_Anakin: Yeah, a bit standoffish. Not so bad, though. He’s going to give me some private classes to explain me the basics._

_Ahsoka: That’s great! By the way, my class of graphical design went excellent, thanks for asking ;)_

_Anakin: Piss off, Ahsoka. Don’t shove it in my face at least, or I won’t help you preparing for the next exam ;)_

_Ahoska: Not if you want to keep copying my homework haha._

After saying goodbye, Anakin turned his phone off. Now that he wasn’t distracted by their jokes, the feeling of forlorn started to overtake him again.

It started pouring down outside, and Anakin came close to the window to see the drops falling through the glass. He was drawn to the rain. For some reason it always had a soothing effect on him, different to that he acquired after fixing things and tinkering with circuits. With the latter he managed to calm down and think clearly; with the former, he managed to not think about anything at all. His mind would fly off somewhere in those moments, only to return afterwards without any recollection of where it’d been, but leaving within him a sense of freedom and hope difficult to describe.  He could stay hours like this, just watching, his blue eyes transfixed in the movement of the little drops.

It was still raining when he went to bed. Thunders could be heard from far away, the howling wind resonated in the room, along with the tapping of the water drops on the windowpane. Anakin fell asleep instantly.


	2. Mr. Kenobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented, left kudos, bookmarked or subscribed! It means a lot to me :) Here's next chapter! Just a heads up, there’s a little flashback in this chapter, which is written in italics. Enjoy!

Anakin had learned a lot in those literature classes already.

“There you have it” professor Kenobi said while giving his essay back, with so many corrections that it was hard to see anything but red.

Well, perhaps he needed to be more specific. He _had_ learned a lot in those classes, only not so much about the subject itself as about its teacher.

A few classes had been enough for Anakin to realise that Obi-Wan Kenobi was not someone easy to get to know. He had thought that he was your typical conceited and selfish snob the first time he saw him, but he proved him wrong when he offered to help him by giving him private classes. He had not looked so strict in that moment. But then, in the first of the aforementioned private classes, he had gone back to his strict and rigid persona. He didn’t let him get away with any mistake, and he was a perfectionist to the extreme— which probably just meant that the man was very professional about his job, but still, it got on Anakin’s nerves. He also had a sarcastic humour, and he could present you with all kinds of acidic remarks and ironic comments one moment, and be the epitome of nice manners and civility the next—a walking contradiction. Anakin wasn’t sure if he liked that— normally he was able to pinpoint one’s personality very accurately after just a few interactions.

“You could at least feign some interest, Anakin.”

“You’ve told me that already, professor,” he said cheekily, “in my first class, remember?” At some point he had gone from being Mr. Skywalker to just Anakin when they were alone in the classroom.

“Then I’ve clearly not said it enough.” He sounded exasperated, but not angry exactly.

“You’ve got to understand me. This doesn’t have _anything_ to do with what I study.”

“Fair enough.”

“And, no offense, but if I’m honest here, I’ve never found much sense in poetry and all this stuff.”

“All this stuff” he repeated thoughtfully, and why did it have to sound so ridiculous when said by him. “Don’t worry, no offense taken. I’d probably be equally lost if I had to attend a class of mechanical engineering. The thing is, since you have no choice on the matter (and you have to pass the final exam as well), I advise you to try to make the most of it. Who knows, perhaps you’ll end up liking it.”

“I highly doubt it. I just don’t see the sense in... this.” He looked at the poem he had to analyse with a frown. “It’s not useful. In mechanics, everything has a meaning.”

“Things don’t have to be useful to have a meaning” he said with an air of having lived several lifetimes, “and by the way, not everything in life has to serve a purpose to be of value.”

“It has, for me.” Then, he smiled. “I guess I’m just more practical.”

“Perhaps” he nodded. “Or simply more narrow-minded”.

There it was, the insult hidden beneath educated words. Somehow he always managed to do that.

“Hey!” But Mr. Kenobi simply raised one eyebrow, looking too much satisfied with himself—and rightly so, for Anakin was in no place to rebuke him, and the man in front of him knew that. So he settled for an annoyed stare, which only managed to amuse his professor a bit more—much to his chagrin.

* * *

The library of the university almost looked like taken from another century, in line with the ancient and solemn air of the whole building. Whenever Anakin thought about that place, the color brown was the first thing that came to his mind, with almost everything being made of wood: the long tables, the extensive shelves, the refined chairs. The ceiling lights were sober but elegant, old, just like the table lamps that you could find here and there. The shelves containing the books were arranged in such a way that they formed long and endless corridors. When you were in one of those, surrounded by books on your left and right, one felt almost as if trapped in a labyrinth—utterly isolated from the world.

As he was picking a novel for his literature classes, he had to stifle a scream at the sight of a pair of eyes peeking in the space formerly occupied by the book.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost” she whispered between muffled laughs.

“Ahsoka!” he grumbled as he also tried to keep his voice down. “Is this how you spend your free time now, trying to scare the crap out of people in the library?”

“I just saw you there, I couldn’t help it. You should have seen your face, Skyguy.” She laughed some more, earning the reproach of someone. She lowered her voice in consequence. “You were scared to death.”

“But of course I was” he whispered. “Your face can be quite scary, especially at this time of day.”

“Look at him, so eloquent,” she mocked him, “the literature classes seem to have paid off.”

Anakin was getting a headache. He ran his hand over his head, messing his hair up in consequence.

“Yeah, don’t remind me of those.”

“Why? You told me they weren’t so bad.”

“Well, I take it back. He makes me feel stupid.”

“He?” She arched an eyebrow.

“It” Anakin corrected himself. “The poems and all that stuff. Anyways, can’t you come over here to keep talking like normal people?” If someone had seen them maintaining a conversation through the space left by the book, each one on one side of the shelf, they would think that they were out of their minds.

“Actually, I was looking for you” she said once she caught up with him in the corridor. “Remember the essay we have to hand over next Friday? I’ve been working on it on the internet, but we will need some books to complement the information. I’ve already looked for the titles of the bibliography needed.”

“Great. And?”

“ _And_ , since we are doing it in pairs, you could collect the books yourself, as I’ve already done the research part.”

“Is that it?” he asked incredulously. So she didn’t mind doing the hard work, but she was too lazy to look for some books in the library? Whatever, he certainly wasn’t going to complain.

“Here’s the list.”Ahsoka handed it over to him. “I’ll be on the table near the entrance working on it, so don’t take too long! That’s what I call teamwork!” she said in a lively way.

_She must be coming down with a fever,_ Anakin thought even more confused. Or maybe she was just taking pity on him— the last few days hadn’t been easy on him, and she knew that. This was probably her way of lending him a hand without it being too obvious.

Anakin was silently thanking his friend in his mind when he saw the last books of the list, and all gratefulness towards her vanished right away.

“Ahsoka” he grumbled.

The retrieving of those books required a special permission from the librarian, who, much to the inconvenience of the students, was more often than not in a disagreeable mood, to put it lightly.

She was a woman on her late fifties, but she looked way older than she was— her constant grim face was probably one of the reasons for that. It was very difficult to convince her of their need to borrow some books, and she always gave the most bizarre excuses. In the end she ended up giving in, of course (if she hadn’t, she would have received a heads up from the teachers); but still, it made the process of going to her extremely tiresome.

And that’s why his _wonderful_ best friend had dumped this work on him. _So much for being sympathetic._

As he was preparing himself for a dreadful negotiation, he was surprised by one of the most unexpected and strange sounds he’d ever heard. She was laughing. An obnoxious and disgusting laugh— but a laugh nonetheless. Apparently the person that was with her had managed to do the impossible, even though he didn’t seem to be aware of his achievement, his attention focused solely on the book he was holding. So he had managed to do the impossible _and_ in an effortless way, which made his task even more impressive. As Anakin was approaching the pair, the librarian adopted her natural grim face at the same time that the miracle-doer raised his sight from his book, and a familiar pair of gray-blue eyes looked back at him. Anakin groaned to himself. But _of course,_ it had to be him.

“Mr. Kenobi” Anakin said by way of greeting, to which his professor responded with a nod of his head and continued reading whatever he was reading. Couldn’t he do that somewhere else?

“What do you want, Skywalker” the librarian asked in an irritated tone.

“I need these books for an essay” he answered knowing from experience that running around the bush would serve of nothing.

She put on her glasses and read the list, before handing it back to him.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to look for them somewhere else.”

“What— Why?” _Calm down, Anakin, don’t sound so impatient_ , he commanded himself. Trying to sound as polite as was possible, he continued talking. “There must have been some mistake, I know these books are available here.” He forced himself to smile.

“Oh, they _are_ available. Just not to you”.

His smiled faltered. Unconsciously, he looked to Mr. Kenobi for assistance, but the man continued to be enthralled by his reading. The flipping sound of the pages was getting on his nerves. “And why is that?”

“It wouldn’t be the last time you lose one of these books.”

_Oh, that._ Of course he had had to be stupid enough to give her one more excuse to be a jerk. He never knew where he'd lost that book.

“I already paid for it, and it won’t happen again.” More silence, only broken by the flipping of the pages. His patience was dangerously dissipating. “Look, it’s not that I want these books for myself, I _need_ them to do an essay, so you just can’t—”

Thank the stars their third companion chose that precise moment to intervene.

“If you’ll excuse me, it seems rather unfair to punish Mr. Skywalker for one mistake he made on the past, and one that he’s already mended.”

The librarian clearly hadn’t expected him to be paying attention. She adopted a defensive posture.

“It’s not just that! He’s always making noise in the library, he and that other brash girl.” She pointed at Ahoska, who was watching the scene from her seat with interest, looking... amused? _You’re going to pay for this, Snips._

“I can sympathise, I’m his teacher and I know for a fact how annoying he can be” he said as if he was discussing the weather, earning a frown from Anakin. That seemed to appease the librarian, though. “But one thing doesn’t rule out the other.”

The librarian seemed debated between her desire to torment the student a bit more, and her unwillingness to make a fool of herself in front of Mr. Kenobi. He _did_ tend to have that effect on people. Anakin could sympathise—or would have if he didn’t detest her.  

“All right” she finally said, looking as though she couldn’t believe that she had given in so easily. Anakin supposed that she was already planning her revenge. Whatever, next time it would be _Ahsoka_ the one in this ridiculous situation, thank you very much.

She left to retrieve the books, leaving Anakin alone with Mr. Kenobi, who was looking at him with a self-satisfied smirk. The student rolled his eyes.

“I believe that thanks are in order.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Anakin looked at him seriously, with a repentant expression on his face. His professor raised one eyebrow. “I don’t know whether to feel more grateful for your help, or for the fact that you just called me annoying.”

That actually gained a chuckle from Mr. Kenobi— the second most unexpected thing to take place in the library that day.

“Well, it _did_ work, didn’t it?”

“I guess.”

 “The fact that it conformed to the truth only happened to be a convenient coincidence” he said affably before taking his leave with the book he’d been reading.

Anakin rolled his eyes—again— but he couldn’t help smiling back.

“There you are”, the librarian had already come back with his books, “don’t lose them this time, and if I hear you speaking _one_ word in the library, I’ll take them back.”

Anakin rushed off towards Ahsoka. He presented her with his best _annoyed_ look, to which she merely shrugged her shoulders, and the both of them started working. It only occurred to him then that the distraction, as unwelcome as it’d been, had managed to make him forget completely about his nightmares for a moment—and he felt grateful towards his best friend again.

* * *

He was having a particular bad week. Perhaps it was just an effect of how anxious he had been feeling lately, but the familiar sentiment of emptiness had increased tenfold. And he knew that neither the stress for an overload of work, nor his nightmares— and not even the pain that was a constant in his life ever since the deaths of mum and Padmé—were the reasons for those sensations. At least not the only reasons. He’d been feeling somewhat like this all his life, even before any of that happened. And at least now he could say that he had a reason, but years ago, when everything was going alright, it was already there. It seemed to him that he was going through life out of habit, and when he went to sleep, surrounded by the darkness and by his own thoughts, an indescribable sense of unreality took hold of him. He was never able to explain it to his mother, no matter how hard he tried, for he didn’t understand it himself.

But now, _now_ , he did have reasons for feeling like this; so naturally his emotional stability was practically nonexistent. When he woke up from his dreams of real death and imaginary monsters, he stayed in bed for at least ten minutes, reminding himself that what was real was that moment, and that his dreams were only that— dreams. When he passed by the fountain of the courtyard of the university, he often lost track of time observing the water and its reflections of his surroundings. Sometimes he would get anxious, feeling trapped in that reflection. And that is when he looked away, facing reality— only to find that he felt even more trapped then.

He knew Ahsoka was getting worried, fearing that he might fall into depression. Anakin knew it wasn’t that, although he was a bit scared too (even if he would never admit it out loud). He just felt as if he didn’t know himself any longer.

“ _Come on_ , Skyguy. You need to come to Rex’s party! He’s invited just a few people (no one you can’t stand) to come over. We’ll watch movies and play those videogames of starships that you like so much, you’ll eat all the junk food you want, and you—”

“—And _I_ can’t go. Just as I’ve told you for the... third time now? I have to study.”

“By study you mean you have your text book open while you stare at the window, brooding over all the things that you shouldn’t brood over?”

Anakin quickly averted his eyes from the window. “No, by study I mean just that, study. I have no time to do that during the day, you know that.”

“I _know_ , but you need to distract yourself! If you don’t, you’ll end up mad. Madder.”

“Very funny.”

“Seriously, Anakin. You need to go out, it would do your mind so much good.”

“I don’t feel like going out” he answered stubbornly, in spite of Ahsoka’s worried tone.

“I thought the reason was that you had to study?”

“Both things are compatible.”

Ahsoka sighed, recognising a lost cause when she saw one.

“Alright, I’ll shut up. When you’re like this there’s no way to reason with you.”

“A wise decision.”

“But you know that if you ever want to talk about—”

“Yes, yes I know.” He softened his tone. “Thank you, Ahsoka. I appreciate the concern, but I’m just fine.” He ignored the sarcastic remark that followed his “just fine bullshit”, as she called it. “Have fun, okay? And tell Rex that I’m sorry. I’ll go to the next one.”

“Yeah, you better” she sounded exasperated and sympathetic at once. “Good luck with your study, Skyguy.”

He took a look at the contents that he was supposed to go over this night, after which he concluded that making coffee was a must. Of one thing he was certain: there would be no nightmares today, or any kind of sleep for that matter.

* * *

“Sorry I’m late” Mr. Kenobi said on another of their classes, in a particular rainy day.

His delay was unusual for him, but not as much as his aspect. Normally neat and faultless, the stormy day had found him in a state of disarray of epic proportions—meaning, his clothes were a bit damped, and his copper hair was slightly dishevelled. Epic proportions indeed—by his standards.

“And apologies as well for the incivility of my appearance.” Anakin rolled his eyes, something that he seemed to do awfully often in his presence.

It was dark outside, and the tree branches clashed against each other as a result of the violent wind, making a noise that interspersed with the sound of the pen pointing out the mistakes in the students' essays. As he stared out the window, the Shakespeare’s sonnet he had to analyse forgotten, his reflection gradually changed into that of a younger version of himself—five years younger to be exact.

_It was raining outside, but Anakin was vaguely aware of the sound of the drops against the windowpane, or of the documents that were being signed by a nurse in a rushed way. He did perceive those sounds, but they were unimportant, so they were stored in some part of his subconscious. Only the words uttered by the doctor merited his complete attention, echoing again and again in his mind in an infinite cycle._

_“I’m sorry, she couldn’t hold any longer.”_

_And of course Anakin had known that_ — _he had known since the moment his mother had been diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer. He’d known this moment would come, but still the words sounded harrowingly empty, void of meaning. Only the sense of loss he could comprehend, as it seemed utterly familiar to him, even though it was the first time he’d experienced it._

_He must have cried, although he didn’t notice. The only thing he remembered was Padmé’s comforting embrace and her loving words, to which he clung desperately so as to not lose his sanity._

_“Shh, Ani. You’re not alone, I’m right here. I’ll always be.”_

His 23 year old face looked back at him from the glass. Anakin gulped and forced himself to look away.

“—Anakin.” Mr. Kenobi had moved at some point so that he was now standing in front of Anakin’s desk.

“Sorry, I was distracted.”

“Understatement of the year. I’ve been calling your name three times at least.”

“I’m sorry.” he repeated. “I didn’t get much sleep yesterday. At all.” Which, while not exactly the reason for his distractedness, was technically true.

“Is something the matter?” He looked genuinely concerned.

“Oh, nothing,” he waved off, “just studying.”

“Certainly not literature” he said distractedly while looking at Anakin’s analysis of the poem.

“Actually, I _did_ try.” At 4 AM, after he had finished with the important stuff of his _actual_ degree, when his eyes could barely remain open— but it still counted as a try. “It’s not my fault I didn’t understand it.”

His professor hummed non-committally as he continued reading. “To be fair, it’s not that bad. You have improved. Somewhat.”

“See?  I told you I had tried.” He folded his arms smugly.

Mr. Kenobi, stoic as he could be, ignored his remark and continued talking as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “ _But_ , you need to put a lot more effort into making coherent sentences and paragraphs. Everything is in chaos.”

“Welcome to my life.”

“This is important, Anakin.” The way he said his name, a strange mixture of authoritative and kind at the same time, made him pay attention. “The content might be good, but everything will be lost if you don’t express yourself correctly.”

“All right, I’ll try.” Mr. Kenobi didn’t look completely pleased with that, so he corrected himself. “I’ll do it.”

“Now, that’s better”, he smiled.

“Whatever.” Anakin sighed and tried to look exasperated.

“What do you think about the last couple of verses? Read them aloud, please.”

He complied, this time honestly exasperated.“ _So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee_.” Mr. Kenobi didn’t say anything, so he presumed he wanted to know if he had understood. “I get it. It means that, even after his friend is dead, he will live forever somehow through poetry”. Anakin frowned, his mind revisiting the memories of death he had experienced. “I don’t agree with it, though.”

“Why not?” His professor looked at him with interest.

“The idea is nice, in the abstract. But at the moment of truth, when you have suffered someone’s lost, I don’t think that just writing about it would be of any comfort. That person is dead, and no poem or empty words can erase that.”

He hadn’t pretended to sound as harsh as he had, but the topic was sensitive enough for him.

“But it’s not writing about it that it’s supposed to provide comfort, it’s the fact of making the memory of a loved one prevail by making others know about them.”

“Yes, and as I said, as an idea is fine. But it’s useless. That person will remain dead, and making others read about them won’t change that fact.”His mum and Padmé were dead, and no talking about them, or thinking, or dreaming, would take them back. He would have to live forever with that emptiness.

His professor, probably deducing that this was a sensitive topic for him, decided to leave it at that.“Everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, of course” he appeased him.

They continued with the class. Mr. Kenobi explained to him the concepts that he found most difficult, and also provided him with some context for the classes to which he had to assist in the morning. Anakin had to admit that he had learned several things already, although his knowledge was still pretty meagre. It would take many classes for him to be at the level of his classmates, but that was only normal. He still couldn’t comprehend the utility of this program. Assisting to classes of another degree he could understand, but only if these were related in some way. But making someone of Mechanical Engineering assist to _English Literature_? It didn’t make any sense! Even Ahsoka had been better off than him—surely Graphical Design could prove to be more useful to her that something like this could ever be. But, well, there was no point in complaining, so he had resolved to do it as well as he could. Also, he had to admit, as boring as he still found the subject, Mr. Kenobi’s enthusiasm for what he taught made the classes somewhat bearable. Just a bit.

But today, well, it was getting extremely difficult to perform. At least he didn’t have to work in the garage afterwards, so he could go to sleep as soon as he reached home.

“I wouldn’t like to intrude, but don’t you think you overwork yourself?” His professor asked him when Anakin explained to him (after his tenth yawn) that, because of his job at the garage, he had to study at night most days.

Anakin laughed ironically. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

“Surely you could work a little less? That pace can’t be healthy.”

“Well, some of us _actually_ have to work so that we can afford the costs of this university” he answered heatedly.

A thunder sounded outside, interrupting the silence that had taken over the classroom after his words. It was raining more strongly now.

“I apologize, it’s none of my business.”

“No, I’m sorry.”Anakin bowed his head.“I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just...  I’m not in a good mood today.”

Both looked at the window when the noise of the storm increased a bit more.

“The day doesn’t help either” his professor said sympathetically referring to the storm.

“I like the rain” Anakin answered lamely.

And there’s probably no better indication of a conversation going awry than the fact of ending up speaking about the weather. There was an awkward atmosphere in the classroom, which had begun with Anakin’s disagreement over the poem, and reached its climax with his late outburst. Things could only go downside from now.

“Well, how about we finish the class fifteen minutes earlier today? I have to correct a lot of exams at home, and surely you could use the rest.”

Anakin didn’t say out loud that this was probably the cleverest thing he had said since he knew him, lest he started another disagreement.

“Yeah, seems fine to me.” He was feeling a little guilty for having lashed out at him, especially taking into account that his professor was under no obligation to help Anakin with these classes, and now he also had a lot of work to do at home for that reason.

Besides, it wasn’t Mr. Kenobi’s fault that Watto exploited him, or that Padmé and mum were dead.

They both exited the classroom at the same time. It was very late, so there was no one in the corridors. Just like the library, the rest of the building looked solemn and ancient. With the noise of the storm it acquired a particular air of mystery and gloominess, paralleled by Anakin’s sombre mood.

Mr. Kenobi closed the door with his keys, as no more lessons would take place in that classroom today. Anakin said goodbye to him while he put on his sweater’s hood. Hopefully, if he hurried up he wouldn’t end up too soaked.

“Wait a second, do you really pretend to go home by walking under this downpour?”

“By running, more precisely.” His attempt at a joke fell flat. “But, yeah. I have no car, so I’ll just have to bear a little wetness.”

“Nonsense, I can give you a lift. I won’t have one of my students dying from pneumonia. That would be highly inconvenient, especially after having spent so much time preparing you for the subject.”

“I’m touched by your concern.” Anakin deadpanned ironically, although he knew he was joking. Or at least he hoped he was. “Thanks, but I don’t want to bother you.”

“It really is no bother, Anakin. Let’s go, it’s getting late.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. As much as he liked the rain, it was much better observed from a distance.

“Wow” he couldn’t help exclaiming when they reached his car. “Nice car.”

“Is it? I don’t know much about cars, but thank you.” Anakin pondered for a moment on the injustice of the fact that Mr. Kenobi had this beauty without appreciating its value, whereas Anakin, who very much enjoyed cars, had none. “Would you like to drive it?”

He eyed inquisitively his professor. “Is it a joke?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” he asked, amused.

“One never knows with you.” Anakin still eyed him mistrustfully.

“I believe that’s one of the moments when the saying ‘said the pot to the kettle’ would be overwhelmingly accurate” he answered while rolling his eyes, at the same time that he got into the passenger seat.

_So he’s not joking. He’s actually going to let me drive this._ Anakin smiled his first real smile of the day before getting into the car.

“Thank you, professor” he said happily while starting the car. “You won’t regret this, I’m an excellent driver. No one would believe I don’t have a driving license.”

Mr. Kenobi hummed disinterestedly before realization shone in his grey-blue eyes, and the look of horror on Mr. Always- Calm-Kenobi had to be one of the funniest things he’d ever seen.

“You—what? Anakin! Stop the car this instant!”

“Relax, professor.” He answered between chuckles. “I was just joking.”

Mr. Kenobi gave an exasperated sigh, before adopting his usual air of serenity.

“One never knows with you” he bit back, echoing Anakin’s words from earlier.

Driving was in the third place of the things that relaxed him the most, just after tinkering with machines and watching the rain. So it came as no surprise that, having two of those three things at the moment, his mood had considerably improved. And if it was a bonus that he could enjoy himself while terrorising Mr. Kenobi with his driving, showing off some skills; well, all the better.

“I take it you didn’t like my driving, then?” he asked innocently when they arrived to the block of apartments in which he lived.

“Driving? That wasn’t driving. That was _suicide._ ”

 Anakin chuckled while he unfastened his seatbelt. “So dramatic.” It had almost stopped raining, just some drops were all that was left from the storm of earlier. It was time to go. “Well, thanks for the ride, Mr. Kenobi. And for letting me drive.”

His professor grimaced, probably thinking that it was not happening again anytime soon, at least the driving part.

“You’re welcome, but could you do me a favour? It’s not necessary that you call me Mr. Kenobi when we are not in class. Just Obi-Wan is fine.  I might be thirty-five and therefore several years older than you, but Mr. Kenobi makes me feel ancient.”

So he had been correct when he had guessed that Mr. Kenobi must have been around his mid thirties.

 “Alright, Obi-Wan.” Even though he was used to calling him Mr. Kenobi, he thought his name suited him much better. “Well, thanks again.”

“Don’t mention it. Now go to sleep, you must be really tired if you’ve thanked me twice in the span of one minute.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll just go before a third time can happen.” He smiled to him. “Good night.”

When he walked five steps, his professor’s voice called him from the car.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Anakin, utterly dumbfounded, stared at him in silence, having no clue as to what he meant.

Mr. Kenobi... no, Obi-Wan raised his hand, showing him from the lowered window his literature book, looking at him exasperated.

“Oh, right.”

He went to the car again, receiving the book through the lowered window.

“I’m sorry your trick of escaping from the homework didn’t work out” he said with one raised eyebrow.

“You got me.” That made Obi-Wan frown more, and Anakin chuckled. “Actually I _did_ forget it. But thanks for the idea, it might come in handy in the future!”

“You’re incorrigible.” He shook his head with the hint of a smile, and addressed him one last time before leaving. “Good night, Anakin. Sleep well.”

“Good night... Obi-Wan” he muttered while watching his car disappearing into the distance.

When he entered the apartment, he went directly to the bed, not even bothering with taking his clothes off. The nightmares left him alone this time.


	3. Belong

He was trying to be able to control his breathing again. In and out. In and out. Some people who where passing through the corridors shot him puzzled looks, but he couldn’t care less about that at the moment.

He had left the classroom in the midst of a lesson. It was nothing out of the ordinary—it had happened before several times. However, that didn’t spare him from the look of disapproval from professor Windu, or from Ahsoka’s worried glance. Whatever, they didn’t understand. No one did.

Not even himself.

It always started with the most insignificant of things. A word, a simple gesture, a glance... all of it could act like triggers to his anxiety, and the most of times he couldn’t even understand why, just _why_ , as there was absolutely no reason for these things to provoke him that anguish, that sense of unreality, of not belonging anywhere.

He had stopped making sense even in his own mind, and sometimes he was afraid he might be losing his sanity. What’s more, his episodes had been more frequent in the last weeks, but at least Anakin did have an idea of what the cause of that might be. Padmé and mum’s death anniversaries were coming closer, so it was only normal that his anxiety and incomprehensible nightmares had increased. He would have a few bad days, as usual, and then afterwards everything would go back to normal. Granted, a normal state of crappiness and emptiness, but normal nonetheless.

If only it were so.

* * *

If there was one thing in his life that was constant, unchanging, fixed—that was his profound hate towards his job at the garage. That wasn’t completely true, though. He loved his job— fixing things always gave him such peace of mind. It was the immeasurable amount of job which he didn’t like, which led him to the _real_ reason that he loathed his job , which was of course, his boss.

That meant that the few days that Watto was absent were like finding an oasis in the desert. Nothing could cast a shadow over his mood then. Nothing. Neither the fact that an open paint can dropped all over him getting his new shirt stained, nor the arrival of another client when he was already thinking of his home (and most importantly, his bed—was he exhausted these days!), and not even the fact that his client happened to be a strict-looking man, with extremely polished clothes and grey-blue eyes—

—Oh, well. _So much for a peaceful day at work_.

“Anakin!” Mr. Kenobi seemed equally surprised at seeing him. “What are you...?”

“...doing here? Since _I_ work here, it’d make much more sense if I asked _you_ that question.  Don’t you agree, Mr. Kenobi?” Anakin said playfully.

“Oh, excuse _me_ if I was a bit baffled at the fact of encountering you in _every single place_ I go.” His tone was equally light-hearted. “And what happened to calling me Obi-Wan?”

“Sorry, I forgot. I’m just used to treating the _elderly_ with the utmost respect.” Mr. Kenobi crossed his arms and looked at him sternly, but the amusement in his eyes gave him away. Anakin appeased him. “Just joking. But seriously, _Obi-Wan_ , I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Anakin ignored his sarcastic remark, which was something along the lines of “ _as always_ ”, and continued talking. “I mean, we only see each other at the university.”

“Which is more than enough, my very young student.”

Ever since that rainy day, several weeks ago, in which another of their private lessons had taken place—which had started with a tense conversation between them, but ended up with Obi-Wan offering to give him a lift (and even letting him drive his car)— a pleasant atmosphere of joking and bantering had established between them. Sure, they still had some serious disagreements now and then, and when they were in class Obi-Wan went back to his detached, stoic and demanding persona—that is, he went back to being Mr. Kenobi—, and Anakin was still _bored to death_ with those useless literature classes, and his professor still drove him mad with how annoyingly overcritical he could be, and... well, now that he thought about it, things hadn’t changed that much between them. But the bantering was nice. And when they weren’t in the midst of a lesson, Anakin could find his presence a bit more tolerable.

“Well then, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

“The same reason that makes most people go to a garage, I’m afraid. My car broke down.”

“Break down is such a general expression” he mocked him, imitating his accent. That tendency to generalise was something his professor used to criticise him for in their lessons, mostly when he was correcting his essays. “Could you be more specific?”

He frowned at his impersonating of him, and Anakin tried to contain his laughter.

“I’m afraid I can’t. I’ve taken a look, but this exceeds my area of expertise.”

Not without wondering just _why_ Obi-Wan couldn’t speak like normal people, Anakin came close to the car so as to examine what the problem was, all the while its owner was looking at him with his arms crossed, clueless, observing his every movement with that  analytical look of his that always managed to get on his nerves. He was about to snap at him, when he heard some muffled chuckles, and saw Obi-Wan evidently trying to contain his laughter by putting his hand on his mouth.

“What?” he asked suspiciously, and a little baffled himself. It was not often that Obi-Wan let slip his serious facade— sarcastic and playful smirks were a usual sight in him, but laughing per se was not. “What’s so funny?”

“Forgive me, Anakin.” He did try to look apologetic, even if he was still smiling. “It’s just... you.”

The younger of the two was about to complain again, when he looked at himself and understood what Obi-Wan had found so funny.

With the unexpectedness of his arrival, he had completely forgotten that a few minutes before a paint can had completely soaked him, and some remains of blue paint were undoubtedly still on his face. Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about his appearance, he played it down with an unimpressed stare.

“Let me guess. So _uncivilized_?” He again imitated his accent, but that only made Mr. Kenobi laugh more.

“Indeed.”

“Part of the job” he shrugged. “Not everyone can look as civilized as you, Mr. Kenobi. The world would be so boring.”

“Your idea of boring is not the same as mine.”

After that Anakin went back to work. It turned out that it was a minimal problem, so he would be able to fix it in that moment and not make Obi-Wan wait much. Anakin would just have to leave a bit later than he’d originally thought, but that was alright.

Obi-Wan kept observing him silently, only asking him some question from time to time. It was nice working without hearing the constant ill-criticism and insults from Watto, having instead of that a peaceful conversation. The contrast was abysmal.

“Isn’t your boss around today?”

“We’re not in class, Obi-Wan.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, that we don’t have to practice rhetorical questions.” Anakin smiled to him, and Obi-Wan chuckled. “You can obviously see he’s not around.”

“You’re impossible. I _obviously_ meant that as a question to obtain an elaborated answer.”

“There’s nothing more I can say, honestly. I have no clue where he is, he never says. Not that I care.”

“You must have a terrible amount of work when he’s not here.”

Anakin snorted. “Correction: I have a terrible amount of work when he _is_ here. At least when I’m alone, I don’t have to work for more hours than he pays me for.”

Obi-Wan shot him a sympathetic look, and was probably about to say some comforting nonsense, before Anakin interrupted him. He didn’t need anyone’s pity, much less his.

“I’m almost done with this.” Obi-Wan sighed but said no more, recognising a diversion when he saw one.

When he was finished, Obi-Wan asked him how much it would cost.

“Oh, nothing” he answered smiling.

“Nonsense, Anakin” he said firmly. “How much is it?”

“I tell you it’s nothing. It was a very simple repair, I didn’t even need to substitute any pieces.”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble” he repeated stubbornly. And there it was that look again.

“Look, I wouldn’t be saying it if it could get me in trouble” he said more harshly than he had intended. He softened his tone. “Watto won’t notice anything, trust me. Please, just accept it as a compensation for your private lessons. Yes, yes, I know that you don’t want one, but it will make me feel better knowing that we’re even.”

His tone left no room for refusal, and so Obi-Wan, very reluctantly, accepted. “Alright. Thank you, Anakin” he smiled softly to him.

“It’s nothing” he assured him hastily.

“However, I would like to remind you that we’re not even.” Obi-Wan was looking far too much satisfied with himself.

“Well, of course, the private lessons continue, but still we can call it even this way...”

“Oh no, the private lessons are just fine.”

“Then, _pray tell_ , how are we not even?”

“You seem to have forgotten _very_ fast how I helped you retrieve that book from the library.”

“Oh, come on. That doesn’t count! I would have managed to convince the librarian without your help all the same.”

“Hmm, perhaps. But it would have taken you a lot more time without it.”

“Alright, fine. I owe you one.” Then, he smiled at him self-sufficiently. “But remember, Obi-Wan: it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.”

* * *

“Have I ever told you how much I hate these conferences?” 

“Just about two hundred times” Ahoska whispered. “Now shut up, I’m trying to pay attention.”

The students were gathered in the assembly hall, listening—or rather, appearing to be listening— to a conference given by the director of the university. The rest of the professors were seated along a large table situated in the platform, and they were listening attentively. How they were able to do that was beyond him.

Anakin didn’t have anything against the director. He seemed sage and just, if only a bit... eccentric. Eccentric didn’t even begin to cover it. The way he talked alone was weird. But not weird in an always formal kind of weird (like someone he knew).No, he always seemed to be talking in riddles, and making the most strange ordering of sentences.

As he pretended to be listening, his mind started to drift towards the contents of his last dream. To say that it had been unsettling was an understatement, and with each day that passed by he was more and more convinced that he was on the way of losing his mind. Glimpses of blood, pain, rage. So much _rage_ and _fear_. Monstrous creatures that haunted him, known and unknown faces that were being threatened, too. A blinding light that eclipsed his sight as he was defending himself.

Anakin would have much preferred to dream about his mum or Padmé, even if the pain after waking up and realising he was alone was almost unbearable.

His gaze drifted towards his surroundings so as to distract himself, ending up at the table along which the professors were seated. Looking at professor Windu reminded him of his last scolding for having left the classroom in the middle of a lesson, and so he averted his eyes to the one on his right.

Obi-Wan looked so genuinely interested in the contents of the conference that it was almost funny. He was probably one of the few people in the room who were _actually_ keeping track of what was being said. He took some notes every now and then, and Anakin could guess the exact moments when he was thinking really hard about something, as he had the habit of touching his beard while he did so. There, with his usual aura of serenity as well as authority surrounding him, he seemed practically unapproachable. It seemed almost surreal that a few days ago they had been bantering in the garage as if they were old friends. Funny what a change of context can do to a person. A part of him almost wished that he caught him looking, just so he could make a face and, with a bit of luck, crack that impassible semblance. But he never looked back.

“Ugh, that was even more tedious than usual” said Anakin while he and Ahsoka were walking down the corridors, when the conference was finally over. “Or as he would say: ‘more tedious than usual it was’. Seriously, why does he speak like that?”

Ahsoka chuckled. “He doesn’t do that always. But I guess the director simply likes being peculiar. And what is up with you today? You’re even crankier than usual.” Anakin knew her well enough to know that behind that insult was the veiled concern for his well-being.

“What? _You_ ’re crankier than usual.” He shook his head. “At least the day is— oh shit.” His day at the university was definitely _not_ over, he remembered with distress. “I swear, those literature classes are going to be the death of me.”

“Honestly, you are so whiny. I don’t get why you complain about those classes all the time, you’re always in a much better mood afterwards.”

“Because they’re over!”

He was about to rant a bit more about it, adding a certain severe and demanding professor to the equation, when he spotted a grey-haired man near him stumbling over something on the floor. He caught him right before he could fall.

“Are you alright?” This close he didn’t seem old, or not as old as he had seemed at first glance. Sure, a bit aged, but he could very well be around his mid-fifties, sixties at most.

“Yes, yes, thank you, boy” he smiled fatherly to him and then shook his head. “Such clumsiness... at my age I should learn to be more careful!”

“It’s not your fault, trust me. This floor is slippery as hell.”

“And yet I seem to be the only one to slip!” he laughed. He was one of those people who conveyed closeness and good vibes instantly. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Anakin” he smiled.

“Well, thank you again, Anakin. I’m in a hurry now, you know how this work is...” Anakin had no idea, but he said that he did. “But I hope to run into you again, as I come here often. Have a nice day.” And he left accompanied by two big, stout men.

“That was weird” Ahsoka said next to him.

“Yeah... He said he comes here often, but I don’t believe he works here. What do you think?”

“You don’t believe he—” she repeated incredulously. “Anakin! Of course he doesn’t work here! In what world do you live?”

“I often ask myself that same question.” Both friends startled at hearing that voice behind them, unknown to Ahsoka, but not so for Anakin. Mr. Kenobi had already arrived to the door of the class where his private lessons with Anakin took place, but the two students had been so engrossed with the previous incident that they hadn’t noticed. He was with his arms crossed, looking at them with a rather amused smile. “I’m professor Obi-Wan Kenobi, by the way” he said extending his hand towards Ahsoka, which she took gladly.

“Ahsoka Tano. Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Anakin groaned to himself.

“I would ask whether they were good things, but knowing Anakin, I would rather not do it. Ignorance is bliss.”

“Alright, can you both stop talking as if I wasn’t here, and in the meantime explain to me”, he looked at Ahsoka then, “just what did you mean earlier?”

Ahsoka addressed Obi-Wan instead. _The nerve of her_. “You see, Anakin here just asked me who that man he helped earlier was. Imagine my surprise at him not recognising the mayor of his own town.” They both chuckled in front of him, and Anakin remembered why he had not wanted Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to meet, _ever_. They were insufferable enough on their own; but together, they could very well be the death of him.

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Alright, so I didn’t know that, so _what_. I’m simply not interested in politics.”

“Neither am I,” Obi-Wan chuckled incredulously. “That much I can assure you, trust me. But this is general knowledge!”

“I know his name, but I had never seen him. It’s not that difficult to understand, honestly.”

“Then, what is his name?” That was Ahsoka asking, and _again_ , he could foretell that them teaming up against him was going to become a normal thing from now on, and just _why did they have to meet_.

“Something like Prinpletine, no wait, Paladin, Primptelin— oh, would you just _stop_ laughing?”

“In his defence, he did come very close” Obi-Wan said jestingly. “His name is Palpatine. One more thing you’ve learned today. Let’s just hope it’s not the last one.” He opened the door to the class, and Anakin groaned again. He couldn’t wait to learn more things, just so he could be soon spared from these nightmarish classes. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Ahsoka.”

“You too!” The professor entered the classroom, but Anakin stayed a few more seconds, _glaring_ at Ahsoka. “Have fun!” She winked an eye to him and had a knowing smile in her face. Anakin just glared again at her retreating figure, before taking a deep breath and mentally preparing himself for more dialectical battles, because apparently he hadn’t had enough of those already.

The prelude however didn’t correspond with the actual development of the class, much to Anakin’s relief. In fact, Obi-Wan was far less picky and exacting than other days. He didn’t even put up much of a fight when Anakin told him he hadn’t been able to do the essay he had been assigned.

“You’re awfully agreeable today” Anakin broke the silence, making Obi-Wan raise his head from the pile of exams he was correcting while Anakin analysed a text. “Should I be worried?”

“I thought I was agreeable all days” he answered while raising one eyebrow. “Although in truth, today has truly worn me out” he sighed. “Most of my students were, to put it mildly, so absent-minded that their brains seemed to have left their bodies, literally.”

“To put it mildly” Anakin repeated amused.

“It took me at least _ten_ times to explain _every_ new concept we saw today so as to make them understand. And yet I fear that not even five percent of my students had any idea of what the class has been about when it was over. Apparently,” he continued,  shaking his head, “there had been some... party, or something of the sort last night, whatever you young students do on a _weekday_ , having class the very next day.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know either, trust me. I’d rather spend the whole night reading one of these books of poems, than go to some party with these people. That says it all.”

“There’s nothing wrong with spending the night reading one of these books, mind you.”

“You know what I mean” he amended, smiling slightly as his brain conjured up an image of Obi-Wan reading some poems at 3 AM in his home, with a cup of tea in the coffee table. _He seems the type to like tea._

“And why do you say so?”

“I can’t stand them. I can count with the fingers of one hand the number of decent people in here. Most of this university is full with egotistical snobs who think themselves the centre of the universe.”

Obi-Wan hummed, staring at him thoughtfully. “You’re lucky to have Ahsoka, then.”

Anakin smiled. “Yeah, she’s a great friend.” He frowned, remembering the scene that had taken place one hour ago. “When she is not picking on me, that is. We are bantering all the time.”

 Obi-Wan smiled warmly to him. “The best of friends usually are.” After saying that, he returned his attention to the exams in front of him, while Anakin continued with his essay.

_Does that make_ us _friends?_ He discarded the thought as soon as it’d come. Friends! Such an absurd idea. He imagined Obi-Wan’s unimpressed face if he had voiced that thought out loud—he would have probably looked at him as if he was delusional. Anakin had to contain a snort.

In spite of what Obi-Wan had told him about having had a long day, Anakin couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to his silent and absent disposition than what he had said. Now that his whole attention was focused on the corrections he had to make, Anakin could take a better look at him without being noticed. He did seem awfully tired, and he had deep bags under his eyes. And although it was true that his seriousness was nothing special ( _this is Obi-Wan we are talking about after all!_ ), it wasn’t like the other days. After he’d sighed and stroked his beard in a gesture of frustration for the third time straight, Anakin couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Are you alright, Obi-Wan?”

He looked at him confused. “Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, it’s just... you’re strange today.”

“Strange?”

Anakin nodded. “Yes, you’re so absent... I don’t know, like your mind was somewhere far away. Besides, you don’t look very well.

“Why, thank you, Anakin. Charming as ever.” Anakin rolled his eyes. _Some things never change_. “Forgive me, it’s true that I have been a little absent this afternoon.  But it’s simply that I’m very tired today, that’s all.”

“Alright... if you say so. It was just shocking to see the always _perfect_ and _composed_ Obi-Wan Kenobi losing a _tiny_ bit of his composure for a second” Anakin added with a chuckle.

“I’m not always as ‘perfect and composed’ as you seem to think, Anakin.” He gave him a tired smile. “Appearances can be deceitful.”

“Life is deceitful in general” he replied wistfully, rising from his seat to stand in front of a window that overlooked the gardens of the campus. It was a nice view, Anakin had to admit. In a few minutes the sun would set down, but as for now, everything— the grass, the fountain, even the windowpane— glistened under its golden rays. A soft amber and orange light penetrated the classroom. But it would soon be over, extinguished, and the small details that could be observed now— like the coin that someone had thrown into the fountain and now shimmered underwater, or a pencil that lay forgotten in the grass— all of it would disappear from his sight in a few moments, when the sun chose to retire for the day. But these things would still be there; it was _he_ the only one at fault, the one who wouldn’t be able to see them, to notice what was in front of his eyes.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor came from somewhere, followed by light steps that only stopped when Obi-Wan reached his side and joined him in front of the window.

“Are _you_ alright, Anakin?” He forced himself to look away from the window. Obi-Wan was looking at him with a worried frown, and he was shimmering under the golden light, too— his grey-blue eyes (or were they green? This close they seemed to be an indefinable colour) shined with concern, his copper hair emitted golden sparkles— and just like before,  all those details would disappear with the sunset, too; and of course Anakin was _not_ alright, no, far from it. But what could one answer to that question?   _The truth_ , a voice in his head answered. Yes, perhaps it was as simple as that. But what if you didn’t know the truth exactly, or more precisely, what if you had so many things on your mind that you didn’t know which one to choose? He didn’t want to talk about the deaths of mum and Padmé right now, or of his weird dreams, or of the unsettling feeling that something was simply _not_ right, that he was missing something important.

So he settled for a vague answer, lest his professor thought him mad (if he didn’t think that already), but which encompassed far more truth than it appeared at first glance. And there it was that word again. Appearances. Everything seemed to come to that lately.

“It’s just... sometimes I feel out place. Like, _really_ out of place. As if I didn’t belong anywhere. I know it sounds crazy.” He didn’t know what he expected to follow his nonsensical comment. Perhaps Obi-Wan would think him mad after all (again, if he didn’t think it already), or maybe he would make some joke (unlikely, but one never knows) so as to lighten the mood. With any luck, Anakin would be spared from one of those sympathetic looks that he hated so much—god, how much he hated it when someone pitied him. He had done well not telling him about mum or Padmé.

 What he had never expected was for him to nod thoughtfully, as if he understood, as if Anakin was in fact making some sense.

“It doesn’t sound crazy at all, Anakin.” The concern in his eyes was still there, but it was not pity—no, thank God it was not pity. “I sometimes feel that way too.”

Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, or the wistful smile that he gave him, but Anakin thought in that moment that, perhaps, he _did_ understand. The bell signalling the end of the class marked the end of that moment, abruptly, and Anakin felt as if some inscrutable truth that he’d been about to grasp slipped through his fingers. He distractedly noted Obi-Wan’s hand squeezing his shoulder lightly before leaving his side. And, as if on cue, the sun set just a few seconds later. And just like that, it was all over. The light from before, gone, the things it revealed,— the coin, the pencil, all of it— hidden from his sight. But that was alright, because someone else understood, and he wasn’t alone in his darkness.


	4. Absence

The mattress creaked soundly when he collapsed on his bed. The pile of books situated on his desk seemed to be looking at him reproachfully. He should make an effort to stay awake at least a couple of hours, he thought with his eyes closed. But the mattress was so comfortable, and the quilt so _warm_ , and the sound of the rain dropping against the windowpane was so relaxing... _Just five more minutes. Five minutes, and then I’ll get on it._

But what was that annoying beep? _Ugh_. His phone had clearly decided to deny him his five minutes.... or maybe not. The screen read 12 PM, meaning his five minutes had ended up being fifty.  He sighed soundly, before proceeding to read the message. What could Ahsoka want at these hours?

Apparently nothing, for the message had been sent by no other than professor Kenobi. They had exchanged their numbers just in case something unexpected came up and they should need to postpone one of their private lessons. _Please, please, let that be the reason_. With the amount of work he had to do this week, it would be _so_ convenient to have their class postponed.

Obi-Wan: _Hello, Anakin. I write this message to you so as to inform you that our class for tomorrow is suspended._

Yes! He couldn’t believe his own luck. His cell phone vibrated again.

Obi-Wan: _Moreover, I will probably not be able to give any classes at the university for at least three weeks, as I have to go to a congress. Someone will replace me at class, of course, but I’m afraid our private lessons will have to wait._

_Three_ weeks without those lessons? Again, he couldn’t believe his own luck!

Obi-Wan: _I can sense your smile from here_.

Anakin laughed out loud. Obi-Wan could be quite perceptive; he had to give him that.

Anakin: _You have no proof of that :P By the way, how can you sound so stiff even at the phone? Geez, Obi-Wan, loosen up a bit._

Obi-Wan: _You call it being stiff, I call it speaking properly. And, no, I have no proof. But I don’t need one to know that my news have made your day. We shall see how well you fare at the ordinary classes without my private lessons to enlighten you._

Anakin shook his head, amused.

Anakin: _You’re talking even more formally now that I’ve called you stiff, don’t think I haven’t noticed. And, what can I say, Obi-Wan? As much as I appreciate the effort you make by giving me those private lessons, I won’t deny that three weeks without them will prove to be... refreshing :P_

Obi-Wan: _Now who’s being stiff? Well, I’ll leave you to rest. Or were you going to study now?_

Anakin: _I was going to, but, nah. Can’t barely keep my eyes open today._

Obi-Wan: _Then sleep well, Anakin._

Before Anakin could answer, Obi-Wan sent him another message.

Obi-Wan: _And don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything._

He smiled. Stiff as he was sometimes, he could be really pleasant when he wanted to.

Anakin: _Thanks, Obi-Wan_. _Have fun in the congress._

He turned off the phone and snuggled under the quilt, but this time he didn’t fall asleep instantly. He tossed and turned several times, and sleep continued to elude him. His eyes spotted the photograph of him and Padmé on the nightstand. They were smiling and holding each other. She looked like an angel. Smiling sadly, he turned again on his bed, until the noises of the storm lulled him back to the world of dreams.

* * *

“You cheated!” Rex was looking unbelievably at the screen of the videogame. “You must have!”

“If thinking that makes you feel better,” Anakin said as he dropped smugly the control, “then go ahead and think it.”

“When will you finally learn not to challenge Anakin at these videogames of spaceships?” Ahsoka shook her head, amused. “I’m the only one who can kick his ass.”

“Ha, very funny. That just happened _once_ , and only because I got distracted. ”

It was a Saturday night. Rex had invited them to come over, and for the first time in weeks Anakin had been able to go.

“I’d forgotten how annoyingly good you were at this videogame. It’s been ages since you deign to appear here!”

“Yeah, sorry about that, Rex. I’ve been quite busy lately.”

“That’s alright. I’ll forgive you as long as you let me seek revenge!”

“You called for it.”

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “He will never learn.”

He loved this videogame, and in truth he was really good at it. When he played he became so engrossed with it that he sometimes forgot it was a game. He could almost feel as if he was in fact piloting some spaceship, fighting in a battle for his life. And the excitement it gave him felt amazing.

He knew he had to thank Obi-Wan, or rather, Obi-Wan’s congress for that. His week had gone by pretty smoothly without those lessons _and_ without all the night study hours they entailed. He had been a bit lost at the ordinary classes, sure—Obi-Wan’s substitute was no match for him— but he’d catch up when professor Kenobi returned. For the time being, he would try to make the most out of this unexpected but very welcome respite. And kicking Rex’s ass in the videogame for the third time straight, and Ahsoka’s a few moments later, was a pretty good way to start.

* * *

He shouldn’t have come, he knew. This place was full with memories, and every corner exuded echoes of past voices, glimpses of irrecoverable joys. And yet he always ended up here.

The sky was clear, setting the bright stars free for him to see. He walked aimlessly along the shore, his hands on his pockets to shelter them from the cool breeze, watching the reflection of the moon trapped within the sea. Almost as trapped as he himself was feeling.

He hadn’t taken off his shoes; there really was no need for that.

“ _Your hate for sand is getting ridiculous, Ani_.” The sweetness and merriment in her voice seemed to be carried by the soft murmur of the waves from a far-away past, almost from another life. But it was only an illusion. The waves breaking when they got to the shore sounded just the same, but her voice was lost forever.

No, he shouldn’t have come. But he always came.

How could he not?  This beach, notwithstanding the memories, or maybe _because_ of them, was his favourite place in the whole town. Out there, everything seemed fake. The turmoil, the overcrowding, the blinding lights. It was too much, and at the same time too little. But here, here he was free. The sea, the stars, even the damn sand. This felt _real_. And gazing at the horizon, it was almost as if there was something at the end of it, a meaning behind a purposeless life, an answer to unknown questions, something, _something_ —

It was always out of reach. Or perhaps it was already behind him.

And so Anakin kept walking. His shadow his only companion, his footprints washed away by the sea.

* * *

“Hey, Anakin” Ahsoka greeted him in the cafeteria of the campus. If the look in her eyes hadn’t been so telling, her not saying “hey, Skyguy” already pointed out to a serious conversation. “How are you doing? I haven’t heard a word from you since Saturday. And you skipped class yesterday.”

 “Yeah, I was dead tired. One of those days you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, you know?” he laughed off.

“So, you’re fine?”

“Actually, I’m awesome.” Her look of disbelief made him elaborate. “I’m great! This week Watto is absent from the garage, I nailed our last exam of fluid mechanics, and I don’t have to go through those boring literature lessons! I can’t complain, really. These past weeks I’ve been more relaxed than in years.”

“If you’re so well, then why is it that you couldn’t even get up from the bed yesterday?”

“I was just feeling lazy. It happens even to the best of us.” He didn’t feel bad for lying to Ahsoka, since admitting that he’d gone for a walk in the beach until four AM didn’t sound very... sane. “Why is it so hard to believe that I’m alright?”

_Perhaps because you’re never alright._ Shut up, brain. It was true, though. He was doing well, his existential crisis and mourning aside. _Oh yes, because those are but small details_. Again, shut up. He was doing great, considering the circumstances. He really was.

“If you say so.” She gave a sigh. “Just wanted to check on you before I went to the library. Some of us didn’t do so great in the exam.”

“Sorry about that. Do you need any help?”

“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need it when I reach the exercises. But before that I have to study the theory.”

“Good luck with that.”

“And what are you doing now?”

“Nothing” he said with a smug smile, stretching himself. “I had the private lessons of literature at this hour, but...”

“Is Mr. Kenobi still away? It’s been a month already. Perhaps he quit the job?”

“No way” he added hastily. “He would have told me.” _Would he?_

 “If you say so.”

“I hate it when you do your ‘if you say so’ crap” he snapped at her friend.

Ahsoka looked at him with a knowing smile. “My, my, are we snippy today.”

Later in his apartment, he lay on the sofa enjoying the unfamiliar feeling of not having anything to do.

He was starting to doze off when a loud noise was heard from the streets, similar to that of a car crashing. It was followed by some angry shouting between two guys, each one blaming the other for the crash. The turmoil dissipated in half an hour, but that initial horrible sound had already taken residence in his brain, and it didn’t seem that it was going away anytime soon.

“ _Anakin. Padmé, she... there was an accident.”_

No, he didn’t want to think about it. He had to distract his mind. But what to do, what to do... He caught a machine he’d built for one of his classes of mechanics and started to tinker with its circuits. This time it wasn’t working. _Why did she have to die? Why everyone I love dies?  Why, why, why._

He threw the poor machine to the floor, but thankfully the fluffy rug prevented it from breaking. He would have fixed it, though. At least then he would have something to do.

He didn’t want to think, he just wanted his brain to shut up for once. At least when he was overworked, he didn’t have that problem. He sent a message to Ahsoka, but she must have been so engrossed in her studying that she didn’t read it. Perhaps he could... he hesitated. Well, he _did_ say to contact him if he needed anything, didn’t he? And sometimes all you needed was to talk.

Anakin: _Hey, Obi-Wan. How are you doing, old man? It’s been almost a month.  Gotta say, it must be one hell of a congress._

He didn’t get an answer, which meant that he had to think of a new plan of distraction. Soon. The four walls of the living room were suffocating him. And he didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to think. There was nothing on TV worth watching. Perhaps he could read a book, but he wasn’t feeling up to study either. What about some novel from his literature classes? _No way._ He hadn’t reached that level of desperation just yet.

His phone made the decision for him.

Obi-Wan: _Hello there, Anakin. Need I remind you that in twelve years time you’ll be an “old man” too, according to your standards? Yes, the congress ended up being longer than I’d originally thought. Why, miss me already?_

Anakin: _Just wanted to know how much more time I’ve got left of this peaceful break. I think that answers your question...?_

Obi-Wan: _Next week you’ll have me there. I offer you my most sincere condolences._

Anakin: _All good things must come to an end, I guess :P_

He was just joking, and he knew Obi-Wan knew he was joking. But joke or not, he sounded ungrateful as hell.

Anakin: _Actually, I’ve been a bit lost at class since you’re gone. New teacher sucks, and post-structuralism... let’s just say I don’t understand a single word of it._

Obi-Wan: _My, my, is that a veiled way of saying that you miss my classes? If I was a vindictive person, this is when I would say “I told you so”._

Anakin: _Don’t get carried away. This is a not-so-veiled way of saying that the new teacher is awful._

Obi-Wan: _Of course, Anakin. Of course. But don’t worry, post-structuralism can be hard to grasp at first for any student of literature, let alone for someone not familiarized with it. I’ll explain it to you in depth next Thursday._

Anakin: _Thanks, Obi-Wan._

Obi-Wan: _You’re welcome. That aside, is everything going alright?_

Anakin: _Yeah, all’s good. It’s been a quiet month, both at work and at the university._

Ah, the irony in that. He briefly wondered if Obi-Wan was being as dishonest as him. Every person is a whole world unto themselves.

Obi-Wan: _I’m glad to hear that, Anakin. I have to leave you, next conference is about to start. See you next Thursday. I encourage you to make the most out of what’s left of your “peaceful break”._

Anakin: _You can count on it. See you, old man._

Obi-Wan: _How uncivilized_.

Anakin would have chuckled if he wasn’t feeling so forlorn. Now that he wasn’t distracted, his mind started to go over the same things over and over again. Still no answer from Ahsoka. The novel that Obi-Wan had recommended him to read lay on the coffee table, and if books had eyes, it would be looking at him defiantly. Anakin stared back, before finally coming to a decision. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

He got hold of the book and started reading.

* * *

As the elevator was going up, he couldn’t deny he was a bit curious as to how his home would be. To be honest, he had been curious ever since he received the message that morning. _Due to an exam that will take place in our classroom,_ he’d written in his usual formal style, _I’ll have to give you the lesson in my apartment._

Anakin didn’t want to be a burden; in spite of his constant jokes about it, he did appreciate the effort Obi-Wan was making by giving him these private lessons. But he had returned just yesterday, and here was bothersome Anakin, again intruding, and _in his home_ no less, when the man probably had lots of things to do and pending matters to deal with. _You are a burden to everyone._ Shut up.

He knocked the door, and when he was met with the image of Obi-Wan, he adopted a confident look that had little to do with how he was truly feeling.

“Hey, Obi-Wan. Long time no see.”

“Hello Anakin” he greeted him with a smile that he couldn’t help back returning, “I wasn’t expecting you this soon.”

Anakin glanced at his watch, confused. “What are you—I’m just on time.”

“Precisely.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “I see you haven’t changed a tad in this month. You’re your usual level of...”

“Sincere?” he said while holding the door open for him in a mocking gesture of nice manners. Or perhaps he did it genuinely; one never knew with him.

“More like, irritating.” His smile downplayed his insult.

He had been right, though. Anakin was late more often than not, and so he’d made a deliberate effort to arrive on time. It was the least he could do.

The apartment was just as he’d imagined, there was no doubt it was Obi-Wan’s. Everything was in perfect order. There was not a thing, _not a single thing_ out of place, which was even a bit creepy. _He would probably have a heart attack if he came to my apartment_ , he thought amusedly. It was nicely decorated too, and some of the ornaments looked expensive enough, but at the same time, it wasn’t too much. It had the perfect balance of elegance and sobriety, just as its owner.

“I’m sorry to have made you come at this hour. But I had to catch up with lots of things and—”

“Geez, Obi-Wan, it’s eight o clock. I usually go to bed at three AM, so this is practically my midday. And don’t you dare apologise, you do more than enough by even receiving me here. So, shall we start with the _fascinating_ world of post-structuralism? Note my irony in that.”

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrow and gave a low chuckle. “My, my, someone’s eager today.”

“The sooner we start, the sooner we’ll finish” he shrugged.

It should be boring, he thought. And hell, it was. Post-structuralism was a nightmare, and he was struggling to understand. But somehow Obi-Wan managed to do it more bearable; he was endlessly patient. But even when Anakin was struggling, even when he was starting to miss those afternoons where he didn’t have to put up with this nonsense, he wasn’t thinking about the things he shouldn’t. He was in a kind of peaceful state, his mind only focused on the here and now.

At nine o’ clock, his stomach grumbled, probably as a result of not having eaten anything since noon as much as of the high amounts of glucose no doubt consumed by his neurons in this tiresome task.

“It seems your stomach is complaining about the subject-matter of today, almost as much as its owner” he said, amused. “How about a break, and afterwards we continue? I can cook some dinner. Actually, I’m hungry too.”

“I’m not complaining as much today!” he protested. Which, technically, could be labelled as a complaint. _Ugh, whatever._ “You don’t have to, Obi-Wan. I don’t want to bother you. I mean— you can cook dinner if you’re hungry, of course” he stammered, “I mean, obviously you can do whatever you want, it’s your home, but—”

“Anakin” he graciously interrupted him. “What’s up with you today, _of course_ you’re not bothering me. I’m going to cook dinner, and we’ll continue with the lesson after that. End of the story. Do you like pasta?”

“Yes” he answered hesitantly, still debating himself on whether he should keep insisting on not wanting to be a bother.

He didn’t give him time. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say it again.”

Anakin snorted and crossed his arms. “I wasn’t going to!” he lied. “You think you can read minds or what?” He followed him to the kitchen, which in fact was connected to the living-room, as was the case in many modern apartments. The first thing he spotted was the unending row of different types of tea. _I knew it!_

“Perhaps in another life I could” he joked as he filled the pot with water.

“Of course you could. You can do everything” he answered ironically. Then he smiled to himself. “You know, I can read minds in my dreams. Sometimes. And only with certain persons... but still.”

Obi-Wan side-eyed to him. “That is creepy.”

Anakin chuckled. “It’s the least creepy thing about my dreams, trust me. I have _really_ strange dreams.”

“Have you been sleeping badly lately?” Trust Obi-Wan to turn a joke into an enquiry about his well-being.

“Nah, no more than ususal.”

He hummed distractedly as he prepared the ingredients. When he noticed that Anakin hadn’t left the kitchen after a few minutes, he addressed him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to help you” he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What—no, Anakin. That’d be incredibly impolite from me. You’re my guest.”

“I’m just your student” he answered bitterly. _And a burden_.

“You can be both.”

Anakin still didn’t move, playing distractedly with a kitchen rag that lay on the counter. He was so absent that he didn’t notice Obi-Wan closing the distance until he felt him clutching his shoulders lightly.

“Is everything _truly_ going alright?” Damn, he could be inquisitive when he wanted to.

“Yes. I’m fine, Obi-Wan, really. I just didn’t want to be a bother” he said, which wasn’t a lie, at least not from a certain point of view. “You arrived just yesterday from the congress, and here you are, wasting your time on me, under no obligation to do me the favour of giving me the private lessons to begin with...”

“Hold on, hold on.” He gave him a self-sufficient smile. “The favour? I thought you hated them.”

“And I hate them! But they’re still a favour. And don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re making some joke to make me feel less bad about it, completely ignoring the heart of the matter—”

“The lessons are not a favour, Anakin. We both benefit from them, as I told you when we first met. Without them you’d be interrupting the ordinary classes time and time again, understandably, as you have never studied literature or anything related to it. And it was my idea, so stop feeling bad about it” he said firmly, looking at him seriously. “And you’re certainly no bother. Well, not always.”

In spite of himself, Anakin couldn’t help chuckling.

Someone knocked on the door, making Obi-Wan leave his side to open it. He thought he had gone bonkers, definitely, when no one could be seen at the door but he still heard a high-pitched voice coming from somewhere.

“Obi-Wan!” When he looked down he could see a little girl, probably not older than eight, running excitedly towards Obi-Wan. _Phew, not that crazy. Yet,_ he thought relieved to himself.  

The little girl had rests of what seemed to be flour all over her clothes. She trapped Obi-Wan in a crushing hug at the same time that an old man appeared at the door.

“Lizzie” he said in a soft, admonishing tone and a gentle smile. “Let him breathe, we don’t want him dying just now that he’s back! And you’re going to stain his clothes.”

_Indeed_ , thought Anakin amused. _He’s going to move away in three, two, one._ But he didn’t. Obi-Wan stood there awkwardly, looking at the little girl with a mixture of exasperation and fondness. He patted her head clumsily, and, miraculously, he endured the hug with dignity.

“I don’t mind” she said chuckling.

“Well, I think it’s _I_ the one who should say something about it, little one.” She laughed a bit more.

“It’s good to see you, Obi-Wan. We came here to ask you for cinnamon, I hope you don’t mind. We started to prepare the dessert without checking the ingredients!”

“Grandpa is a disaster” she joked shaking her head.

“It runs in the family!” he bit back.

“Sure, I have plenty of cinnamon. Give me a second.” Obi-Wan started to look in the kitchen cabinets. The little girl noticed Anakin then, and her big eyes were looking at him with great interest.

“Who are you, sir?”

Anakin, who had been watching the whole scene with a tender smile, shook his head when he realised she was talking to him. “Sir? Please, don’t call me that. Save that for Obi-Wan, he’s the old man here.” The girl, Lizzie, laughed with him. “Name’s Anakin, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Anakin” she said brightly. “I’m Lizzie, and this is my grandpa Ronald.”

“Nice to meet you” said the grandfather affably.

“So, you’re a friend of Obi-Wan’s? Any friend of his is our friend” she said solemnly.

“Actually, I’m his student. He’s giving me private lessons.”

She opened her mouth in surprise. “He’s your teacher? Cool! I’m sure he is a great teacher!”

“He tries” he said sceptically, making her laugh a bit more.

“Okay, that’s enough, you two” Obi-Wan intervened feigning annoyance while handing them the cinnamon.

“But I didn’t say anything” the girl pouted.

“Oh, I’m sure. This one is worse than a child.” Anakin rolled his eyes as Obi-Wan said goodbye to his neighbours. When he returned to the kitchen, Anakin addressed him amused.

“So, you’re the stereotypical image of the perfect neighbour. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“It’s called being _civilized_.” They both shared a chuckle. Obi-Wan looked at himself in disgust. “Can you please keep an eye on the pot? I’m going to change my shirt.”

_Ah, there it is. Good old Obi-Wan._ “Sure.”

The dinner went by smoothly. It came as no surprise that Obi-Wan was an excellent cook. _Must you be good at everything?_ he thought annoyed. They caught up on the things they’d done in the last month. Well, it was mostly Obi-Wan the one who did the talking, as Anakin didn’t have much to tell. He told him several anecdotes that took place in the congress, which were somehow much funnier because of the way he spoke about them, with his usual irony and sass.

“And that happened the same day I gave my presentation. I talked about the main theories regarding the interpretation of the last scene, the most important one. You’ll know when you get ther—”

“When the protagonist died?”

“Yes, precisely. That—Wait a second.” There it was again, the same irritating self-sufficient smile. “You’ve read it?”

_Ugh._ “I was bored” he defended himself. “ _Immensely_ bored, like, you can’t even imagine—”

Obi-Wan gave a light-hearted laugh; one of those honest, brilliant laughs that were so rare to get to see. “You don’t have to justify yourself for liking it, Anakin.”

“ _Liking_ it? You’re delusional! I only read it because I was bored, and I _really_ needed to get my mind off...things. Liking it, he says. Ridiculous.”

“Sure, Anakin. Sure. You were bored and you started reading it, and you finished it because you _didn’t_ like it. It makes all the sense in the world.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Don’t use my own phrases against me. Goodness me, it’s ten already. I suggest we continue with where we left off right now, or otherwise not even _I_ am going to be able to put up with post-structuralism.”

“I don’t think I can put up with it now”, Anakin muttered to himself, “nor two hours ago for that matter.”

The only thing that his apartment lacked, and which paralleled the enigma that was Obi-Wan Kenobi, were signs of the identity of its owner. Personality. Sure, the way everything was perfectly neat and elegant was _so_ like Obi-Wan. But, Anakin’s own apartment for instance was full of personal items— photographs, machines and circuits all over the place, and much more things that exuded the name Anakin wherever one looked at it. But Obi-Wan’s apartment was so impersonal. It could have been any other’s and it wouldn’t have made any difference. There were barely any photographs or traces of his life. That is why a picture situated on the coffee table caught his eyes. A much younger Obi-Wan was in it, smiling, next to an older man of long gray hair and thick beard.

“Who is he?” he couldn’t help asking. When Obi-Wan appeared lost in thought and didn’t answer, he realised about the impertinence of his question. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my b—”

“It’s alright, Anakin” he said when he was startled out of his stupor. He gave him a sad smile. “That was my adoptive father. He died many years ago.”

_Damn you, Anakin_. Definitely, he should learn to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan.” He really was. He knew too well how hard losing someone was.

“Don’t worry, it was a long time ago” he smiled at him reassuringly.

“Still, I shouldn’t have asked. I know for a fact that sometimes it’s better to not be reminded of these things.” He rose from his seat, giving his back to Obi-Wan, staring at the cozy fireplace. “I understand, I... I also know what it is to lose someone.” _I’ve known it twice_. He didn’t want to talk about it, but Obi-Wan had opened up to him. The least he could do was reciprocating. But he hoped to put an end to that conversation soon.

 “Do you want to talk about it?” He had given him the choice. Apparently, he truly was perfect.

“No, not really.”

“Okay. But just so you know, I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone. I mean it, Anakin.” _Yeah, definitely perfect_.

They continued with the class without much preamble. As Obi-Wan was explaining the nightmarish theories, listing a hotchpotch of names that Anakin was sure he’d forget the minute he stepped out of the house, he had a revelation. Yes, this was as terrible as ever, and Obi-Wan was as overcritical as he remembered, and his ironic comments managed to irritate him all the same. And yet, just when they were arguing over some crappy theory that Anakin didn’t agree with, he realised that he’d missed this. He’d missed the unintelligible concepts, the frustrating feeling of not understanding things until the fifth explanation, if at all. He’d missed Obi-Wan’s dry humour, his _ridiculous_ old-fashioned politeness, and— hell, yeah— he’d even missed his tendency for being annoyingly overcritical. Mostly, he’d missed being around him. In the span of a few months, Obi-Wan had managed the practically impossible task of making a space for himself among the select group of people that Anakin could call friends. Of course, what Obi-Wan thought might have been a complete different matter, but that didn’t belittle the fact that what he’d managed, unbeknownst to him, was an incredible achievement.


	5. The Awakening

_He was running fast. Yet the more he ran, the further his destination seemed to be. He didn’t even know what it was, only that it was important. It was calling to him. A soft murmur of distant voices, some of them familiar, some unknown. And then, screams, intermingled with the sound of explosions. He was at the university. The corridor was infinite. The torches on the walls seemed out of place there, but that was not important now. He recognised the corridor. It was the one that led to the library. And he needed to get there, the sound was coming from there! But he never really moved forward, even though he was running like a mad man._

He woke up with a loud gasp and tried to catch his breath. It almost felt as if he truly had been running.

The date of their death’s anniversaries was in two days time, and his nightmares had increased tenfold. But some of them were unrelated to Padmé and mum, just like this one. He guessed they were a manifestation of how stifled he was feeling on the inside. Nothing more.

But... some part of him couldn’t shake the feeling that there _was_ more to it. What, he didn’t know. He felt as if his life was a reflection of that dream: always running towards something unknown and yet familiar, something that would forever stay out of reach.

* * *

And so _the_ day had found him in the beach, his refuge. It was evening already. He’d been sitting for hours on the same spot—for once, he didn’t care much about sand staining his clothes. It was a welcome distraction. Anything would have been a welcome distraction, to be fair. He was lucky to have retained enough sense to put on a thick scarf — it was freezing out here.

Ahsoka had insisted on paying him a visit in the afternoon, but he had declined. There was no way he was going to let her waste her time on him when she had an important exam tomorrow. He was not that selfish. So, he would endure his self-pity alone. Of course, she had insisted. “ _I’m not going to let you spend this day alone, today of all days!”_ she’d said by the phone, _“some friend that would make me! So, just answer the damn question and tell me what movie you want to watch.”_ But Anakin was even more stubborn than her. _“You’re not going to find me at home, so save your time. Don’t worry, I’m fine, really.”_

His blue eyes followed the movement of the waves breaking while he thought. What were the odds of losing the two most important people in his life on the same date? His mum’s death anniversary had already been hard enough, but at least Padmé— his sweet, gentle, kind-hearted Padmé— had always been there to comfort him. But of course she had had to die too, and on the same fucking date no less, because apparently Anakin was not allowed to be happy. He must have done something terrible in another life, and now he was paying the price for it. There was no other explanation.

At 11 PM, he decided that it was time to go. He was freezing, in spite of the high amount of clothes he was wearing. On his way home, fatality happened. He heard the crash first, and then he saw the two damaged cars and a tumult of people surrounding the scene. Among the crowd he caught the words “ambulance” and “it seems really bad.” He didn’t wait to see the ambulance— he fled the scene as soon as he was able to move again. The sight of the two cars had paralysed him for a few seconds. Were those poor people still alive? And if they weren’t, what might have been their last thoughts? They wouldn’t have known how important those thoughts were, for they were to be the last ones. Would they have chosen to think of something else had they known? _My angel, what were_ you _thinking about before it happened?_

He ran and ran, trying and failing to escape from his pain. Running across the lonely streets, under the city lights in the middle of the night. Running like a madman, just like in his last dream. Only now he did know where he was going.

* * *

He knocked on the door forcefully, his eyes still a bit glassy. When it opened and he was met with those grey-blue eyes, the stupidity of it all came to him.

“Anakin!” He didn’t think he’d ever seen Obi-Wan looking as puzzled as he did in that moment. “What—?” Even weirder was to see him stammering. “What are you doing here?”

_Indeed_. What the hell was he doing here?

“I—uh. I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, I... I’m sorry. Just forget it.” He turned abruptly to leave, but Obi-Wan’s hand was clutching his arm before he could move.

“You show up at my door, in the middle of the night, looking as frantic as if the entire world was _burning_...and you think I’m going to let you go away, just like that?” His voice was gentle, and he was looking at him with a worried frown.

“I— I guess not” he answered with a hoarse voice.

He sighed soundly. “That was a rhetorical question.” He released his arm. “Please, come in.”

He led him to sit on the couch. Anakin could see a pile of exams on the coffee table, and he felt incredibly stupid again. “I really should go, you’ve got tons of things to do.” Obi-Wan wasn’t even wearing his pyjamas yet, and it was already twelve o’clock. So, he didn’t even have time to go to bed because of work, and now he also had to put up with bothersome Anakin once again. _I’m such a selfish idiot._

“Those things can wait. Make yourself at home, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 A man true to his word, he was back in a few minutes, carrying a cup of some infusion with him.

“Tea? You have an unhealthy obsession, Obi-Wan.”

“Sure, let’s give you some tea, because you’re not looking enough of a nervous wreck already” he deadpanned. Anakin smiled tiredly. “Of course it’s not tea. Just a soothing infusion. Drink it, you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“Okay, thanks.” An awkward silence followed, only broken by Anakin’s small sips. Obi-Wan was sitting beside him, utterly silent for once, and what the man must have been thinking about all this was a mystery to him. Anakin didn’t dare to look him in the eyes, gazing instead at the fireplace in front of them. “So, uh”, Anakin said when he couldn’t take the awkwardness anymore, “you’re probably wondering why—”

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to” he reassured him. “I just want to help you in any way I can.” Anakin did look at him then, speechless. He didn’t deserve this man’s friendship. _Not that I have it, anyway_. Obi-Wan hadn’t asked for an explanation, but still Anakin thought he deserved one.

“It’s just...” He remembered the crash, the agony it had revived in him. He swallowed. “I needed someone’s company, I... I _couldn’t_ be alone, and Ahsoka has an exam tomorrow, and I just thought— well, I didn’t think, not really but...”

“Anakin, you really don’t need to—”

“They died today.” Anakin buried his head in his hands. The crackling of the fireplace was the only thing that could be heard in the room for a few eternal seconds. “I mean, not today obviously. But on this date. First mum, and some years later... Padmé.” He took a deep breath, still not raising his head from where it was hidden between his hands. “When mum died of cancer, it took me a long while to be able to cope with that. I had Padmé to help me, though. I don’t know what I would have done without her” his voice broke at that. “Damn it, I don’t _know_ just what I’m going to do without her...” He couldn’t stop talking now that he’d started. “Things were looking good for once. We were happy, and we... we’d even talked about getting married in a few years” he sobbed. “She died two years ago in a car accident. And a part of me died that same day too. And, today... this date is hard enough as it is, but just as I was going back home I saw an accident, and I wondered... I wondered what she must have been thinking about before she died, but now I’ll never know, I’ll never know...” He had stopped making sense at some point, probably when the uncontrollable sobs had begun. 

He was in Obi-Wan’s arms before he’d realised it. “Oh, Anakin. I’m so sorry.” He caressed his hair soothingly as Anakin kept crying, dimly aware that he was soaking the older man’s neck with his tears. A part of him told him that he was going to regret this— appearing at his most vulnerable in front of Obi-Wan, being _pathetically_ weak, the opposite of the facade he used to adopt in front of others. But at this moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He basked in the comfort that Obi-Wan’s soothing, velvet voice provided him, grounding him on the present, lessening the agony to some extent.

* * *

It took him some time to take in the unfamiliarity of his surroundings when he opened his eyes. The events of the previous night came to him in quick flashes. He groaned to himself.

At some point he must have fallen sleep. He was lying on the couch, covered by a blanket that had definitely _not_ been there last night.  On the same couch where he had _pathetically_ broken down _in Obi-Wan’s arms_ , clinging to him as if his life depended on it. He was mortified. How was he supposed to face him now?

The man in question was nowhere to be seen. Anakin caught sight of a note situated on the coffee table.

_Anakin. I’m sorry I left without saying anything, but you were looking so peaceful that I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. Make yourself at home. I left you some breakfast on the kitchen._

_I hope you’re feeling better this morning. See you in class._

Damn it. Just when he’d thought he couldn’t be feeling more mortified, here he was: in Obi-Wan’s apartment, its owner already gone to work, and with breakfast (prepared by said man) waiting for him in the kitchen. The word “nuisance” had fallen short ages ago.

Later at the university, he was waiting on his desk for Obi-Wan to arrive to the class. The murmur of the rest of the students was getting on his nerves today more than ever.  Such silly conversations. He distantly noted the two usual girls trying to catch his attention, but he didn’t even bother to ignore them politely this time. He rudely turned around and he kept waiting.

He arrived, and the class went by just like any other. Obi-Wan was his usual sarcastic, strict self—his professor Kenobi self— and not even a glance did he send his way. Not a single look of complicity that indicated that today was any different. And Anakin should be grateful for that.

When the class ended, he supposed he should approach him and say something, as tempting as it was to pretend that last night hadn’t happened. Obi-Wan raised his head from a pile of sheets when he felt him approaching, and the aloofness of his professor Kenobi self was replaced by a concerned look and a caring smile.

Anakin was not someone to get nervous easily, and he most certainly did _not_ blush.

 And yet here he was, guilty of both.

“How are you feeling, Anakin?’”

_No beating around the bush, then._ “Fine. I—uhm.” And he most certainly did _not_ stammer. “Thank you, for yesterday” he finally said. “And I’m sorry for intruding on your home—”

“You don’t have to thank me, and much less apologise” he interrupted him as he rose from his seat to be at eye level. “I’m sorry that life has been so hard on you, but don’t you _ever_ think you should bear your pain alone.” Obi-Wan clutched his shoulders and looked at him seriously. “After all, what are friends for?” Anakin nodded silently, the ringing of the bell signalling the beginning of another class a distant sound to his ears.

Later, Ahsoka was asking him for the _ninth_ time whether he was alright, and just “ _why didn’t you catch your damn phone, you had me worried.”_ Which led him to explain that he’d left it at home, which turned out to be a mistake, for now he had to explain _where_ he’d been if not at home. He told her about his freaking out when he saw the car accident. Ahsoka raised an eyebrow when he said he’d gone to Obi-Wan’s, and he pretended to ignore the knowing smile she gave him.

“You could have gone to my house, you know” she said sympathetically in a whisper so as to not be overheard by the rest of the students. “And don’t bring again that exam thing crap again, this is more important. But I’m happy Obi-Wan was so kind.” She gave him that annoying smile again. “I like him.”

“Yeah, I guess he’s not so bad” he shrugged disinterestedly.

Professor Windu entered the class, and everyone shut up at once. Anakin distantly heard Rex whispering some joke about Windu that had Ahsoka snickering and trying to muffle her chuckles with her hand. Anakin was taking notes distractedly, without paying much attention to his surroundings. _Friends_ , he thought smiling to himself, that same fluttery feeling from before returning to his stomach, _he said we’re friends_.

* * *

_He’d managed to arrive to the library. At the end of it there was another door. A blinding light filtered through the cracks, and the noises were louder. They were calling to him. He tried to open it. It was closed. He tried, and tried, and tried, to no avail._

He opened his eyes. He’d thought the nightmares would be over once the date of their death anniversaries had passed. But it was only the dreams about Padmé and mum that had stopped. Every night, every _kriffing_ night he dreamed the same thing, with slight variations. All of them ended the same way, though: a door that couldn’t be opened. And it was hardly a nightmare, certainly he’d had far more terrible dreams than that. And yet, he was left with an agonizing feeling every time he woke up.

They’d gone to the mall to buy a present for Rex’s birthday.

“Skyguy.”

“What” he asked exasperated while flipping the pages of a car magazine “One can’t even read at peace these days.”

“Oh, okay. I just thought you’d like to know who I just saw at the cash register... but I’ll let you read in peace.”

He hummed, disinterestedly. He wasn’t going to fall for the bait, no matter how much Ahsoka would’ve liked it. _Especially_ because of that.  She picked up a magazine and hummed a song while she read it.

“Okay. Who?”

“Who what?”

“Don’t play dumb, Ahsoka. Who is at the cash register?”

“Alright, now I can safely assure that I encounter you in every single place I go.” Even if he hadn’t been familiar with that voice, he would have recognised him all the same by his way of speaking.

“Perhaps it’s the other way around, Obi-Wan.” He turned around and greeted him with a cheeky smile. “What are you doing here?”

He raised an eyebrow, amused. “Why, we’re at a bookstore, Anakin. Of the two, I’m the most likely to be found at a place like this, if your constant accusations of me being a “bookworm” are anything to go by.”

“You’re right” he laughed.

Obi-Wan addressed Ahsoka then, who was looking at them with _that_ annoying smile. “How can you put up with him all the time is beyond me” he joked. He hoped he was joking, that is.

She gave an exaggerated sigh. “You get used to it, don’t worry.”

Ahsoka said something about going to change the tracksuit they’d bought for another size, although Anakin could have sworn they’d done that already.

“You didn’t come to class today” Obi-Wan said when they were left alone.

Anakin crossed his arms and leaned against the bookshelf. “Why, did you miss me?”

“I certainly did _not_ miss the constant interruptions.”

“I don’t interrupt as much I used to.”

“No” he conceded. “Thanks to my private lessons.”

“You flatter yourself” Anakin snorted. He took in Obi-Wan’s appearance. Even though he was smiling, he seemed a bit weary, and had deep bags under his eyes. There was nothing strange in his demeanour, though. Sarcastic and witty as ever, if only a bit more distracted than usual. He snapped his fingers to bring him back to earth. “Wow, it’s the third time straight you ignore me. You really are hurting my feelings.”

He huffed. “Now you know how I feel during my lessons.” He brushed his beard as he appeared thoughtful. “I’ve just had a few odd days.”

“Odd?”

He nodded. “Yes, odd.” _So much for an elaborated answer_.

“Odd as in— oh, wait. Isn’t he that man? Palp... ugh. The mayor.”

“Palpatine. Yes, he is.”

The man was talking affably with the shop assistant, the two stout men that always followed him around watching his back.

“What is he doing at the mall?”

“Interfering with any matter, I suppose, as he is prone to do.” Anakin looked at him startled.

“Whatever has he done to you?”

“Nothing, but I know for a fact that he meddles with the affairs of the university much more often than the director would like to.”

“Which shows that he is very involved in everything that takes place in town. How is that bad? I never get why you’re so against it.”

“I’m not—” he started to defend himself, then looked at him puzzled. “Anakin, this is the first time we’ve had this conversation.”

_Oh._ “You’re right” he shook his head, a bit confused. “But sometimes I don’t understand your way of thinking. Wait, is he waving at us?” The man was smiling and looking at... them? There was no one else around, so it had to be them.

“So it seems.”

He approached them, his smile never faltering on his way. “Well, well, look what we’ve got here! Anakin, it’s so good to see you again.”

Anakin smiled brightly. “You too, sir.”

“Oh, please, none of that. Just call me by my name, I hate formalities” he admitted in a mocked whisper.

His name. Right.

“Sure, uh, Pal—” Obi-Wan mouthed the name when the mayor wasn’t looking. Anakin could have hugged him right there. “Palpatine:”

The mayor then looked at Obi-Wan with an equal kind-hearted smile. “Oh, let me introduce you to...”

 “I know very well who he is, Anakin” Palpatine said with a toothy grin. “Professor Kenobi, nice to see you too.” Obi-Wan gave a formal nod. “It’s so good to encounter two excellent representatives of our prestigious university in here!”

“Well, Obi— professor Kenobi, perhaps, but me?” Anakin laughed. “I’m not so sure about that. Besides, you barely even know me.”

“Don’t be so modest, Anakin. You saved me from a dangerous fall, after all! One should never underestimate the threat of that slippery floor!”

Anakin chuckled. “True.”

When he said his goodbyes, Anakin looked at Obi-Wan smugly. “He seems pretty nice to me.”

“I never said he wasn’t.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “And, no, I have nothing against him, save for a general dislike towards politicians. They are not trustworthy.”

Anakin frowned. “Padmé was a politician. In fact, she worked in the city council, too. Are you saying she was untrustworthy?” he asked in the most spiteful tone he could muster.

“I—no, Anakin.” Obi-Wan Kenobi, the epitome of serenity, looked utterly mortified. “That’s not what I meant, I am so sorry, I— why are you laughing?”

Anakin talked between chuckles. “I’m not angry with you, Obi-Wan. You should have seen your face.” He laughed a bit more when Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “It was true, though” he said when he calmed down. “She was a politician. And I always used to tease her about it, saying comments just like yours.” He lost himself in the memories, smiling wistfully. “She used to get mad. It was just a joke, of course. She was one of the most honourable persons I’ve ever known.”

“I’m sure she was.” Obi-Wan smiled kindly to him. “Not all politicians have to be the same way. There are always exceptions to the rule.”

“Yeah. Like Palpatine.”

“Maybe. I don’t know him well enough to say that he is.”

“Nor to say the contrary” Anakin answered smugly. “You are never one to judge people without knowing them, Obi-Wan. This is so out of character from you.”

“And I’m not judging” he calmly answered. “But I’ve also learned to trust my instincts. And these tell me not to ever trust a politician too quickly.”

“Instincts?” Anakin huffed. “Seems more like prejudice to me.”

Ahsoka entered the scene then. “Oh, wow. Was that mayor Palpatine talking to you two? What else did I miss?”

“Oh, nothing, just Anakin being his usual whiny self.” Anakin looked at him indignantly, but when Obi-Wan smiled at him warmly he couldn’t help answering with a smile of his own.  And he most certainly did _not_ blush again.

“I feel you” Ahsoka replied jestingly. “Well, we’re done with our shopping. Anakin and I had talked about spending some time off... why don’t you join us, Obi-Wan? Surely it’d do you well to forget a bit about the job."

_Nice try, Ahsoka_ , he thought equal parts amused and bitter. Obi-Wan was not one to forget about his job, of course he was going to refus—

“You’re right, I could use some rest.” _Today’s the day of surprises, then_. He wouldn’t know until a few hours later just how accurate that thought was.

They had a nice time, the three of them. Sure, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan teamed up more often than not to tease him, but he’d made peace with that a long while ago. Besides, Anakin secretly loved to banter— it was like his way of showing friendship. That didn’t mean that they sometimes got on his nerves too, of course.

But, overall, it was really nice. The camaraderie between the three of them came so natural. As if they’d been friends for years. It was crazy to think that he’d known Ahsoka for a year and a half, approximately, and Obi-Wan for just a few months.

They ended up at the cinema. As they were waiting for Ahsoka to get out of the bathroom, Anakin and Obi-Wan bought the popcorn. He couldn’t find his wallet in his pocket. What if he’d left it at home? _Shit._ That would be so embarrassing. The keys of his apartment were making the search more difficult, getting constantly on the way.

“Hey, Obi-Wan. Catch this” he threw the keys to him, which he skilfully caught in mid-air. “Wow. Nice reflexes.”

“Thanks.” Obi-Wan seemed a little surprised with himself too.

_Phew. Here you are_ , he thought relieved when he found the wallet.

When Ahsoka exited the bathroom, the three of them went to watch the movie.

* * *

_He was still trying to get the door open. The noises behind it were stronger. It was driving him mad. After uselessly trying for the tenth time, he gave up and let out a loud scream. Enraged, he started to throw the books from the shelves, one after the other. One of them opened, and what he saw forced him to take a better look at the pages. Or rather, what he did_ not _see—_ _the pages were blank. He caught another book. Blank, too. All of them, empty. He hit the shelf in frustration, and didn’t harm himself in the process. Wait, that made no sense. The part of the shelf he’d hit was crushed. With a terrible feeling, he extended his hand towards the wood. Only, it was no wood. It was no real shelf. He looked around him, and he realised—_ _all of it was fake. Like the material of a play, it passed as believable at first sight, but it crumbled to pieces once one strove to look beneath the surface. None of it was real. Not even his screams felt real. But he screamed anyway_.

“Anakin. Anakin, wake up” someone whispered.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with Obi-Wan’s worried glance. They were still at the cinema, in the middle of the movie. Obi-Wan was sitting next to him, and Ahsoka next to Obi-Wan, so she hadn’t realised that Anakin had fallen sleep.

“Sorry” he whispered attempting to appear nonchalant, while in truth his heart was still beating madly. “It’s just such a bad movie. I couldn’t help falling sleep.”

 “How can you fall sleep in the cinema?” Obi-Wan shook his head, looking at him with fond exasperation. “Especially when it was your idea to come here.”

“I didn’t know the movie would be so boring” he muttered.

“You seemed distressed. While you were dreaming” he elaborated when Anakin looked at him confused.

“I’m fine” he lied.

He feigned to be watching the movie afterwards, but his mind was miles away. He couldn’t forget the panic that had overtook him in his dream with that final realisation. He was still sweating, his breathing slightly laboured, and he was feeling nauseous. _Just a dream_ , he reminded himself, _it was just a dream._

On their way home, the fresh air and the light-hearted conversation helped him forget about his dream.

 “And that’s when Anakin fled the classroom, because he was so afraid of Mr. Windu—”

“Oh, come on. I wasn’t afraid, much less of that pompous, irritating—”

“Mind your tone, Anakin. You are speaking ill of a colleague of mine” Obi-Wan interrupted.

“Sorry, Obi-Wan, but you’ve got to admit that he is a bit like that. And, no, Ahsoka, I wasn’t scared of him.”

“Of course you weren’t” she said ironically. “What could be ‘The Hero with no Fear’ afraid of?”

“How did she call you?”

“Forget it. She likes to give me the weirdest nicknames you can possibly imagine.”

They kept arguing some more, until Anakin realized that somewhere along the way they’d lost Obi-Wan.

They turned around and saw him still, a lifeless gaze adorning his features. Anakin and Ahsoka exchanged a look.

“Obi-Wan? Are you alright?”

He was snapped out of his daze. “Yes. I just thought... it’s nothing” he said as he caught up with them.

“Such a weirdo” Anakin joked fondly.

Obi-Wan was very silent the rest of the way, and for once he didn’t fall for Anakin’s provocations. Not a single one. _He must be tired_ , Anakin thought remembering their conversation at the bookstore. He only wished that Obi-Wan was a bit more open, and that he talked to Anakin when something worried him, or simply when he needed to get something off his chest. They were friends, after all, and friendship was supposed to go both ways. But sometimes Anakin got the feeling that it was always Obi-Wan the one who did the helping. And Anakin wanted to help him, too.

He shook his head, realising that Obi-Wan had been monopolizing his thoughts as of lately. _Better him than the nightmares_. The nightmares. Anakin still remembered the agony he’d felt during that dream, and for a brief moment he even feared falling sleep again. After he’d turned off the lamp and snuggled under the quilt, he silently prayed to not dream about locked doors, blank books or fake furniture.

 

* * *

_This time, the door opened._

_He was at the verge of a precipice. He tried to hold on to the door, but it vanished on thin air._

_He fell with a loud thud. It was dark, but he could discern he was at a cave. He hid behind a rock, and he put his head out of it when he heard voices and a deep, inhuman groaning. What he saw made his blood run cold._

_A huge, indescribable creature, a_ monster, _was holding a young man upside down, in spite of his attempts to break free from it. A man that looked quite a lot like himself, not to say_ exactly _like him._

_“Are you... gonna help me?!” his dream self asked to another man, who looked incredibly familiar as well..._

_This Obi-Wan helped his other self by throwing a big rock at the creature, without touching it, as if with some kind of magic._

_“Well” his other self said mockingly, “you took your time.”_

_They defeated the creature together, using again that strange kind of magic that could move big objects without touching them._

_As a result of the landslide, a rock hit him on the head, and just before he lost consciousness, he faintly heard the rest of what the two warriors were saying._

_“That’s a pity. I was just starting to sense a connection.”_

_“Should I leave you two alone, or would you prefer to find a way out of this hole before she wakes up?”_

_When he opened his eyes, he was in the middle of a battle. He panicked as there was no place where he could hide, but he soon realised that it didn’t matter. No one could see him._

_An army clad in white armour was fighting against the most strange of creatures. The weapons they used looked so modern. And there they were again, the two warriors from before. They were fighting with those blue shining swords that he’d seen in other dreams, watching each other’s backs, bantering just like they did in real life._

_The scene changed._

_It was nice, this place. Full of life, surrounded by thick vegetation. It looked quite picturesque. And the two men were here again, arguing about something. Only, this time they were accompanied by a girl that looked very similar to Ahsoka, standing between the two of them, looking at them with a familiar exasperated smile._

_“We can’t just wander around aimlessly, we need a plan!”_

_“You always taught me to go on instinct, and my instincts tell me to go that way.”_

_“No, that— that doesn’t seem right. I think we should go this way”_

_“Why do you even ask for my opinion? You never do things my way.”_

_“We crashed the ship your way.”_

_“Very funny. I see your sense of humour survived the landing.”_

_“It’s about the only thing.”_

_He witnessed a hundred of scenes more. There were many battles, intertwined with some peaceful moments too. Padmé was in many of those._

_Now, his other self was talking heatedly to a bald man with a tattoo on his face._

_“I could have helped you! Too bad the Council didn’t trust me.”_

_“Anakin. It was my decision to keep the truth from you. I knew if you were convinced I was dead, Dooku would believe it as well.”_

_“Your decision?”_

_“Look, I know I did some questionable things, but I did what I had to do. I hope you can understand that.”_

_“You lied to me! How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?"_

_They parted ways._

Anakin woke up.

* * *

His laboured breathing was the only thing that could be heard in the room when he sat up on the bed abruptly.

He remembered. He remembered everything.

Now it all made sense. That feeling of missing something important, that sense of alienation, of not belonging anywhere. And now his whole world as he knew it was crumbling to ashes.

He needed to make sense of this situation. And he knew who could help him— the one who always knew what to do, who was always there for him, watching his back, no matter the many disputes or differences, or untold secrets and lies that stood between them. There was a risk he’d think him mad, though. It's not everyday you're told you knew someone else _in another life_ , after all. But, if he didn’t think him mad already, there was still hope, right? With a bit of luck he would believe him. Or even better, perhaps he could make him remember too. 

He needed to talk to Obi-Wan.

He needed to talk to his _Master_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are much appreciated :)) Thank you for reading! <3


	6. The Team

Not a sound could be heard in the streets. In three hours the roar of the car engines would fill the silence, but for now, nothing. Not even the footsteps of a lonely nightly wanderer, or the weeping of the infant that lived on the floor above. The whole town slept, oblivious to the uproar that was taking place inside this man’s head. He had to admit it: he envied them. What he would not have given to be like them, even for just a few hours, just so he wouldn’t have to confront this chaos that was his mind. Eluding responsibilities— a trait unbecoming of him, he knew. But just for this once, in the solitude of his own thoughts, he would have wished for that.

The chiming of the clock— it might be four or five already, he’d lost count since midnight—  marked a crude contrast with how he was feeling. Time had stopped for him— his whole life as he knew it had stopped, and he didn’t know how to resume it.

Alone, seated in front of the fireplace, his eyes looking at the dying embers but not s _eeing_. What a pitiful image he would have made to an observer’s eyes— a shadow of what he once was. A former warrior, a former _Jedi_ , overwhelmed— defeated— not by destructive weapons or skilled enemies, but by mere _feelings_ of confusion and anguish. _How the mighty have fallen._

Some things never changed, though, far beyond time and space. The cup of tea in his hands was an excellent testimony of that.

All his life, Obi-Wan Kenobi had felt that there was something wrong with him. Not so much wrong as _different_. Yes, that was the better word. Different, incomplete, divided.  There was somewhere else he should be, or should have been, as nonsensical as that sounded.  And Obi-Wan— this Obi-Wan and the Jedi Master— had always been driven by logic, but, perhaps as a consequence of the remote part of his subconscious that remembered having been a Jedi, he’d always trusted his instincts, too. And these told him that something was amiss, although he had never been able to put it in words—not even in his own mind.

Reluctant to getting close to others, — again, likely a consequence of the Jedi that still lived in him— solitude had always been his most faithful companion. And yet, someone had managed to crumble his barriers, one by one, without even lifting a finger. It was no surprise that the one time he allowed himself to care for someone, that someone had ended up being him. It was always going to be him.

His apprentice, his best friend, his _brother_.

And yet, their last moments together in that life had been anything but pleasant. The Rako Hardeen incident had caused a breach in their friendship; although, if he had to be honest, he had the feeling that that breach had already been there before, and his deceit had merely widen it. In a way, he should be grateful for this nonsensical situation: he had won his friendship here, and only the Force knows whether they would have been able to fix things between them in that life.

As he’d told Anakin a few hours ago— which seemed an eternity away— the last few days had been odd. A constant sense of _deja vu_ persecuted him, in every place he went: unknown faces that looked familiar, conversations that he seemed to have held a hundred times before, or specific mannerisms that triggered flashes of blurred images that were progressively more and more defined. His mental barriers, or whatever they were— _Force_ , he was still trying to make sense of this situation— had been about to collapse at any moment. He knew that now. In the end, it had been Ahsoka’s comment— _“the Hero with No Fear”_ — which had unleashed the awakening of his repressed memories, but it could have been anything else at this point. He had been at the verge of the precipice, so to speak, for days now. It was only thanks to how good he was at hiding his feelings— both in his other life and in this one— that he’d managed to conceal to some extent the utter panic that had threatened to overcome him when the truth came to him. And even so, the puzzled look exchanged between Anakin and Ahsoka hadn’t escaped him.

But now, now came the million dollar question: _What the blazes is going on here?_ The last thing he remembered from his other life was being at the Jedi Temple, meditating in his apartment, trying to clear his mind from the memory of his painful confrontation with Anakin. And after that, nothing.

He’d briefly entertained the thought that this was some kind of spell, perhaps a Force illusion, that some enemy had cast upon them so as to keep them at bay. This hypothesis didn’t hold, though. Even in the midst of his confusion, of something he was completely certain: this life was not an illusion. It was real, as real as the other one: with its own memories, experiences and decisions. Reincarnation was a possibility, but he’d always believed that one joined the Force after their deaths. Not to mention that he was fairly certain he hadn’t died in that life— he liked to think he’d remember his own death, mind you.  He was pretty much alive in his last memory at the Temple.

So then, _how, just how any of this happened?_

It was very convenient that tomorrow was Saturday and hence he didn’t have to give classes, for he planned to stay awake until he was able to, at least, shed some light on all this.

Just when the clock chimed another hour, someone knocked on the door.  He let out a sigh and ran his hand down his forehead in a gesture of frustration. There was no Force bond in this life, but he didn’t need one to know who was on the other side of the door. _Force, not now._

He hadn’t been wrong. A frantic Anakin was looking at him wild-eyed, and _oh Force, Anakin_. Some things never changed indeed. Whether in this life or the other one, he still looked like some hero taken out from a holomovie: with that air of confidence and resolution, accompanied by a brash attitude and a witty tongue. Add to this a tall, lean figure and a handsome face, more often than not displaying a cheeky smile, and what we get is the poster boy of the Republic, as Obi-Wan used to tease him fondly. 

He was not smiling now, though. Far from it. And Obi-Wan felt sorry for it, but he had his own problems to deal with, and as for now he was not ready to face him. No, not until the chaos that clouded his judgement had dissipated to some extent.

“We need to talk, Obi-Wan.”

_Brash as ever_ , thought Obi-Wan equal parts fond and irritated: only Anakin would show up at his teacher’s door at five AM, unexpectedly, _demanding_ to have a talk.

“I’m sorry Anakin, but this is not a good time.” _How heartless am I?_ , a voice in his head reproached him. His dear friend was clearly in anguish, and here he was dismissing him. But, for once, Obi-Wan wanted to be selfish. Surely Anakin would have understood if he had an idea of the extent to which his world had been turned upside down.

“This is important.” Anakin pushed against the door and let himself in his home, blatantly ignoring his dismissal. _Brash as ever indeed_.

“Make yourself at home” he replied with a twinge of sarcasm, leading him to the couch, because at least _he_ had to show some manners, given the total absence of them in his companion. _Must you always have it your way?_

Anakin sat on the couch, but Obi-Wan did not join him. He couldn’t stand being this close to his friend, not when it was only him the one who remembered all the things they’d been through in another life. And perhaps it made him a terrible person, but he wished that his companion shared his predicament, shared his confusion, just so that he would recognise him, _truly_ recognise him for all that he was, or had been.

So, he leant on the partition furniture that separated the kitchen connected to the living room as he waited for him to speak, his arm bent and his hand covering his forehead, in his Jedi Master meditative fashion, as another Anakin would have once said.

“I don’t know where to start” he said, his voice trembling. “What I’m going to tell you... you’re not going to believe a word of what I say.”

“Oh, I might surprise you” he replied with irony.

“You don’t understand, this is...” Anakin gave a shaky, mirthless laugh. “Just please, _please_ , don’t think I’m crazy. I, uh— I couldn’t bear it.”

_Oh, for Force’s sakes Anakin, just get on with it already._

“Rest assured, I won’t think that.” Out of them two, should Obi-Wan speak his own mind at the moment, it would be Anakin the one to think him insane.

He heard him take a deep breath. There was a sense of stillness in the room, like the calm before the storm, or like those few seconds where you’re standing at the verge of a precipice. It was making him feel uneasy. Neither of them knew that the other had already jumped and fallen into the abyss.

“Have you ever considered the possibility of having a past life?”

The ticking of the clock, a reminder of the passing of time, seemed once again utterly out of place— the blood in his veins had stilled,  his heart had stopped, his lungs no longer breathing. He felt as if his whole life had been leading up to this moment, and for the first time in what seemed forever, hope was slipping through the walls that guarded his heart. He removed his hand from where it was covering his eyes and turned his head to look at the couch— to look at _him_.

“Only if you were my Padawan in it.”

Realization shone in those blue eyes, bluer than the deepest ocean, and when their eyes met, it felt as if he was looking at him for the first time.

“M— Master?” he asked in a weak voice, to which Obi-Wan responded with a silent nod, too moved to speak. His former Padawan— and the word former had never seemed as accurate as in this moment— let out a teary laugh and rose from the couch.

Obi-Wan hadn’t had time to ponder over how their reunion, so to speak, would go— he had been too busy trying to elucidate just what the _blazes_ was going on, which, by the way, he hadn’t managed to do yet. However, had he had time to give it some thought, he most certainly wouldn’t have expected for Anakin to engulf him in a bone-crushing hug. Their last moments together in that life hadn’t been pleasant, after all. He hugged him back somewhat awkwardly— it was not their first hug, not in this life nor in the other, but now, knowing how rare it had been for them to openly display affection back then, he appreciated the significance of it much more.

“H— how? Since when do you know?” Anakin asked frantic when they got separated from the hug. “And why didn’t you tell me?”

He raised a hand to appease him. “No, Anakin, I just remembered today.”

“I knew you were acting strange earlier! I remembered today too, just when I woke up from my dreams...” He shook his head. “Just what the actual hell, Obi-Wan?”

In spite of their predicament, he couldn’t help chuckling. “Tell me about it.”

“I thought I was going fucking crazy!”

“Mind your tongue, Anakin, I’m still your teacher.”

 He snorted. “Of course you are. No matter what life we live in, I’m always doomed to end up putting up with you being my teacher.”

“Likewise” he retorted. And, _Force_ , how nice it felt to be bantering, another trait of their relationship that, no matter what life they were in, would always define them. But, as nice as it was, they couldn’t continue ignoring the elephant in the room.

Obi-Wan crossed his arms on his chest and came close to the window, gazing at the dark streets and lightless houses that still slept, whereas he couldn’t be feeling more awake.

“I’ve been giving much thought to all this, but I’m afraid I haven’t come to a reasonable explanation. I entertained the thought of a Force illusion at first, but this life is real, our memories are real, so it can’t be —”

He heard Anakin clearing his throat. “Yeah, about that... I think I can clear up things a little bit for you, Obi-Wan.”

He turned around and raised an eyebrow. “I’m all ears.”

“Well, I was sleeping at the Jedi Temple _—_ yes, it begins like that...”

* * *

_"What—where are we?”_

_“In your mind, we are.”_

_“I’m sleeping, aren’t I?”_

_Master Yoda and himself were sitting on a bench, but that was about the only tangible object in their surroundings. There was not even a surface to hold the weight of the bench— everything was black, an unending empty._

_“Yes. But real, this is. From the future, I come. Important things to discuss with you I have. But enough time, we have not. Straight to the point, I will have to go.”_

_“For once” he muttered, earning a blow from his cane. “Ouch! By the way, why are you all translucent?”_

_“Alive in that future, I no longer am.”_

_“I’m sorry.” He sounded ridiculous, he knew, but what could one answer to that statement? This whole thing was crazy. What a weird dream, even for his standards. Wait until I tell Obi-W–. Except that they weren’t on talking terms anymore. Shame, he would’ve found it funny._

_“A dream, this is not.”_

_“Hey! Are you reading my mind or what? A little privacy would be nice.”_

_“Since in your mind we are, privacy a nearly impossible thing to achieve is.”_

_“Whatever.” Anakin sighed. “If you’re not a dream, then pray tell me why your... force ghost would take the trouble to go back in time just to pay me a visit?”_

_“From whence I came, the prophesy ultimately fulfilled was. But a high price, the entire galaxy had to pay. Destruction, hate, treason. Massacre.”_

_“What happened?” he asked with a feeling of dread weighing on his insides._

_“To discuss this with you, I am not here. Just this I can say: your destiny you ended up fulfilling, and an ultimate sacrifice you made. And with the Force, you united. Balance of the Force, we finally have. And so the Force, another beginning can give you. Powerful, the force is. Even time and space, it might manipulate.”_

_“What are you saying? Do you mean that I’m going back in time?”_

_“Yes... and no.”_

_So much for going straight to the point, thought Anakin._

_“Could you please be clearer, Master? I don’t get what you’re saying! So, from the time you come, I died and somehow managed to fulfil the prophesy? And now the Force wants to repay me?"_

_“By starting anew, yes. Before the prophesy you fulfilled, terrible things took place.”_

_“What things? Tell me!”_

_He hit him again with his cane. This Yoda was even grumpier than the one he knew._

_“Not the reason I’m here!” he repeated with every blow._

_“But why make me start anew in some other place? Why not tell me so that I can change things and fulfil the prophesy without all that... destruction?”_

_“Not so easy, things are. The things that happened, we cannot change. But make things different in another reality, you may. Different, things will be, yes, very different.”_

_“But— I don’t understand! Why do you go to the past and tell this to a younger version of myself? If I’m dead in that future, then why not make me start anew with the memories of what happened— or will happen?”_

_“Precisely the point, that is. Endured what your future self has, you have not. To prevent that from happening to you, the Force wants. And since the future cannot be changed, the only solution this is.”_

_“But where are you sending me? I like my life here!” He thought of Padmé, his wife, he couldn’t be apart from her! And all his friends, Ahsoka, and Oh Force, Obi-Wan too._

_“Alone, you will not be. Fear not, Skywalker.”_

_“You mean they will be there, too?”_

_“Assumptions, I can only give you. Answers to everything, I do not have. Trust in me, you must have. If stay here you do, the future I have lived will repeat itself. Want this, you do not.”_

_“But what happened! What could be so bad that the better alternative is this one? What kind of tragedy could have occurred if I ended up fulfilling the prophesy?”_

_Yoda looked at him with sad eyes. “To think of this, you need not. A different life, ahead of you there is. A normal life.”_

_Anakin sighed, defeated. “Will I retain my memories?”_

_“Reborn, you will be. In principle only your new life, you will remember. Dormant, the memories of this life will be. But the time may come when awakened, they are. Know this for sure, however, I do not. In mysterious ways, the Force...”_

_“Yes, yes I know” he said annoyed. “What about you? Perhaps you’ll be there. You really think you won’t remember?”_

_“There, I will not be. Not me as I am now, that is. But a version of my younger self, from your time. Only the Force knows whether we will meet there. That our paths cross in that life, however, I truly hope.”_

_Anakin nodded, slightly touched by that comment, and slightly irritated by the vagueness of this whole conversation. But getting Yoda to give straight answers was as difficult as convincing Obi-Wan of the uselessness of meditation._

_He stood thinking silent for a few minutes, knowing that whatever he chose would change his life forever. There were two paths ahead of him: refuse his help and continue with his life as he knew it—which would ultimately end up in tragedy according to Yoda—, or accept it and start anew in some other place, with no guarantee whatsoever that things would be better there, only the possibility that things_ might _be better. He didn’t like this lack of guarantee, but he’d seen the truth in his eyes when he said that his life as it was would end up in tragedy here. Besides, as annoying as Master Yoda could be sometimes, Anakin did trust him._

_He took a deep breath as he came to a decision, silently praying that it was the right one._

_“Okay” he consented. “I’m ready.”_

* * *

Obi-Wan nodded slowly when his friend finished speaking, brushing his beard as he thought, silently taking in everything that he’d been told. Well, at least now it all made sense. Nevertheless, it was disturbing to think about what “tragedy” would have taken place _—_ that in fact _had_ taken place in another reality _—_ had Anakin not chosen to accept the opportunity that the Force was offering him. And if he knew his friend well, which he did, that unknown fate must be weighing him down, too. It was no use wasting their time on the what-ifs, though, but rather, they should be concentrating on the here and now. He sighed, coming to the realization that his life as a Jedi had ended _—_ more precisely, it had never begun. _Force_ , did his head hurt _—_ and that his life as he knew it in that other reality had been erased from existence _—_ or rather, it had never existed in this reality.

 He would miss being a Jedi, but again, there was nothing that could be done about it. Furthermore, it was not as if this life was new to him: he’d lived thirty five years in this world, and he had to admit, it was not a bad place to live. Sure, there were many things he would miss, but at least here things were not so complicated.

Besides, the thing that he would have missed the most was already with him in this room. He could not _—_ would not _—_ imagine an existence in which his best friend was not at his side. _That_ would have been a real tragedy, he thought as he looked at him.

Anakin had a lifeless gaze and was uncommonly silent. Obi-Wan could pinpoint the exact moment in which something snapped in him, and a familiar, unsettling sparkle that heralded rage appeared in his eyes, replacing what had been distractedness seconds before. He knew that sparkle very well, sadly, as it had been directed at him more times than he would have liked to.

“That cursed liar!” he shouted. “That kriffing green gnome that calls himself a Jedi!”

And this time, it seemed that poor Yoda was the target of his fury.

“Well, technically he’s not green anymore _—”_ His attempt at humour to ease his anger had not been welcome, if Anakin’s incredulous glare was anything to go by. “Anakin, why are you _—_ ”

“He lied to me!” At this rate his screams would wake the whole neighbourhood. “He told me that things would be better here! And I was stupid enough to believe him! That fucking asshole!”

“Anakin, do lower the volume _—_ ”

“No!” He was hyperventilating, looking as though he was on the verge of a panic attack. “He lied to me! Don’t you see?” he looked at him with imploring eyes.

“I _—_ uh” Obi-Wan stammered. “I’m sorry, Anakin, but I fail to see how he lied to you _—_ ”

“Of course you would say that” he answered spitefully before giving a humourless laugh. “Same old Obi-Wan, defending the Jedi Council at all costs, even when this no longer exists!” 

He was not going to fall for the bait, and thus ignored his last comment. “He said you would start anew in other place, and you have _—_ ”

“Yes! And he also said that if I didn’t, “tragedy” would happen, whatever the hell that means! He said that things would be better here!”

“Technically, and according to what you’ve told me, he didn’t give you guarantee that things would be _—_ ”

“But he also said that the better alternative was this one! To prevent that _damn_ tragedy from happening! But do you know what a real tragedy is, Obi-Wan? Giving my mother back only to lose her once more! Because apparently watching her die once was just not enough, no. And Padmé, oh _Force,_ Padmé...” _Oh, Anakin_. Obi-Wan came close with the intention of comforting him, but he stopped in his tracks when that blood freezing ire returned to his eyes.

“I am so sorry, Anakin.” That was not enough, he knew. He knew just how empty that statement sounded, how it fell terribly short to convey his immense sorrow for his friend. “I know how much she meant _—_ ”

And here it was, that mirthless laugh once again. “You think you know, Obi-Wan?” he asked in a patronizing tone. “You don’t know crap. You have no fucking clue!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

But Obi-Wan did know, or at the very least he had a slight idea, no matter how subtle Anakin mistakenly had thought himself to be.

Anakin stared at him defiantly before opening his mouth once again. “We were married. Padmé was my wife!”

_Oh_. Well, he had to admit, he hadn’t expected them to go that far. Although, on second thought, it was not that surprising. In fact, it was the most logical outcome: having had some idea of how he devoted himself entirely to his feelings, it was only natural that they had ended up marrying.

“Yes, you heard well! Married!” he said heatedly, mistaking his silence. “Now go and tell me some sermon about attachments” he spat out with venom in his voice. Then, he started throwing objects around the room, anything that stood in his way, and it was only because of how utterly heartbroken his friend was that Obi-Wan put up with this behaviour and didn’t kick him out of his home on the spot.  “And at least in that life I had her! But, no, I had to listen to that... _troll_ , and now she is gone. She is gone forever, and she’ll never know that we were married once, she’ll never know how happy we were...”

He broke down then, collapsing on the couch and hiding his face between his arms and his bent knees. And even though Obi-Wan couldn’t see his face, the heartbreaking sobs were reaching into his very soul.

He seated beside him. Slowly, hesitantly so as not to startle him, he extended his hand towards him, with the same care that one approaches a distrustful, wild animal. When his hand settled on his blond curls and the young man offered no complaint, he boldly caressed his hair, hoping that the soothing motions would offer him some comfort. But the sobs increased, and just as he was starting to withdraw his hand, Anakin, much to his surprise, threw himself into his arms. Obi-Wan responded immediately, hugging him protectively and guiding his face to rest at the crook of his neck, from where he could hear his muffled sobs. “Shh, it’s alright, Anakin. I’m right here.” He returned his hand to his hair, softly caressing his curls, as he continued whispering soothing words.

“You know, Anakin” he said after a while, hating himself for bringing it again but feeling that it was important to clear this out. “I always knew you were with Padmé.”

The incontrollable sobs stopped at once, probably due to his confusion. He turned his head from where it was hidden in his neck to look at him, resting it on his shoulder.  A trail of tears ran down his cheeks, which in this world seemed to hold the same power over him as in the other, awakening a strong protective instinct. What he wouldn’t have given to make the tears disappear.

“You knew?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

He nodded. “Subtlety was never one of your strong points, my friend.” The hint of a smile appeared in his face, and Obi-Wan couldn’t have felt any prouder of himself for that. “I didn’t know that you were married, of course. That I didn’t expect. But I suspected you had some kind of relationship going on.”

“But... I don’t understand.” He bit his lips thoughtfully. “If you knew, then why didn’t you... _—_ ”

“...said something?” He nodded. “Anakin... for all that we’ve been through together, I’m starting to realise that in some aspects we didn’t know each other at all. You were my friend. My best friend. Of course I was not going to give you away to the Council, no matter how much I disagreed with your blatant disregard of the code.” That had come out harsher than he’d intended, so he elaborated. “And it’s true that it put me in a difficult predicament, what with me being a member of the Jedi Council myself. But you loved her, and she made you happy. I didn’t want to take that away from you. So I decided to turn a blind eye” he finished with a smile.

“Obi-Wan” he said in pure wonderment, staring at him with disbelief. “I... I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I was so stupid.”

“Tell me something that I don’t know.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help chuckling back. When his smile died, he looked at him with that same awe from before. “Thank you, Obi-Wan. That means a lot to me... more than you can imagine.”

“You don’t need to thank me” he replied smiling, although he did appreciate his words.

“And I didn’t mean those harsh things I said about Yoda... I’m sorry about that too.”

“Why are you apologising to me for that?” he asked, amused. “I’m not Yoda.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Well, no, but you were a Jedi Master. It’s the closest thing to apologising to that Yoda that I’m gonna get.”

“You could always apologise to him in person” he said trying to repress a laugh. “He’s the director of the university, after all.”

“Oh, yeah, I can picture just how well that would go” Anakin said with irony, playing along with him. “Hello, Mr. Yoda, how are you doing? By the way, I may as well call you Master Yoda, for you were a Jedi Master in another life. And also green and about this height. Oh, and I just wanted to apologise for having called you a troll and a gnome, as well as an asshole and what not. Have a nice day!”

And some things never changed indeed, for Anakin would never fail to make him laugh.

“That would be inadvisable, yes. You would end up expelled from the university, most likely. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

“No... who would you torment then, if not me?”

“Indeed.”

They both shared quiet chuckles, allowing themselves to make some fun of this surreal situation.

When they sobered, Anakin’s eyes clouded once more, covering with grief the brief respite that he’d allowed himself to have.

“It’s just... I was really angry at the situation. I know it wasn’t his fault, but still. He did say that if I continued with my other life, only bad things would lie ahead of me.” His eyes got glassy. “But I can’t think of anything worse than this, Obi-Wan! Watching mum dying once more, losing Padmé...” The heartbreaking sobs returned. “You know, Obi-Wan. I remember my last conversation with Padmé... in the other life, I mean. And it was not good. It was not bad either, but... I remember being grumpy all day because of our fight after you came to apologise for the Rako Hardeen incident. And I remember she got fed up with me because I was insufferable the whole day. We didn’t argue, not exactly, but to know that that was to be our last conversation... I can’t stand it, Obi-Wan. I just can’t. And then in this life, everything was going so well between us, but then life took her away from me! And it hurts so much that she will never remember our lives together, that I’ll never get the chance to tell her how sorry I was for being grumpy that day...”

“Please, Anakin, calm down.” He cupped his cheeks and brushed away the tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry that things have happened this way. But try to look at it like this...  Try to think about how you got to spend more time with your mother in this life. And as for Padmé... I don’t know what to say to ease your pain, but rest assured that she knew you were sorry the very same moment you had that argument. Don’t let one bad memory, even if it’s the last one, cloud all the other happy moments that you shared together. And she may not have remembered anything about your past lives, but that shouldn’t matter so much. In the end, she was the same person, only without her memories; and she loved you just as she did before.”

Anakin closed his eyes and gave a weak nod. “You’re right. But still... it hurts  _so_ much, Obi-Wan. And sometimes I feel... I don’t know, cursed” he sobbed. “Like I’m doomed to lose everyone I care about. And I don’t want to end up alone, I can’t...”

He gazed deeply into his blue eyes, his hands still cupping his cheeks. “You won’t” he said with determination. Then, he guided his head to let it rest at the crook of his neck once more, his right hand returning to his blond curls, his left hand soothingly drawing circles on his back. “You won’t lose me, Anakin.” He couldn’t take away his pain, he couldn’t bring his mother and Padmé back, but he could give him this. “That is a promise.”

No matter the uncertain future that lied ahead of them, of this he was completely sure: nothing would take him away from his friend, not in this life and not in a thousand lives more. And he knew there was still much baggage between them, things they would need to sort out. Their conversation about Padmé and how incredulous Anakin had looked when he’d told him that he would have never given him away to the Council had made that clear. But, no matter how many breaches there were in their relationship, they would repair them, one by one. They had been _the_ team, after all: The Hero with No Fear and The Negotiator. But, most importantly, they were Anakin and Obi-Wan, just _them._ And, as this life had proved, in which they had drifted towards each other without knowing who they once were, they would _always_ remain side by side. Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments :) Thank you for reading <3


	7. New Beginnings

He was feeling warm and safe. His eyes opened drowsily. After slowly getting used to the sunlight that filtered through the shutters, Obi-Wan’s face materialized in front of him, just a few inches from his. He looked so relaxed... more than he’d seen him in a long, long time, even if he was at an awkward angle. Anakin smiled as he observed him.

They had fallen asleep in the couch. Sometime during the night (or sometime during the early morning hours...they must have fallen asleep at five or six) they had sprawled on the length of the couch and somehow managed to not disengage from their embrace. Anakin was the one closer to the edge of the couch, facing Obi-Wan, whose back was pressed against the back of the couch. One of his arms was around him, as if still trying to shield him from his suffering.

Were they like this that other time, when Anakin came to his home after freaking out the day of Padmé and mum’s death anniversaries? He’d woken up in the couch alone, and he never gave any thought as to whether they had fallen asleep together, entangled in each other’s arms, just as they were now. By the way, this meant that it was the _second_ time Anakin had been a kriffing nuisance. _I’m such a pain the ass._

He remembered how flustered he’d been back then, only a few weeks ago that now seemed far, far away. How mortified he’d felt after waking up. A bundle of nerves took up residence in his stomach, and didn’t go away not even after he’d talked to him in the classroom. He faintly remembered the feeling of his cheeks heating up as he approached him when the class was over, the sweat in his hands, the sense of anticipation and apprehension as Obi-Wan slowly, too slowly, raised his head from the pile of exams, greeting him with a bright smile that drew the uneasiness away, just as that fluttery feeling returned to his stomach—

_No. No, no, no, no, no. Just no._

His eyes opened widely. That kriffing clock chose that moment to make itself known once more, and of course it had to be twelve PM just then. Each obnoxious chime pounded in his ears, and they seemed to be mocking him, daring him to deny the epiphany he’d had just as the clock started its unwanted orchestra.

He wouldn’t— _couldn’t_ — go in there.

He was an expert at hiding unwanted thoughts in the depth of his unconsciousness, under layers and layers of all the rotten shit that he chose to ignore for the sake of his sanity. And so he tried to do the same this time. But sometimes, sometimes thoughts resisted the suppression. How could one not think about something, when that thought had already begun to  take shape, and the mere effort to _not_ think about it constituted in itself a way of thinking about it? _Shit, shit, shit._

This was absurd. He’d just learned less than twelve hours ago that he’d been a Jedi in another life, that his deceased girlfriend had been in fact his _wife_ in that life — _oh, my angel, I’m so sorry_ — and that his professor and friend had once been his _Master_ , his best friend, and— for all intents and purposes— his _brother!_ His life was enough complicated as it was without adding this, whatever _this_ was, to the equation.

_Get your shit together, Anakin._

His sweet, loving, _perfect_ Padmé was dead. He was never to see her again, never to reminiscence together about their past joys, never to call her wife in this life. That dream was gone. And that, of course, did the trick: all other troubles paled in comparison.  This unnameable beginning of a thought would never be elaborated: it would forever be kept inside his storehouse of memory, under lock and key, never to be rethought again. 

_Yes_ , Anakin thought resolutely, _never again_.

Upon gazing at gentle grey-blue eyes intermingled with green shades (and just _when_ had he started noticing these things?) he realised that his friend was already awake. Even heavy-lidded as they were due to the fatigue, those eyes still bespoke of wisdom, still seemed to be holding the secrets of existence, no matter what life they were in.

His lips slowly curved in a familiar, amused grin, just as his index finger traced his cheekbone. “Hello there.”

It was not fair. Two words and his heart was about to burst from happiness. Just a simple “hello there”. _That’s all it takes._

What’s worse, he could feel his skin burning just where Obi-Wan’s fingertip was in contact with his cheekbone. The blush soon spread all over his face, so that in a matter of seconds he was more scarlet than the rug of the living-room, and he chose to ignore just _why_ that may be, just as he did definitely _not_ think about the reasons that might explain the tingling in his stomach as he gazed into those grey-blue-green- _whatever_ eyes—

_Not going there, remember, brain?_

He tried to put some distance between them, and put some distance indeed, too much distance in fact: he forgot he was at the edge of the couch already.

 “Ouch!”

“Anakin! Are you alright?”

He let out a groan, muffled by the rug—yes, he had fallen face-first on the floor, and he’d be damned if the day didn’t look _promising_ already.

“Awesome” he replied ironically as he sat up on the floor, sending an unimpressed glare towards Obi-Wan, who was looking at him with his eyebrows raised from where he was still lying on the couch. “I’m just awesome.”

Obi-Wan’s shoulders started to shake; it took Anakin a few seconds to realise that he was laughing. One more second to realise that he was laughing at _him_.

“Must you always be so clumsy?” he asked between chuckles.

“Excuse me? Need I remind you how many times I have saved your sorry ass? How many spaceships I managed to...”

“...crash in my presence?” he finished for him. “Oh, I dare say I remember too well.” Obi-Wan smiled to himself. _Good old banter_. “One of the reasons I got so many grey hairs in that life prematurely, undoubtedly.”

“ _Crash_? Crash, you say? You’re an ungrateful bast—”

“ _Mind your tongue_ , Anakin. As I conveniently pointed out yesterday, I’m still your teacher.”

“Yeah” Anakin huffed, deeply amused in spite of himself. “I mean, poems? Really, Obi-Wan?”

He frowned at him. “Is that a problem? I’ll let you know I already liked poetry back then.”

“No way” Anakin looked at him sceptically. “Seriously? I would have never guessed. I always thought that poems and stuff like that could only be enjoyed by people more... well, you know, less cold.” Although they were in jest, this last comment had struck a nerve, if Obi-Wan’s lifeless gaze was anything to go by. He tried to cheer him up in the only way he knew how. “And don’t blame my dexterous skills at piloting for your grey hairs. That was rather a consequence of you being an _old man_.” Banter, it always came to that.

That did manage to cheer his friend up. He shook his head in fond exasperation. “I’m only twelve years older than you in this life, Anakin.”

“Only?” he laughed. “Always the optimistic one!”

“And” he continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “The absence of grey hairs in my head in this world, in which I haven’t had to put up with you for so many years, proves that it was indeed your stressing behaviour the one at fault for that.” He then grabbed a lock of his own hair and looked at it carefully. “Well, there might be some grey hairs now that I think about it—”

Anakin rolled his eyes before interrupting him. “Your hair is perfect, Obi-Wan.”

For some reason, Anakin looked as if he wanted to kill himself after saying that. It hadn’t escaped Obi-Wan how edgy his friend had woken up this morning. _Last night we remembered our past lives_ , he reminded himself, _a little edginess is certainly to be expected._ Understatement of the year, Obi-Wan thought amused to himself.

“So” he said as he came close to the window, lifting the shutters to let the sunlight in. It was a sunny, splendid day, so unusual at this time of the year. He basked in the comfort and warm it provided as he continued speaking, “it wasn’t a dream.”

“No.” Anakin sounded a mixture of amused and exasperated as he joined him in front of the window. “No dream. We’re just crazy.”

Obi-Wan let out a chuckle. “Speak for yourself” he joked as he tapped his shoulder lightly with his own.

“This is so weird, Obi-Wan” Anakin broke the silence after a few minutes. “I don’t know what to do with my life now.”

“The same thing you’ve always done, Anakin.” He turned his head to look at his friend, a worried frown adorning his handsome features. “You are the same person you were one day ago.”

“No, not the same” he corrected him. “And neither are you. I... I can’t believe that that life is gone now, you know? I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on with this life now!”

“But it’s not like we are new to this, Anakin. We’ve had a life of our own here, after all.”

“Yes, I know! But after having our memories back... I don’t know, this is kriffing difficult.”

“I know what you mean. It’s a lot to take in for me too.”

“Really? Then why do you seem so calm?”

“Well, I try. One of us has to keep a cool head, at least. And since you were never good at that...”

“Very funny” he deadpanned and then sighed. “Some things never change.”

“Indeed” he bit back.

Anakin had still a lifeless gaze on him, looking at the window but not seeing. Obi-Wan caught his attention by putting his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with determination. “It’s certainly going to take us time to adjust to this. Sometimes it won’t be easy...” He gave him a heartfelt smile. “But we have each other to go through this. And that has always been enough for me.”

Anakin gave a teary smile. “The Team, uh?”

“Just like the old times” he answered squeezing his shoulders lightly. “Only without our lightsabers, and...”

“... and without things trying to kill us every kriffing day?”

Both exchanged a chuckle. “Among other things, yes.” When their chuckles died, he looked at him seriously. “I’m so glad and grateful to have you by my side in this life as well.”

“Yeah, me too” Anakin answered in a weak voice.

After one last squeeze, Obi-Wan withdrew from his side.

“My goodness, look at the time. I better prepare some lunch, since breakfast is completely out of the question.”

“Wait, Obi-Wan.” The photograph in the coffee table caught his attention, and now it took on a whole different meaning. “I’m so sorry.”

Obi-Wan’s confused glance dissipated when he looked at the photograph of himself and Qui-Gon, his adoptive father in this life, and former Master in the other one. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not! Here I was last night, complaining about my pathetic life, being consoled by you, who has the same right as me to complain about the unfairness of it all! You’ve lost a father figure twice, of course it’s not alright, Obi-Wan!

“No, that is not alright. What I meant is that I have come to terms with it. And, frankly, I’m grateful that I got to spend more time with him in this life. We didn’t always see eye to eye, of course, but our relationship wasn’t as strained here as it was before, probably as a consequence of not having Jedi matters to disagree over. So I’m glad I got a second chance. I choose to look at it this way.”

“I wish I could see things the way you do, Obi-Wan... I mean, I get what you mean, my _brain_ gets what you mean, but my emotions can’t catch up with it.”

“It’s only normal, Anakin. You got to spend more time with your mother here, true, but Padmé, well—” _How careless of me? How could I bring that again, knowing all the pain it causes him?_ In some aspects, he was completely clueless.

“Go on, you can say it. I was robbed the chance of spending my whole life with her, as I was always supposed to do, if I hadn’t listened to that green gnome—”

“Anakin!”

“Sorry, I got carried away. I know it wasn’t his fault...” He ran his hand over his head, getting his hair all messed up. “It’s just so frustrating.” He shook his head. “So... how did he die? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Illness took him away.” His voice sounded more broken than he would have liked to. It’s not that he minded Anakin seeing him at his most weak, not at all;  but rather, he always strove hard to not be overcome by his emotions— remnants of his past life as a Jedi, undoubtedly. As he’d told his friend minutes ago, he always tried to keep a cool head, even when he was breaking on the inside. “I guess it’s a better death than being stroke down by a Sith, uh?”

Anakin’s eyes were sad as he looked at him. He knew him too well, so it was not surprising that he saw through his lame attempt at humour and nonchalance. He had enough tact not to comment anything, though.

A growl resonated amidst the silence in the room; Anakin’s stomach was clearly of the opinion that his owner needed to eat something. Soon. This time, Obi-Wan’s chuckle couldn’t have been more honest.

“I better get started with lunch” he said between chuckles as his friend blushed, something that didn’t happen very often. “A hungry Anakin is an insufferable Anakin. Even for your standards.”

“Your sense of humour is hardly humorous!” he heard him saying as he disappeared into the kitchen.

“So” Obi-Wan said as they were eating, “today is like a new beginning, so to speak. What do you want to do?”

“What?” he asked confused. “Nothing has really changed, you said it yourself before.” _Of course he would remember that_ , Obi-Wan thought exasperated.

 “Not essentially, no. But, symbolically, we could see it as the day of the awakening.”

Anakin huffed. “You read far too many novels.”

“And” he kept on saying as if he hadn’t heard him, “I believe it would be fitting to do something of symbolic significance. That might help you come to terms with all this—”

Anakin interrupted him. “Again, you read far too many novels” he said, and that was the end of it.

After lunch, Obi-Wan was correcting exams and essays in his desk while Anakin watched the TV, after Obi-Wan had assured him that the noise didn’t distract him.

Well, the TV was on, but he was certainly not watching it. His mind was too occupied going over the recent events that had turned his life upside down. He turned his head from where he was sitting on the couch to look at the table where Obi-Wan was working, glasses on and an absolutely focused stance on his face. Every now and then he took one of his books to check something, then he would think about it as he brushed his beard ( _seriously, old habits never die_ ) and afterwards he would continue with his corrections.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked without lifting his gaze from his corrections.

Anakin shrugged his shoulders. “You amuse me.”

“That is hardly reassuring.”

He chuckled. “I was just thinking... this literature thing might suit you, after all. It’s so fitting that you like all this nerdy stuff.” Obi-Wan did look at him then, raising an eyebrow, unimpressed. That made him chuckle some more, lifting his hands in a gesture of peace. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way! It’s just... very you” he finished off with a kind smile. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, muttering something along the lines of “the things I have to put up with” before he continued working.

After he’d finished, he picked up a book and started reading, the soft murmur of the TV a comfortable sound in the background. So immersed was he that he was startled when a throat clearing sounded near him— sometime during his reading, Anakin had approached him and sat down in the chair situated in front of him, in the same position they used to be when Obi-Wan explained something to him during their private lessons.

“Obi-Wan” he started hesitantly.

“Yes?” He closed the book and directed his whole attention to the young man in front of him, his expressive blue eyes looking back at him, deep with emotion and apprehension.

“I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s worrying.”

“Again, not funny.” His friend did look less nervous now, though. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said before... and there is something, somewhere I want—I _need_ — to go, today more than ever. But I’d prefer it if I didn’t go alone, so... could you come with me?”

Before he’d finished the sentence, before he’d even said just where he wanted to go, Obi-Wan was already on the corridor, buttoning his coat and throwing Anakin his leather jacket.

“Not coming with you was never an option. Let’s go.” He disappeared behind the door. Anakin, immensely grateful, took a deep breath as he put on his leather jacket, and he followed after him.

* * *

The iron gates creaked when they opened. The anticipation within him increased with every step he took, Obi-Wan a steady presence beside him. It was weird, being at a place like this in such a sunny, lively day, the birds’ songs filling the silence among those who slept for eternity. Life and death put together; surely an expression Obi-Wan would have been proud of— the literature classes seemed to be paying off after all, who would have thought.

It’d been a while since he last visited the cemetery; after Padmé’s death, it had just gotten harder and harder.

He visited his mother’s grave first. The flowers he’d last brought had withered, and he felt a twinge of pain. He changed them for the ones he’d bought in a florist’s nearby.

He prayed silently to himself; the letters “Shmi” carved in marble were slowly tearing down his heart. _Twice now_ , he thought _, I have lost you twice, mum._

His legs gave out; he kneeled before the grave, humbly, like a child asking for forgiveness, or guidance. And he talked to her in his mind.

_What a mess, mum. What a fucking mess._

_So, as you probably know by now, wherever your spirit is (because I like to think you are listening to me!) we had a past life. And we were slaves. And we had to work for Watto, too, that fucking bastard._ Anakin sighed, reminding himself not to say so many swear words: his mother never liked it when he did that. And if he could honour her at this one thing, he was definitely going to.

_I was so mad yesterday. I couldn’t believe that I got you back in this life only to lose you once more! Yoda said that if I didn’t take this chance, only bad things would lie ahead of me in that life...And yet here I am, at the cemetery, having lost you and her. You know, Padmé and I were married in that life. Yes, you heard right. Married, mum! That rule of no attachments was so stupid... it never made any sense to me. I managed to fool the Jedi!_ — _well, that’s not completely true. Obi-Wan suspected something, apparently. Oh, I introduce you to Obi-Wan; he’s the one standing right beside me. He’s a good man, mum. Both here and in the other life.  I barely got to spend any time with Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan took me as his apprentice after his death._ Only because he promised Qui-Gon, he thought bitterly, remembering the words “pathetic life form” that, even across time and space, still managed to hurt as much as when he first heard them.

_Anyways, even if I was a burden at the beginning (he never said as much, but I’m sure there were times he wished Qui-Gon had never found me)—_ and, Force, did that thought sting _— he warmed up to me, eventually. I think. We were best friends, and comrades-in-arms; closer than brothers. We were even called The Team! And I’m so glad that he’s my friend in this life too, mum. I don’t think he can imagine just how glad and thankful I am. I remember having told you last time I visited you (almost three months ago... I’m so sorry) that he was a jerk, stiff, pompous_ — _well, you get the idea. But we’d had a ‘disagreement’ that day. We had plenty of those, especially at the beginning. He has an ability to drive me mad_ — _always had. In the other life, we fought a lot, too. I guess that our temperaments are very different, although deep down, we’re very similar. Whatever, we soon forget about those fights (most of the times) and end up bantering as always. I think banter is our way of apologising, or even thanking each other without saying it. We were never good at sharing our feelings with each other (his fault, mostly)._

_But I was so surprised when he told me he’d known about Padmé and me, and he never said anything to the Council! I should have trusted him more, he’s far more understanding than I thought. Of course, there are some things not even he would understand..._ Some secrets he could never share with him. _Like what I did to those... monsters who, who—_

And that was another memory, another kind of pain that he would never forget, that would always hurt as much as it did once. But they’d deserved it: the Tuskens, those abominations were no more than animals, and he slaughtered them like animals. He would never forget the weak state in which he found his mother, how she didn’t even have the strength to tell him she loved him before she died in his arms.

But then why did he feel so guilty? _Because you slaughtered them all, that’s why,_ a voice inside his head reproached him. _Even the children, and the women. Are you really better than them?_

He shook his head, suddenly too aware of the fact that his friend was scarce centimetres away from him. _If he knew..._ Anakin shivered. His companion must have misunderstood his uneasiness for sadness; he put his hand on his shoulder, trying to provide him comfort.

 He would never tell him, in spite of the part of him that knew that nothing good ever came out of secrets.

_Well, mum. I’m sorry for having come less frequently to visit you since Padmé’s death. It’s just that coming to this place... it was like agony. A reminder of all that I lost. Of the fact that I was alone, completely alone in this life. Nothing made sense to me anymore. But I don’t want to worry you, mum. Things are not so terrible now... at least I have Ahsoka and Obi-Wan. I don’t know what I’d do without them._

_It is hard, knowing that I lost you twice. But I’ll try to look at it like Obi-Wan... he’s a wise man. He said, he said that at least I got to spend more time with you in this life. And that’s true. We lost so much time when I left with the Jedi, and that is a thought that has always tormented me. Especially after your death... the first time. Many times I wondered if I did the right thing leaving you behind. But, at least here, you saw me grow, and I have so many happy memories of our time together. Those memories are a treasure for me, mum. So I’ll try to look at it this way._

_Well, I have to leave now. I promise I’ll come back sooner than last time. Goodbye, mum._ He fought against the humidity in his eyes. _I love you._

They visited Padmé’s grave afterwards. No sooner had Anakin seen the carving of her name and the poor state of the flowers than his resolve to appear collected crumbled. He ended up crying in the cold floor, kneeling before her tomb, utterly heartbroken. Obi-Wan’s arms were around him before he knew it, and Anakin suspected that the twinge of guilt he felt was not solely due to the fact of not having come to see her sooner.

“I’m alright” he assured him in a broken voice as he disengaged from his embrace to kneel down before Padmé once more, talking to her in his mind just as he’d done with his mother, replacing the old bunch of flowers for a new one.

_Oh, angel. I don’t—I don’t even know what to say._

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I... If I’d known you would die in this life, I would’ve never, never taken the chance that the Force gave me. Yoda said that something terrible would happen otherwise... but you know what, I don’t care about that. Nothing could be worse than losing you. True, I don’t know if you would have lived, nor what ‘tragedy’ he meant. But losing you, it’s just... I don’t think it can be any worse than this._

_And to think that our last conversation in that life was an argument... Oh, Padmé, that just kills me. I’m sorry I was so edgy that day. The fact that I’d had a fight with Obi-Wan is no excuse._

_And, oh love... you never knew we were married in another life. You died before you could remember. It’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair! I swear to you, if I could, I would do anything, anything to have you back, safe and sound._

_But that can’t be. We’ll be forever apart._

_I know I told you many times, and in many ways (oh, how many times you called me cheesy!), but, going back over all my memories, I keep thinking that I should have said it even more times. I love you. I love you so much. You were the light in my life, and it’s been so lonely without you. And now it’s when you would call me cheesy... damn, how I wished you were here to call me cheesy again._

He was about to say that she shouldn’t worry, wherever she was, for at least he had Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to help him. But somehow the words (or rather, thoughts) didn’t come out.

_Goodbye, my angel. I love you. Never forget that._

He stood up and turned around, towards Obi-Wan, who was looking at the grave rather solemnly. It then struck to Anakin that he must be sad too; he had been friends with Padmé, after all. That thought warmed him. He didn’t like it that his friend was feeling sad, of course, but it was heart-warming to know that his love had been admired by so many people. She truly was an angel.

Their gazes met.

“Are you alright, Anakin?”

He took a deep breath. “Yes” he answered. “I’m fine.”

They left Padmé’s grave behind, walking side by side, the sunlight warming their backs.

* * *

“I just received a message from Ahsoka” he said as they walked in the park after having left the cemetery. “God, I’d forgotten it was Saturday... we had planned to meet at eight o’clock.”

“That’s in two hours from now. Don’t worry, you have plenty of time.”

“Oh, thank you, ‘Mr. Obvious’. I already know I have plenty of time. What I don’t know is how I’m going to face her. She’s going to notice there’s something off with me... Do you think I should tell her?”

Obi-Wan fastened the scarf around his own neck. Now that it was darkening, the air had gotten very cold. “I don’t know, do you think she deserves dying of a heart attack at her young age?” he replied in irony.

“Are you aware that I was going to tell _you_ everything last night, before I had the faintest idea that you already remembered?”

“I always knew you were going to be the death of me” he answered jestingly. Anakin, offended, rolled his eyes and stopped walking, arms crossed in his chest, giving his back to him. “Now Anakin, don’t be like that” he said approaching him, earning a frown from him. _Always so easy to annoy_ , he thought fondly. “You know I didn’t mean it. I’m really grateful, and honoured, that you were willing to tell me the truth, even at the risk of—”

“— Of you thinking that I was bonkers.”

He smiled. “Yes, basically. I don’t know how I would have reacted, to be honest. Who knows; maybe I would’ve believed you. Or maybe you would’ve made me remember... I guess we’ll never know. The thing is, I understand why you came to me, believe me. I was utterly lost before you knocked on my door. I didn’t know what to do. Just imagine, it was even more chaotic for me, as I had absolutely no idea of what was going on. But now we both know, and we have one another to try to make some sense of this. That is why I don’t see it necessary to drag Ahsoka, or anyone else for that matter, into this madness. If it’s shocking enough when one has their memories back, imagine just what it must be to be simply told about it.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I still think she deserves to know... but it’s true we would be doing her more harm than good this way.” He sighed. “Do you think she will remember?”

“Perhaps in her own time she will, just as it happened to us.”

“And do you think the rest of the people will remember?”

 “Anakin, I don’t hold all the answers! I know as much as you do.”

“So, literally nothing. Some Master you are.”

“Well, technically, I’m not a Master anymore.”

“But you’re my teacher. Surely you should have some answers to my questions” he teased.

“I’m afraid the workings of past lives and alternate universes were not in the schedule of the university I attended.”

Anakin chuckled, before giving a sigh “I hope she remembers, in time.”

“Me too. By the way, I’d forgotten I had a work dinner tonight. It’s going to be strange for me being around them too, now that I know I knew most of them.”

“Wow, it’d be like the old times. A Jedi Council meeting in modern life.” He huffed. “I don’t envy you at all.”

“I find it funny that even in this life you don’t get on so well with Windu.”

“It’s not my fault! He has it in for me. As I said before: some things never change.”

“Of course, it’s never your fault, Anakin...”

They walked some more, admiring the fountains and the vegetation of the park.

“I guess it’s time for us to go” Obi-Wan said after a while.

“Yeah” he answered distractedly, looking at the reddish leaves on the ground.

They stood in silence for a while, alone, the birds’ songs and the splash of water in the fountain the only sounds between them. As he raised his gaze to look at him, Anakin realised that he wasn’t prepared to part just yet. Right now, Obi-Wan was the only fixed thing in his life. His only anchor to reality.

But life never waited for him and, prepared or not, he would have to go.

“Try to have fun with Ahsoka. Don’t worry about her noticing something’s off with you today. How about you tell her you spent the day with me and we had a fight? I give you permission to insult me all that you want to make it look believable. Not that I’m assuming you don’t usually criticise me without me knowing of it, of course.”

“No, I will think of something else, or else she’ll start getting the wrong idea.” _Or the right one_ , said an insidious, unwelcome, and completely _wrong_ voice in the back of his mind that sneaked in his consciousness. _Shut up, shut up, shut up!_ He prayed to whatever deity who might be listening that his face didn’t look as red as it felt.

“Well, don’t worry, if she thinks you’re acting weird today she will just attribute it to you being you.”

“You know Obi-Wan, I thought it was impossible, but it turns out your sense of humour is even worse in this life. Whatever, I’ll think of something. Try to have some fun in the dinner too. And don’t listen to any bullshit Windu says about me. Whatever he says, it’s not true.”

 “Do you really think us professors criticise our students when we’re out?” Anakin just shrugged. “Well, you’re not completely wrong” he said laughing. “Don’t worry, Anakin, I’ll stand up for you if that happens.”

“Or maybe you’ll take advantage of the situation to criticise me some more.”

“Perhaps” he answered jestingly, feigning an enigmatic look. “I guess you’ll never know.”

 After saying their goodbyes, they went on opposite directions, Anakin’s apprehension growing with every step that took him away from him.

* * *

“You’re really weird today, Skyguy, even for your standards” she said for the fifth time. “Care to share what’s going on? And don’t tell me some bullshit, you know I can tell when you lie.”

His current friend and former Padawan (and former friend too) was always very perceptive, he thought proudly. Although, sometimes, this acuteness was more trouble than it was worth. This was one of those times.

“It’s nothing, Ahsoka, I just... I went to the cemetery today.” Yes, as he knew very well, it was way more effective to mask or distort a truth than to outright lie.

“Oh.” She looked at him surprised and sympathetic. “I know it’d been a while since you last went. I’m sorry, if I knew I wouldn’t have pestered you with questions.”

“If you knew there wouldn’t be any need for making questions, to begin with” he said amused.

“Ha, ha. Very _not_ funny.” She sighed before addressing him hesitantly. “And how are you feeling?”

“It was hard. I barely go there because I can’t stand to be reminded of the fact that they’re—” Emotion prevented him from finishing the sentence. _Put yourself together._ “But I’ve realised that hiding from it won’t make the pain disappear. It’s... I needed to do this. I needed to talk to them today.” He laughed ironically. “However crazy that sounds.”

“I’m so proud of you, Anakin.” She smiled to him. “That was a huge step, don’t underestimate yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but it will be less hard in time.”

He highly doubted it. And if Ahsoka knew all he knew, maybe she would change her mind too. Still, he hoped with all his heart that his friend was right this time. There was only so much pain he could take.

* * *

_There’s only so much lack of sleep I can take_ , he thought to himself as he put on his slippers and was dragged out of bed by that obnoxious and familiar knocking. _There’s no need to be so loud. And much less so at four AM._

His suspicions (not so much suspicions as certainty) were confirmed when he opened the door.

“If this is going to become a habit, you better tell me so that I can change my sleeping patterns for your sake” he said ironically by way of salute.

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. I didn’t want to bother you again, but when I was at home, alone, I started to brood on everything, and it was unbearable, I couldn’t—”

“For God’s sakes, Anakin, I was only joking!” he said incredulously. “Of course I don’t mind you coming. In fact, I appreciate it. The loneliness was suffocating for me too. At least until I managed to fall asleep, barely an hour ago, before you woke me. Meaning, my chances of falling sleep again are very low.”

Anakin tried to look serious. “I’m sorry.”

“If you apologize once more I’ll start getting really worried about your health.” Anakin rolled his eyes. Obi-Wan leaned on the door and crossed his arms, amused. “By the way, you seemed pretty sure I would let you in, if that bag is anything to go by.”

“Well, what can I say, you were never one to turn your back on your friends.”

“Flattery never worked with me” he said raising one eyebrow, letting Anakin inside as the young man chuckled. “Come, I’ll lead you to your room.”

“My room? I thought you only had one bedroom.”

“That’s correct. I’ll sleep in the couch—”

“No way!” he exclaimed before returning to the living-room. “ _I_ ’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Anakin, you barely fit in there with how tall you are—”

“I don’t care!” he said as he sat in the couch. “I’m intruding enough as it is. I’ll sleep in the couch, end of the story.”

Obi-Wan gave up. “You were always so stubborn.”

Anakin smirked. “You know,  _Master_ , everything I learned, I learned from you.”

“Oh, no, don’t start with that nonsense, I’m begging you. If only...”

“... that were true” he finished for him imitating his voice.

“ _Indeed._ ” He sighed. “Let me at least look for some covers for you.”

“Great. I’ll change in the meantime... where’s the bathroom? I forgot again.”

He pointed at the corridor. “Second door on the left.”

In a few minutes, Anakin was already sprawled on the couch, cocooned by the blankets, his limbs too long for the length of it.

Obi-Wan gave him an exasperated smile from where he was standing near the wall, his fingers on the light switch.

“Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight.”

Just as the lights went off, Anakin felt the overpowering need inside him to say it. “Obi-Wan, wait. I... Thank you. For everything.”

He could barely discern his silhouette among the shadows of the room, his pupils not yet used to the darkness.

“You’re very welcome, Anakin” he heard him saying before his footsteps gradually disappeared towards his bedroom.

No sooner had he closed his eyes than he was immersed in a profound and hopefully dreamless sleep, the fatigue of the day finally taking over him.

* * *

The next day found him on the couch, studying for his next exam of mechanical engineering while Obi-Wan did his own work in his desk. It was a good thing he’d remembered to bring the book before he’d left for Obi-Wan’s at 4 AM.

“You know, Obi-Wan” he said, amused. “I was just thinking about how unprofessional it would look to a stranger’s eyes that you’re correcting exams, mine included, all the while your student and friend is located in the same room as you, in your home no less.”

“It would seem unprofessional at first sight, yes” he answered distractedly. “That thought would crumble, though, as soon as that stranger looked at this.”

He raised an exam, full of corrections in red. The person who did the exam hadn’t managed to pass, not by a mile. And of course, it was his exam.

“That bad, uh?” he asked disinterestedly.

“You should try to take this seriously, Anakin. I’m aware that this subject doesn’t pertain to your degree, but you also have to remember that you need to pass it.”

“As if I could ever forget, what with you repeating it at every hour...”

“Because I want you to do well! Trust me, I don’t like to have to give you so low marks. But this is just terrible.”

Anakin couldn’t help chuckling. “Geez, Obi-Wan, don’t sugar-coat it as much” he said in irony.

“Will you ever listen to me? Never mind, that was a rhetorical question. I understand that the last days you haven’t had much time to study... but please, try to take this more seriously in the future.”

“Yes, sir.” He tried to stifle a laugh, a task which became much harder when he heard Obi-Wan saying _“why do I even bother”._

Time flew that afternoon, probably due to the fact that he enjoyed himself greatly watching movies with Obi-Wan and reminiscing about past anecdotes.

He didn’t know what he would have done if he hadn’t had Obi-Wan by his side that weekend. He wouldn’t have been able to withstand the confusion and hurt unleashed by the awakening of his repressed memories. Everything was easier alongside Obi-Wan.

All good things must come to an end, though, as he knew very well.

“It’s time for me to go” he said when the clock chimed eight. “Ugh, Obi-Wan, that clock is so annoying, I swear... Have you seen my book? Yeah, that one. Thank you.”

Obi-Wan, always the chivalrous one, accompanied him to the door.

“I hate Sundays” Anakin blurted out. “This Sunday especially.”

“It’ll be alright, Anakin. It will take us some days to reconcile our everyday routine with our memories, but I’m sure everything will go back to normal in time.”

“Right” he said sceptically as he pressed the button for the elevator. “Do you think you’ll be able to survive without me?” he asked mockingly.

“Oh, sorry to disappoint you, Anakin,” he replied with one raised eyebrow and an amused grin as he leant on the door, “I will _thoroughly_ appreciate the silence and peace of mind.”

“Sure, tell me that again in a couple of hours” he said as he entered the elevator. “It will get boring without me!” he shouted as the elevator door closed, laughing to himself as he imagined Obi-Wan’s unimpressed stare.

Once in his own apartment, he started the routine of every Sunday evening. When he got to bed, an unsettling feeling of unreality took over him. He couldn’t believe that tomorrow he would go to the university, just as every other Monday. Mostly, he couldn’t believe that so many days had gone by without him knowing anything about his past life. It was surreal. _At least_ , he thought, _I should be grateful for having regained the memories._ Needless to say he was immensely lucky Obi-Wan remembered everything as well.

His phone vibrated with a new message.

Obi-Wan: _How are you doing?_

Anakin: _Not good. I still find this situation so hard to believe._

Obi-Wan: _Trust me, I know how you feel. Don’t worry. Remember, we have each other to go through this. If you’re feeling bad tomorrow at the university and you need to talk, just look for me. I’ll be with you as long as I don’t have a class to give, of course._

Anakin: _Thanks, Obi-Wan. I mean it. And it runs both ways. If you need anything, just look for me. Goodnight._

Obi-Wan: _Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well._

Obi-Wan: _PD: It does get boring without you. Just a bit._

That elicited a chuckle from Anakin. Obi-Wan had always had a special ability to make him smile even at the hardest of times.

Anakin: _I told you it would :P_

He turned off the phone and stared at the ceiling in the dark. Tomorrow, the same old routine would return. Except, he thought, things would never be the same, not really. His life had changed, inevitably, with the awakening of his memories. Only time would tell if the change was for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, comments are much appreciated :)


	8. Old Grudges

“And that’s why this is not correct. Your answer was creative, I’ll give you that, but you mixed the two main concepts. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, I do” he answered stifling a yawn, his eyes fixed on the table.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “Professor Windu is an excellent person, don’t you think? Your favourite professor in the university, by a mile.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

He hit the table lightly with the book. “Anakin!”

The student gave a start. “Geez, what now?”

“You’re not listening to anything I say!”

“For God’s sakes, Obi-Wan. Give me a break. What is it with you today?  Of course I’m listening!”

“Oh, yes?” He nodded effusively. “Alright then, forgive me. Now that we’ve established that you’re Mr Windu’s number one fan, let’s continue with the lesson.”

“Yeah, let’s—wait, what the hell?” Obi-Wan looked at him self-sufficiently with his arms crossed. “Alright, I may be a _bit_ distracted, I’ll give you that. But what do you want me to do? Watto had me working until twelve last night, and I had to study for my next exam when I came home and—”

“But that’s just it, Anakin!” He looked at him with pleading eyes. “Why do you keep working for that exploitative tyrant?”

He gave an annoyed snort. “Easy for you to say that, when you’ve never been against the ropes to earn a living. Don’t you think I would like to quit that kriffing job and never see that miserable’s ugly face ever again? The face of my _enslaver_ in the other life! Well, hot news to you, I would love to! So then why don’t you leave, you will ask? Because I need the money, that’s why!”

“Anakin, lower the volume.” He closed the window of the classroom before sitting again in front of his very stubborn friend. “I told you yesterday I can help you with the money until you find a new job.”

“Yeah” he said sarcastically, but at least without raising his voice this time. “And I told you that’s out of the question.”

“But, why? Why can’t you accept my help?”

“I don’t need your charity” he said firmly crossing his arms on his chest.

“My charity?” he said incredulously.

“Listen to me—”

“No, _you_ listen. This is ridiculous! After everything we’ve been through, after having saved each other’s lives more times than I can count, after all the hardships we had to endure in that life, are you really going to refuse my help with something as insignificant as this?”

“I—it’s not that!” he defended himself. “You’ve always had this ability to twist words and make things look more complicated than they are.”

“Then oh _please_ , enlighten me, how would you define this situation?” Anakin opened his mouth to answer him, but Obi-Wan interrupted him. “Anakin you’re my friend. My best friend! How do you think I feel when I see you so shattered that you can’t even lift a finger, knowing that I could help you if you just let me?”

That did seem to appease him. His blue eyes softened and his voice adopted a conciliatory tone when he spoke. “Obi-Wan, I appreciate the fact that you want to help me. Truly, I do! But can’t you see that I value my independence? I never liked to rely on others to get me out of trouble. And to accept your money, that’s just... a resounding no. And I know that you couldn’t care less about the money, and even if you did you would want to help me all the same. But, you know me, Obi-Wan. I was never good at accepting help... I guess I’m just too self-reliant.”

“That’s one word for it” he said in that tone that used to drive Anakin mad; the tone that seemed to imply that he knew better than himself.

“And, pray tell, what other word would you use?”

“You call it being self-reliant, I call it being too proud to admit that sometimes you need to accept the help of others.”

“Whatever.” Anakin shook his head; he was too tired to argue, let alone to fight dialectical battles with the one once known as “The Negotiator”.  “Anyways, I’m grateful for your help.”

“But you won’t accept it.” It was not a question, of course. To be honest, he hadn’t expected to be able to convince him. But the least he could do was trying— since his friend was too stubborn to care about himself, someone had to do it for him. _If only he would let me_. “It’s alright. I didn’t expect you to.”

Anakin chuckled. “Then why do keep on insisting?”

“I guess I’m nearly as stubborn as you are.”

He smiled. “Like Master, like Padawan” he said in a low whisper.

Obi-Wan, in spite of himself, let out a chuckle— Anakin had always had the inconvenient ability to make him forget the reasons why he should be angry with him. “Indeed.”

* * *

It happened on a Tuesday. Anakin was at home tinkering with some machines when he received Ahsoka’s anxious phone call; she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown—she had remembered everything. Anakin asked her to come over, and he explained everything to her at once, as Ahsoka was afraid she was going crazy.

“Obi-Wan” he said hurriedly when his friend picked up the phone. “Can you come over? We have a situation.”

“I never liked the sound of that” he said giving a sigh. “I’m on my way.”

Half an hour later, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were sitting on the couch of Anakin’s untidy living-room. _Just like the old times._

“This is...” Ahsoka started.

“Crazy” Anakin supplied.

“Disconcerting” Obi-Wan said at the same time. “Don’t worry, it’ll make more sense in a few days.”

“So, to sum up... Yoda’s force ghost, from the _future_ , appeared to you in your dreams in the other life, and he offered you a new opportunity in this world because the Force wanted to repay you for having fulfilled the prophecy, even if before that many things went to hell and some unknown tragedy ended up happening? A tragedy that the Force wanted to prevent from happening to you, by sending you to an alternate reality because the future can’t be changed?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Holy crap!” she exclaimed. “I still can’t believe it. And to think that that life never existed in this universe... But then, how is it that we retain our memories? Well, they were suppressed, but you know what I mean. How is it possible that we remember, if we’ve been reborn in this life?”

“That’s a very good question” Obi-Wan said thoughtfully. “From what Anakin’s told me, Yoda said that Anakin, as well as other people from his timeline, would be reborn in another reality, and thus their memories of that life as they knew it would be suppressed, so to speak. He even mentioned the possibility of having those memories awakened, but he wasn’t certain of that.”

“What a surprise, coming from him” Anakin said ironically.

“Anakin, don’t start again.”

Ahsoka looked at them quizzically. It seemed that they’d held this conversation many times.

“Since when do you two know?”

They exchanged a look. “Just a couple of weeks.”

“Two weeks? Two weeks and you didn’t tell me?”

“Hey, don’t look at me! It was Obi-Wan’s idea.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re so helpful, Anakin.”

Ahsoka stifled a laugh and looked at them with a knowing look. Some things never changed.

“I’m sorry, Ahsoka, but we thought—yes, _we_ , Anakin— we thought that it’d be best for you to remember on your own time.”

“Yeah, Snips, just look at your reaction. You remembered everything yourself, and still you thought that you were losing it.”

“Well, now you’re going too far. But, yes, I guess... I guess I see what you mean.”

“I find it funny that things in this world are different, yet similar in many aspects” Anakin said. “Like Obi-Wan being my teacher, or how much I enjoy mechanics, and Palpatine being the mayor!” He laughed. “And of course, Yoda as the director of the university... and in a weird way, in this life too, he speaks” he said imitating his voice.

Ahsoka laughed as Obi-Wan reproached him. “You were always so disrespectful.” However, the former Jedi Master couldn’t hide his grin of amusement.

“Oh, come on, you found it funny too.”

“Hardly.”

“Padmé used to find it funny” he said wistfully. “Both in this life and in the other one.” He gave a sad smile. “Me and Padmé... there’s another similarity.”

“Oh, Anakin. I’m so sorry.”

“Me too, Ahsoka. Me too.” He then looked at her with enquiring eyes. “What, no surprised face? Not even a simple double-take?”

Ahsoka smiled patronizingly. “Sorry, Skyguy, subtlety was never your strong point.”

“I told you, my friend” Obi-Wan said looking far too much satisfied with himself.

“Oh, come on” he groaned. “Seriously? So all of a sudden everyone knew about me and Padmé or what?”

“No, Anakin. Lucky for you, only the ones who knew you best, which happened to be me and Ahsoka. I assure you if the Council had known, they wouldn’t have turned a blind eye as I did.”

“So then you knew?” Ahsoka asked Obi-Wan. “I always wondered if you suspected anything. I mean, you had to suspect something for sure, what with how perceptive you are and how bad at hiding it he was.” She ignored Anakin’s offended _“hey!”_

Obi-Wan hummed. “I did suspect there was something going on, although the fact that he was married came as a surprise, to be honest.”

She opened her mouth in surprise. “Married? Are you kidding me?”

Anakin looked smug. “Now, it doesn’t seem I was so bad at hiding it, after all.”

“Wow. Is there any other bomb you two want to drop on me? Any other untold secret from that life?”

“Oh, I’m sure there are plenty” Obi-Wan said jestingly. “I guess we’ll discover them as we go.”

_I hope you don’t_. Anakin’s heart ached. His secret about the Tuskens weighted on him. And it didn’t make sense. Why should he feel guilty for hiding it? That had happened in another life.

That was a poor excuse, he knew. In essence, he was the same person. And, mostly, the fact itself of not daring to tell Obi-Wan made clear that it was no trifle.

And it pained him, this secret. For all the crap that this life had brought him, if there were some things that were better now than before, then the state of his and Obi-Wan’s friendship was certainly one of those things. Even without taking into account the crisis in their friendship after the Rako Hardeen incident, things between them had already been strained for a while; their lack of communication and the secrets Anakin hid from him, as well as a certain lack of trust from his part, were the main things at fault.

But in this life, many of these breaches had been fixed. Obi-Wan had known about his relationship with Padmé and he never told the Council, for Force’s sakes! How could he have ever distrusted the man? _What more proof of his friendship do you need?_ And now, finally, _finally_ , they had been able to talk openly about it, and it seemed as if a weight he hadn’t been aware of had been lifted off his shoulders. Here, they were building something special,—a special friendship, they were building a special _friendship_ — free of lies and untold secrets. And he didn’t want to ruin that. That’s why he was sometimes tempted to tell him about the Tuskens— no more secrets. But then again, he feared his reaction. Objectively, he knew he shouldn’t mind so much about what Obi-Wan might think of him, he knew that the thought of him disappointed for something that had happened in another life shouldn’t hurt so much—but for some reason, he did worry, and, _Force_ , did that thought hurt. At that’s how every time he resolved to tell him, he ultimately backed down, being left at a stalemate.

Ahsoka’s voice brought him back to earth.

“I have to go now, but we’re far from over. I’m going to need many talks to even begin to get used to all this.”

“Of course, Ahsoka” Obi-Wan assured her. “However, and not to discourage you or anything, but we are still trying to come to terms with it ourselves.”

“Yeah, especially me” Anakin said, joining the conversation. “This man over here has nerves of steel, I swear.”

“I told you, that comes as a result of all the endless years trying to be the one to keep a cool head out of the two.”

Ahsoka could still hear the banter when she left the apartment, and the familiarity of it all appeased her more than any talks could have done.

“She took it really well, all things considered” Obi-Wan said after a while.

“You didn’t see her when I first talked to her... but, yeah. I guess it could have been worse.”

Obi-Wan looked around the mess around them. “My goodness, Anakin. One would think there has been a war inside this room, judging by the state of it all.”

_Kriff._ Anakin blushed furiously ( _oh, come on, not again!)_ and he started tidying everything up. “I didn’t know I would have company!” he defended himself.

Obi-Wan, looking puzzled, let out an incredulous chuckle. “Since when do you get ashamed about me seeing your mess? That was never a problem for you.”

His student raised his head to look at him thoughtfully. “Actually” he said dropping a mess of circuits and whatnot on their rightful place on the floor, “you’re right. Thanks for reminding me” he finished off mockingly as he put an end to his completely out of character behaviour by letting everything remain in its original state of chaos.

“That’s... not how I wanted it to go.”

“Too bad, Obi-Wan” he said with a smug look as he picked up some machine and started tinkering with it. “Next time, think before you speak.”

He snorted. “Like you’re one to talk.”

Anakin made a face and continued tinkering with his machines— rather, he appeared as if he was tinkering with his machines. In truth, he didn’t know what he was doing. Obi-Wan’s attentive stare was making it too hard to concentrate, and he told himself that this was solely due to the fact that Obi-Wan’s critical look had always managed to annoy him. Nothing more than that.

* * *

He tried to hide how tired he was, but it was not an easy task. When Obi-Wan went to the kitchen to make some tea, Anakin took advantage of his absence to yawn without being noticed. He felt childish for being like this, but he did it for Obi-Wan’s sake: he knew the man took it badly that Anakin didn’t accept his money so that he could quit his current job.

He knew his friend well, and he was sure that Obi-Wan took it as if meant that Anakin didn’t trust him enough or some nonsense like that, no matter how many times Anakin had assured him of the contrary.

On the surface, everything was normal between them. However, the last few days he’d noticed that Obi-Wan was more aloof; perhaps as a consequence of his being hurt by Anakin’s refusal of his help. And he couldn’t stand this growing distance between them. He desperately wanted to make him see that he was wrong! That he couldn’t trust him more than he already did. And he knew the way to do it, but it was easier said than done.

But, as he looked distractedly at his essay, going over Obi-Wan’s corrections in that sophisticated handwriting, he came to a decision. He had to tell him; there was no better way of showing his trust. And he’d wanted to do it for a long, long time. The idea of eliminating the last secret standing between them was too appealing. However, it was immensely terrifying as well. For all that he’d been once called “The Hero with No Fear”, there were some situations that would never cease to make him feel like an afraid child. This was one of these situations.

But bravery didn’t mean not being afraid of anything, but rather, being strong enough to face one’s fears, and overcome them. The decision had been made: he was going to live up to his former alias.

When he saw Obi-Wan returning with a cup of tea in his hand, his resolve to tell him almost crumbled; but he stayed strong.

“Obi-Wan” he stood up, the nerves inside his stomach making it impossible for him to remain on his chair. “We need to talk.” His friend raised one eyebrow, unsettled by Anakin’s worried, and even _scared_ countenance. “It’s about my mother’s death, in the other life... and what happened afterwards.”

Obi-Wan sighed. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

He was not the only one.

* * *

“Please say something.”

Obi-Wan hadn’t said a word since Anakin had finished speaking. He stood in front of the window, giving his back to him, his arms crossed on his chest.

The tickling of the clock was getting on  Anakin’s nerves; sometimes he thought that it had a life of its own, choosing to sound louder at the worst of times, making the already uncomfortable silence even more awkward.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything” he pleaded.

Obi-Wan turned around; Anakin hated how tired he looked all of a sudden.

“This is... I don’t know what to say.” And the fact that Obi-Wan, the master of eloquence, was at a loss of words, already bespoke of the difficulty of the situation. “Why didn’t you tell me about this in the other life?”

“I guess I was afraid of your reaction.”

“Afraid of my reaction?” he repeated incredulously. “Anakin! Are you aware of the gravity of what you did? I was your Master! If there was anyone you should have told this, that was me!”

“I know! I... I’m sorry” he said lamely.

“I don’t— Force, Anakin, I don’t want your apologies. I want to understand. I can’t believe that you...”

Anakin reacted as he used to do when he felt himself cornered: anger, it always came to that. “You can’t believe that I _what_ , Obi-Wan? That I killed the bastards that caused my mother’s death?”

“Revenge was not the way of the Jedi, Anakin!”

“So I guess I was supposed to sit on my hands?” He laughed ironically. “I’m sorry, but I’ll leave that to you. You were always so _good_ at that!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you had listened to me when I told you about my dreams in which I saw my mother _dying_ , then none of this would have happened! But, no, all you had to give was “ _dreams pass in time, Anakin._ ” It was a low blow, he knew. But right now he was too angry to be feeling guilty about it.

“You know how sorry I am about that” he answered heatedly. “I’ve told you countless times.”

“Yes, well, then at least have the decency to not judge me for having reacted in some way, instead of being a spineless—”

“I’m not judging you!” he interrupted him. “I’m merely stating that what you did... you crossed a line, Anakin! And you know that as well as me. Why else would you have hidden this from me, if you _truly_ believed you had done nothing wrong?” Anakin didn’t have an answer for that. “You allowed yourself to be controlled by your anger. You must see that was a step towards the dark side.” Anakin averted his eyes, ashamed. “And I’m not saying this to criticise you, Anakin. I’m just saying... that you should have told me. I could have helped you release your anger—”

Anakin huffed. “By meditating?”

“For instance, yes” he answered with a stern frown. “What you shouldn’t have done, under any circumstance, was to swallow all those negative feelings without even _trying_ to acknowledge the problem. Nothing good could have ever come out of this!”

Obi-Wan inhaled soundly. It was no use getting all worked up by something that hadn’t even happened in this life. But something of this magnitude... _Force, Anakin._ And it was not only his fault, he knew. _I failed you, my friend. How could I not notice any of this?_ He had been his Master, he should have been able to prevent this! _I’m as much to blame as you._

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you as much as I thought I was.” Anakin looked at him puzzled. “Did anyone else know?”

“Padmé” he said after a while. Obi-Wan nodded; he had expected as much. She had been in Tatooine when that happened, so it was only normal that Anakin had broken down in front of her. He was glad that, at least, his friend had had someone to console him in those difficult moments.

Meanwhile, a debate was taking place inside Anakin’s head. He could withhold this last truth; Obi-Wan would never know. And he had a feeling he was not going to take it well if he told him, to put it mildly. _But the point of all this was to be honest with him. To show him my trust._ No more secrets, wasn’t that what he had resolved to do? _I’m going all out, damn the consequences._

“Palpatine knew, too.”

“What?” he asked incredulously. “You mean you didn’t trust me with this secret— _me,_ your own Master— but you trusted him?”

“I knew he wouldn’t judge me” he defended himself, feeling his own anger starting to rise. “I couldn’t say the same of you. And who do you think you are to speak to me of trust? _You_ , who made me believe you had died just to make your plan look more credible! Are you really this hypocritical?”

Obi-Wan faltered. “That was wrong of me, I already asked for your forgiveness—”

“And I didn’t accept your apologies, in case you have forgotten! And the worst thing is, after our confrontation, I was so edgy that I took it out on Padmé! My last conversation with my _wife_ in that life was an argument because of you! Don’t you dare speak to me about trust, Obi-Wan. I was under no obligation to tell you all this. I could have kept it secret, and you would have never known. And yet I decided to tell you! Because I wanted to show you my _trust_! And what do I get in return? Just your usual criticism, and for something that hasn’t even happened in this life!”

“The Rako Hardeen incident didn’t happen in this life either, yet you seem to have no problem in bringing it into this argument! But I shouldn’t be surprised. No matter what life we’re in, you always seem to act like a spoilt child. Did you really expect me to not react to the bomb you just dropped on me?”

“Like a child! Anakin repeated, outraged. “Go on, you can say it. Like the unbearable child you were burdened with, whom you only took as your apprentice because you promised Qui-Gon!”

“You’re talking nonsense—”

“Am I? So you never used the words ‘a pathetic life form’ to refer to me?” Obi-Wan looked as if someone had thrown cold water on him. “I’m sure many times you wished that Qui-Gon had never found me. And, to make things worse, now you also have to put up with me being your student in this life! Poor old Obi-Wan” he said sarcastically as he took his book and put it inside his bag.

“But don’t worry, you won’t have to put up with me any longer” he shouted while he walked towards the hall. “I release you from your _burden_ ” he said spitefully before disappearing behind the door, exiting Obi-Wan’s apartment in long strides.

* * *

He was at the beach— his refuge— waiting for the sunset.  The clear sky presented a beautiful mixture of orange and blue, reflected by the crystalline water of the unusually calm sea. It was one of those rare winter days when the temperature was warm enough to allow being covered by just a few layers— a leather jacket, in his case.

It was a long walk to this part of the beach, but it was worth it. The rush of the crowded centre of town was far away from here; it seemed as if this place existed in isolation. This was the furthest end of the beach, surrounded by mountains and vegetation. To arrive to this end one had to go through a narrow passage amidst the bushes, since the path through the sand that connected it to the rest of the beach was interrupted by a vast extension of rocks. Sometimes, one could see some people here and there, especially the weekends. But for the most part, this area of the beach was lonely—and that’s why Anakin used to come here when he needed to evade himself from his problems, or simply to enjoy the solitude.

 He loved to walk along the shore, listening to the waves as they broke and observing the white foam that formed on the surface of the water. Now though, he was standing still, several metres from the shore, his hands on the pockets of his jeans as he looked towards the sky.

Three days had passed since their argument; three days since he last went to the classes. He had caught a cold and felt terribly ill— or that’s what he’d told Ahsoka when she phoned him. In truth, the last thing he’d wanted was to go to that place— and come across him.

He was not as angry as he was hurt. And he knew it shouldn’t hurt this much, which angered him even more; and so there was no way of breaking this vicious circle.

 As he gazed at the waves, the sea started to dissolve, giving way to a memory from a distant past; gone but not forgotten.

*****

_A long time ago, in another reality..._

_“Anakin. Please, listen to me—”_

_“No! I have nothing to speak with you”. When he turned around to shout him some more, he was at a loss of words for a moment. Obi-Wan was looking like himself again, all traces from his Rako Hardeen’s appearance gone. And then the thought struck him forcefully— he’s alive, thank the Force he’s alive._

_That didn’t mean that he was going to forgive him that easily, though, nor that his anger was going to dissipate just like that. Quite the contrary; it intensified._

_“I came to apologise. I know that what I did was not completely right, but you must see that it was necessary to_ —”

_“Didn’t you hear me? Leave me the fuck alone!”_

_“No!” Obi-Wan situated himself in front of the door, blocking the way. “Anakin, I’m sorry.”_

_“You’re sorry” he repeated mockingly. “That’s not good enough, Obi-Wan. That’s not kriffing good enough! You made me believe you were dead! Dead, Obi-Wan! And I don’t care about your excuses, I’m sure you will twist your words to make it sound very logical, but I don’t care about any of that! I thought you were dead, and you can’t imagine what that_ —”

_He couldn’t finish the sentence; his voice had broken due to the emotion. How could Obi-Wan be so hard-hearted about everything? Could he not see that his actions had an effect on others? That others actually cared about his well-being? That his death would have destroyed him._

_Who was he fooling? Of course Obi-Wan didn’t realise about those things. It was very simple: for him, duty always came first. He would have probably understood and forgiven Anakin had their roles been reversed. Because he was not too dependent on him; because he was not so attached. And how much did Anakin hate that word._

_“Anakin, please_ —”

_“No. I don’t want to hear it.” He didn’t even raise his voice this time_ — _he didn’t have the strength for it._ “ _You made your decision, now deal with the consequences.”_

_He broke away from Obi-Wan’s grip on his arm and stormed out of his apartment in the Jedi temple._

_*****_

Now, in another lifetime, far beyond time and space, the heart of the matter remained. Anakin was still too dependent on Obi-Wan. He still cared too much about what his friend thought of him. He hated to admit it, especially now that he was still angry, but it was the truth.

His phone rang, an obtrusive sound amidst the peace of nature. He turned it off without even checking who was calling. Probably Ahsoka; he’d been ignoring her phone calls all day.

“You shouldn’t do that. It’s highly impolite.”

Anakin, startled, turned around abruptly, only to sigh soundly at the sight of him, dressed up in a light trench coat and with his briefcase in his hand. _He must have come directly from the university._

“What are you doing here?”

He ignored his question. “It’s a beautiful place, don’t you think?” he said approaching him, turning his head to look at the mountains surrounding the extension of the beach. “I use to come here very often, too. The sunsets are a treat for the eyes. I’m surprised we’ve never come across.”

“Obi-Wan” he repeated impatiently.

“I phoned you today, quite a few times in fact, but you never answered my phone calls. Ahsoka told me I could find you here. By the way, how’s your cold? I must say, for someone burning up with fever, you have a very nice aspect.” Anakin rolled his eyes. “Just a piece of advice: if you are going to feign a sore throat, then at least have the decency to pretend suffering from a raspy voice. Ahsoka didn’t buy it for one second.”

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that perhaps I didn’t take the trouble to make it look believable because I wanted you two to take the hint of me wanting to be left _alone_?” he said putting especial emphasis on the last word.

“I came to watch the sunset, just like you.”

Anakin let out a mirthless laugh. “You just said you asked Ahsoka where you could find me. If you’re going to lie, then at least _have the decency_ to have a good memory.”

“Both things are compatible. It is possible that I asked Ahsoka out of curiosity, but that my main reason to come here was to watch the sunset.”

“Yeah, right” he replied with sarcasm. “Well, the beach is pretty long, as you can see. You can watch the sunset some other place.”

“Thank you for the suggestion, but I prefer to watch it from here.”

“It was _not_ a suggestion, Obi-Wan.”

He raised one eyebrow, unimpressed, the beginning of an amused smile starting to form on his face. “I have the same right as you to be here, Anakin. I’m not going anywhere. If you wish to be alone, then please, by all means.”

He furrowed his brow. “Fine” he grumbled. “I’ll leave.” As he’d walked five steps, he turned around annoyed and crossed his arms on his chest, quite comically. “What the hell? I was here before! _You_ leave.”

“But I don’t mind the company. It’s you the one to seem to have a problem with it.”

“I’m not in the mood for your games, Obi-Wan!” he said seriously. “Just, _please_ , leave me alone. I won’t ask you twice” he said in a tone that left no room for argument.

“Fine. I’ll go.”

“ _Thanks_ —”

“But after you’ve listened to me.”

“Obi-Wan...”

“Just five minutes. That’s all I’m asking. And if after that you still want me to leave, then I promise you, I will.”

He stood looking at him with a grim face, his arms still crossed on his chest. “Fine. But just five minutes.”

“Of course” he nodded before speaking solemnly. “I was always a man of my word.”

“Whatever” he said sullenly, not sharing his amusement one bit. _This is not going to be easy_ , thought Obi-Wan to himself.

“Anakin—”

“You have now four minutes and fifty seconds.”

“Will you just—”

“Four minutes and forty five seconds now...”

“Anakin, _please_!”

His friend (for he liked to think they were still friends, the alternative was unbearable) must have seen something in his eyes, and he _finally_ shut up, willing to listen to what Obi-Wan had to say— or appearing to be listening.

“There were many things I wanted to say to you, but I will go straight to the point.”

“Let’s hope you’re better than Yoda at that.”

_Was that a joke?_ Joke or not, the familiarity of that comment gave him hope— they still could fix this.

“I must have done something terribly wrong in the other life for you to think, or even entertain the idea, that I wished Qui-Gon had never found you.”

He waited for Anakin to interrupt him, but the only sound that could be heard was that of the seagulls in the sky, as well as the soft murmur of the sea. It seemed he’d finally managed to catch his friend’s attention.

“I won’t deny it wasn’t easy at first. I had to cope with my Master’s death, and at the same time I had to be strong enough for you, trying to be a proper Master to you. Now I realise how cold I must have seemed to you back then. You didn’t grow in the Temple like the rest of us, it was only normal that you had more affectionate needs than other initiates. Perhaps I wasn’t good enough to be your Master, or perhaps I wasn’t the Master that you needed.”

“No” he interrupted him. Even if he was still feeling angry, he needed to clear this out. “It’s not that. You did well, Obi-Wan. I couldn’t have had a better Master.”

“That’s so kind of you to say, but if that was true, you wouldn’t have reacted like you did after your mother’s death.”

He shook his head. “Don’t take the blame for my own faults.”

“But I’m to blame as well, don’t you see? I should have been a better Master. Let’s be honest, Anakin. Or are you really going to deny having ever wished that I had acted any different as your Master?”

He stood silent for a while, looking at the orange sun on the horizon, his blond curls radiating golden sparkles. “No. I’m not going to deny that. We’ve both been wrong many times... But what I mean is that, even with all our failures, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. You were the right Master for me, Obi-Wan. I never questioned that.”

Obi-Wan, deeply moved, could only give a light nod. He then frowned. “By the way, about the ‘pathetic life form’ thing... Force, Anakin, I never knew you were listening.”

He snorted sullenly. “Yeah, well, that was the point.”

“No, what I mean is that— you shouldn’t have taken it personally. I know, easier said than done... you were a child after all, and didn’t know my sense of humour yet.”

“Or lack of it.”

He ignored his last comment, striving to make himself clear, having the feeling that this was important.

“It was just a joke between Qui-Gon and me. In many of our missions, he used to bring with himself all kinds of creatures... You shouldn’t have taken it personally, because I never personalized on you when I said it. It was a comment made in jest, nothing more than that.”

“You did distrust me at first, though” he rebuked him.

“Yes, I did. And I may have been too inconsiderate with you, I see that now.” He approached his friend, vaguely aware of the rustling of the sand under his footsteps. “But I stand by what I said at the beginning of this conversation. I know we had a strained beginning, to put it mildly. But I assure you, with all my heart, that I couldn’t feel more grateful, and honoured, of having been your Master” he said heatedly. “And I can’t even contemplate an existence in which you were not by my side.” He caught Anakin’s eyes, impossibly blue under the twilight. “I appreciate the fact that you were honest with me the other day, you can’t imagine how much. This life... _Force,_ Anakin, I know how hard this life has been on you, and I’m so sorry about that. But I’m not going to let it destroy our friendship too. In fact, now we have the chance of making things better between us. No more secrets, and no more lies. No more misunderstandings." _A new beginning._ "And I intend to make the most of this opportunity” he said resolutely, giving him his kindest smile.

 “So what do you say, Anakin? Shall we continue fighting, or do you want to start anew too?" His grey-blue eyes, clouded with apprehension, betrayed the nervousness that was hidden beneath his confident facade. "Can you forgive me for all my past mistakes?”

It took him a few seconds to realise that Anakin had closed the distance between them, engulfing him in a warm hug."Only if you forgive me.” Obi-Wan dropped his suitcase, which fell on the sand with a thud, and wrapped his arms tightly around him. “Done deal” he answered after letting out a sigh of relief he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

He lost track of time. He never knew for how long they stayed like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms. After a while, Anakin noticed out of the corner of his eye that the sun could no longer be seen on the junction between sky and water— sometime amidst their embrace, it had hidden beneath the horizon, although the sky was still a nice mixture of orange and light blue. “We missed it” he whispered on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I don’t care” his friend answered in a soft murmur, not noticing Anakin’s goosebumps at the feeling of his beard lightly tickling his neck. “In case you haven’t noticed, I didn’t come here to see the sunset, my very obtuse friend.” Anakin chuckled. “Always so grumpy” he replied fondly, not caring a single bit about having missed the sunset either. He clang to Obi-Wan, feeling immensely grateful when his arms wrapped around him even more tightly in response— and he knew that if he could choose, he would have gladly missed all the sunsets from now on, in exchange of staying like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Let me know in the comments! :))


	9. All It Requires Is the Will to Jump

Sometimes, he felt like that little kid of Tatooine again. And it was not a happy identification, for that meant he felt like a slave again.

He glared at Watoo while he was not looking. It was hard enough working for him before, but now, now it was just unbearable. And it was fitting, it was so damn fitting, that in this life he was an exploitative jerk too.

And to think that all he had to do was to accept Obi-Wan’s money for him to not see that bastard’s ugly face ever again... But that was out of the question. He was too self-reliant— proud, Obi-Wan would say— to accept his help.

“I want you to do some overtime today, no complaining” Watto had said.

“I can’t, I have an exam tomorrow.”

“I don’t need your life story. And it was not a question.”

Oh, how tempted he was sometimes to get into a fight with him. He must have been better at holding back his anger in this life; that was the only possible explanation for his putting up with this constant abuse of power and humiliations.

“Alright, I’m done for the day” he grunted after a couple of hours.

“So soon?” he raised an eyebrow sceptically. “Are you sure you repaired everything I—”

“Yes, I’m sure.” _It’s called being efficient,_ he rebuked him in his mind.

“That better be true, or else there will be repercussions.”

There were some things Anakin was not willing to put up with. “Are you threatening me?”

He gave him a chilling smile. “Now, _Ani_ , don’t be like that. So insolent... that was the education that your dead mother gave you?”

“Shut up.”

“She would have been so disappointed... such an unsuccessful son. But then again, she was a nobody too, so perhaps she wouldn’t have minded so much!” he said laughing.

“ _Shut your fucking mouth!”_

That only made him laugh harder.

It was a good thing that a car came into the garage in that moment; he was certain he couldn’t have been able to hold himself back this time.

“A client at this hour! And what a magnificent car that is.” His ugly eyes were shining with greed, already thinking about the money they could make with him. “Sorry kid, it seems you’ll have to stay a bit longer.” His tone made clear that he was not sorry at all.

“Are you kidding me? It’s eleven already! I’ve been here for two more hours than I was supposed to.”

“Then it seems you will have to stay two hours more. No big deal.”

“Alright, this is enough. I’m not going to yield to—”

“Indeed you are not. Don’t worry, Anakin, let me handle this.”

Utterly confused by the interruption and, especially, by the familiarity of that voice, he turned around abruptly. He hadn’t been wrong— he would have recognised that voice anywhere, to be honest. The one and only Obi-Wan Kenobi was coming out of his car, and just _what on earth is he doing here?_

The older man understood the question and puzzlement drawn in his eyes, and shot him a look that seemed to say “ _trust me, just play along with me.”_

“Well, hello sir” Watto said affably— just as polite as he used to feign to be when a client that smelled of money came to the garage. He had been so distracted by the perspective of profit that he hadn’t paid attention to the implication of Obi-Wan’s comment. “We were about to close, but we’ll make an exception for you.” He smiled politely; a smile that seemed so _fake_ coming from him. “I have to leave now, but this one over here will take care of your problem.”

Obi-Wan, whose eyes were still interlocked with Anakin’s, finally withdrew his look towards the other person in the room; and his gentle gaze turned in an instant into a menacing glare. Anakin held his breath; he would have never liked to be at the receiving end of that glare.

“This one over here has a name” he said severe, yet calmly. Obi-Wan had never needed to raise his voice to distil an impressive aura of authority. “You will address him with more respect from now on, if you know what’s best for you.” Watto, too dumbstruck to speak, looked at Anakin trying to understand, but the young man only had eyes for Obi-Wan. “Oh, and my car doesn’t need to be fixed, by the way. So you can drop all pretence of politeness, now that you know you won’t be getting any money” he continued in a tone of sarcastic amusement, approaching Watto slowly. “And the only thing that’s going to be taken care of is an entire different problem.”

“Who do you think you are? Leave this place this instant!” His voice, however, faltered. Obi-Wan had advanced so much that he had practically cornered him against the wall. It was understandable Watto was a stunned and stammering mess; Anakin would have been like that, too, had he been the one cornered against the wall under Obi-Wan’s unfaltering stare— although, probably, for entire different reasons.

“I’m a professor at the university, and a good friend of Anakin. I have good contacts with members of the law, qualified attorneys that, should I ask them, would take matters in their own hands if I see but one inconsistency in the compliance of Anakin’s employment contract.”

Watto made a very comic picture: his annoyance was more than evident, but his fear—for he’d always been a coward rat— prevented him from opposing Obi-Wan.

“So, I highly recommend you make sure everything’s in order. Furthermore, you will treat him with the respect he deserves. If I find out you degrade him in any way, even just one ill-comment, I will not be so understanding.”

For a moment there, Anakin saw the Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi again. He sounded so resolute, so convincing, that before he could hear Watto’s response, he was sure he would comply; just like when Obi-Wan used to employ the Jedi mind-tricks, so long ago.

“Are we clear?” When he didn’t receive an immediate response, Obi-Wan _glared_ at him, his grey-blue shining with impatience and something else he couldn’t quite define. “Are we clear?” he repeated more firmly.

“Yes” he grumbled, resigned.

“Good.”

Yes, he definitely looked like the Jedi Master he once was. Authoritative, determinate, self-composed. He had come here with a purpose, and he didn’t intend to go until he’d managed that which he’d set out for. It was like when he had been on some mission, playing the part of a defender, or of the negotiator. Except for one thing. This time, it was not the orders of the Jedi Council, or the deadliness of a battle, or even the safeguard of the greater good, the things that prompted him into action. This time, it was him, Anakin, the sole responsible for this protective instinct, for the fire in his eyes. And when that knowledge struck him, he felt that warmth again in his chest, that familiar warmth that he so desperately tried to deny, a task that was becoming harder and harder with everyday that went.

Obi-Wan withdrew from Watto’s side and looked at him, and in the blink of an eye, that hostile countenance dissolved into gentle eyes and a kind smile, the one that was only ever meant for him; and the warmth in his chest intensified.

“Let’s go, Anakin. I’ll drive you home.”

* * *

The roar of the car pounded in his ears amidst the silence that stretched between them. His friend hadn’t said a word yet. Obi-Wan, eyes fixed on the road as he drove, couldn’t take it any longer. “On a scale from one to ten, how angry are you with me?”

“What?” Anakin sounded utterly confused. “Why should I be angry?”

“You made clear you didn’t want my help, but I couldn’t sit on my hands either. I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.”

“No, that’s not— you didn’t. Of course you didn’t. This is different. It’s one thing I don’t want to rely on your money...and another thing what you just did.” He swallowed. “I’m really grateful that you stood up for me.”

“Oh. That’s good.” _Yes, that’s very good_ he thought relieved to himself. “I was worried, it’s not like you to be so silent.”

“We’ve been on the road for five minutes. You make it sound as if I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

“Well...”

“Oh, shut up.” He snorted, turning his head to look wistfully through the window. “It was nothing, I... I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Things.”

“Right.” _Always so specific._ Another day, he might have coaxed him into getting an elaborated answer. But not today, no; he was lucky enough he hadn’t angered him for having intervened, and he was certainly not going to push it.

It was pouring down when they reached Anakin’s apartment. They waited inside the car for the rain to stop to some degree, the silence now interrupted by the sound of the raindrops dropping against the window and the howling of thunders.

His companion let out a chuckle. “Do you remember that day when you let me drive your car?”

“As if I could ever forget. I have nightmares with that almost every night.”

“You are such a drama queen” he laughed, shaking his head.  “Just like in the other life.”

“And you are as reckless as before.”

“So that means you won’t let me drive your car some other day?” he pouted.

Obi-Wan huffed incredulously, crossing his arms on his chest, shaking his head amused. Anakin frowned lightly, and he opened his mouth to protest, but whatever he had been about to say eluded him when Obi-Wan leant forward, his face too close for Anakin’s comfort— or not nearly close enough, he couldn’t decide.

“Maybe I will let you drive it, in exchange for something.”

“What?” he asked weakly, pathetically weakly, barely audible amidst the noises of the storm. Blinding lightning illuminated the car, making both of their faces stand out ghostly amidst the darkness, heralding the strong thunder that would soon follow.

“That you accept my money and look for another job.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, dimly aware of the thunder resounding in the distance. How anticlimactic. It was weak, too weak for what the lightning had promised to be, which somehow was paralleled by Obi-Wan’s anticlimactic answer. He had been expecting something else, dreading it at the same time. Just what _it_ was, he didn’t know exactly, and he most certainly didn’t want to know. But his insisting for the _one hundred time_ on Anakin accepting his help had been undoubtedly disappointing, just as the thunder hadn’t lived up to the expectations of the lightning— and the moment he started seeing metaphors in the weather for his current mood, he knew he had been having _too much_ literature lessons already.

“Seriously?” he said adjusting himself better on his seat, putting as much distance between them as he could—fighting the invisible thread that pulled him towards Obi-Wan’s presence. “You just don’t give up, do you?”

“I’ll never give up on you, no.” That solemn statement had come out of nowhere, and it stood in great contrast to the triviality of the conversation. He hated it— hated it how it made him shiver. He needed to get out of this car, soon.

“You’re so stubborn” he replied, trying to find shelter in their usual banter.

“I’m sorry, I think I misheard. Did _the_ Anakin Skywalker just call _me_ stubborn?”

“You heard right, Mr. Kenobi” he said amused. “By the way, don’t worry. I have a feeling Watto will take it easy on me from now on.” He chuckled. “You looked so badass!”

“Did I?” And if Anakin wasn’t wrong, there was a hint of smugness in his voice.

Anakin hummed, twisting his head against the headrest to look at him fondly. “For a moment there, I saw ‘The Negotiator’ all over again.”

Obi-Wan huffed, shaking his head. “Those names were ridiculous.”

“Oh, come on! They were cool. I liked them.”

“Of course you would” he snorted. ‘The Hero with No Fear’... the poster boy of the republic. You always enjoyed being the centre of attention too much.”

“I did not!”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I... alright, maybe a little.” He pointed one finger at him. “But don’t call me that.”

“What, ‘The Hero with No Fear’?” he asked playing dumb. “But you just said you liked—”

“The poster boy! You know I hated it when you called me that.” Which was probably why he just called him that, on second thoughts. Oh, well. “It sounds childish!”

“You were always a bit childish.”

Anakin huffed, turning his head towards the window, feigning annoyance. That was the key word: feigning. He would gladly withstand Obi-Wan calling him anything at this point, just so that he could take refuge in the familiarity of their banter, which had managed to dissipate that weird atmosphere from before— that magnetic and stifling _something_ which he couldn’t quite define, and which he had no intention of deciphering.

“I will let you drive my car some other time, but only if you’re not as reckless as that day.”

“What?” He looked at him surprised. “But I just told you I wouldn’t take the deal.”

“Yes, yes, I know.” He sighed soundly, before giving him a fond smile. “I guess I was never too good at denying you anything, especially when you gave me the puppy eyes.”

_Kriff._ Just when he’d thought that weird atmosphere from before was gone, Obi-Wan had to go and say something like that! _Damn you, Obi-Wan!_ Wasn’t he aware of the way that sounded? He silently thanked the darkness for making his blush go unnoticed. _But of course he isn’t aware_ , he reproached himself. _You are the one who’s having weird ideas about your best friend—your brother, for fuck’s sakes!_ What would he think if he knew? But then again, there wasn’t anything to know, right? _Right?_ he asked silently and hopelessly to no one. _And I’m going crazy again. Just great._

“Wow, you were certainly very good at hiding it. What with you denying me _every single time_ I asked you something.” He hoped his light tone masked his confusion—confusion being an euphemism for a fucking mental chaos the size of the former Jedi Temple—, silently thanking the banter once more, but knowing he couldn’t hide behind it forever.

“That’s not true! I was rather lenient, save for the times you asked for things that weren’t reasonable.”

“Which, according to you, were the majority of times.”

“But that is hardly my fault, is it?” he said distractedly, looking at the street through the window. “It seems the storm has subsided.”

“Great!” Anakin said getting out of the car hurriedly, breathing in the invigorating fresh air, clearing his mind of the suffocating atmosphere inside the car. After inhaling soundly a couple times, he turned around to look at Obi-Wan, who was in turn looking at him with one raised eyebrow, quizzically.

“Well, thanks for the ride!” he said, his hand keeping the door half-open. “And for sticking up for me.”

“Anytime” he answered. “And don’t hesitate to tell me if he bullies you again.”

Anakin, in spite of it all, let out a chuckle.

“Of course. My knight in shining armour” he said mockingly, then berated himself for having even said that. _Ugh._ “And what will you do then, call one of these extremely qualified attorneys to come to my rescue?”

“I... may have been bluffing a little bit” he answered frowning.

Anakin laughed. “Of course you were. ‘The Negotiator’, I told you.”

“But I will think of something. Anything” he said so fiercely that Anakin’s laugh died on the spot.  “You just make sure to tell me if he mistreats you, and I will take care of it.”

It was not fair. Why, just _why_ did he have to be like that, so protective, so fucking _perfect_. It was not _fucking_ fair!

“Right. Goodnight, Obi-Wan. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Anakin.”

It was not raining, but he walked as hurriedly towards his apartment as if it was— unconsciously deluding himself into thinking that, if he walked fast, he would leave all these unwanted thoughts behind him.

* * *

The unusual winter sunny days of the past few weeks had been clearly an illusion; the town was again covered by those heavy clouds, and it was raining at least to some extent practically every day.

 He looked out of the window of the cafeteria, gazing at the people in the street covered by raincoats and carrying umbrellas with them.

“So”, Ahsoka said, “you managed to sort things out with him, then?”

Obi-Wan nodded, giving Ahsoka a bright smile. “Yes. We... set a few things straight.” And now things were better than ever. It was so liberating, so refreshing knowing that there were no more secrets between them. Of course, that didn’t automatically erase all their differences, but they had at least talked things out— and there could not be a better beginning than that. He certainly couldn’t have asked for more at the moment.

“I’m glad.” Ahsoka smiled knowingly, having the feeling Obi-Wan wasn’t aware of the tender expression he had on his face every time they talked about their friend. “Especially for my own peace of mind” she continued. “He gets so unbearable when the two of you fight.” She glanced at her watch. “Anyways, do you think he’ll be on time today?”

“Please, Ahsoka. This is Anakin we’re talking about.” She snorted. “He can’t be on time for the life of him.”

“So sweet, talking behind my back!” Anakin had appeared out of nowhere, taking the free seat next to Obi-Wan and in front of Ahsoka, his blond curls damped and messy as a result of the storm. “Who needs friends when I have the two of you?”

“What do my eyes see?” Obi-Wan said dramatically, glancing incredulously at his watch. “It must be the end of the world.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not funny.”

“No. Just incredibly accurate.”

Ahsoka looked at the two of them knowingly, shaking his head fondly, just as she’d frequently done in the other life, having been witness to these kind of exchanges more times than she could remember.

“Whatever.” Anakin looked at the menu, a damp lock falling on his face. “Geez, it doesn’t look so appetizing after remembering Dex’s food in the other life” he said with dreamy eyes. “I swear to you, that food was something—”

Obi-Wan, unthinkingly, brushed aside the rebellious lock that had fallen on his cheek, setting it on its rightful place behind his ear. He continued watching his own menu afterwards, completely unaware of Anakin’s stunned look and rosy cheeks. Ahsoka had to stifle a laugh— in this world, there were the oblivious people, then there were the clueless; and, on a whole other cosmic level, there were these two idiots, who wouldn’t be able to see the truth even if this was standing (or sitting, as was the case now) right in front of them.

She cleared her throat to bring his flustered friend back to Earth. “You were saying?”

“Oh, I—yeah. I think I’ll pass” he said discarding the menu. “Just a beer for me.”

Ahsoka had stood up before he could do it. “Great! Don’t worry, I’ll go for it.”

“Why?” Anakin asked suspiciously.

She looked at him innocently. “Is it that weird that I do a nice gesture for my friend?”

“Do you really want an honest answer to that question?”

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him. “Obi-Wan, do you want anything else?”

“No, thank you, Ahsoka. Just the coffee is fine.”

“Alright.” _You are welcome_ , she thought conspiringly to herself as she walked towards the counter, giving her hopeless friends some time alone.

“Coffee? Really, Obi-Wan? Come on, it’s Saturday. Loosen up a bit!”

“Easy for you to say that. You don’t have a pile of exams to correct back home.”

“Surely no one’s gonna die if you do that tomorrow?” Obi-Wan looked at him unimpressed. “Geez, Obi-Wan, you need to forget a bit about the job.”

“Oh, Anakin. Surely even you can see the irony in that statement? Even if irony is not your favourite figure of speech, as you blatantly demonstrated in our last lesson. Are _you_ really saying this to me?”

“What do you mean by ‘even you’? I understand irony just fine, thank you very much. It’s not my fault that it was hardly detectable in that poem, what with all those antique and weird words.”

“Of course, Anakin” he humoured him. “Of course.”

“See? There’s irony right there.”

“So sharp.” He smiled mockingly. “There’s another one.”

“Oh, shut up already” Anakin said between chuckles. “And, yes, I know it’s a bit weird that _I_ ask someone to forget a bit about the job... but, you know what? Ever since that day, when you appeared all intimidating at the garage, in your most Jedi Master Negotiator glory, Watto has actually been much better towards me. I mean, by his standards.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He then tilted his head, adopting a self-sufficient stance. “And who do you have to thank for that?”

“Oh, you’re right. Make sure to pass my gratitude to that imaginary army of _extremely_ qualified attorneys of yours.”

Obi-Wan made a face, and Anakin could no longer control his laughter.

“I already thanked you once, in case you have forgotten. I’m not going to do it again. Don’t be so greedy” he said jestingly.

Obi-Wan hummed, brushing his beard thoughtfully. “Well, jokes aside, I’m really glad I could help. So, I assume you don’t have to work for more hours than he pays you any longer?”

“Yep. And that’s just it, to be honest. Oh well, he is a bit nicer— I mean, not exactly, that rat doesn’t know the meaning of the word nice— but at least, he doesn’t criticise mum or Padmé in my presence. Let’s hope he continues like that.”

“Indeed. Let me know if that’s not the case, though, and I will gladly pay him another visit.”

Anakin smiled softly. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary. But, thanks Obi-Wan” he said, forgetting that he’d just claimed he wouldn’t thank him twice less than a minute ago.

When Ahsoka came back, they were just as she had left them. Clueless idiot number one (Anakin) was looking at Obi-Wan (clueless idiot number two) with actual, honest-to-god _lovestruck_ eyes, without Obi-Wan even noticing, gazing out of the window as he was; and worst of all, she was certain that not even _lovestruck_ eyes’ owner was aware of the look on his own face. _What am I going to do with you two?_ , she thought exasperated to herself.

The three of them passed the time reminiscing together about past adventures (whispering most often than not, or else anyone who might be listening would have thought them out of their minds). Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were in the midst of making fun of Anakin for _crashing_ yet another ship, when they were distracted by some nervous giggling near their table.

“Those are the two girls that are always following you around, aren’t they?” Ahsoka asked, subtly pointing at them.

“Oh no.” Anakin hid his face between his hands.

“Oh, poor Anakin” Obi-Wan said in mocked condescendence. “The poster boy running away from attention.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“I don’t know, Anakin” Ahsoka interrupted what was surely to be the beginning of yet another session of banter, after noticing something that could actually prove to be very useful to her purposes. “This time... this time it doesn’t seem they’re looking at you. At least, not only.”

“Uh? Then who—? Oh. You mean Obi-Wan?”

_Duh._ At least she didn’t have to spell it herself. “That’s right.”

Obi-Wan seemed alarmed. “You must be wrong. Why would they—?”

“Yeah, exactly, why?” Anakin interrupted, looking impatiently towards him.

Obi-Wan merely shrugged. “Don’t look at me, I know as much as you do.”

“But, have you never noticed?” Ahsoka said, shaking his head. “Half of the campus is swooning over Obi-Wan” she explained.

“Are they?” Anakin exclaimed wide-eyed.

“Of course I haven’t noticed, Ahsoka, I don’t have time for such trivial gossip” Obi-Wan said. “Besides, I tend to be in my own world more often than not.”

_You don’t say_ , Ahsoka thought amused to herself. Speaking of amusing things, Anakin’s facial expression was gold. He looked a funny mixture of confused, stunned, resentful and some other emotions she couldn’t define. Ahsoka guessed he was, on the one hand, elucidating to himself the reasons why so many people should find Obi-Wan attractive, and on the other hand, trying to deny all those reasons once he’d come to the conclusion that he was attractive indeed. _Self-deception at its peak._

Well, desperate times called for desperate measures.

“What about you, Anakin?” she asked. “Do you think Obi-Wan is that attractive? Objectively speaking, of course.”

His friend choked on his beer. “Uh—I. I don’t know. I... I’ve never given it any thought” he answered after coughing a few times.

_Yeah, right._ This was tiring. Her efforts seemed to be useless, none of them noticing _anything_ about _anything_. That was not entirely true, though. Anakin was looking daggers at her now, and, if looks could kill, she would be a goner right now. _Well, at least he’s noticed what I’m doing._ She couldn’t say the same about clueless idiot number two, though. Obi-Wan was, as was to be expected, oblivious to everything. For someone so clever and sharp, he could be pretty clueless when it came to this.

“Come now, Anakin. Don’t be jealous.”

That had been _Obi-Wan_ speaking. And, could it be possible, had he noticed anything after all? Could this be the moment when her two friends would stop being clueless, once and for all?

“Jealous?” Anakin asked, horrified.

Obi-Wan hummed. “It seems the _poster boy_ will have to share the attention of his admirers with someone else.”

No, the moment of recognition had definitely _not_ come yet. _Too good to be true_.

“Oh, right, you mean that kind of jealous...” Anakin seemed relieved, and _surely Obi-Wan must have noticed that?_ “Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m more than glad to share the attention. I’d rather not have _any_ attention at all, trust me.” For the record, he did sound genuine.

Anyways, her efforts had been useless indeed. Ahsoka was sure she had gained herself heaven, just for the sole patience one had to have to put up with these two clueless, adorable idiots. But they were her idiots, her _friends._ And sure as her name was Ahsoka, she would do everything in her hands to help her clueless friends.

* * *

Anakin replaced the old flowers for a new bunch, the routine of every Sunday. He used to talk to mum and Padmé about his week, thinking—hoping— that his words and prayers for them didn’t fall on deaf ears. He used to talk to them in his mind, though, as he didn’t want Obi-Wan— who always accompanied him to the cemetery— to overhear everything he had to say.

_Things have been better this week, Padmé_ , he said to her in his mind. _The job at the garage is not so hard any more. And it’s all thanks to Obi-Wan. He put Watto in his place. You should have seen his face, he looked so scared shitless! He was always a coward. I’m really grateful for what Obi-Wan did.... he’s been really supportive and caring. We fixed things between us, all of it! All the misunderstandings, and the unresolved issues, and..._

For some reason, he didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about Obi-Wan. His last conversation with his _wife_ in the other life had been an argument, for fuck’s sakes, an argument! And all of it because he had been too edgy after his confrontation with Obi-Wan. Certainly Padmé deserved to hear much better things in the afterlife—if she was even listening at all— than his non-stop rambling over _how well_ things were going now with Obi-Wan. It didn’t seem fair to her memory. No, not when things had gone _so bad_ with Padmé, when they had fallen in love with each other in this life all over again, only to be separated by _kriffing_ death. Padmé should be here, _really_ here, listening to how much better this week had been, enjoying with him his happiness— because it even seemed unfair to be happy when he was here, alive, his best friend at his side; and her angel was resting in a crypt, cold and lonely.

He sobbed. Obi-Wan’s hand was instantly there, on his shoulder, offering comfort and taking the pain away. Suddenly, he felt an intense and overwhelming guilt, as if one hundred blades were cutting through him. And that was just it, wasn’t it? He felt guilty, guilty because that intense pain that had taken residence in his heart ever since Padmé’s death wasn’t supposed to go away, and certainly not as easily as Obi-Wan’s resting his hand on his shoulder. But it did. _Force_ , it did. And it shouldn’t! _Forgive me my love, please forgive me._

And the worst thing—oh, _Force_ —the _worst_ thing was that this wasn’t the worst thing at all. There was another kind of guilt, an unnameable, _unforgivable_ kind of guilt that he’d just begun to understand, no matter how much he’d tried to run away from it.

He was... he had been starting to, to—

He had been starting to feel things he shouldn’t. He had just recently—not even two months ago— learned about everything, learned about the fact that his deceased girlfriend had been his loving _wife_ , and yet, and _yet I have fucking started to feel things I shouldn’t_. Towards his former Master, towards his best friend, towards his once brother in arms. And it was all kinds of wrong. _Force_ , _what would Padmé think?_

She deserved better than this. Her memory deserved better than this. And, true, she wouldn’t have wanted him to mourn her forever. But just what would she have thought of _this?_ Feeling things towards Obi-Wan, a constant pillar in his life, in _both_ his lives, and so soon, so _soon_ after he’d remembered everything?

And here he was, coming to see her with _him_ every Sunday. As if mocking her, as if _rubbing it in her face_ just how happy he could be without her, as long as Obi-Wan was by his side.

It didn’t even matter that Obi-Wan would never share these feelings, that he would be disgusted if he knew. That didn’t erase his guilt, because the fact alone that he had _feelings_ for Obi-Wan, and that they were both now standing before her grave, made him feel like a monster.

_I’m so sorry my love. You deserve better. You always deserved better than me._

He was about to break down, but he fought against it. Breaking down would have meant that Obi-Wan’s arms would be around him in the blink of an eye, taking all the pain away, as easy as that. And to do that in front of Padmé’s grave? There were few offenses worse than that. So he choked down his tears, trembling a bit due to the effort.

“Let’s go” he said when he felt collected enough to speak.

“So soon?” he asked surprised. Normally they spent much more time here than this.

“Yes.” His voice was on the verge of breaking. _Be strong, Anakin, be strong for Padmé_. “I’ve already said everything I wanted to.”

“Alright” he said with one last squeeze on his shoulder that made him feel _oh so terribly guilty_ again, and they both finally left the cemetery.

* * *

He was looking out of the window of Obi-Wan’s apartment, admiring the drops of water that fell against the windowpane. Everyone was complaining about the rain these days; he couldn’t understand their annoyance for the life of him. He’d always been drawn to the rain, both in this life and in the other one, and now that he had his memories back, he understood where this fascination might be coming from.

“Do you know why I’ve always liked the rain?”

Obi-Wan raised his head from his desk, startled, not having expected Anakin to speak— his friend had seemed to be in a wistful, gloomy mood.

“Why?”

“It’s pretty simple, actually.” He gave a soft chuckle, crossing his arms on his chest. “Back then, in the other life, I loved it. Having been born in Tatooine, it was only normal that I would be drawn to it. You know what they say: you want what you can’t have.” He appeared thoughtful after saying that, giving him a look he couldn’t quite decipher. And it irked Obi-Wan— he used to guess what his friend was thinking most of the times, but there were other times when that task was impossible. And then how could he help him, if he didn’t know what he was thinking? “And then I left Tatooine, and I became used to the rain. I liked to watch it, because it made me feel free. I— I was not a slave any longer.”  Obi-Wan listened enthralled. There was always something so marvellous, so fascinating about having Anakin opening up to him— allowing him to see his vulnerabilities, _baring_ himself to him, discarding in those moments that deceitful confident facade of his. Anakin didn’t know it, but he treasured those moments dearly. “And so in this life, it always relaxed me to watch the rain. It made me feel free, and I couldn’t quite understand why. I guess now I know.”

Obi-Wan smiled softly to him. “It makes sense.”

“Yeah” Anakin replied with a wistful smile.

“Anakin. I... I don’t mean to pry, but I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit off in the last few days. Is something the matter?”

Anakin sighed soundly, frowning, and looking at the floor. “Padmé. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

_How I wish there was something I could do to help you_.

“Are you still going over all the things you could have done together had she not died?”

“Yes. And...other things.” He swallowed. “But yeah, that too.”

“Please, come here Anakin. Sit down.”

He looked at him quizzically before sitting down on the chair situated in front of him in his desk.

“Do you remember Satine?”

He hadn’t been expecting that. “Your ex-girlfriend from the other life?”

“She was not my—” Anakin chuckled, and Obi-Wan sighed soundly. Some things never changed indeed, and some conversations were always going to go the same way, apparently.

“I was joking. Of course I remember Satine. Why do you ask?”

“You know, she was here in this life too. We met.”

“Oh.” He tried to ignore the pang of... something in his heart. He didn’t have the right to be feeling like this. “And did you—were you two...?"

“No.” And Anakin definitely shouldn’t be feeling as relieved as he was. “See, that’s the ‘interesting’ part. We weren’t even friends, just mere acquaintances. She died when I was a teenager.” Anakin looked at him with wide-eyes, horrified. “And I never had any idea of how important she was to me in our other lives. Not until after I had remembered, and looking back at my memories of this life, I put two and two together.”

“Oh, Obi-Wan.” Anakin rose from his seat, approached Obi-Wan, and kneeled down before his chair. “I’m so sorry.” He extended his arm to hold his hand, a gesture so surprisingly tender, and very welcome. “You didn’t even get the chance of being with her in this life...”

“No, Anakin, that’s not why I’m telling you this. I made peace with not being with her a long time ago, in the other lifetime. It was hard at first, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. Even after having... after having cared about her, those romantic feelings ended up fading away.”

Always with the euphemisms, even in this lifetime: _cared_ about her, _romantic feelings_. Would he ever say it to anyone? _Love, just say love, why won’t you ever say it._

“It did hurt a lot when I remembered everything and realised she had died in this life, I won’t lie to you. But what hurt me was the fact that she didn’t get the chance to live a full life here. And, the thing that strikes me the most is that we were not even _friends_ here! That’s why I’m telling you this. Even if you lost Padmé, try to think about how you managed to live a life with her here, to fall in love with her again! And she loved you in return. One would think, mistakenly, that because there are many similarities in both lives, then things such as relationships will be similar as well. But now you know it’s not like that. There existed the possibility of you never having even met Padmé here. I know it’s hard, but try to focus in all that you had, instead of what you lost.”

“You’re right” he said weakly. “In a way, I was lucky. But, oh, Obi-Wan. I’m so sorry. Here, without the Jedi code nonsense, you and Satine could have been together. But you never got the chance.”

“I’m telling you, that’s not the reason why this knowledge hurt me so much. I didn’t feel that way anymore.”

“Yes, but it must have been painful all the same. Even if you didn’t feel that way, you still lo— cared about her.”

“Yes.”

“And it must have been so hard when you realised... God, Obi-Wan, you should have told me. I feel so bad now. That night, I was going on and on about my mum and Padmé’s deaths, while you were suffering in silence about Qui-Gon and Satine! You should have told me!”

“Anakin...”

“Listen, I’m aware I can sometimes be self-centered.”

Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow, amused in spite of the situation. “Do you allow me to record this conversation?” he joked. “I’m afraid I will never hear you say that again.”

“No, not jokes now. Obi-Wan, I’m being serious! I can be self-centered, but you have to understand, that’s because I hurt so much, because everything _hurts_ so much, that I am _overwhelmed_ by all this pain... and then it’s so easy to forget that others can be hurting, too. But it’s not that I don’t care about that, it’s that I’m so _blinded_ by my own pain that I just can’t see that of others!”

“Anakin.” He squeezed his hand. “I already know all this. You don’t need to explain it to me. I know you.” Anakin closed his eyes, frustrated. Obi-Wan interlaced his fingers with his, and he was met with Anakin’s blue eyes once more. “But I appreciate the fact that you feel the need to tell me.”

“It’s just... you need to help me with this, too. If you never open up about yourself, if you don’t tell me when something’s hurting you, then how am I supposed to realise? I promise I’ll try to be less self-centered... even if I don’t do it willingly. But you have to promise me you’ll be at least a _bit_ more open.”

“My, my, you sound so mature all of a sudden.” His amusement couldn’t hide his immense pride for his friend, and former apprentice. “Where’s that childish poster boy gone?” Before Anakin could rebuke him, Obi-Wan spoke again. “Alright, I promise you.”

“Good.”

Anakin withdrew his hand, and Obi-Wan missed its warmth instantly. He looked out of the window.

“Now that it’s stopped raining, I’ll be going to the cemetery.”

“Give me a minute, I’ll go get my coat—”

“No!” Anakin berated himself for having reacted like that, and when he talked again he did it in a softer tone. “No, thank you, but that won’t be necessary. I think I feel ready to go alone.”

“Alright... if you’re sure you’re ready.”

“I am” he nodded firmly. _I’ll have to be. For Padmé._  “Well then... I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye, Anakin” he said with a smile.

* * *

He was correcting exams inside the classroom, alone, once the lesson was over. He could have gone home and continued his corrections there, but he was so focused that he preferred not to interrupt his work. 

Someone knocked on the door.

“Come in” he said.

It was Ahsoka. She had entered the classroom with a resolute and determinate air, and she sat down in front of his desk decisively.

“Ahsoka” he exclaimed, surprised. “What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry. It’s about Anakin—”

“Anakin?” He rose from his chair. “What is it? Has anything happened to him?”

“No! Relax, Obi-Wan. He’s perfectly fine! I just came here to talk about him.”

Obi-Wan sighed soundly and sat down, his face a perfect definition of the word ‘relieved’.

“Is something the matter? I was here with him barely an hour ago, and he seemed to be in a good mood.”

“Of course he was. He’s always in a good mood after your private lessons, or after being with you for whatever reason, for that matter. ”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t catch the innuendo in that.”

“Pretend all you want, Obi-Wan, that’s not going to make it any less true.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Obi-Wan! I came to you instead of him because, out of the two, you’re supposed to be the sensible one. You know exactly what I mean.”

“I may know what you are _implying_ , but that doesn’t mean I understand where you got that absurd idea. Anakin is my friend, and my student, and there’s absolutely _nothing_ of that nature going on between us.”

Ahsoka huffed. “Of course there’s nothing going on. But that’s only because you two are the most clueless people in the universe! Or are you really going to deny you have feelings for Anakin?”

“Ahsoka!” Obi-Wan rose from his seat, an actual _blush_ on his face, and he approached the closest window—physically  _withdrawing_ from the confrontation of his feelings, and it was such an Obi-Wan thing to do that she almost laughed. “Of course I care about him. He— he is my best friend.”

Ahsoka came close to the window. “Obi-Wan... I know how reserved you were, in the other life, and I have the feeling you’re just as reserved in this one. It’s alright, I don’t need you to talk to _me_ about your feelings. I just want you to acknowledge the truth. I just want to help you two!”

Obi-Wan stood in silence, his arms crossed on his chest, gazing at the gardens outside the window.

“Suppose I... _hypothetically speaking,_ had any kind of—of non-platonic feelings for Anakin.” Ahsoka rolled her eyes at the ‘hypothetically speaking’ part, but she supposed she should see it as an improvement. “That would be... all kinds of wrong. _Force_ , Ahsoka, he.... he is my best friend, my student. I’m like a _brother_ to him, for God’s sakes! I was his _Master_ in the other life, I trained him since he was a small boy, I was once a _fatherly figure_ to him!”

“So this is what you’ve been telling yourself?” Ahsoka sighed. “Obi-Wan... firstly, all those things happened in the other life, but still, let’s analyze them, shall we? Yes, you were his Master, and you trained him since he was a child. A child that, in case you didn’t notice, _grew up_ a whole lot! And now about the being like _brothers_ thing... I’m not buying it. I barely even bought it in the other life. Yes, it was a nice term to refer to your strong friendship. You had a bond that, in many ways, was as strong as that of lovers! But brothers? Brothers most certainly don’t look at each other the way you two did!”

Obi-Wan looked at her horrified. “How can you even say that? I assure you, I never thought of Anakin that way, and I’m sure he didn’t either! He loved Padmé, he _adored_ her! He would have never—”

“You misunderstand me, that’s not what I meant. Yes, perhaps you two didn’t think of each other that way _consciously_ , and I’m sure Anakin would have never betrayed Padmé like that. All I’m saying is, back then, there was this... _potential_ , call it as you will, for it being something else! Back then, it was nearly impossible...you had the Jedi Code restraining you, and Anakin loved Padmé, was _married_ to Padmé! But now, you don’t have all those things standing between you two. And it’s only normal that that potential has developed into something else.”

“I, uh—I don’t... Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan seemed exhausted. He shook his head, his hand covering his forehead. “Still, we don’t know how Anakin feels about all this... he might still see me as his brother, you don’t know that—”

“Oh, please, Obi-Wan! I assure you, he doesn’t see you as your brother!”

He gave her a piercing look. “Has he ever told you that?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then you can be wrong.”

“Okay, so there might me a _one hundred per cent_ possibility I am wrong because he hasn’t told me, but I don’t need him to tell me anything when I have _eyes_ to see what is going on in front of me! Seriously, have you never noticed the way he looks at you? I have tried so hard to make you see, but, I have to tell you, you can be pretty clueless when you want to, for all sharp you are in other matters!”

“Do you refer to your antics the other day at the cafeteria?” he asked, unimpressed.

“So you did notice!”

“I noticed what _you_ were doing! To be honest, even an eight year old child would have noticed. You were not precisely subtle, Ahsoka. What I most certainly did _not_ notice was Anakin looking at me in _any_ way that might imply—”

“Because you’re so clueless! Clueless, or in denial, pick what you want to. Even an eight year old child would have realised about the eyes Anakin gives you, Obi-Wan!” Obi-Wan just stood silent. “And this has been going on for a while. Even before you gained your memories, even before you had this renewed connection, he already felt something for you, I swear he did! And, no, before you ask me, he never told me anything, but I still _know_! Every time he came out of one your lessons, he had this big smile on his face, even when he was having _really_ bad days. And the funny thing is that he didn’t even realise! He kept going on and on, complaining about your _tedious_ literature lessons, completely oblivious to the fact that he was always in a better mood afterwards! And even at the very beginning, when you didn’t get on so well, he couldn’t stop talking about you. _“I can’t stand him”_ he used to repeat countless times, _“He’s so arrogant, so stiff, and he thinks himself so clever. He makes me feel stupid.”_

Obi-Wan, in spite of the situation, let out an ironic laugh. “That sounds romantic” he replied in sarcasm.

“My _point_ is that, even when he, supposedly, couldn’t stand you, he still wasn’t able to stop talking about you!”

“Listen, Ahsoka. Suppose that Anakin has some kind of... non-platonic feelings for me in return. In return for my _hypothetically_ non-platonic feelings, that is. That doesn’t mean that, that he... _Force,_ Ahsoka. He’s lost Padmé! He is _so_ heartbroken, and I can’t...” He sat down on one of the chairs of the students, defeated.

“I know” she answered sadly. “Believe me, I know. And that is the main problem here, I fear. If I know him well, which I do, I’m guessing that his being in denial is mostly due to two reasons. Firstly, he must be mulling over all that ‘best friend, brotherly, _whatever’_ thing, just like you. He’s probably horrified with himself for having these feelings, fearing that you’d be disgusted if you knew. And then there’s Padmé. I’m sure he’s feeling guilty for even having feelings for another person. I mean, it’s been two years since she died, and he’s _never_ considered the possibility of rebuilding his life.  And that was before he remembered... just imagine how he must be feeling now that he knows he was _married_  to her in the other life.”

“I can’t do this to him, Ahsoka. I just can’t. He’s got enough on his hands already, without me adding to his confusion! That would be so selfish from me...  And I won’t have him suffer. I can’t take seeing him hurt.”

“Oh, right, because he’s not hurting right now, is he? Look, he’s not going to get better if he continues ignoring his feelings. This is only going to get worse, and you know why? Because he is at his happiest when he is with you! And even if, in spite of it all, he still decides he prefers to continue mourning Padmé, living off his memories... don’t you think that he at least deserves the chance of making that decision for himself? Instead of you doing it for him.”

“I’m afraid” he admitted tiredly, breaking a long silence, gazing lifelessly out of the window. “I’m afraid, Ahsoka. Here, in this life... things have never been better between us. There are no more secrets, no more lies!” He laughed mirthlessly. “I have all I ever wanted from him. His friendship is everything to me already! I don’t think it’s worth it to risk this precious thing we’ve built here, just for the sake of my feelings.” He had dropped the “hypothetically” word, unaware that he’d outwardly admitted he felt something other than friendship.

“Risk your friendship? How do you mean?”

“What if Anakin doesn’t feel the same way, or if he simply decides he doesn’t want anything like that, or even if in the best-case scenario we engaged in a relationship and things went wrong—”

“Stop with the what-ifs, Obi-Wan. I assure you, even in the _remote_ possibility Anakin didn’t return your feelings, he still would want to be your friend, for God’s sakes! And, sure, there’s no way of knowing how things will go, but there’s always a risk in this kind of things.”

“Our friendship is too valuable for me... I’d be happy enough with just being his friend for the rest of my life.” He gave a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka, I—I need some time to think. Please, leave me alone.”

“Of course” she complied. However, when she had her hand on the doorknob, she turned around to look at him. “I understand your fears, and I believe you when you say that you’d be content with just being his friend. But just think... just think that you might be missing something even better. Now it’s up to you to decide whether the risk is worth it or not.” And she left.

Obi-Wan stood up again, walking towards the window, resembling his dear friend in that he seemed to be unable to be still all of a sudden.

He vividly remembered that day when Anakin had stood in front of this very window, admitting to him that he sometimes felt as if he didn’t belong anywhere. A feeling provoked by his repressed memories, there was no doubt about that now. _And I just can’t stop thinking about him, can I?_ It was no use lying to himself.

What a difficult decision he had to make. He would have gladly fought against an entire army of battle droids right now rather than face this. He was afraid, _so_ afraid of losing their friendship if he tried to pursue something more. He was not the one who had been once called “The Hero with No Fear”, after all. And here he was thinking about him, again. _It’s always all about you, my dear._

Ahsoka’s last words were echoing inside his head. What should he do? _You might be missing something even better._ Yes, but was the risk worth it?

It was not like him not knowing what to do. But then again, Anakin had always had this ability of breaking through his standards. _Anakin, yet again._

A distant memory from a far away past came to him. It was not about the memory—it certainly didn’t have anything to do with their current predicament— but about the words they had exchanged. “ _A great leap forward often requires taking two steps back”_ , Obi-Wan had said, to which Anakin had replied, heatedly: “ _And sometimes all it requires is the will to jump.”_

Obi-Wan came to a decision. This time, he was going to listen to his friend. This time, he was willing to jump into the abyss, into the unknown— he was going to take the risk. He just hoped their friendship would survive the fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading!! <3 What did you think about the chapter? Please let me know in the comments :)


	10. The Maybe-Date

He was struggling. Badly.

It was not so difficult when it came to analyzing novels, even when these had been written in the eighteenth century. He was getting the hang of it. But poems? No way. What with all those weird expressions— _“rhetorical devices, Anakin, rhetorical devices”_ , Obi-Wan would correct him— and those antique and stupid words.

_I mean, is this even English?_ It was hard to tell.

He raised his head when he heard Obi-Wan’s laughter.

“Oh yes, I assure you it is English.” _Oh_. Apparently, he’d been thinking out loud. “Hmm, let’s see what you’ve done. Actually, it’s not so bad, Anakin! You’ve improved considerably these last few days. I’m surprised.”

Anakin shrugged, as if that comment hadn’t meant anything, as if he wasn’t kriffing _over the moon_ by just his praise. _Damn it. I’m so screwed._

“Well, now that I don’t have to spend so many hours at the garage, I’ve had the time to catch up. Besides, I did promise you I would try harder.”

“Yes, that’s precisely the thing that surprises me the most.”

“That I keep my promises?”

“That you do as I say.”

Anakin smirked. _He’s got a point, I’ve got to give him that_.

He continued with his analysis. They were at Obi-Wan’s apartment, which meant that attempting to understand the _fascinating_ world of poetry became an even harder task, what with that obnoxious chiming of the clock at every hour. That was the only reason why it was so difficult to stay focused, yes. The feeling of Obi-Wan’s attentive eyes on him had nothing to do with it.

_What is this, a metaphor or a simile? Ugh. I can’t remember the difference for the life of me. And what does this construction mean? Again, is this even English? And why the hell is he looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face? Perhaps traces of the chocolate bar I ate earlier? Or maybe the glass of milk? What if I got dirty in the garage and I didn’t notice and—_

“Can you please stop looking at me while I’m doing this?” he grumbled.

“And miss all those funny faces you’re making? Sorry, that’s not happening.”

_Damn you, Obi-Wan._ He wouldn’t mind it so much if he was just looking at him. But Obi-Wan’s piercing eyes seemed to be looking into his very soul, disrobing him of his confident facade, making him feel utterly vulnerable and naked; and that was just a wrong choice of words, because now his brain conjured up an image of himself _literally_ naked under Obi-Wan’s loving eyes, and _not going there, brain, remember? Not going there!_ He prayed Obi-Wan didn’t notice his blush.

Anakin’s rosy cheeks as he gazed at him made Obi-Wan feel hopeful. _Please, please, let Ahsoka be right._ He hoped to find out tonight, if courage didn’t desert him. _And if she is not right, just please, let our friendship stay unscathed. That’s all I ask._

Anakin watched in silence as Obi-Wan corrected his essay. He seemed so serious with his glasses on, so focused and unattainable.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Obi-Wan asked without looking up, distractedly.

Anakin shook his head, then realised he couldn’t see him. “No.”

He continued with what he was doing, writing far more corrections than Anakin would have liked to. “Neither do I. Do you want to do something?”

“Yeah, sure. Give me a minute, I’ll call Ahsoka—”

“No!” Obi-Wan said too quickly, lifting his gaze this time. “She can’t come. I already spoke to her.”

“Oh,okay. Just the two of us then. Like the old times” he said wistfully. “Now’s when I would tell you: let’s go to Dex’s! I miss that food so damn much.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “Will you ever stop thinking with your stomach? Don’t worry, I know many fancy places in this town. And afterwards, we could go to the cinema? If you don’t fall asleep this time, that is.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Can’t let that go, uh? But yeah, fine. Dinner and cinema it is.”

“Good.”

They were crossing the doorstep when Anakin stopped in his tracks.

“Hey Obi-Wan, do we have a long walk to the car?”

“A bit, yes.”

“Can I leave my bag here and pick it up later?”

“Of course.”

As he waited on the door for Anakin to leave the bag inside, he looked at his reflection in the mirror on the wall, fixing his hair. He was not self-conscious, but if he was going on a date with Anakin, he wanted to look as good as possible. _A date_ , he laughed to himself, thinking that, for it to be a proper date, Anakin should know that they were in fact going out on a _date_ , but of course he didn’t dare tell him, and so the night looked _promising_ already. _This is ridiculous._

The voice of a little girl calling him interrupted his musings.

“Obi!” Lizzie was coming up the stairs.

“Hello, little one.” Obi-Wan smiled to her. “I didn’t know you’d come to stay with your grandparents today.”

Anakin exited the apartment at that moment.

“I’m ready to go, Obi-Wan. Oh, hi Lizzie! How you doing?”

“Anakin!” She gave him a brilliant smile. “Are you going out with Obi-Wan?”

“Yeah. We just had one of our lessons and—”

“Mum and dad are going out on a date today, too! That’s why I’m staying with grandpa and grandma tonight.”

“Oh— uh, no. No, we’re not going on a date!” Anakin stammered. Obi-Wan resisted the urge to facepalm. “We’re just going out” he finished off flustered.

“Sure.” Lizzie didn’t seem to buy it, though, and the fact that even a _nine year old_ child seemed to notice that this was _indeed_ a date spoke volumes of Anakin’s obliviousness. “Well, have fun.” Was it his imagination, or did she wink an eye at them before entering her grandparents’ flat? Anakin didn’t seem to notice, though; not that he had expected him to.

“Okay, let’s go!”

* * *

“Obi-Wan” Anakin whispered as they entered the restaurant. “What the hell? When you said fancy I didn’t imagine _this_!”

“What do you mean?” he whispered back.

“This is going to cost an arm and a leg!” he grumbled, trying to not be overheard as they waited to be attended.

“Don’t worry, it’s on me today.”

“No way!” He grabbed his arm, that stubborn look of his in his eyes. “Let’s go some other place, we still have time.”

“Anakin, please! It’s one thing you won’t accept my money to help you find a new job, but will you deny me this as well? I want to invite you to dinner. Can you indulge me just tonight? _Please_ ” he pleaded with his eyes.

He looked at him doubtfully, his resolve slowly crumbling. Finally, he gave an exaggerated sigh. “Alright, fine” he conceded. “But the next one’s on me.”

“Thank you.” _I hope there is a next one_. The waiter approached them with a polite smile. “A table for two, please.”

Anakin stood with his arms crossed on his chest, a stubborn expression on his face even if he’d accepted Obi-Wan’s invitation— _why do you always have to make everything so difficult—_ and Obi-Wan gave him a slight push to urge him to move forward.

They were placed in a nice and intimate corner. Their table was next to a window that overlooked the street, and it was partly isolated from the rest of the room thanks to an elegant booth partition. The centre of the table was occupied by a tealight, which, added to the faint illumination and the sophisticated decorations, endowed the place with a dreamy and... romantic atmosphere. _Force, I hope Anakin doesn’t realise._ But then again, that was the point of tonight, wasn’t it? _Yes, but it is easier said than done_ , he thought as he looked absent-mindedly at the menu.

“Ugh.” Anakin was looking at his own reflection in the windowpane, fixing his rebellious hair. “You could have told me you had in mind coming here. What with all these stiff and loaded people... I feel so out of place!” He sighed, looking rather self-conscious. “I would have worn something else... I’m so underdressed.”

He shook his head and started reading the menu. The bleak illumination made his deep, oceanic eyes stand out, and the candlelight drew shadows on his delicate features, his skin an alluring mixture of gold and orange.

_You’re so beautiful._ “You’re fine, Anakin. Don’t worry.”

“Says the one who’s always all dressed up! I don’t even understand the menu” he complained. “And why would one need so many silverwares? Such a waste.”

_Beautiful and whiny._ Obi-Wan gave an exaggerated sigh.

“Have you decided what you want to order?”

“What part of ‘I don’t even understand the menu’ did you not understand?” He pushed the menu away. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan gave him an amused smile as he crossed his arms on the table. “Do you trust me that much?”

“With my life” he answered dramatically before smirking. He crossed his arms on the table as well and leant forward, so as not to be overheard. “As long as you are not piloting a ship” he whispered mockingly.

“It was _you_ the one who always crashed the ship.” His comeback, however, wasn’t uttered with the expected teasing tone. His voice was weak, just as himself was feeling weak, for Anakin’s full lips were far too close, and it would be so easy to close the distance—he could even blame the chair for having destabilized him— and brush their lips together, even if it was for just a second. And was it his imagination, or was Anakin looking at his lips, too? He could hear his soft sigh, _feel_ it on his own lips, and yes, it would be so easy to just—

_No, not like this_.

What use would that be? He needed to come clean about the matter of his feelings first, and those of Anakin’s. Under no circumstance did he want to add to his friend’s confusion and hurt— _over my dead body_. _He’s suffered enough as it is_. And kissing him like that, unexpectedly, could _definitely_ be deemed as confusing. Yes, he needed to talk to him first, or at the very least, subtly hint at his non-platonic feelings for his _best-friend_ , and _brother_ , and _Oh Force, this is so difficult._ He dimly wondered whether his reticence was not in fact due to a fear of rejection. Whatever the cause, he felt that closing the distance between them was not the right thing to do at the moment. And so, no matter how alluring those lips may be, he withdrew.

The waiter chose that moment to take their orders, and Obi-Wan was thankful for the interruption—  Anakin might have thought it weird that he withdrew from what had appeared to be the prelude of one of his favourite battles: a dialectical one. He heard Anakin clearing his throat as he started ordering for the two of them, but he didn’t dare look towards his direction. _Did he notice anything?_

The dinner went by smoothly, with no trace of any previous awkwardness.

“Ugh, I swear, this wine...” he said between coughs. “For all that it’s expensive, it tastes like hell.”

“And for all your disgust, you’ve drunk three glasses already.”

“So as not to snub you” he replied. “But I’m telling you, I’m more the beer and fast-food kind of guy, instead of all this...stuff” he finished off making a gesture with his hand.

Obi-Wan knew that, of course. Anakin didn’t need to tell him what his preferences and interests were,  for Obi-Wan liked to think that he knew well his best-friend, and _former apprentice_ , and _brother— Force, not again._

In any case, he’d chosen this place because he had wanted to do something different for the especial occasion of... of what? _It’s been one hour and a half already, and you have the same intentions of coming clean about your feelings as when you exited the apartment—none._ No, that was not correct. He _was_ going to talk to him about his feelings _tonight_ ; it was only a matter of finding the right moment.

Except that he didn’t seem to be getting anything _right_ tonight. _Not even two hours, and I’ve already upset him with the choice of the restaurant_. He felt very tired and ridiculous all of a sudden. He was an adult, mature, self-composed... it was not like him to mull over such trivial things, for God’s sakes! He found it funny: the former Jedi Master, Negotiator, and General of the Republic, reduced to this caricature of himself. _Look at what you’ve done to me_ , he thought somewhat amused.

“... Obi-Wan, are you listening to anything I say?”

“Excuse me, I got distracted. By the way, I’m sorry for this disaster of a... friends dinner.” He’d been quick enough to not let the word ‘date’ slip. But just barely. _I need to take it easy on the wine._

“Oh, come on, it’s not a disaster! I was just trying to wind you up. Look, I have to admit, I really enjoy contradicting you just for the sake of it.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Talk about stating the obvious.”

“ _And_ ” he continued as if he hadn’t heard him, “I did like the food, even if I can’t fathom for the life of me just what I ate. And I do like the wine.” He grinned as he raised his glass, that cheeky grin of his already on his face. “Come on, let’s drink a toast!”

“What for?” he asked sceptically.

“Well, tonight is a special occasion, isn’t it?”

Obi-Wan’s heart gave a leap.

“Special occasion? What, uh... what do you mean?”

“We’re celebrating our reconciliation, what else!”

“Oh. Yes.”

“So”, he urged him to raise his glass of wine as well, “here’s to our friendship. Free of lies and secrets.”

_Except for my secret, non-platonic feelings for you._ Obi-Wan sighed inwardly.

“To our friendship” he answered raising his glass, before drinking its content in great gulps.

“By the way, even if the dinner had been a disaster—which is _not_ the case, I swear to you— but if it had...” Anakin smiled softly to him. “The company is what matters, right?”

Just that, a heart-warming smile and his words of praise (which was something rarely bestowed by his former apprentice, in both lives) — that’s _all it took_ to lift his spirits. He had that power over him.

“Right” he replied softly, his grey-blue eyes shining with fondness.

Afterwards, Anakin glanced at the dessert menu—forevermore thinking with his stomach— and Obi-Wan took advantage of this fact to stare at him without being noticed. He just couldn’t help it. Underdressed for the place, perhaps; and yet utterly, impossible, unfairly _breathtaking_. With his blond hair all messed up, his worn-out black trousers, his leather jacket— _and he just loves black in this life too, doesn’t he? It does look extraordinarily good on him_.

 Oh, and again, those rosy cheeks gave him hope. But it didn’t mean anything; his blush could be due to whatever other reason— indeed it was terribly hot inside the room. Ahsoka’s voice resounded inside his mind. “ _You’re so clueless!”_ Was he?

 But, if Anakin did feel something, surely he would say something, wouldn’t he? What with how assertive and self-confident he was. _On the outside_ , Obi-Wan reminded himself. _Furthermore, he is still mourning Padmé_. That thought alone made him want to put an end to this date-not-date, immediately; Anakin was not ready for any of this. “ _But don’t you see? He’s at his happiest when he is with you!”_ Ahsoka, again.

 He sighed. And they still had to go to the cinema. _Let’s see how this date-not-date ends._ There was certainly room for improvement, but then again, things could always go worse.

Things didn’t get worse at the cinema, nor better. This stagnancy was making him feel uneasy.

Anakin was absorbed in the movie; so much so that the unfaltering stare of his companion went unnoticed. They were practically alone at the cinema, safe for a small family and another couple some rows ahead. _Another?_ Obi-Wan laughed to himself. _You wish._

Anakin’s right hand resting on his thigh seemed to be calling to him, daring him to make a move. That would be a nice way of testing the waters, wouldn’t it? Certainly much less risky than attempting a kiss.

And, not for the first time since he regained his memories, the thought struck him: _Force, how far the mighty have fallen._ If someone had told him back then, in the midst of his meditations in the Jedi Temple, that he would end up like this—taking Anakin on a date without him knowing, debating himself whether he should hold his hand or not, as if the fate of the world depended on it— he would have thought it a hilarious joke. But it was not so hilarious when it was real.

_You’ve faced innumerable dangers. Are you really going to let yourself be defeated by this?_ No, he was not. He moved his hand to place it over Anakin’s.

“This movie is not so bad actually! But a space battle would never look like that” Anakin whispered grabbing a handful of popcorn, with his _right hand_ , the hand that Obi-Wan was supposed to be holding _right now_ , if Anakin’s gluttony hadn’t gotten in the way. _Blast it!_

“Your gluttony knows no bounds!” he said louder and harsher than he’d intended.

Now Anakin did turn his head to look at him with an angry frown.

“Oh, excuse me for eating kriffing _popcorn_ at the _cinema_ , like the rest of mortals do!”

“But you’ve eaten all of it yourself!”

“You said you didn’t want to!” He lowered his voice when they heard some _shh_ from the scarce audience. “What the actual hell, Obi-Wan?” he said in an angry whisper. “You’re so whiny tonight. Everything bothers you!”

 “Says the master at whining. No pun intended.” Obi-Wan gave an exaggerated sigh and bent over on his seat, hiding his face between both hands.

“Obi-Wan... what is going on? We had agreed to be more open with each other, remember?” He felt Anakin’s hand moving, a comforting weight on his shoulder. It would be so easy to hold it now... but courage had already deserted him. “Please talk to me” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry, Anakin. You’re right, I... I just had a stressful day, and I’m taking it out on you. Please forgive me.”

“That’s alright.” Anakin squeezed his shoulder. “I’m the _Master_ at taking it out on others, too. Pun definitely intended.”

Obi-Wan chuckled softly, lowering one hand and turning his head to look at him.

“Does that mean you admit being whiny as well?”

Anakin feigned a thoughtful expression. “Humm, just from time to time.” He gave him a toothy grin that Obi-Wan couldn’t help returning. He had this wonderful man’s friendship— that was certainly more than enough. But it was precisely that, wasn’t it? He was afraid of losing it if he pursued more. Obi-Wan touched his temple; his head hurt terribly. “You look like hell, Obi-Wan. Come on, let’s go home— I mean, let’s go to your apartment. You need to rest.”

“Thanks for the compliment” he deadpanned. “You are enjoying the movie, I can wait.”

“Correction: I _was_ enjoying it, at least until that surreal space battle began. That’s so not how it would look like...”

“Maybe you can contact the scriptwriters, tell them how it would look more realistic. Your past life as a Jedi Knight backs your arguments, after all” he joked tiredly.

Anakin let out a laugh. “Yeah, I might have to do that. Come on, let’s go.”

They took a taxi— in spite of Obi-Wan’s initial intentions, he had ended up drinking at the dinner— and in fifteen minutes time, they were at his block of apartments.

“After you” Obi-Wan said politely, holding the door of the entrance hall open to let him pass.

 “Look at him, so polite. No one would have guessed how unbearable you were the whole night” he joked.

“I’m so sorry Anakin—”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “I was just joking!”

When they arrived to the fifth floor and the elevator door opened, they were surprised at finding his next-door neighbours—Lizzie’s grand-parents— on the corridor, very much awake at two AM, and looking anxious. He exchanged a look with Anakin and they approached them.

“Oh, Obi-Wan!”

“Ronald, Mary” Obi-Wan addressed the elderly couple. “What is it, is everything alright?”

“It’s Lizzie” Mary said, teary-eyed. “She got angry when she overheard a phone conversation with my daughter. And she left the flat, and I didn’t even notice! How could we be so careless” she hiccupped.

“Shh, take a breath.” He was immensely worried too, but he tried to keep a cool head for the sake of Lizzie, as they couldn’t afford having another person on the verge of a panic attack. Anakin, in spite of the situation, couldn’t help looking at him with deep admiration.  “Look, she can’t have gone far, she can’t even have left the apartment block. It’s always locked, she would have needed the key! Or has she taken it—”

“No” Ronald shook his head. “No, we have the key. But then where is she? We’ve looked inside the entire building and she’s nowhere to be seen!”

“My poor girl” Mary said despairingly.

“This is a huge place” Anakin intervened. “She must be hidden somewhere, you know how restless she is. Don’t worry madam, we’ll help you find her!” he said with resolution.

They parted ways to look for her inside the building. Anakin examined the lower floors, trying to imagine where he would have hidden if he were a child who didn’t want to be found. Having been truly restless in his childhood—in both lives— that wasn’t a very hard task. But there was no trace of her, no matter where he looked. His heart ached for that poor little girl. _Please, let her be alright_.

He was at the entrance hall again, wishing that Obi-Wan and Lizzie’s grandparents had been any luckier than him— when he heard soft sobbing.

There she was, hidden in the corner next to the letterboxes and beneath the gap left by the lowest stairs. She had her head hidden between her bent knees and her arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Leave me alone!” she screamed when she heard footsteps approaching. _And she has just the same character I had, too._ “I told you I didn’t want to speak with you.” She must have thought him to be one of their grandparents.

“It’s okay, Lizzie.” He approached her so that she could see his face in the darkness. “It’s me, Anakin.”

“Oh.” She stopped sobbing. “You have returned from your date already?”

“It was not a—” She chuckled. He shook his head, and sat down on the floor in front of her. “What is it, Lizzie? You have your grandparents really worried.”

“I don’t care! They lied to me, and I don’t want to speak with them ever again!” Yeah, she definitely reminded him of his childhood— especially his childhood in the Jedi Temple.

“You don’t really mean that, do you?”

“How do you know?” she asked defiantly.

“Believe me, I know. One can say _really_ bad things when angry, but the majority of times you don’t mean those things. Hey, it happens even to the best of us!” he said cheekily.

She rolled her eyes.

“Obi-Wan’s right, you can be so cons— consc... ugh, what was the word?”

 “Conceited” supplied a voice behind them.

“Obi!” Lizze said with a smile.

“Hello there, little one.”

And there he was, standing with his arms crossed very near them. He must have come after hearing all the talking.

“Conceited?”Anakin said to him in mocked annoyance.

“Am I wrong?” He raised one eyebrow and then looked in Lizzie’s direction. “Now, Lizzie, you shouldn’t be hiding like this. You gave your grandparents a fright.”

“I told them I hated them” she admitted ashamed. “But they know I don’t mean that, don’t they? Anakin said people say bad things they don’t mean when they’re angry.”

“Of course, Anakin would know that very well.”

Anakin resisted the childish urge of turning his head and sticking out his tongue.

“It’s just... I heard grandma talking with mum by the phone, and she said... she said I am going to have a little brother! And no one planned to tell me anything.”

“A little brother? But that’s just great, Lizzie!” Anakin said.

“No, it’s not! They... mum and dad won’t love me as much now” she said sadly. “They didn’t tell me anything! And it’s Friday and we always watch movies on Friday night, but they left me with my grandparents... And I love to be with them! But can’t you see? They are forgetting about me already.”

“Oh, Lizzie.” Anakin looked at her sympathetically. _Fear of abandonment. I can relate to that as well_. “It’s not like that, I swear to you! Yes, they hadn’t told you yet, and it’s unlucky that you found out this way. But I’m sure they were just waiting for the right moment to tell you! And _of course_ they’re not forgetting about you just because they went out on a date. I’m sure they love spending time with you, more than anything! It’s just, when two people love each other, like your mum and dad, they sometimes want to spend some time alone.”

She looked at him thoughtfully, her cheeks still wet with tears. “I see... like you and Obi-Wan?”

_Oh, God._ He blushed furiously, immensely thankful for the fact that Obi-Wan was standing behind him and so Anakin didn’t have to see his surely disgusted face at the mere suggestion of them going out on a _date_.

“What—no, not like that” he stammered. “Lizzie, just... don’t worry. I swear to you, your parents will love you just the same when your little brother is born.”

“You promise me?” she asked softly.

“I promise.”

She nodded, and Anakin was moved by the fact that this little girl, who hadn’t known him for a long time, valued his word so much.

“And now you’ll also have a little brother to play with” Obi-Wan intervened. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

That seemed to cheer her up a bit more “Yeah, I guess... and will you two love me just the same?” she asked in a doubtful tone.

Obi-Wan kneeled in front of her. “You will always be my favourite neighbour, little one.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed triumphantly. Anakin and Obi-Wan shared a laugh. She then pouted. “I want Anakin to be my neighbour as well. Why don’t you move in with him?”

_Shit, shit, shit._ And this little girl, cute as she might be, just didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut, did she? Another treat they seemed to share. _And my life has turned into a joke, hasn’t it? Someone up there must be having a lot of fun at my expense_ , he thought trying to avoid Obi-Wan’s eyes.

Obi-Wan, perhaps sensing his embarrassment, came to the rescue.

“Well, he comes to my apartment a lot, so I guess you can consider him your neighbour already as well. After all, you don’t live here either, but I consider you my neighbour all the same.” She nodded happily. “And now, how about you go and apologise to your grandparents? They are going to be so glad to see you well.” She nodded frantically, and the three of them went to see her grandparents together.

It warmed Obi-Wan’s heart to see the happy family hugging together—so much so that, for a brief moment, he forgot all about his failed attempt at a date with Anakin, or about his cowardice for not having dared to tell him. _That will have to be another day_.

“What a night, uh?” Anakin sighed as they entered his apartment. Obi-Wan snorted. _Tell me about it_. “Now where did I leave my bag? I can’t find it anywhere!”

“Do you mean that bag that is in the sofa, _right in front of you_?”

“Oh, yeah.” He chuckled. “That bag.”

Obi-Wan accompanied him to the door, and they stood at the doorstep looking rather awkwardly at each other.

“You were so nice with Lizzie before, Anakin. You’re really good with kids, who would have thought.”

“Yeah, well... I guess I could relate to her. That fear of abandonment, I... I’m so familiarised with it. Especially in the other life, as a Jedi. What with all that non-attachments _nonsense._ I was so afraid you didn’t care about me.”

“Anakin—”

“No, no more apologies.” He smiled to him. “We already cleared that out, remember? At the beach.”

“Yes.” But that didn’t make it right. How could he have been so cold, so... detached towards him when they were Jedi? _The Jedi Code, that’s why._ Yes, he knew why. But, oh, how much did he want to make it up to him in this life.

“I hope Lizzie is alright” his friend said, frowning. “We should be more attentive towards her these days, so that she realises that her fears are nonsense. I’ll try to come more often too” he said without realising that he should practically come here every day if he was to come here even more often than he already did. “Maybe we could give her a present.”

“Good idea” he answered fondly, immensely touched by the fact that he cared so much about the feelings of his little neighbour.

But it shouldn’t surprise him—Anakin  had always had a big heart. Always caring about others, willing to give his life to protect that of the ones he loved. The Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi might have once considered it a weakness, but this was precisely the part of Anakin that captivated him the most in this life— and perhaps back then, too, even if he had not been willing to admit it.

A few hours ago, at the restaurant, he had been able to withdraw. Anakin’s beauty was alluring, breathtaking, overwhelming, irresistible— but he had been able to resist it. Anakin’s immense heart, his kindness, his goodness; _that_ was a battle he was always going to lose— a magnet impossible to resist, certainly not in this life, and again, he had a feeling that not even in the other.

And so, for all his self-restraint, it was no surprising that, faced with Anakin’s beautiful soul, he was instantly disarmed. It was no surprising that he threw caution to the wind, that he closed the distance between them, and that his lips were finally brushing _his_ lips. And the realization came to him at the same time that his brain marvelled at the softness of his lips: he was kissing Anakin. Anakin, his former Padawan, his best friend, his brother in arms. His student, his best friend again, and the one person to whom his heart had _always_ belonged to, without it even being a conscious choice. Anakin, whose lips were soft, warm, wonderful, _unresponsive_ —

This second realization was not pleasant at all.

_Force, what have I done?_

He had kissed Anakin, who was still mourning Padmé, who most likely still saw him as a brother.

Panic overtook the normally self-composed Obi-Wan Kenobi. He withdrew his lips, avoided his eyes, and thought: _just what the blazes have I done?_

“Goodnight, Anakin.” And just like that, he slammed the door in his face— _too much courage for one day—_ leaving a stunned and wide-eyed Anakin behind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, so sorry to end the chapter like that!  
> By the way, it's only taken them around 57000 words to kiss for the first time... I did say slow burn in the tags haha :P  
> Thank you for reading! As always, comments are much appreciated :))


	11. There's No Going Back Now

He was having really bad weekends these days.

One of the worst he remembered, not too long ago, was the one he regained his memories. It’d been hard, confusing, maddening, heartbreaking, disorienting. No, he didn’t want to feel like that _ever_ again. Without Obi-Wan’s support, he would have definitely gone bonkers, for sure.

And now this one. This one... How could one define this one? Objectively, it was not on the same level of confusing. Nothing came close to the realization of having had a past life, of having been some kind of hero— a Jedi knight—, of having been married in said life.

And yet, and _yet_ , his level of confusion was a hell lot like that of _the_ weekend.

All of his certainties had crumbled; the unthinkable, the unnameable had happened. And this time he didn’t have Obi-Wan to help him through it.

This time it was Obi-Wan the one at fault for the situation, to begin with.

When it happened, he froze. It didn’t matter that he’d fantasized about it more times than he would like to admit. He froze, because there was no way that _that_ could _ever_ happen outside the realm of dreams or of the imaginary. He’d walked away from the apartment in a trance, not knowing what to think, or feel.

It was just no possible. There was no way in hell he could bring himself to believe that Obi-Wan— _Obi-Wan_ — had _kissed_ him. Those two concepts, Obi-Wan and kissing _Anakin_ , just didn’t seem to go well together in the same sentence. It was surreal. He fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed, with the certainty that in the morning he’d realise that it all had been a strange dream caused by all the wine he’d drunk at that frigging restaurant. Just a dream.

But of course, it hadn’t been a dream. _Is it ever?_ He couldn’t help feeling relieved that Ahsoka had gone away for the weekend. If she’d seen him, she would have noticed something was off with him, and, truth be told, he just wanted to stay away from the world. He turned off the phone, unprepared for any of the explanations, apologies, or the _it-was-a-mistake-and-it-won’t-happen-again_ crap that Obi-Wan might have sent him. He feared being rejected. And he also feared the alternative.

He went on autopilot mode for the rest of the day, still in a haze, and it was not until he was on the bed again, twenty four hours later, that the thought struck him with force.

_Holy crap, he kissed me. Obi-Wan. The Obi-Wan Kenobi._ Former Master, actual teacher, always best friend.

And the worst thing...

The worst thing was that he would give anything for it to happen again.

This was not a recent realization: he already had the massive freak out some weeks ago, when he finally acknowledged that truth he had tried so hard to escape, to no avail. It had made him feel guilty— it was all kinds of bad that he’d started having feelings for another person when he should still be mourning Padmé. But the impossibility of it all, the absurdity of Obi-Wan _ever_ reciprocating, eased the guilt. It was no use feeling awful for something that would never happen.

But now Obi-Wan had gone and opened the door, made the impossible look slightly more accessible— only slightly; he’d still slammed the door in his face afterwards!— and, when his eyes found those of Padmé on the picture on the nightstand, the guilt inside him became unbearable. He turned around on the bed; he couldn’t stand seeing her.

On Sunday, he gathered enough courage to take a look at the phone. Seven missed calls. _It could have been worse._ All of them were from Ahsoka. He sent her a message, and it didn’t take him long to understand why he was feeling so angry all of a sudden.

_The bastard didn’t even have the decency to send me a simple message._ Who did he think he was to do something of this _cosmic scale_ and not even deign himself to give an explanation? To his so-called best friend! Who did he think he was to go and kiss him, then proceed to _slam the door in his fucking face_ , leaving Anakin a guilty and confused mess the day afterwards, and not even send a message? Not even one _fucking_ message to say “forgive me, Anakin, I don’t know what came over me. It must have been the wine. It was a mistake and it won’t happen ever again”— _please, don’t let it be that_.

_You are not getting away with this, Kenobi._

Anakin:  _We need to talk._

No answer.

Anakin: _Obi-Wan._

Anakin: _Please_.

He started writing another message, this one not as polite as the previous ones, but whatever he had been about to say was forgotten; Obi-Wan had given him an answer.

Obi-Wan: _I’m sorry, Anakin, I’m really busy now. I’ve got hundreds of corrections to do for tomorrow. I hope you can understand that. Have a nice day._

Anakin looked incredulously at the screen. _The nerve of him!_

He was tempted, he was so tempted to go to his apartment, pound the door forcefully and repeatedly— the door which he had slammed in his face— until he didn’t have any option but to talk to him. His pride prevented him from doing this, though.

Tomorrow after the class, then. _If he doesn’t make up another pathetic excuse, that is._

Staying angry with him was so easy. It prevented him from thinking, from anticipating his rejection. But mostly, it prevented him from hoping.  That would have made the rejection that was sure to come much harder.

But he hoped anyway. He was that stupid.

* * *

 “Modernism was a period of innovations. Traditional standards and conventions were decried in favour of new forms and...”

There he was, in all his professor Kenobi gloriousness. All the students listened attentively to his explanations.

All but one.

_How can you act like nothing’s happened?_

Anakin had even asked him some question to see if he could crack that stoic facade when he looked at him, but there was no such luck. He answered him politely, detached, just as he would have answered any other student. He did withdraw his eyes a bit quickly, although that was probably just Anakin’s imagination.

As soon as the class was over, he walked towards his desk, hoping to get all this cleared up. The bizarreness of the situation struck him then, and his stomach did a funny thing that left him feeling nauseous. This was his best friend, his former _Master_ in the other life, for Force’s sakes! A myriad of memories assaulted him then, of their past life as Jedi— being told hundred of tedious sermons when he was his Padawan, Obi-Wan’s ceaseless and vain attempts to make him enjoy meditation, fighting side by side in the clone wars after he’d been knighted, bantering, sharing private jokes, bantering some more— and he was tempted to run away. He knew that man, and he knew _this_ man as well— they were the same, after all— but friendship, camaraderie, and even a great deal of resentfulness were the things which had always defined their relationship. He didn’t know how to face this new situation.

But he never was a coward, and he didn’t plan to leave the classroom until they’d talked.

Another professor entered the classroom then, though, saying something about a meeting and leaving the class with Obi-Wan—who didn’t even look at him on his way out— frustrating his plans. _Damn it!_

“Hey, Skyguy!” Ahsoka greeted him in the corridor as they walked towards their next lesson of his actual degree, and not that literature nonsense taught by that infuriating teacher, and even more infuriating best friend. “Do you want to do something when the classes are over?”

“I can’t, sorry. I’m staying at the library afterwards.”

“Really?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I’ll kill time there until Obi-Wan’s next class is over. I want to talk to him.”

“Oh.” She gave him a sideways look. “What about?”

“Nothing! Nothing’s happened. What makes you think that—”

Ahsoka raised her eyebrows quite comically, and she seemed too satisfied with herself.

“I didn’t say anything, Anakin.”

“...right. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you know something I don’t! Wait, do you know something I don’t?”

“About what?”

“Ugh, _nothing_.” He sighed soundly. “Look, forget it, just... I’ll tell you later.”

She couldn’t contain her laughter any longer. “You better.”

Every minute seemed to last for an eternity. Needless to say he didn’t study anything at the library. When it was time, he ran hurriedly towards Obi-Wan’s class. After the last lesson of the day, he used to stay inside the classroom, making corrections and going over his notes.

Luckily, today was no exception. When the last student exited the classroom, Anakin came in, latching the door right after he entered.

“Anakin” Obi-Wan said a bit confused, taking his glasses off. “What are you doing here? We don’t have our private lessons until tomorrow.”

“I need you to explain to me something, maybe you can make me _understand_.”

“Of course. What can I help you with?”

Anakin huffed incredulously. “How about we start with why you _kissed_ me the other day, _slammed_ the door in my face afterwards, and didn’t deigned to offer me an explanation—not even _one_ damn phone call—the whole weekend?”

“Anakin—”

“No! Don’t _Anakin_ me, I’m done with this shit! How could you do that and then just—” He couldn’t finish the sentence, so he shook his head instead.

Obi-Wan stood up and gave his back to Anakin, walked towards a window and looked through it.

“I’m so sorry, I have no excuse.”

So this was how it was going to go, then. Just as he’d feared

“So what, you just... you were confused, don’t know what came over you, and it was all a mistake that won’t happen ever again? You don’t know why you did it— it was probably the wine— and ‘let’s forget this, Anakin, and act as if nothing’s happened’? That’s what you’re gonna tell me, right?”

Obi-Wan exhaled relieved. Anakin had made it very easy for him: this was his way out. He could say all those things, act as if nothing had happened, and then proceed to retain his friendship; a friendship he should have never risked with his foolish behaviour the other day.

Anakin waited for him to speak, his heart in his throat, having no idea at this point of what answer he feared the most.

“No.”

The word resounded loudly inside the empty classroom; or probably just inside his head.

“No what?” Anakin asked.

_No, I’m not going to be a coward anymore._ He was not going to take the easy way out. Obi-Wan turned around to look at him.

“No, I was not confused. I know perfectly well why I did it.” Anakin’s heart stopped beating right then. “I do apologise for having reacted so... well, so childish. I didn’t want to lose your friendship, that’s why I was avoiding you. It’s no excuse, I know. I do promise you it won’t happen ever again. I just hope you can forgive me.”

Anakin looked at him incredulously. “How could you ever, _ever_ think that I would stop being friends with you for something like that? Who do you take me for?”

“I... no, Anakin, that’s not what I—”

“Yes, it is! Obi-Wan, I could never, I would _never_...” He laughed mirthlessly. “You could convince Yoda of expelling me from the university and I’d still be friends with you. You could have told the Council about me and Padmé, and I ultimately would have forgiven you. You could have gone to the dark side, and I’m sure I would have found it in myself to forgive you.” Obi-Wan stared at him looking a mixture of horrified and something else he couldn’t quite describe. “You could fuck it up in _any_ possible way, and I’d still be friends with you!”

“There are many... questionable things in what you said, but thank you. Don’t misunderstand me, I know you are not the kind of person to turn your back on your friends for—” _For not feeling the same way._ “Well, for something like this. But that’s how fears are, they’re irrational.” 

Anakin snorted. “Yeah, tell me about it.” Both shared a quiet chuckle, and a peaceful silence followed.

“You never told me why you did it.” Anakin’s voice sounded near him; he had joined him and was leaning against the windowsill next to him.

Obi-Wan looked at him confused.

“The kiss.” _Oh, Force_. Obi-Wan withdrew his eyes. “You said you knew perfectly well why you did it, but you didn’t tell me.”

“Why did I—? Force, Anakin. For the same reason people do these things” he answered uncomfortably. So he didn’t return his feelings, he still wanted to be friends... why couldn’t he leave it at that?  _Must he take pleasure at making me uncomfortable as well?_ “Do I really have to explain it to you? That’s being really dense, even for your standards.”

Anakin chuckled fondly as he looked at him. _One day I’ll succeed in making you talk openly about your feelings_.

He cleared his throat after an awkward pause. “And what if I told you... that I’d like you to do it again?”

It took him a minute to take in the meaning of these words. He turned his head and found Anakin looking at him nervously, expectantly. The sunlight that entered through the window made his eyes look even bluer than they already were.

“That I call you dense again?”

Anakin closed his eyes in mocked exasperation, and when he opened them again, Obi-Wan’s face was very close. His forehead was touching his, their noses nearly bumping together.

“If you need me to answer that question” Anakin replied weakly, “you’re even denser than I am.”

Obi-Wan smiled knowingly. “Must you banter at all times?” he whispered only millimetres away.

“You started it.” His last words were muffled by Obi-Wan’s lips on his.

_There is no going back now_ , a voice inside Obi-Wan’s head reminded him. _Please, let our friendship stay unscathed,_ he prayed for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was tremendously easy to forget about his fears, though, for Anakin was kissing him back this time, making it impossible for him to think about anything that held no relation to those marvellous lips.

The last time, Anakin had been so shocked that it was almost as if it had never happened. Now, he was determined to remember every single detail of it. It was not the kind of first kiss—or second, _whatever_ — that one would see, say, in a movie. There was nothing grand or extraordinary about it: no epic setting— just an empty classroom— and no display of unbridled passion. It was tender, shy, a bit awkward: the kind of kiss one would expect of two lifelong friends advancing towards something they would have never thought possible. And it was perfect.

But even better was the adoring look on those grey-blue eyes when they pulled away. And to think that Anakin was the one responsible for that look... it was humbling.

“I didn’t know that you... that you felt the same way.”

Anakin raised one eyebrow, amused.

“You still haven’t said what your feelings were, to begin with.”

Obi-Wan gave him an unimpressed look, knowing well enough what he was doing. “But of course, non-platonic feelings, obviously".

Anakin snorted. “Non-platonic feelings...” He shook his head, chuckling. “That sounds so much like something Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi would have said. I see you are as terrible at sharing your feelings as in the other life.”

Obi-Wan sighed, taking his hand and interlacing his fingers with his. “I do find it difficult, yes. Remnants of my past life as a Jedi, perhaps. I was never able to get too close to people, there was always something holding me back...” he said thoughtfully before giving him a tender smile. “Until you came into my life, that is, and tore all my barriers down. How unsurprising.”

Anakin lowered his head, touched by his words of praise; but then that pleasant feeling in his stomach was replaced by a bitter one. He needed to be completely honest with him.

“I... Obi-Wan. I’m not gonna lie, ever since I realised I felt something... I’ve tried to deny it so hard. And not because I thought you would be disgusted if you knew—not only, I mean— but also because of... because of Padmé” he managed to say with a weak voice. “I felt so guilty, I still do. But, don’t get me wrong, I _do_ want to give this— _us—_ a try” he added hurriedly before Obi-Wan could interrupt him. “It’s just, it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take me a while to stop feeling as if I was... _betraying_ her.” He shook his head. “And I’m sure I’ll have really bad days, more often than not.” He _really_ needed to stop talking at once, or else the only thing he would manage would be to make Obi-Wan back out. “Do you really think you can put up with me?” he finally asked, his insecurity written all over his face.

“Anakin. I survived a whole life of putting up with you as my Padawan, I’m sure I can put up with just about _anything_ after all the stress you put me through.” He chuckled when Anakin made an annoyed face. He lifted their joined hands and kissed Anakin’s fingers softly before talking in all seriousness. “Anakin, the last thing I want is for you to think that I mean to take Padmé’s place. Whenever you are feeling bad because of it, tell me. Our friendship will always come first, no matter what.” He caressed his cheek with his free hand. “There’s no need to rush anything, we’ll take it really slow, okay?” Anakin nodded slowly, losing track of what he’d been about to say when Obi-Wan continued placing tender kisses on his fingertips.

“We could start by going out on a date, what do you say?” he asked when he felt collected enough to speak again with a normal, _non-pathetic_ voice. “Tonight I have to work at the garage, but what about tomorrow?”

“Excellent idea, Anakin. I know some...”

“If you say ‘fancy places’, so help me...”

Obi-Wan laughed. “Alright, you choose the place this time.”

“Great. Oh, and I also choose to, you know, not having the door slammed in my face this time, if you don’t mind.”

Obi-Wan groaned and rolled his eyes. “You’re not ever letting that go, are you?”

“Nope” he answered with a teasing smile. “You know me, Obi-Wan.”

“Indeed I do” he answered feigning exasperation, gazing at his dashing smile. _And I wouldn’t change a thing_.

* * *

 Anakin ran hurriedly towards the gardens that surrounded the campus, where he had met with Ahsoka to spend the break between classes. It was a bright, sunny day, paralleled by his good humour. Then, in all his rush, he bumped into someone— that someone being professor Windu— and, well, let’s just say that even good days must have its drawbacks.

“Look where you’re going!” he sneered. “Skywalker, of course. It had to be you.”

“I’m sorry, professor” he said grudgingly. No matter what life they were in, he and Windu would never see eye to eye, apparently.

“Now that you’re here, let me tell you that if you arrive late at another class I will... oh, Obi-Wan!” His sudden appearance saved Anakin from what had promised to be another scolding. Obi-Wan greeted Windu politely, and, much to Anakin’s surprise, he acknowledged his presence as well.

“Skywalker” he said detached, but Anakin could detect the hint of fondness and familiarity in his voice. His stomach did a flip, and— _oh, shit, not again—_ he felt his cheeks heating up. It was going to take a lot of time to get used to this.

“Professor Kenobi” he greeted him with all the indifference he could muster.

Windu ignored him completely and started talking to Obi-Wan about meetings, congresses, and some more of that boring stuff. “As we commented in the other meeting, I don’t agree with the new program that...”

They walked away as they continued their conversation, not uttering a single word of goodbye to Anakin. Obi-Wan did turn around when Windu got distracted, and sent an apologetic look in his direction, to which Anakin responded with a reassuring smile and a shake of his head. And his stomach did definitely _not_ do that weird thing again.

“Hey Skyguy” Ahsoka said when they were sitting on the grass of the gardens. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so widely. Are you feeling ill?”

“And still I can’t laugh at your bad jokes” he said in good humour.

“Well, are you gonna tell me the reason for your cheerfulness? I’m guessing your conversation with Obi-Wan yesterday went really well.”

Anakin blushed. “What makes you think I’m like this because of Obi-Wan?”

Ahsoka looked at him unimpressed. “Seriously?”

“Are you talking about me?” Obi-Wan said, appearing out of nowhere.

Anakin swallowed. Indeed, Ahsoka couldn’t be more right: just seeing him made him feel all giddy on the inside.

“Has Windu released you already from his ramblings?” he attempted at sounding nonchalant.

“No, but I managed to escape anyway.” He smiled the smile that was only ever meant for Anakin, and he just couldn’t think of a witty reply.

“Hey guys, do you want to do something tonight?” Ahsoka asked.

_Shit._ Obi-Wan looked at him inquisitively, but didn’t say anything. It seemed it was Anakin the one that would have to explain it.

“We can’t. You see, Ahsoka, we... we kind of", he looked at Obi-Wan for assistance, but the bastard stayed silent. "We’re going on a date” he finished in a rush. “As in, together.”

She gave an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, for Force’s sakes, finally!” To say that Anakin was confused was an understatement. “I swear, if I had to withstand one more day of watching the two of you pinning for each other, I couldn’t have taken it. So, you finally had the guts to tell him!” she said to Obi-Wan. “Good for you. I told you he felt the same way.”

“Wait, what? You’ve talked about this with him?”

“Oh.” Ahsoka looked apologetic then. “Well, yeah, I mean... someone had to! You’re not angry, are you?” Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exchanged a worried look.

“Angry? Why the hell should I be angry? Actually, I have to thank you, Snips. If you hadn’t intervened, this one over here would have never tried anything.”

“Excuse me?” Obi-Wan said incredulously. “Funny of you to say that, when I was the one to _actually_ do something.”

“Details” Anakin brushed off before standing up. “Well, I leave you to continue talking behind my back” he joked. “I need to study some things for my next exam.”

“Nice retreat” Obi-Wan said amused. “It’s so like you to take the easy way out when you lack a proper argument.”

“I just know when to fight my battles” he replied before leaving.

Ahsoka chuckled. “It seems the banter will go on and on forever, no matter what the state of your relationship is.”

“Yes.”

“What is it, Obi-Wan? You seem a bit worried. I mean, Anakin feels the same way! Shouldn’t you be, like, over the moon?”

“I am” he said wistfully. “But I can’t help worrying. Anakin is still struggling with his emotions, still mourning Padmé... I’m afraid to have started something he might not be ready for.”

“Obi-Wan... he’s a grown-up man. If he’s made this decision, then he knows what he’s doing. So stop worrying. And, yeah, I’m sure things won’t be easy... but I know you will be there for him when he’s feeling down.

“Of course I will” he said fiercely. “Always.”

* * *

As he made his way through the courtyard, Anakin found Palpatine sitting on the edge of the fountain. Anakin greeted him— it was such a good thing to have his memories back; at least now he could remember his name!— and they both talked for a while. Even if Anakin was a nobody in this life, he still took interest in his well-being, which proved to him once more what a great man he was.

“You seem in high spirits today, Anakin!”

He chuckled. “You’re not the first one to tell me this. I guess I’m like an open book, uh? Yeah, things are looking good for a change.”

“I’m so glad to hear that!” He sighed. “And a little envious, but the good kind.”

 “Is not everything going well for you? Can I help you with anything?”

“Oh, no, don’t worry. Things are going well, I can’t complain, really. It’s only that I feel a bit unwanted when I come here. I feel the director thinks that I intrude too much in the matters of the university, when the only thing I want to do is contribute to make things better.”

“That’s awful.” Anakin frowned. “I mean, they should be grateful that the mayor is so involved in everything that takes place in town.” It was just as in the other life, in Coruscant. _It’s so unfair._

“Ah, don’t mind me” he brushed off. “Maybe it’s just my imagination!”

_I don’t think so_ , Anakin thought bitterly remembering the many times the Council had been unappreciative of Palpatine’s help.

“Well, enough of talking about me. How is the course going so far? Oh, and those literature classes that you told me about! Are they still so terrible?”

He laughed, looking at his own reflection on the water. “Let’s just say that literature is not my thing. But professor Kenobi is an excellent teacher, he even makes it look bearable.” _I could listen to him rambling for hours and hours about the most boring stuff, and I still wouldn’t be bored at all._ When he saw his goofy smile— _ugh—_ reflected on the water, he tried to adopt a neutral expression. He truly hoped that, in time, it would be easier to conceal his feelings when he was at the university.

“I am sure of it.” Palpatine gave him a kind smile. “Well, I’m really glad to hear that, Anakin.” He stood up. “My goodness, look at the time! I’m going to have to leave you, Anakin, I’m off to a charity auction now. It’s been really good to see you.”

“You too” he said sincerely. “Have a nice day!”

Anakin stayed where he was, sat on the edge of the fountain, pulled his notes out of his bag and started to go over the contents of his next exam. He didn’t have time to study anything, though, for in less than a minute a certain someone sat next to him on the space formerly occupied by Palpatine.

“Hello there.”

“Wow, you are done talking behind my back with Ahsoka already?” he teased. “I’m surprised, it’s barely been ten minutes.

 “I suppose we ran out of insults, since we talk behind your back almost daily” Obi-Wan joked back, bumping his shoulder lightly. “What did Palpatine want?”

“Just wanted to know how I’m doing” he shrugged. “He also told me that he feels his help is not always welcome here. I don’t get it. He’s a good man, Obi-Wan. He’s always trying to help, always so involved in pretty much everything!”

“Well, that’s precisely the problem. It's almost as if he liked to control absolutely everything, when, in fact, even if he is the mayor there are many things which shouldn’t be his business.”

“I so don’t agree with you.”

“I know.” He snorted. “But let’s not discuss this now. We’ve had this argument more times than I can remember, back then.”

“Yeah, tell me about it! But yeah, I don’t want to argue.” Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow. “What? Contrary to your belief, I enjoy peaceful conversations from time to time.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Obi-Wan replied amused. Anakin rolled his eyes, and stared at him. And stared at him so more. The awkwardness was unreal. It would have been awkward enough without taking into account that he was his teacher, but this little fact somehow made it even ten times more awkward. It was only yesterday that they’d decided to start a relationship— _Force, I still can’t believe it_ — and they still hadn’t had the occasion of spending some time together. _Not surrounded by people, I mean_.

And it was hard, being so close and not being able to touch him.

“Please, tell me that this is so weird to you as well.”

“What do you mean? I don’t recall any significant change happening to my life in the last few days” he joked.

Anakin laughed. “Yeah, neither do I. Nothing extraordinary, save for the small detail of having planned a date for tonight with my best friend, former Master, who also happens to be my annoying teacher” he finished in a whisper.

“Well, Anakin, there’s nothing extraordinary indeed. In fact, this would be our second date.” No one was close to the fountain, but they both were whispering anyway.

“Kriff, Obi-Wan, I refuse to call that thing a first date. Need I remind you that you...”

“...that I slammed the door in your face after kissing you? That won’t be necessary; I dare say I remember it too well, especially after you repeated it for the tenth time.”

“Whatever” he replied trying to suppress a chuckle, taking a look at his notes again.

“What is that?”

“Mechanical stuff that you would find boring.”

“You don’t know that. I’m not as stubborn as you are, I may be able to appreciate something that is beyond my area of expertise. Unlike a certain someone in my literature lessons.”

“And still not funny. Okay, since you’re so interested...”

He explained the basics to him, while Obi-Wan listened attentively, and he forgot about the rest of the world. He loved mechanics for that reason; nothing could make him forget about his problems like machines (except, perhaps, the rain).

“...and that’s how the system manages to—” Obi-Wan was staring at him with an amused smile on his face. “You’re not listening to anything I say, are you?”

“Well...”

“I told you you’d find it boring.”

“Only the subject matter. But I do love to hear you talking so fiercely about something. Always did.” Anakin blushed at that. “If only I could have your entire attention in my classes...”

_You always have my entire attention._

“Oh, dear.” Obi-Wan stood up brusquely. “Windu over there. I’ll go before he resumes his dreadful talking.”

Anakin laughed out loud. “And then you scold me when I criticise him!”

“No, don’t get me wrong. I consider him a good friend. But he can be tiresome, sometimes.”

“Nice euphemism.”He gave him a smile, feeling slightly awkward. Again. “Well, then... I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yes.” He returned his smile softly. “I’ll pick you up at your apartment at ten. Until then, Anakin.”

“Until then” he said to no one as he watched his retreating figure, missing his warmth instantly.

* * *

“I can’t understand for the life of me how you can enjoy eating that thrash. It’s so bad for your health.”

They were inside the car, their date already over— he wished it was Friday or Saturday so that they could stay a bit longer— delaying the moment of saying goodbye.

“It’s called junk food for a reason. And don’t lecture me, Obi-Wan, I had enough of that when I was your Padawan. Besides, you’ve got to admit, the food tasted much better than in that expensive restaurant full of idiots and snobs.”

“At least that was _real_ food.” He cleared his throat, looking resignedly at his watch. “Oh, and don’t forget to take the book with you. No more excuses of no studying literature because you don’t have the book.”

Anakin chuckled. “Yes, sir. Alright, so... ” he said awkwardly. “Time to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Right.”

They both stared at each other for a while. Finally, Anakin gave him a warm smile, and exited the car while cursing to himself for his  own awkwardness. It was justified, though: it’s not every day that one goes on a date with your best friend, former Master, former brotherly figure—

And he really needed to stop thinking about that.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Obi-Wan’s voice called him from the car. Anakin turned around and found him looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

Anakin stared at him in silence, and was struck by the similarity of the scene to a certain rainy day several months ago. Things were quite different now, though. If someone had told him then how many things were going to change in his life, he would have never believed it.

“Right. The book.” He smirked when he reached the car. If he knew Obi-Wan well, which he did, that amused sparkle in his eyes indicated that the book wasn’t the only thing he was forgetting. He truly hoped he wasn’t wrong.

“Actually, you’re forgetting two things.”

Anakin smiled and looked around him to make sure there was no one in the street. Then, he leant forward through the space left by the lowered window, and melded their lips together.

He’d been wanting to do that the whole night, but, as they wanted to keep their relationship secret at least until Anakin was finished with the literature classes— there would probably be consequences otherwise— they had refrained from doing any gesture that might look suspicious at the restaurant.

And there it was that sense of unreality again, which he was sure would take a long while to go away, as his brain registered that, yes, _Obi-Wan’s_ lips were pressing delicately against his,   _Obi-Wan’s_ beard was softly scratching his skin. Anakin decided that he liked the feeling.

“I still haven’t forgotten about the book” Obi-Wan softly murmured against his mouth, as Anakin held his bottom lip hostage between his lips, nipping at it lightly. Obi-Wan fully reconnected their mouths then, needing as much contact as possible, and any coherent thought flew his mind at the feeling of their tongues lovingly dancing together.

“Good night, Obi-Wan” Anakin said quietly, his lips still brushing his, the heat on his cheeks standing in great contrast to the cold air of the night.

“Good night” Obi-Wan replied feeling slightly dizzy, a content expression adorning his features when Anakin turned around to give him one last smile before disappearing behind the door of the house.

He still had a besotted smile on his face when he saw the literature book, _the_ book that Anakin should have taken with him, lying forgotten on the passenger seat. _Blast it!_

He shook his head, dimly exasperated. But not even that could erase the smile from his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some progress between them, yay! :D I can barely believe it myself :P  
> Thank you again to everyone who's reading the story!! And as always, I love to read your comments <33


	12. Guilt

From the seashore he could see the waves crashing against the rocks of the cliff, loudly and imposing. The cloudy sky and the grey waters supplied the scene with a wistful air, and the presence of the young man taking in all his surroundings seemed overwhelmingly insignificant amidst the magnificence of nature. Deep blue eyes were now fixed on the clifftop, and, for a brief moment, he could see himself standing there. As a little kid, he used to love watching the sea from that height. It made him feel powerful. His mum was always near, keeping a close eye on him. He could almost see her now, too.

The sound of approaching footsteps on the sand brought him back to the present.

“You took your time, old man” he teased. “Is the walk up to here too long for you?”

“Your jokes about my age— which, by the way you speak, it would seem I’m over one hundred years old instead of thirty five—do not make sense anymore, Anakin. What does it say about you that you hang out with me so much, then, if I’m an ‘old man’?”

“I guess it says that I like old men.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Seriously now, what took you so long?”

“I told you I was examining—”

“The flowers on the passage, yes, I know. Geez, Obi-Wan. Literature, flowers… you’re such a geek. Must you know everything about everything?”

“It’s called being cultivated. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll pick up a little bit of that by just being with me.”

“And end up being a geek like you? Thanks, I think I’ll pass.”

Ahsoka had been right: the banter was not going anywhere, no matter the many changes in their relationship. And it warmed Obi-Wan’s heart that that was the case.

Ever since they decided to give a romantic relationship between them a try, every single day had been an adventure of sorts. Getting to know another side of Anakin, exploring this new territory together, it was exhilarating. He could now gaze at him for as long as he wanted to as he worked on his machines— or as he disemboweled them, as Obi-Wan liked to call it— without fear of being caught. He no longer had to repress the urge of brushing away a lock of that rebellious hair when it fell on his cheek. And now he finally knew what it was to put an end to his endless banter by placing his lips on his. He had come to discover there were few things in the world he liked more than to shut him up with a kiss.

Yes, it was exhilarating. But it was quite scary too.

The many joyous smiles, the light-hearted teasing, and his apparent good humor could not fool Obi-Wan. Not a single day had passed when he didn’t catch his young companion with a vacant expression, staring into the distance. Just like he was now. His body was there on the beach, but his mind was elsewhere, miles away from him. He had no doubt as to what—or rather, who— occupied his thoughts. And, given that he had two lifetimes to look back on, the possible scenarios were endless.

Obi-Wan hated how useless that made him feel. There was nothing he could do, or say, to help him; in fact, it was very likely he would only make things worse if he did. So he had no choice but to stay silent in those moments, knowing that his dear Anakin was suffering.

It was a Saturday afternoon, one of those spring days when the temperature is at times cold and at times tolerable.  The sky was covered by heavy clouds that kept the disk of the sun hidden for the most part, and the strong wind kept the sea alive with violent waves that filled the silence with their roars. They had decided to spend some time together at the beach; more precisely, at the furthest end of the beach, Anakin’s favorite place in town. It was one of Obi-Wan’s favorite places too, because of its solitude and the impressive scenario of mountains, cliffs, and vegetation surrounding it. But, no matter how picturesque it all was, the actual moment he had fallen in love completely with the place was when he and Anakin had reconciled and resumed a renewed friendship, free of the ghosts and lies of a distant past.

“ _Ugh_ , damn it” Anakin cursed when his leather jacket, which he had taken off during the long walk, fell from his shoulders to the ground. He started shaking the sand from it frantically, with a disgusted look on his face that elicited a laugh from Obi-Wan.

“Oh, Anakin, your hate for sand is getting ridiculous.” Instead of the witty reply he’d been expecting, Anakin stilled for a few seconds as that vacant look took over him again. _Force, what is it now? Please, say something, allow me to help you._

Anakin resumed his movements with a frown on his face, and when he was satisfied with the result he put on his jacket again. The cold win was picking up, blowing sand all over the place and making Anakin’s efforts to shake it off from his clothes fruitless. Obi-Wan shook his head in fond amusement: only the contradiction that was Anakin Skywalker would share an inexplicable hate for sand and a tremendous love for the beach at the same time.

“You see those cliffs over there?” Anakin broke the silence. “I went there many times with mum when I was a kid. It used to get her on her nerves every time I got near the edge” he chuckled as a memory of her mother came to him, _furious_ at Anakin for having disobeyed her and having come too near the cliff edge. She had threatened him with never coming back there for the fright he’d given her, but in the end she had surrendered to his puppy eyes look—as Obi-Wan liked to call it— and had forgiven him. He never gave her such a fright ever again.

“Reckless as always.”

Anakin hummed pensively. “I used to tell her that one day, when I was older, I would be brave enough to jump off the cliff.”

“And that would be about the last thing you ever did. Don’t you see those sharp rocks on the water? It would take a miracle to not be killed on the spot.”

“And that’s exactly what she said, same words and everything. You two would have got on really well.” He sighed wistfully and leant on a big rock, crossing his arms on his chest. Just when Obi-Wan was thinking that he was about to go through another of his gloomy moods, he talked again.

“I used to come with Padmé here a lot, too.” _Oh._ “Everywhere I look reminds me of her.” He placed his hand on his hair in a gesture of frustration, looking as though he regretted having said anything at all. “It was a bad idea to have come here.” _With you_ , he didn’t say, but he didn’t need to. “We better go somewhere else.”

“Wait, Anakin” he told him before he could move. “So I take it you know this place well, then?”

“Yes, as if it was my second home” he answered slightly puzzled by the question, a quizzical look on his eyes. It was quite endearing.

“Then you must know what’s over there?”

He looked at him as if he had hit his head. “You mean the bunch of rocks?”

“No, I mean the beach that’s _behind_ the bunch of rocks.”

“What? There’s nothing there!”

“Don’t you ever get tired of being wrong? Come, I’ll show you.” He motioned Anakin to follow him through the narrow path amongst the big rocks. “This part of the beach is only accessible during the low tide, just like now. Otherwise it’s completely covered by the sea.” His voice came out as an echo due to the rocks that surrounded the path.

“I never noticed.”

“You were never very observant, my former apprentice.”

“At least _I_ wasn’t scared shitless when I had to fly!”

Obi-Wan didn’t deign to offer him a reply to that. They were reaching the end of the short path amongst the rocks, and he could already hear the soft murmur of the sea, as if it was calling them. Then he saw the waves crashing on the shore of that small but enchanting place. The tide was really low that day, so they would be able to walk a long path along the shore. From where they were situated now, the cliffs in the distance that Anakin had been talking about before could be appreciated in greater detail, and the roar of the waves crashing against the rocks was far more overwhelming. It was beautiful. And the best part, Anakin had never been in this place before. The weight of the memories would be more manageable, or so he hoped.

“Well. I was right, you see. How unsurprising.” Obi-Wan teased as he basked in the beauty of their surroundings. “What do you think?”

He felt the warmth of a soft hand enclosing his. A contented smile pulled across Obi-Wan’s lips as he interlaced his fingers with Anakin’s.

“I love it.” He was looking at him with grateful eyes. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

_You’re beautiful_ , he thought as he gazed into the depths of those sapphire eyes. “I’m glad you like it.”

They left their shoes on a corner away from the water, and they walked hand by hand along the shore, their trousers rolled up to their knees. The water didn’t feel cold once one got used to it.

“So,” Obi-Wan started, resuming their conversation from before, “you think your mother would have liked me, then?”

“I am sure of it.” He huffed amused. “You two would have teamed up against me _all the time_. It would have been a nightmare for me.” _A nightmare I would give anything to experience._ “Anyway, yeah. She would have loved you. Both you and the Jedi you.”

Obi-Wan hummed pensively. “I’m not so sure about the last one. As your Master, I think we can safely say I left much to be desired.”

Anakin stopped in his tracks, making Obi-Wan stop too. “You were the best Master for me. End of the story.” Obi-Wan highly doubted it, but he didn’t want to bring up again their former trust issues, their incapability of being honest with one another, let alone their failure at communicating successfully. Some things were better left in the past, especially considering they had already discussed this. Still, his self-criticism for not having been there for Anakin when he needed him the most was apparent all over his face. “I mean it” Anakin insisted. He then smiled. “The only Jedi I actually gave a damn about what his opinion was.”

“I should be honored” he replied amused.

“You should. In my eyes, you were the best Jedi. Making you proud meant the whole world to me.”

Obi-Wan blushed, never having been one to know how to take compliments, much less how to respond to them. But Anakin’s words, _that_ had meant the world to him. He supposed he should give an answer that could measure up to Anakin’s heartfelt comment, but, for all he was supposed to have a great command over language, he sometimes found it incredibly difficult to put his feelings into words.  “I’m sure I would have loved your mother, too.” Anakin smiled. “She has all my respect and admiration for having had to put up with you as a child for two lifetimes.” He tried to keep a straight face. “She deserves a statue for that.” Anakin rolled his eyes.

“ _I_ deserve a statue for having had to put up with your bad sense of humor for two lifetimes.” Anakin started to resume his walking, but Obi-Wan pulled his hand and drew him towards himself. He then placed one arm around his waist, holding him close, and only let go of his hand to caress his cheek.

“But mostly, she has all my admiration for having raised this wonderful man, with the biggest heart I’ve ever known.”

Before he knew it, Anakin’s soft, plump lips were kissing his, and he lost himself in the wonderful sensations. This was another of the many exhilarating, blissful moments that were part of his life ever since he and Anakin had decided to embark on a relationship. For it wasn’t always that Anakin was absent, brooding and wistful. It wasn’t always that Anakin was thinking about someone who no longer existed. There were times, like this one, when the only thing that mattered was their love. When the only thing that occupied their thoughts was the uncertain but thrilling journey they had decided to undertake together.

When the only things that his brain could register—or the only things that were worth noting— had to do with Anakin. He was now dimly aware of the loud noises caused by the sea, and yet he heard with unerring clarity Anakin’s soft, contented sigh when their lips parted for a brief moment. Brief moment indeed: as soon as he heard, felt, that sigh on his lips, he had no choice but to reconnect their mouths. Then their tongues were softly caressing, and he just couldn’t bring himself to care when a wave crashed against the shore a bit more forcefully than the others, getting the lower part of his trousers wet. The wisest decision would have been to get away from the sea— it’d be really difficult to clean the stains on his clothes later— but to do that he would have had to disconnect their lips, and to say that he was not really up to it was an understatement.  In fact, his grip on his waist tightened, holding him even closer, not planning to move away from the shore anytime soon. Anakin’s right hand was caressing the hairs at his nape, and he knew that it was that, and not the cool breeze, which was making him shiver. And then Anakin tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss, and Obi-Wan thought that he would gladly spend the rest of his days just like this, if it were possible.

There they stayed embraced for a while, amidst the grey sky and sea, the wind rustling their clothes violently. Insignificant when compared to the powers of nature, but together. In this corner of the beach where the only memories Anakin would have, would be of the two of them together; as they rewrote the pages of a story that wasn’t originally meant for them, but that had miraculously ended being so. And there might be many obstacles and difficulties along the way, as is the case with most stories, but each and every one of them would be worth it if he got to share any portion of his life with the wonderful man that was in his arms.

* * *

“Come on, Skyguy.” Ahsoka put his drink out of reach. “You’ve drunk enough already!”

“Shut up, Snips. I can talk perfectly, you see?”

“Yes, but you can barely stand straight.” They were at the bar, celebrating the birthday of one of Rex’s friends. Anakin was never one to drink too much. Sure, he used to indulge in the occasional beer every now and then, but she could count with the fingers of one hand the occasions in which he had gotten way too drunk. Unfortunately, now seemed to be one of those occasions. And, apparently, he didn’t intend to stop drinking any time soon.

“What’s wrong with you?” he complained trying to reach the bottle that Ahsoka was holding, to no avail.

“No, what’s wrong with _you_? It’s not like you to drink so much, especially when there’s nothing worrying you. Wait, did you and Obi-Wan have a fight?” she whispered so as to not be overheard by the rest.

His friend’s face adopted a dreamy look as soon as the name Obi-Wan was uttered. Ahsoka chuckled in spite of their current predicament.

“Obi-Wan? Where’s Obi-Wan? Is he here?” he asked with the same excitement one would see in the face of a child about to open a Christmas present.

“Shh, what if someone hears you?” He truly was plastered, even if he could still speak in complete sentences. Which wouldn’t last for too long, at the rate he was drinking. She needed to convince her friend to leave the bar, but he was being his typical stubborn self. _If only Obi-Wan was here…_ She smiled as a brilliant idea came to her. She wrote a message to him, informing him of the situation, and asking him if she could bring Anakin to his flat.

“Are you writing to Obi-Wan? Tell him that I l–” He blushed. “That I miss him. No! Better tell him that—”

His friend graciously interrupted him. “Hey, Anakin, so I was thinking, Obi-Wan’s apartment is really close. Do you want to pay him a visit?”

“Yeah! But, wait.”He narrowed his eyes quite comically. “He must be sleeping.”

“You just saw I talked to him by the phone.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Wait, but—” _What now,_ Ahsoka thought exasperated. “It’s four AM. I don’t think he likes it when I go to his home at these hours.”

She did a double take. “Why would you usually go to his apartment at four AM? Oh, forget it, I _really_ don’t want to know. It’s fine, Anakin. He’s cool with us coming. Let’s go!”

Obi-Wan’s flat was a short walk from the bar indeed, but going there was not an easy task, what with the way Anakin was staggering. She helped him by putting his right arm around her shoulder, and when they arrived to their destination Obi-Wan welcomed them with an exasperated, if slightly amused look.

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin exclaimed cheerfully throwing himself into his arms, or trying to— he stumbled and almost fell to the floor in the process.

“Easy there, Anakin.” Obi-Wan helped him keep his balance by putting an arm on his waist and placing Anakin’s left arm around his shoulders. “Force, how much did he have?”

“Too much.”

“Don’t listen to her. She’s evil” Anakin mumbled with his head resting at the crook of his neck. “I told her you wouldn’t like us coming this late to visit you. Are you angry with me?” he pouted.

“What— No, Anakin, I’m not angry with you.”

“Good.” He placed one kiss on his neck, satisfied with that answer.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exchanged an amused smile.

“All yours now” Ahsoka said with a tired sigh.

“Thank you for your help, Ahsoka.”

“Sure! That’s what friends are for. And former Padawans, for that matter” she joked before disappearing behind the elevator door.

“Alright. Let’s get you to the couch, shall we? No, not that one. That’s not a couch, Anakin.” He sighed and shook his head fondly as Anakin finally sat down on the couch. “What am I going to do with you?”

“That’s up for you to decide” he replied with a cheeky smile.

Obi-Wan ignored the innuendo and went to the kitchen, returning shortly after with a pill and a glass of water.

“Take this. You’ll feel better in the morning. Or rather, less horrible.”

Anakin swallowed the pill and took a small sip of water.

“Drink it _all_.”

Anakin pulled a face. “Alright, _Master_.” He drank the whole glass of water grudgingly. “Is there anything else you want, _Master_?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “You’re even less funny when drunk.”

He huffed ironically. “Yeah, like you’re one to talk.” Anakin’s mocking expression was suddenly replaced by a serious, solemn look, that didn’t herald anything good according to his experience. “Obi-Wan” he said. “Can I tell you a secret?” _Oh, Force. I don’t think I can take any more secrets._ He nodded with apprehension. Anakin came near him on the couch and started speaking, slightly slurring his words. “Actually, I… I do like your sense of humor. Sometimes. Other times I hate it, though. But, yeah. Am I making any sense?”

Obi-Wan released the sigh he’d been holding. Then he chuckled, immensely relieved that he hadn’t been told about another secret of epic proportions. Of the kind of ‘I was married in the other life’ or ‘I slaughtered a tribe of Tusken Raiders out of rage’.

“Yes, you’re making sense.”

“Then why are you laughing at me?”

Obi-Wan just shook his head, and placed one hand on his cheek.

“So you like my sense of humor, then?” he reminded him amused.

“No, not _like_. I just don’t hate it.”

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, Anakin. You do know I’m bringing up this conversation again in the morning, right?”

Anakin groaned, hating the self-satisfied smile on Obi-Wan’s face. He kinda liked it a bit too, though. He kinda liked it a lot. That was one of his favourite Obi-Wan’s smiles. Also, it was not fair. The man looked as stylish and elegant and just plain _gorgeous_ in his pyjamas as when he was dressed formally for when he had to give a class. It didn’t surprise him, though. He was certain that he could wear a crocodile costume and would still manage to pull it off nicely. He traced the contour of his cheekbone with his index finger. Perhaps it was just the alcohol, but once more Obi-Wan’s eyes seemed to be that indefinable colour between blue, grey and green. “You’re so handsome” he blurted out. And he was even more handsome now that his cheeks had turned crimson. “I always thought you were handsome.”There was this nagging sensation that told him he should be feeling guilty for that statement, but his hazy state of mind prevented him from developing that thought.

Obi-Wan chuckled lightly, thinking that, _yes,_ he was definitely bringing up this conversation in the morning. “You’re not so bad yourself.” He placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

Or at least keeping it chaste had been his intention. As soon as their mouths met, Anakin responded enthusiastically, parting his lips to allow his tongue entrance. Obi-Wan took the hint gladly, exploring thoroughly the depths of his mouth with his own tongue. He tasted strongly of alcohol, and he couldn’t care less. Anakin moaned against his mouth, and it was that sound which brought him out of his fuzzy state of mind, allowing him to think clearly. Anakin was drunk, and he needed to put a stop to this at once.

They were taking things slowly in their relationship, and so nothing had yet happened between them, apart from the loving kisses and innocent caresses—which already meant the whole world to Obi-Wan. Anakin was simply not ready for that. It was not something they had discussed openly, but they didn’t need to. It was apparent from the way Anakin used to lose himself in his thoughts, or how he sometimes broke their kisses with guilty and gloomy eyes, only to spend the next hour in a brooding mood. He knew he was struggling with his emotions, trying to forgive himself for having feelings—and acting on those feelings— for someone who wasn’t his deceased girlfriend, and _wife_ no less. And, as much as Obi-Wan would give anything to help him through this, this was a battle he had to fight on his own. All he could do was being there for him for when he needed his help.

“Anakin” he said in a shaky voice when he managed to break the kiss. “We need to stop.”

“Why?” he pouted, climbing into his lap and straddling him on the sofa. He then rolled his hips, and Obi-Wan had to muster up all of his self-restraint to hold back the moan that had threatened to escape his lips. Anakin smirked. “You want this.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So? I want this, too.”

He shook his head. _You wouldn’t be doing this if you were sober_. “That would be taking advantage of you” he said firmly.

Soft lips were at his neck then, and his skin involuntarily shivered. He couldn’t help closing his eyes in satisfaction when those lips traced a path upwards his neck until they reached his ear. “Then take advantage.”

He opened his eyes, disgusted at the mere idea of it. “Never” he replied more forcefully than he’d intended. He’d rather die than being intimate with Anakin when there was the slightest possibility of him not being in full possession of his senses to give his consent. 

Anakin groaned, recognising a lost cause when he saw one. “Whatever.” He disconnected their bodies and he lay flat on the couch, taking the blanket that was on the armrest. “Ugh, turn the damn lights off, will you? It’s too bright in here.”

“Anakin, you don’t have to sleep in here. You can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, you take the bed” he mumbled. “I’ll sleep on the couch, I like the couch” he murmured with his eyes closed.

“But you will have a sore back tomorrow!”

Anakin opened his eyes and groaned again. “Why are you still talking? Go to your bed, Obi-Wan.”

He rolled his eyes fondly. “You’re so stubborn.” Anakin stuck his tongue out at him. “And childish.”

“At least I’m not an _old man_ ” he answered mockingly before turning around on the couch. “G’night.”

Obi-Wan stared at his back amused, already anticipating the many ways in which he could mortify him in the morning by bringing up the events of the night.

“Sleep well, my dear.”

* * *

 It never ceased to amaze him—in a bad way— just how untidy Anakin’s apartment was. It was quite distracting: every cell of his being itched to put everything in order. But to do that he would have had to stop correcting the endless pile of exams he should hand over for tomorrow, and the correction of those exams was the reason Obi-Wan was in Anakin’s empty flat to begin with. The constructions that had begun that week in front of his house made it impossible for him to concentrate in there. So, he’d asked Anakin if he could stay at his place just for the day. He hadn’t considered how distracting the mess around him was going to be, though.

As soon as he heard the door, he opened his mouth to tease him about the mess, only to close it at once at seeing the state that he was in.

“What on earth happened to you?”

He looked like a mess— not to be redundant or anything. He had a bruise on his cheek, and stains of blood all over his shirt.

“Just got into a fight” he brushed him off, making a wince when he closed the door.

“Oh, right, just got into a fight. Another day at the office” he replied with sarcasm, before regretting the fact of having sounded harsher than he’d intended. He just hated it— with every fiber of his being— when he saw him hurt, and even more so when he didn’t seem to care _in the least_ about being hurt. He always had hated it, but in their previous lives as Jedi it had happened far more often than he would have liked to. Although, perhaps, he was not one to talk.

“I’m not in the mood for fighting, Obi-Wan.” He disappeared towards his bedroom.

“Oh, no, you seem to have fought enough already.” He shook his head reprovingly and followed him to his bedroom.

“What happened?” he asked with his arms crossed on his chest, making a grimace when Anakin, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, took off his shirt; and the many bruises on his torso were revealed to him. “Oh, Anakin.”

“I came off well, considering the circumstances. Better than that bastard, anyways.”

“Would you please stop downplaying the gravity of your injuries?” He sighed. “Hold on, I’ll go for the first-aid kit.”

Shortly after, as he was tending to his wounds, Anakin explained to him what had happened. “I saw one of the typical snob jerks of our university making fun of a student near the campus. If you had heard the things he said... I had to defend him.”

“And was there no better way of defending him than getting into a fight? Sorry” he apologised when Anakin winced as he treated one wound on his shoulder that looked particularly bad.

“No, Obi-Wan! That wasn’t a time for... _negotiations_. It just makes my blood boil whenever I see someone being humiliated.” Obi-Wan looked at him sympathetically. “It reminds me of when I felt excluded at the Jedi Temple by the other initiates. I wish I could have had someone to defend me back then.” He regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. “I mean, I didn’t meant that I— of course I knew you were there, but—”

“It’s alright, Anakin.” But Obi-Wan’s sad eyes were definitely _not_ alright. “I know I wasn’t there for you as much I should have.”

“No! You did defend me when I had some arguments with others—”

“Yes, but I was too aloof most of the time. I’m sorry I didn’t offer you all the affection that you needed.”

“No, Obi-Wan, I didn’t mean it like that! Look, just forget it. It’s all water under the bridge now. I mean, it didn’t even happen in this life” he joked trying to make light of the situation.

“Right” he answered thoughtfully. “At any rate, and even if I don’t approve of these methods... it warms my heart every time you stand up for others.” Anakin smiled bashfully, and neither of them talked for a while. He kept tending to his wounds, all the while Anakin watched him enthralled. True, Obi-Wan might not be the most effusive person in the world when it came to talking about his feelings, but his actions spoke volumes about how much he cared. Right now he could feel it in the reverent way in which he touched him, extremely careful so as not to hurt him any more than was necessary as he treated his wounds. Still, Anakin would give anything to hear the words from Obi-Wan; _the_ word he had always seemed so reluctant to utter. But this was already far more than he would have ever dared to dream.  

“Well, we’re done here. Luckily it wasn’t as bad as it looked.”

“I told you.”

“Oh, excuse me for not taking your word at face value. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time— nor the last, I’m sure of that— that you lie about the gravity of your wounds.”

“What can I say? I learned that from my Master.”

They shared a knowing smile. “ _Touché.”_

He was suddenly too aware of Obi-Wan’s hand on his chest. And he knew that the goose bumps he got under his touch had nothing to do with the cold. Maybe Obi-Wan didn’t notice, or maybe he did and that was the reason he started to withdraw his hand. Anakin prevented it by placing his own hand on his wrist. He couldn’t think about anything, only that his flesh ached for more contact. He hoped his eyes conveyed the message that his words couldn’t. Obi-Wan seemed to understand, and his strong, rough hand softly caressed his chest up and down. Then, a contented sigh escaped Anakin’s lips when he circled the flesh of his nipple with the tip of his middle finger. The sensitive skin responded to his touch immediately, and Obi-Wan was enthralled, gazing at the way his own finger was rubbing the tip of a hard nipple. Anakin looked at him through half-lidded eyes, and when their eyes met, the atmosphere in the room became rapidly charged with a thrilling and stifling intensity, impossible to resist. Their mouths met swiftly in a passionate kiss.

Anakin yanked Obi-Wan by the collar of his shirt, making the older of the two moan in surprise against his mouth, and drew him towards himself as he fell against the mattress. Obi-Wan’s body was above his, but their chests were not touching— much to Anakin’s displeasure. Obi-Wan, ever the careful one, hadn’t forgotten about his wounds, and so kept a safe distance between their torsos so as not to hurt him. Anakin was in no position to complain, though: Obi-Wan was straddling him, and the evidence of how much he wanted this was pressing against his groin, setting his flesh on fire. The tongue at the roof of his mouth was also proof enough of his shared enthusiasm.

Anakin tilted his head to the side, baring his neck to him. That meant he had to break the kiss, but he knew the sacrifice had been worth it as soon as those lips settled on his neck. His beard tickled his skin as he left a trail of kisses down his throat. When the sucking on his neck started, a series of soft and pathetic whimpers kept escaping his lips against his will. He tilted his head to the side a bit more, granting him more access to his skin. His fingers laced into his copper hair as he kept his head on place, not wanting it to leave the crook of his neck any time soon. Then, his eyes found those of Padmé on the picture of the nightstand. He remembered she was supposed to be smiling on that photograph, but all he could see now was a disappointed and reproaching stare. It felt as if he she had caught him cheating on her. He froze.

“No” he said out of breath. “I can’t.”

Obi-Wan pulled away instantly. “I’m sorry, I got carried away.” Anakin closed his eyes, ashamed. He couldn’t look at him. Anakin should be the one apologising, not him. But it also felt like treason to apologise in front of Padmé. So he was left at a stalemate. “Please, leave me alone.”

“Of course.”

As soon as he heard the door closing, he stopped his efforts to hold back his tears. He put on his shirt again, without bothering to change his clothes. He turned around on the bed, not wanting to face Padmé either, and cried until the exhaustion took hold of him.

* * *

When he woke up at seven AM, it took him a while to understand why his ribs were hurting so much. Then he remembered the fight. Then he remembered what happened after the fight. Then he groaned. _Obi-Wan._

_Is he angry with me?_ He certainly had reasons to be. It was Anakin the one who had started it all. He just... God, he had wanted it so much. Feeling himself the sole focus of Obi-Wan’s attention as he tended lovingly to his wounds had made him forget about everything else. He just had wanted him to be closer. But then he saw Padmé’s picture, and the guilt came back with force. And then he had asked him to stop. No, he had asked him to leave him alone, for Force’s sakes! And poor Obi-Wan had apologised. _He fucking apologised._ When it had been Anakin’s fault. _Damn it._

But this was going to happen one day or another. It had just been a matter of when. Many times since they'd started their relationship, Anakin had had to break their kisses when they grew more passionate. The reason for that had only one name: Padmé. Thoughts of her kept creeping up on him at those moments, making him feel impossibly guilty. These thoughts happened at other times too, of course. But in those other occasions, it was easier to conceal it. 

The only time he'd attempted something of that nature with him without feeling guilty had been the day he got drunk. A part of him almost wished that Obi-Wan had surrendered to his urges. Because, contrary to what it might seem, Anakin did want to be with him, to _truly_ be with him— _Force,_ how much he wanted it. But he couldn't deny how much Obi-Wan's behaviour had moved him, too. Besides, when that finally happened, he wanted to be in his full senses so as to remember every single detail.

Anyways, he was digressing. _What if he thinks that I don’t want him?_ What if... what if he had decided that it was better to end this? Anakin felt nauseous and got up from the bed. He would talk to him at the university as soon as he could.

_Wait._ Why did the whole flat smell of pancakes all of a sudden?

Anakin exhaled relieved at the sight of Obi-Wan in the kitchen, instead of a thief or a murderer— it then occurred to him that a thief or a murderer wouldn’t have wasted their time cooking breakfast. Oh, well.

“Obi-Wan!”

“Hello there.” He greeted him with a smile. “Breakfast’s ready. I didn’t expect you to wake up so soon.”

“What—Obi-Wan, what are you doing here? I thought you had gone to your home last night.” _After I kicked you out my room_ , he remembered with bitterness.

“No, I slept on the couch.”

“But... I don’t understand. I thought you’d be angry.”

“Angry?” He looked confused. “Why should I be angry?”

“Well...” He blushed. _Do I really need to explain it to you?_ “I mean. Ugh. Because of last night, obviously. I’m sorry I—”

He gave an incredulous sigh. “ _Now_ I’m definitely getting angry. It truly offends me that you think so low of me as to believe that I could be angry for something like that.”

“No, I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry.” He chastised himself for having apologised again. _Great, Anakin, you’re just making everything worse_. The tension he had accumulated since last night, added to the exhaustion for not having slept well, made it impossible for him to conceal his vulnerability. He felt his eyes getting moist. “I just don’t want you to think that because I... because we haven’t...” He sobbed. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t want this. That I don’t want _you_. I do, Obi-Wan, more than anything! And yesterday, yesterday I just wanted to feel you closer, but then I saw Padmé’s picture, and it felt as if I was betraying her, and I—”

“Shh. Please, Anakin, don’t cry.” Before he knew it, Obi-Wan’s arms were around him, holding him in a protective embrace. “I can’t take to see you suffer.” Anakin hid his face on the crook of his neck, and Obi-Wan felt the heartbreaking tears soaking his skin. “Listen to me very carefully. You’re going to stop justifying yourself at once. You don’t need to give me _any_ explanation! I already know, my dear.”

Anakin sobbed harder. And, not for the first time, he thought he didn’t deserve this man. He truly didn’t. “I hate this, Obi-Wan. I know she wouldn’t have wanted me to be miserable forever, but I can’t help feeling guilty, I can’t...”

“Shh. I know.”

“Do you think she would have understood if she knew?” he asked in a soft murmur after a while. “I mean about us. Together.”

He stayed silent while he thought. “Yes” he finally replied in honesty. “I think she would have. But I know that whatever I say to you is not going to ease your pain.”

“Then what can I do?” He sounded as his former Padawan self did, so long ago, when he kept asking for the guidance that only his Master could provide him.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, Anakin. I guess this is the kind of wound that only time can heal.”

“But what if it never heals?” he asked, frustrated. “And, Obi-Wan...I need you to understand. I do want to be with you, _truly_ be with you. I’m sorry that I freaked out last night, but I swear to you it’s not that I don’t want you—”

“Anakin.” He pulled away slightly from their embrace to gaze intently into his eyes. “I’m going to say this for the last time, and if you ever bring it up again, then I will get angry. _I don’t care_. Do you understand? I don’t care about any of that! I mean, of course I would love to cherish you and worship you as you deserve.” He smiled lovingly to him, and Anakin felt a pleasant warmth all over his chest. “But that’s secondary” he said firmly. He placed a hand over his heart. “ _This_ is everything to me, Anakin. I don’t need anything else. As long as I can get to be with you in _any_ capacity, I consider myself the luckiest man in the world.”

No, he didn’t deserve him. He was too good to be true.

He hid his face on his neck again. “Just for the record, I _do_ plan to be ready one day.”

He heard Obi-Wan’s light chuckle. “But even if you never were, what I said still stands.”  Obi-Wan placed a gentle kiss on his hair. “I have to leave in one hour. Would you like to have breakfast now?”

“Not yet. Please, just... hold me. Just a bit more.”

“Of course, my dear.”

As he basked in the comfort of Obi-Wan’s embrace, he caught sight of her once more, this time in the picture on the coffee table. He felt incredibly uncomfortable again, but at least this time his brain didn’t play tricks on him. She didn’t seem to be looking at him with accusing eyes. She was just smiling. Anakin closed his eyes and tried to forget about everything that wasn’t the here and now— everything that had nothing to do with those loving arms around him— and, if Obi-Wan noticed the tears that were falling on his neck, he didn’t say anything about it. But the grip on his waist tightened in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think about the chapter? Please let me know in the comments :)  
> And thank you for reading! <3


	13. Letting Go of the Past

“But— I don’t understand.” He hated himself for sounding so whiny. “Why do you have to go?”

“I told you, Anakin. Someone needs to assist to this congress. And, since the colleague who was supposed to go has fallen sick, I’ll have to go in his place.”

“Yes, but why _you_? Wasn’t there anybody else available?”

“Anakin. It is what it is.” He went to the sofa where he’d left his jacket earlier, and stumbled on some tool that, for some reason— that reason being the unparalleled messiness of its owner— was lying on the floor. “Honestly, you can’t pick up after yourself...”

Anakin didn’t seem up to the task of starting another session of banter. Instead of offering a reply, he stood silent, arms crossed on his chest and a deep frown on his face.

Obi-Wan came near him and placed his hands on his shoulders. “It’ll be only for a couple of weeks.” He gave him a reassuring smile.

“Last time a couple of weeks ended up being almost a month.”

“And last time” Obi-Wan replied with an amused, raised eyebrow, “you seemed to thoroughly enjoy the... how was it you call it? Oh, yes, the ‘peaceful break’ my absence brought you.”

“Yeah, well, _last time_ I wasn’t... we weren’t— Last time I still couldn’t stand you!” That was not completely true, Anakin thought to himself, but Obi-Wan didn’t need to know that. Especially not now, when about the last thing Anakin wanted was to give him the satisfaction. “When are you leaving?”

“At seven. But I have to go give a class now.”

Anakin nodded. “So this is goodbye then.”

Obi-Wan let out a laugh. He honestly _had the nerve_ of laughing. “Sorry, Anakin, but you were always just _so_ dramatic.”

He glared at him. “Glad to amuse you. You’re going to be late.”

An arm encircled his waist. “Come on, my dear. Is this truly how you’re going to say goodbye to me?”

He shrugged, feigning indifference. “Why not? You don’t even seem to mind you’re going.”

“Don’t be like that.” Anakin, begrudgingly, gave him a short-lived kiss. At least that had been his intention: it turned out his stubbornness was no match for this man’s lips. He melted into the kiss. His tongue slid over Obi-Wan’s bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from the older man, muffled by Anakin’s lips on his. Obi-Wan smiled against his lips. “Now, that’s better” he murmured fondly. Anakin reconnected their mouths then, lips pressing against that smug smile, and, as they lost themselves in a lazy kiss, the only thing he could think about was that Obi-Wan was leaving, that he was not going to get to taste those lips in the near future, and that he should have made the most of their time together when he had the chance.

Perhaps Obi-Wan was right. He was such a drama queen sometimes.

The kiss was over way too soon. A finger ghosted over his cheekbone as grey-blue eyes looked intently into his. “I’ll be back before you miss me.”

_You’re wrong_ , Anakin thought once he was left alone at his flat. _I miss you already._

* * *

Lately, he’d been giving a lot of thought to how different and yet strikingly similar some things were in this life. Now that a certain professor and former Jedi Master was gone for a few days— _few? Yeah,right. I’ll consider myself lucky if he’s back in a couple of weeks—_ his mind was no longer occupied 24/7 by thoughts of said professor and former Master Jedi.

...

Who was he trying to fool? His mind _was_ occupied 24/7 by thoughts of him— even if the bastard seemed to have forgotten about him already. _I mean, a daily phone call is not so much to ask, right?_

Anyway, the fact of not having him around had indeed allowed him to think about other things that had seemed pretty unimportant in comparison to being in a _romantic_ relationship with _Obi-Wan. Force, it’s still so hard to believe._

Now, for instance, as he appeared to be listening to the director’s talk in the assembly hall, his mind drifted towards the former Yoda, the Yoda that he once knew. Not the director of the university, but the Grand Master of the Jedi Order.

He’d always thought this Yoda talked in a weird and obscure way, full of riddles and odd orderings of sentences. Now that he remembered the other Yoda, his speech was as normal as it could get. It was quite funny, actually, because there were moments when Anakin could practically _hear_ that Yoda—“gathered in this room we are to discuss important matters”, to name one example— and there were other times when he actually followed the subject-verb-object ordering of sentences, giving way to a peculiar and funny mixture that no one else could appreciate as much as him. Save for Ahsoka, of course, and Obi-Wan—if he was here, that is, and not on some kriffing congress, having forgotten all about him.

And that was another interesting thought. Was there anybody else inside the assembly hall that could actually appreciate the extent to which Yoda’s speech was funny? That is, was there anybody else from that life that remembered him and his way of speaking? Or that remembered _anything_ at all? If Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and himself had regained their memories, then it was not hare-brained to think that others could remember in time as well, provided the appropriate trigger.

“Hey, Skyguy” Ahsoka whispered. “Why are you looking at your phone as if it had tried to kill you?”

“I was just looking at the hour” he whispered back. “Can’t wait for this crap to be over. It’s on Council briefing level of boredom. I think that says it all.”

“Uh-huh. So that conversation with Obi-Wan is on your phone’s screen just by chance? It’s not as if you’ve been staring at his name fixedly for over the last five... or thirty minutes.”

“Shut up.” Ahsoka stifled a laugh.

There were noticeable physical differences too between that Yoda and this one, as was to be expected. White skin replaced green skin—it would have certainly seemed _a bit_ weird to be green in this life. He was a small man as well—although, again, practically a giant when compared to his previous height.

_“If stay here you do, the future I have lived will repeat itself. Want this, you do not.”_ The Yoda from his dream—his last memory from his previous life— was also different from the one he’d known back then, in more ways than one. He’d come from the future, a future in which he was no longer alive, hence his translucent body. But more than anything, those sad eyes had definitely been witness to horrors he could not even begin to imagine.

_“From whence I come, the prophecy ultimately fulfilled was. But a high price, the entire galaxy had to pay. Destruction, hate, treason. Massacre.”_

What could have been so terrible? That doubt kept nagging at the back of his mind in those few moments when he had no more pressing matters or worries to deal with. And, yes, he was angry at that Yoda for not having told him. He’d made a life-changing decision based only on vague and ominous statements.

And he wanted to know. No, it was more than that. He had the _right_ to know. How could he not? It concerned him, and all his loved ones. And, whatever that tragedy was, it _had_ happened in some future of an alternative timeline. If he had refused Yoda’s help, Anakin would have relived that future; and this other, current reality would have never come to exist. _Force_ , all these things about alternative realities always made his head hurt so badly.

What had happened to the people he loved in that ominous future? _Did Obi-Wan die too, just like Yoda? And what about Padmé?_ He swallowed. What if Padmé had survived that terrible future? What if Anakin, by accepting Yoda’s help, had indirectly taken away her chance to live a full life? True, he had had no way of knowing she would die in a car accident, but it wouldn’t make him feel any less guilty.

Of this he was completely certain: this thing he had with Obi-Wan now, it would have _never_ happened in the other life. Not even in the realm of dreams. And the emptiness that took hold of him after considering that possibility did nothing to ease his guilt.

_At least I ended up fulfilling the prophecy_. That thought was deeply reassuring. He had to admit, he had never been entirely sure that he would manage to do it. His apparent self-confidence was precisely that: apparent. In truth, he doubted himself better than anyone. And that “Chosen One” crap had never done him any good, he could see that now: no kid should carry such a heavy amount of responsibility on his shoulders.

And yet, he should have fulfilled the prophecy much sooner, apparently, for he was too late to prevent that damned destruction, whatever it was. So, in a way, he—or his other, alternative self— had failed all the same.

He knew what Obi-Wan would tell him if he was here: there’s no use in mulling over things he couldn’t change. Even more so, things he couldn’t even know. His life as a Jedi was over, and that mysterious future that had in fact happened in some other timeline would forever remain unknown to him.

He would have to content himself with the knowledge of having managed to fulfil the prophecy, and make the most of his time in this new life that the Force had offered him.

“What do you say about a tennis match afterwards?” Ahsoka asked in a whisper.

“I’m in.” Physical activity always helped him to keep his rollercoaster of a mind at peace. And, true, a tennis match could not measure up to a lightsaber duel, but the thrill of the competition was still there.

Some things never changed, after all.

* * *

“Oh, come on. I want revenge!”

“There are so many things I want in this world that I’ll never get. Suck it up, Skyguy.”

“It’s not fair! I always let you have revenge.” Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. “Alright, almost always.” She raised her eyebrow even higher. “Whatever.” He pointed a finger at her accusingly. “Just so you know, I’m not going to forget about this.”

“I’m actually doing you a favour. You would have only lost again. Today you didn’t seem to be very focused on the game. I wonder why...” she said looking at Anakin knowingly, as he checked his phone for what seemed to be the twentieth time that day.

He still hadn’t answered him. Anakin’s last message from before stood out awkwardly on the phone’s screen.

Anakin: _What you doing? I’m sure that whatever you’re listening to is not half as boring as this, even if it’s about that literature crap. Man, this Yoda waffles on as much as the other one._

“Sorry, you were saying?” he asked distractedly as he put his cell phone inside his pocket.

“ _That’_ s exactly what I meant” she said self-sufficiently.

They walked away from the campus facilities, chattering about a bit of everything.

“So” Ahsoka changed the topic. “How are things going with Obi-Wan?” She interrupted him before he could say anything, looking as though she regretted the question. “Please spare me the juicy details!”

“Sure.” That would be exceedingly easy, considering there were not _any_ juicy details to begin with. “Things are good. I still find it so hard to believe sometimes...” He chuckled. “I mean, it’s Obi-Wan! _The_ former Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, herald of non-attachment, on a _relationship_ , with _me_ of all people.”

Ahsoka laughed with him. “Yeah, I get what you mean. But this is another life! It’s only normal that some things are so different.”

“Different? He doesn’t seem very different to me.” The bitterness in his voice took Ahsoka by surprise.

“What do you mean?”

Anakin just shook his head, but Ahsoka was having none of it.

“Is this about his absence again? He told you, he had no choice but to go that congress.”

“Yeah, it’s not that! Stop making me sound as...” _As the pathetic, clingy idiot I truly am._ “Look, it’s nothing. I’m sure he’s really busy and all that, but I would... appreciate it if he showed that he... you know.” _That he misses me too. God, I’m so pathetic._ “If he paid a bit of attention to his damn phone.”

“Anakin... you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” he asked defensively.

“Being your overdramatic, brooding self. He must be really busy—”

“Yeah, I just said that! Look, I’m not blaming him or anything like that. He’s so _good_ to me, you’ve no idea.” _Absolutely no idea of all the crap he has to put up with._ How many times had he consoled him when he felt sad because of Padmé? It all seemed to revolve around her more often than not. Just a few weeks ago he’d freaked out when they were making out and suddenly saw Padmé’s picture on the nightstand, looking at him with imaginary, reproachful eyes. Anakin had felt terribly guilty and awful after that... but what about Obi-Wan? _It must be so difficult for him as well._ Being pushed away because of someone who no longer existed. And yet he never complained about any of it, quite the contrary. He was the most supportive person this world had ever known. “Honestly, I sometimes think the man is perfect. No kidding. So yeah, I don’t know what kind of person it makes me that I complain about this... but I just— I sometimes get that feeling from the other life, that no matter how close we are, he’ll never need me as much as I need him.”

“Anakin... I understand why you thought that way back then, but you were wrong anyway. He _cared_ about you, you were like a brother to him! Of course, he tried to adopt that detached, self-composed persona... but deep down, I’m sure he felt things as strongly as the next one. He just wasn’t very demonstrative about it.”

Anakin huffed. “And he still isn’t. But that’s just the way he is, right? Old habits die hard. Even if these habits are ingrained in his unconscious from some other life. But it’s okay, really. It’s obvious from the way he acts towards me that he cares.”

“That he _loves_ you, Anakin.”

Anakin smiled half-heartedly. “Yeah, well.” He cleared his throat. “He has never said the words, actually.”

“But you know it, right?”

He stood silent for a minute. “Yeah, I do. But it’d still be nice to hear it.”

Anakin didn’t sound like he knew it.

“Anakin...”

“But it’s okay, really! So it’s not like him to talk about his feelings, so what? It’s just the way he is. As I told you, I already know how much he cares.”

His friend gave a light nod, not buying Anakin’s confident tone for one second. He had sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, rather than as if he genuinely believed what he was saying.

“What do you say about a rematch, tomorrow afternoon?”

His grimace turned into an honest smile. “Awesome!”

* * *

He’d just come out of the shower when the phone vibrated with a new message. He ignored it, not planning to answer him until he went to bed, if at all. He put on his sleep pants and lay down on the sofa, blue eyes not watching the TV, but the cell phone on the coffee table.

Another message. He glared at the phone defiantly.

He wasn’t being childish, no... it was just that he didn’t want to seem desperate. If Obi-Wan could go for hours without speaking to him, then so could he.

_No childish at all_ , reproached him a voice in his head that sounded too much like Obi-Wan.

Another message. _Fuck it all._ Anakin grunted soundly, seating up on the sofa and taking the fastidious device.

Obi-Wan: _Poor Yoda. In his defence, I will say that catching your entire attention is more difficult than attempting to make you enjoy meditation back then._

Obi-Wan: _I just arrived at the hotel. I enjoyed the presentations, but it was a long day. All I want is to sleep now._

Anakin: _Wow, he’s alive! I was starting to think otherwise._

Obi-Wan: _I’m afraid you won’t get rid of me that easily ;)_

Anakin huffed. So now he was using smileys, that was a new one.

Anakin: _So it seems._

Obi-Wan: _And what about you? How was your day?_

Anakin: _Same as always._

Obi-Wan: _Someone’s in a talkative mood. (Note the irony.)_

And he had the nerve to say that, when it was _him_ the one who hadn’t replied to his message until now. He didn’t throw it in his face, though. His pride prevented him from it.

Anakin: _I’m just tired. And bored. This is when I’d go to your place and pester you, maybe insist on watching a movie, but... not possible._

Obi-Wan: _Thank the Force I’m not there._

Obi-Wan: ( _Actually, I wish you were here to pester me.)_

Anakin smiled. Staying angry with him was never an easy task.

They talked some more, but Anakin tried not to answer to his messages too quickly. He was lying on the bed now, fighting against the exhaustion that threatened to close his eyes.

Obi-Wan: _There’s something I need to tell you, Anakin. I’ve been told I’ll have to stay for the presentations of next week as well._

Anakin: _It’s okay, Obi-Wan. I was counting on it._

Obi-Wan: _I’m sorry._

Anakin wished he was sorry because he needed to see him as well, rather than feeling sorry for Anakin.

Anakin: _Not your fault. I’m gonna call it a night, I’m worn out. G’night._

Obi-Wan: _Me too. Sleep well, Anakin._

He was on the verge of falling asleep when the phone gave another beep.

Obi-Wan: _I miss you, my dear._

The dim light of the phone’s screen revealed his wistful smile. It wasn’t ‘I love you’ _,_ but it was as close as he was going to get.

Anakin: _I miss you, too._

* * *

It was quiet at the cemetery. Not a living soul was there that day, save for his. Not even the birds could be heard singing. It was as if the whole place was immersed in a peaceful and soundless sleep, under the orange sky of the twilight.

Today was Padmé’s birthday. Or it would have been, were she alive.

He hadn’t visited her grave since his relationship with Obi-Wan started. All of her photographs were now hidden inside a drawer at home. But it was of no use: the more he ran away from his memories of her, the more present she was in his life. And this attitude of his did nothing to ease the guilt.

But it was Padmé’s birthday, and he could not in good conscience run away anymore. He owed her an explanation, it was the only way to let the past go.

It was easier said than done, though. So there he was, stalling in front of his mother’s grave, gathering up the courage to do what he’d come to do.

Or that’s what he told himself. In truth, he was more like in a trance—euphemism for stalling—, gazing at the endless rows of graves, the beautiful yet disturbing angelic statues, the expensive wreaths. The whispers of the wind seemed to be carrying the snickering of the dead, laughing at the cowardice of the once called ‘Hero with No Fear’.

A croaking sound startled him out of his stupor. A raven had perched upon a grave nearby, and its deep, black eyes seemed to be looking at him with disdain. He was faintly reminded of some poem Obi-Wan had talked him about in their lessons, but he quickly brushed the thought away—he didn’t want to think about anything that had to do with his absent teacher.

The unfaltering stare of the bird enraged him: that animal was also thinking him a coward. And again, the howling wind seemed to be carrying the laughter of those who slept for eternity.

“Shut up!” he shouted at no one, his scream echoing across the graveyard. The bird flew off, startled by the sound, his black wings practically indistinguishable amidst the dark sky. It was nightfall already.

Anakin laughed mirthlessly at his own stupidity. _I’m losing it._

He walked towards Padmé’s grave.

 It was not so peaceful, now. Nocturnal birds had come out of their rest, filling the silence with their disturbing noises. He couldn’t see them but he knew they were there, and it made him feel as if he was being watched. 

The whole scenery was quite eerie, he had to admit. It all seemed like a scene taken out of a horror movie, but Anakin was not afraid of such things. He loved to watch horror movies; not because they made him feel scared or anything like that, but rather because of the good laughs he had every time a scene was supposed to be scary and failed spectacularly at being so.

No, ghost stories didn’t scare him, it was the real things which did. Things such as letting go of the past.

Such as explaining himself before Padmé’s grave, now in front of his eyes.

The chilling scenery of the graveyard dissolved into that of a luxurious and comfy apartment at 500 Republica, Coruscant, and he immersed himself in that memory.

* * *

_"That bastard! Who does he think he is? After everything, after feigning his death, he fucking had the nerve to—”_

_“To apologise. Yes, I know, you’ve repeated it tenth times already.” She was very tired. At this rate, she would never finish writing the speech she had to prepare for the next day. Her husband’s constant complaints made it impossible for her to concentrate. “Honestly, Ani, I think you’re exaggerating a bit. Yes, he lied to you, but he did it for the sake of a mission. His intention was never to hurt you.”_

_Anakin looked at her incredulously. “How can you defend him? You know how devastated I was after his ‘death’! You’re supposed to take my side, you’re my wife!”_

_“Precisely because I’m your wife, and because I love you, I have to tell you when you’re being ridiculous.”_

_“He lied to me!” he screamed._

_“Oh, and you’ve never lied to him, right? It’s not as if we’re married without him knowing” she said ironically, which effectively shut him up. “And what about the Tuskens? It’s not as if you’ve been keeping that from him either.”_

_“Don’t bring that up” he said with an angry glare._

_Padmé rose from his chair. “No, you_ don’t _tell me what to do.” She started walking towards her bedroom, but stopped in her tracks when he spoke with a desperate voice. His eyes were glassy, but she was much too angry to be moved by the sight._

_“Why are you being like this? How can you turn your back on me when I need you the most? You’re so selfish!”_

_She laughed incredulously. “I’m selfish? Then what does that make you? I just told you I have a very important speech to finish for tomorrow, and you’re just going on and on for over the last hour about your fight with Obi-Wan. And it’s not the first time! You’re always complaining about something lately, and it’s always all about him! Don’t you see? It all seems to revolve around Obi-Wan. And, contrary to what you seem to think, I also have my own worries to deal with. Sure, my life is far easier than that of a Jedi, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have problems too! And how many times have you taken an interest in how I’m doing over the last few days? Yes, someone’s being selfish, but that someone is not me.”_

_And she left. Anakin debated whether to go and apologise— truth be told, she was right in many things— but that sentence...‘it all seems to revolve around Obi-Wan’ had angered him more than he could explain. So he stayed where he was. Unaware that he would never get the chance to apologise, and that when they would meet again it would be under different circumstances, in another world, and no longer husband and wife._

* * *

_I’m so sorry, Padmé_ , he said to her in his mind. _You were right, I was selfish._

_“It all seems to revolve around Obi-Wan.”_ He now knew the reason why that sentence had angered him so much.

Because it was true.

Even when they had only been friends, his world had already seemed to revolve around him. Always trying to make him proud, considering it a victory any time he earned a word of praise, and wallowing in shame any time he disappointed him. Feeling rejected beyond measure when he was his usual detached self, and treasuring the scarce moments when he let slip that he cared about him. Not because he was his Master, but because he was his friend.

It was only normal that Anakin looked up to him with so much fierceness. After all, he’d been his Master, his brother in arms, and his best friend.

Now, though...

“I’m in love with him.” It was the first time he said it out loud, and how strange it was that Padmé had been the one to hear it, even if from her grave.

Now that those feelings had blossomed between former Master and apprentice, he couldn’t help but looking back at their interactions in that life. And now his former self’s fixation on making Obi-Wan proud, on being someone for whom his Master could care— _really_ care, just for all that Anakin was— acquired a new dimension.

It was that which made him feel guilty, most of all. The Obi-Wan he had fallen in love with in this life was in essence the same person from before. He’d fallen in love with his habit of brushing his beard when he was thinking hard about something. He’d fallen in love with the banter that never seemed to get old no matter how many times they had argued over the same things. He’d fallen in love with his obsession for order and neatness, with his sarcastic comments, his dry humour, his ridiculous old-fashioned politeness— or what he would call being civilised (he’d fallen in love with that stupid word, too). And he’d fallen in love with those eyes that never seemed to be the same colour, with that honest and carefree smile that only Anakin could cause, with that aura of authority, self-composure and wisdom that made you feel he could always find a solution to your problems; that made you think he always had an answer to everything, even when he didn’t.

Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi had displayed the same traits. So why fall in love with him now, and not before?

More precisely, how could he be sure that what he’d felt for him before was merely platonic?

That was the thought that tormented him the most. Because he couldn’t be sure, not really. And that made his last argument with Padmé even worse. _“It all seems to revolve around Obi-Wan”._

But then the answer to his question struck him. Not all things were the same. No, as he gazed at Padmé’s grave, he understood that the greatest difference was in front of his eyes.

So what if there had been some potential back then for those platonic feelings to develop into something else under different circumstances? He had certainly never given it any conscious thought then, because his heart had already belonged to Padmé. And now Padmé was not here. They’d fallen in love in this life again, and she’d left a broken heart behind her with her death. But now that heart was free to love another, even if it was still scarred by the pain of her loss.

It wasn’t wrong to love Obi-Wan, because he wasn’t betraying her. And that thought finally reached his heart. Before, he’d known that it wasn’t wrong. Now, he also _felt_ it wasn’t wrong.

_I’m so sorry I kept avoiding you._ He felt awful for having stopped visiting her grave altogether since his relationship with Obi-Wan started. He now saw how this running away from the memories, these efforts to erase any thought of her from his mind, had done nothing to ease his guilt. It had only intensified it.

_I love him, Padmé. He makes me happy._

He felt as if a heavy load had been taken off his shoulders. True, this didn’t make things right all of a sudden, and he would forever feel guilty for that last argument. For never getting the chance to apologise. And a part of him would always wonder about what Padmé might have thought of the possibility of him rebuilding his life with Obi-Wan, considering the many times Anakin seemed to have disregarded her feelings because his then best friend had been occupying his thoughts more often than not. _Would she be angry that it all had ended up revolving around him indeed?_

But what he _did_ know was that Padmé would have wanted him to be happy. And Obi-Wan made him happy. Perhaps it was as simple as that.

 So, this guilt was something he would just have to work through, everyday. It sometimes takes an effort to allow oneself to be happy, but he was now willing to undertake that effort.

He was startled by a rustle of leaves, as if someone had stepped on them. He turned around, but there was no one there. _It must have been some animal._

Then he heard it again.

“Hello? Who’s there?”

He let out a muffled scream when an eerie, ghostly face appeared in the middle of the darkness. Just when he was thinking that he was losing it and that ghosts might be real after all, he outlined the profile of that face and realised that his senses had played a dirty trick on him.

“Palpatine!” he exclaimed, relieved.

“You look as if you’d seen a ghost.”

“Yeah, well, you scared me” he chuckled. “What are you doing here?”

“What most people do in cemeteries, I’m afraid... paying my respects to a loved one.”

“Right, sorry. What a stupid question. I just didn’t expect to find anyone here at these hours.”

“I like the solitude of the night” he answered with a kind smile, then looked at Padmé’s grave.

“Today would be her birthday” Anakin commented in a soft voice. He’d told Palpatine about Padmé a few weeks ago, one day he’d run into him at the cemetery.

“I’m so sorry, my boy.” He put his hand on his shoulder. Anakin appreciated the gesture of comfort, even though the coldness of his hand from where it made contact with the portion of skin that his shirt didn’t cover made him shiver. “I remember her, she was a bright girl.” Anakin did a double take, but then understood that he was referring to the time he’d known her when she worked at the city council.

“Yeah, she was.” _In both lives._

“This must be such a difficult day for you... Why aren’t you with your friends, Anakin?”

“Ahsoka is out for the weekend” he shrugged, brushing it off.

“And Obi-Wan?”

“Obi-Wan? What—what about him?”

“Well, he’s a good friend of yours, isn’t he? That’s what you’ve told me many times.”

“Oh, yes. Right.” _Smooth, Anakin. Really smooth._ “He’s not here, he’s in a congress.”

“True! Now I remember you told me... forgive my short memory. I’m getting old, it seems” he joked. “And how is that congress going?”

“Actually, I don’t know much about it.” Anakin tried to hide the bitterness in his voice. “I barely spoke two words with him in the last few days. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of time.”

“Oh. Not even today?” Anakin shook his head. “I assume he doesn’t know about Padmé’s birthday?”

“He does.” He was trying hard, but his bitterness was becoming harder and harder to conceal. “He must have forgotten.”

“I see... well, he must be really busy! But I’m sure he’ll call you later. People always have time for those they care about.” That comment was supposed to be reassuring, but Anakin felt unable to return his smile, having the feeling that he wouldn’t receive a phone call that day either _._ “Look at the time! I really should leave now. Would you like me to give you a lift?”

“Thanks! But I think I’ll go walking. I like to walk.”

“As you wish. Goodbye, Anakin. And remember, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

Anakin did smile gratefully at him then. “Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind.”

He stayed at the cemetery a bit more, looking at Padmé’s grave with a frown on his face, even if thoughts of her were no longer occupying his mind. He took his phone to look at the hour— still, zero replies to his last message— and lost himself in the sombre scenery of his surroundings, that rare optimistic feeling from before gone as if it had never been there.

* * *

It had never been so difficult to be in the same room and not being able to touch him. Not being able to embrace him, as he longed to do, after so many days of being apart.

Obi-Wan had arrived in the early hours of the morning, so they hadn’t been able to see each other before the class began. His eyes sought eagerly his face among those of the far too many students— _Force_ , how much he longed to be alone with him— and, when he finally spotted him, he truly felt like he was home again.

When the lesson was over, and after making sure that the door was locked, he _finally_ was able to envelop him in his arms. “Oh, Anakin. Am I glad to see you.” The younger of the two felt weak, loving too much the warmth of that protective embrace to act as detached as he had resolved to be. But when Obi-Wan closed the distance between them to seemingly plant a kiss on his lips, he somehow managed to stay strong and, no matter how much he longed to kiss him too, he subtly turned his face away so that those lips landed on his cheek instead.

_Oh dear,_ thought Obi-Wan to himself, _what is it now? Is he angry with me?_

Anakin didn’t pull away from his embrace instantly, but in a few minutes he did. “Let’s start with the lesson of today.” And he sat on his desk.

Oh yes, he was definitely _very_ angry. _Why do you always have to make everything so complicated?,_ he thought equal parts fond and exasperated.

“Such eagerness to start the lesson... who are you and what have you done to my Anakin?” he joked, hoping that their usual banter could lighten the mood until he elucidated the reasons for his being angry.

“Who knows, perhaps someone possessed your Anakin during your absence. To be honest, anything could have happened to him and you wouldn’t have even known, since you were too busy to check your damn phone and waste some of your precious time.”

Well, at least now he knew the reason.

“Oh, Anakin. I’m so sorry, I’m aware I haven’t been paying as much attention to my phone as I should have, but you can’t imagine how extremely busy I was there—”

Anakin huffed in annoyance. “People are never too busy for those they supposedly care about. They always find the time.”

Obi-Wan kneeled down before his chair, his hand seeking his. “You’re right. And I tried to find more time, believe me, I did. But, you’ve no idea... when I say busy, I don’t mean the kind of busy when one has practically no time to do anything outside work... When I say busy, I mean I had practically no time to even eat or sleep. It was _so_ intensive, I— I had never had this kind of experience at any congress before...practically every day I received a phone call from the academic coordinators from here, asking me to send them reviews that gathered up the ideas of every single presentation I had to attend. But I swear to you, you were in my thoughts _every_ day, and it pains me so much that I didn’t give you the attention you deserve. I do understand why you feel that way, but believe me, I didn’t do it willingly. Still, please forgive me for having made you feel like that.”

Those beautiful blue eyes had softened to some degree by the time his speech was finished, even if a touch of sadness could still be appreciated in them. After a moment of silence, he nodded, lacing their fingers together. “It’s okay, Obi-Wan. There is nothing to forgive.” Obi-Wan felt like he could breathe again.

Anakin let go of his hand to pull some notes out of his bag. “Alright, so... what was it today? Postmodernism, right? Can I ask you some doubts before you start with your explanations—”

“Actually, Anakin” he said with a frown, coming to a decision. “How about we skip the lesson today and we go outside? I’m already done for the day, and, if memory serves me right, you have no more classes of your degree for the rest of the day, am I right?”

“Hold on, hold on.” Anakin was looking at him with a funny expression on his face. “Now, who are _you_ and what have you done to my Obi-Wan? I mean, not to offend you or anything, but you’re always such a pain in the ass about the importance of these lessons and all that crap...”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, and I assure you, I plan to continue being a ‘pain in the ass’ about it, as there’s still quite a lot of room for improvement, and I’m afraid you still wouldn’t be able to pass the exam with your current knowledge.”

“That’s reassuring” Anakin deadpanned.

“ _But,_ surely there’s no harm in postponing this lesson for another day, is it? Besides,” he extended his hand to softly caress his face, “I need to be with you, just the two of us, out of this place. To forget about responsibilities, just for one day. I know it’s not much, but let me make it up to you for having made you feel neglected during my absence.” Apparently, that had been the right thing to say, for he was rewarded with a dashing smile that took his breath away. _Force, how much I’ve missed those smiles._

“Sounds like a plan.”

And so the afternoon found them at their refuge, their favourite part of the beach, surrounded by cliffs and famous for its solitude. Unfortunately, they were not alone that day, and a small family was playing on the shore— giggling any time a wave crashed with force and they were not quick enough to avoid getting their clothes wet.

Furthermore, they couldn’t go to their secret place yet, as there would still be another hour or so until the tide was low enough for them to be able to access that part of the beach hidden behind the pile of rocks.

So, as for the moment, they had to settle for just being close to each other. Kisses or embraces were out of the question: it was better that no one knew about their relationship, at least not until Anakin was finished with the literature classes and they were no longer teacher and student. And, true, it could certainly seem a bit strange that they spent so much time together— they didn’t hide that, after all— but it could always pass as a simple friendship.

They were sitting on the sand next to each other, admiring the waves while they talked and laughed and just caught up on what they had been doing during the past three weeks. They didn’t need to be talking all the time, though. Just being close to each other was enough to make them feel at peace. Still, he would have loved to be closer, to have Anakin’s head comfortably resting on his shoulder while those soft curls tickled his neck so pleasantly. To get reacquainted with those wonderful lips that he hadn’t tasted for three long weeks. _Force,_ how unfair it was that they’d been reunited for two hours already and they hadn’t kissed yet. But they weren’t alone, so it was—sadly— impossible.

He was reading a book while Anakin played some game of spaceships with his phone, when he felt warm fingers discretely caressing his own hand, the gesture hidden by his long jacket. Obi-Wan looked at him and they both shared a knowing smile, as Obi-Wan responded to his caress and they held hands without being noticed.

After what seemed forever, Anakin broke the silence with a hopeful voice. “I think the tide’s low enough now.”

“I agree” he answered with a smile, his thumb lovingly caressing his wrist. “Let’s go.”

They walked through the path of rocks, and he could already see the beginning of the shore of that small beach when his view was blocked by Anakin’s face, and in less than a second, soft lips were delicately pressing against his own. He smiled against those marvellous lips, but still had enough common sense to move their bodies to the right without breaking the kiss, hiding behind a big rock so that they were completely out of sight, and no one from the end of the beach they’d come from could see them.

“So careless” he murmured teasingly against his lips. “Had we ever been in a secret relationship when we were Jedi, I have no doubt that someone would have ended up walking in on us in the temple sooner or later. You can’t be subtle for the life of you” he said fondly between small kisses.

_That could have never happened_ , Anakin thought with a twinge of sadness. After one last peck, he leant his head against the rock and turned it sideways, glancing at the sea of that small and private place that had become their refuge.

That comment had awakened all the insecurities, all the negative thoughts he’d been mulling over the last few weeks. Even if Anakin had never been with Padmé, even if those platonic feelings towards his Master had developed into something else back then, this thing between them would have _never_ happened when they were Jedi. In fact, he was sure how it all would have gone: after admitting to himself that he was in love with him, he would have ended up making a move in a moment of vulnerability, only to be rejected by Obi-Wan, whether he returned his feelings or not. Duty always came first, and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi would have never allowed something as base as _attachment_ to cloud his mind, to compromise his good judgement.

But they were together now, circumstances were different, so this hypothetical scenario shouldn’t hurt so much. But it did. _Force,_ it did.

It was obvious that some traits of that detached Master Jedi were still there, as could be exemplified by his reticence in talking openly about his feelings, in uttering the words that Anakin longed so much to hear. And so, even in a different world and under different circumstances, Anakin feared that, out of the two, he would always be the one to depend the most on the other. To need him to an extent that Obi-Wan would never need him. The sooner Anakin accepted that fact, the better; only then he would stop being disappointed any time he got his hopes up.

“I love you.”

After blinking a couple of times, he dumbly turned his head to look at him. It took him a few seconds to register that it hadn’t been his imagination the one to conjure up those words, that someone had in fact uttered those words, and that it was Obi-Wan’s voice the one to pronounce them. Days and days of painful insecurities and excruciating doubt crumbled in the space of a few seconds, giving way to a giddy feeling that made it impossible for him to say a word until at least another minute had passed.

He smiled in wonder before he remembered how to speak. “Took you long enough.”

Obi-Wan looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“You do realise this is the first time you’ve said it, don’t you?”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Is it? I- I hadn’t realised.”

_So all this time I’ve been brooding over nothing. Perhaps I should listen to Ahsoka more often._ He let out an incredulous laugh; feeling happy, relieved, and stupid all at once.

“Alright, what’s so funny? You do realise _you_ still haven’t said it, right?”

Anakin, still chuckling, shook his head. “Wow, Obi-Wan, you’re so sure of yourself.”

Obi-Wan’s mocked annoyance gave way to a mortified look. “I- of course, I shouldn’t have presumed that you... forgive me, it’s still so soon, it’s only normal that you don’t—”

His last words were muffled by Anakin’s lips on his. “Of course I love you too, you dumbass” he chuckled against his mouth. “I just didn’t tell you until now because I was afraid you’d feel obligated to say it.”

“Wait a second—” Anakin’s lips were distracting, and wonderful, and distracting, and there was something else he had been about to say... what was it? _Oh, right._ “So you’ve been mulling over this all this time? Anakin...” He tried to sound reproachful, but it didn’t come out very convincing, considering the insistent way in which his own lips were seeking his. “What about... what about that thing we’ve said about being honest when something worried us—” Anakin held his bottom lip hostage, sucking gently the tender flesh. _Oh, Force._ “I’m not letting this go, Anakin.” But then his own tongue somehow ended up sliding into the wetness of his mouth, Anakin’s lips parting swiftly to allow him entrance, and he just couldn’t remember for the life of him what he’d been about to say.

He slowly, thoroughly explored every inch of that exquisite mouth, making up for the time lost, loving far too much the soft moan that escaped Anakin’s throat. Their tongues started a frantic dance, and the kiss soon escalated in passion, as they breathed each other’s air. Anakin’s back was pressed against the rock, but its irregular surface didn’t bother him at all. His brain couldn’t register anything that had nothing to do with Obi-Wan’s mouth, with Obi-Wan’s thumbs lovingly caressing his hipbones, sending shivers all over his skin. He had to thank the shirt he was wearing today for those caresses, as it was a bit short on him. Anakin circled Obi-Wan’s waist with his right arm, keeping him in place, needing him to be closer.

The need for air forced them to part their lips for a little while. Their eyes were closed, their foreheads touching.

“Let’s go home” he murmured softly, slightly out of breath, voice barely audible amidst the sound of the waves. His blue eyes were shining with need.

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan shook his head firmly. “We don’t have to.”

“I know. I want to.”

“Remember our last conversation about this.” He ghosted his fingertip gently over his eyebrow. “We don’t have to rush anything, my dear.”

“I know what you said. But I swear to you, I truly want this. Please, believe me” he pleaded with his eyes.

“You’re not ready” he insisted, even if he could feel his own resolve weakening the longer he gazed at those sparkling eyes.

“I’m ready.” He smiled reassuringly at him, placing his hand over the one Obi-Wan was still resting on his hipbone. “I promise.”

He swallowed nervously, and slowly guided Obi-Wan’s hand downwards, without breaking eye contact, as their joined hands disappeared under his own trousers and underwear. A sigh of anticipation escaped his lips at the feeling of warm fingers sliding down his groin. He never thought he would ever get to see Obi-Wan looking at anyone like he was looking at him now— eyes half-lidded with need and lips slightly parted in wonder, a expression of pure adoration on his face— and it was _him_ , Anakin, the sole responsible for that look. When Obi-Wan’s hand griped him, Anakin’s moan intermingled with that of Obi-Wan, and he rested his face on the crook of his neck.

“ _Oh, Force_. Anakin. I-I still think we should wait...”  Yes, they should wait, and his hand most definitely shouldn’t be fondling him the way it was. But he was touching intimately the man he loved, how was he supposed to not react to that?

“I don’t want to wait anymore. I need you.” Obi-Wan sought his eyes, looking for any sign that might indicate that he wasn’t being completely honest, that he was bringing himself to do something he was not yet ready for. He found none of that, but rather, a deep longing and an overwhelming need. What little remained of his resolve vanished completely, and he began to stroke him more firmly, earning an irresistible moan in response.

Soft gasps and moans were muffled against his neck as he continued with his intimate caresses. He knew Anakin was striving to keep his voice down in case someone at the other end of the beach got near that corner, and that sent a rush of excitement all over his body. He couldn’t help wondering about how those little whimpers would sound if Anakin was not trying to repress them. _Force,_ he ached to hear those unrestrained moans. Then it was Anakin’s hand on him, and any coherent thought eluded him, losing himself to the perfection of the moment.

Anakin’s lips on his neck alternated between pressing tender kisses and gently sucking at the soft skin there—when he wasn’t too distracted moaning and gasping, that is. The unreality of the situation struck him: he was touching _Obi-Wan_ , and Obi-Wan was touching _him._ A part of him couldn’t quite believe it yet, but the firm grip on his length felt real, the hardness that his own fist was enclosing felt real. And he loved him. _Force, he loves me._ All the noise and negative thoughts that usually plagued his mind were no longer there. The only things he could hear were the sounds of the sea, their joined sighs of pleasure, and the friction caused by the quick movement of their hands against heated skin.

So lost were they in the moment that it took them by surprise when droplets of water started falling on them. The sky had been covered by dark clouds a long while ago, but neither of them had noticed. They gazed at each other in wonder, taking in the flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes of the other.

“Let’s go home.” This time, Obi-Wan could only nod dumbly.

As soon as the elevator door closed, their lips met swiftly in a passionate and messy kiss, as they became a tangle of limbs, unable to keep their hands off each other for one second. Anakin couldn’t fathom for the life of him how they managed to arrive to Obi-Wan’s flat: in the middle of their enthusiastic display of affection, they had accidentally pressed some button and ended up at the wrong floor— this happened a couple of times, actually— and they were still giggling between kisses when Obi-Wan finally opened the door to his apartment.

He felt unusually shy all of a sudden, sprawled on the bed and completely bare, a sigh escaping his lips when Obi-Wan’s last layer of clothing disappeared and his impressive erection was revealed to him. Anakin swallowed, pleased to see that he had the same effect on Obi-Wan that the older man had on him. They’d seen each other naked more times than he could count when they were Jedi, but this was different. Their bodies were not the same, either:  there was no trace of any of the old scars that he had been so familiarised with, especially from the times they had needed to tend to their wounds. An unexpected wave of nostalgia came over him.

“What is it, Anakin?” _Great, now I’ve worried him._

“Nothing.” He laced their fingers together, smiling wistfully at him. “It’s just... we don’t have our scars.” His eyes glazed over. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but somehow that thought made me sad.”

“I know what you mean.” He caressed his eyebrow with the hand that wasn’t holding his. “They were a part of us. Our bodies may have not been scarred in this life, but still we feel scarred on the inside.”

“Yes” he answered softly, watching enthralled as Obi-Wan placed his lips on his wrist.  “But hey, at least now I have my arm!” he joked half-heartedly. He had hated it, back then: it had been an eternal reminder of his defeat, of how weak the alleged ‘Chosen One’ still was. “I hated it.”

Obi-Wan’s lips traced a path along the underside of his arm. “You shouldn’t. It was a part of you, my dear. And I love every part of you.” Anakin shivered at the feeling of Obi-Wan’s beard tickling the sensitive skin on his arm. “Just like the scars... they were a reminder of how we lived to fight another day.”

“Well, when you look at it that way... I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” He smiled teasingly at him before touching his forehead with his. “If I could, I would now kiss all of your former scars. Every single one of them.” Anakin brushed their lips together. “I may still be able to do that in a way, though. I do remember where all of your scars were, after all.” As if to prove a point, his lips ghosted over the skin on his shoulder, before pressing a gentle kiss in the space once occupied by a small scar.

“You ogled me that much, uh?” Anakin couldn’t help joking, striving hard to contain his laughter.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but my attentive observations were strictly platonic. Considering the many times I had to tend to your wounds, it’s only normal that I ended up knowing your body by heart.”

“Yeah, keep telling that to yourself.” He didn’t manage to sound as teasing as he had intended, though, voice trembling in pleasure as those lips kept lavishing his skin with attention. There was something unbelievably erotic in what Obi-Wan was doing, pressing kisses in those places of him formerly occupied by scars.

Obi-Wan’s hand accidentally brushed over one nipple, which hardened instantly under his touch. Obi-Wan noticed, and kneaded playfully the sensitive skin with his fingers, as he let out a hum of pleasure that sounded muffled against Anakin’s abdomen. The younger of the two sighed when Obi-Wan’s lips moved upwards until he covered his hard nipple with his mouth.

“I didn’t have a scar there” he said softly looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

“I know” Obi-Wan answered with a smile. His tongue circled his nipple agonizingly slowly, before flicking it over the hard nub. Anakin panted. “I’m just going to pretend that you did.” He then sucked the tender flesh, tongue hot and wet and just so _wonderful_. Anakin couldn’t control the pathetic whimpers that kept escaping his lips.

“My turn.” Anakin remembered every single scar of his former body as well, so he proceeded to do the same. Obi-Wan writhed under him, now lying on his stomach as Anakin’s lips and tongue moistened the skin at his upper back with saliva. “So many scars...” he whispered hotly against his ear, wet tongue and plump lips playing seductively with his earlobe. Obi-Wan groaned, seeking some friction with the mattress by rubbing his crotch against it, even if he’d much rather have Anakin’s warm skin under him. “I wonder how we managed to even stay alive after so many wounds. Well, I guess I did save your ass quite a few times.” Obi-Wan turned around, one raised eyebrow and a mocking smile on his face.

“I could say the same.”

Anakin chuckled. “Yeah, but I was clearly ahead of you. Remember the time when I saved you from—”

He shut him up with a kiss as he covered his body with his own. “No, you weren’t ahead. But, for once, and without setting any precedents, I’m going to let it slide.” Anakin responded eagerly to his kiss, too distracted by Obi-Wan’s hard member rubbing against his own to engage in one of their sessions of banter. He rolled his hips, eliciting a moan from his lover, and soon they were rubbing frantically against each other. The only sounds that escaped their mouths apart from their moans were terms of endearment and words of praise.

Even if it was early in the evening, the bedroom was pretty dark because of the scarce light that entered the window as a result of the storm. Drops of water kept falling against the windowpane located above the bed, and that hypnotic sound intermingled with the uninterrupted creaking of the mattress.

As he looked at the ceiling, that familiar feeling of unreality kept hold of him as he realised that, yes, he was doing this with Obi-Wan. It was Obi-Wan’s body which had him deliciously pressed against the mattress, it was his former Master the one who kept uttering low groans and sweet nothings against his ear, it was his teacher’s hand intertwined with his above the pillow, very near his face.

He closed his eyes, dimly aware of his own laboured breathing. His whole body was trembling, waves of hot and intense pleasure pooling in his groin. A part of him thought he didn’t deserve so much bliss, and he feared this would be the moment when his self-destructive mind would come up with some idea to put an end to this and take the happiness away. But that moment never came.

* * *

They’d fallen asleep afterwards, entangled in each other’s arms, but a loud thunder woke Anakin and he was unable to sleep after that. Now he was gazing at a sleeping Obi-Wan when his eyelids opened lazily to reveal perfect grey-blue eyes. “Hello there.”

Anakin greeted him with a tender smile, but his initial frown hadn’t escaped Obi-Wan. He circled his waist with his arm. “What is it, Anakin? And don’t tell me that it’s nothing.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, fingers playing with the soft hairs on his chest. “I’m not always brooding, you know. I was just thinking.”

“That’s worrying.” He chuckled when Anakin pinched him playfully in response. “I was joking. What were you thinking about?”

“It’s just... I wish we didn’t have to go to the university tomorrow. It’s going to be harder than ever to act as if there’s nothing between us.”

“Indeed.” Both stayed pensive for a while. “ _But_ ”, Obi-Wan broke the silence, his grip on Anakin’s waist tightening, encouraging him to lie above him, chest pressed against chest, “we still have five hours ahead of us. How about we make the most of them?” he asked nuzzling his nose with his, his right hand roaming down the muscles of his strong back.

“You know, Obi-Wan, that’s about the most intelligent thing I’ve heard you say in a long time” he teased him closing his eyes in satisfaction when Obi-Wan’s hand ended up resting on his buttock, fingers ghosting lightly over the cleft of his ass. “B-besides, I’m fairly good at the subjects of tomorrow’s classes, so it won’t matter if I’m half-sleep. Well, literature is an exception, but I never pay much attention to your classes anyway.”

Obi-Wan frowned in mocked annoyance and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Why do I put up with you?” he asked to no one.

“Because you love me.” It felt so wonderfully good to say it, to believe it. Almost as good as when he’d heard Obi-Wan say it, and almost as good as the way Obi-Wan’s brilliant smile was making him feel now. “It seems like a pretty good reason to me, don’t you think?”

Obi-Wan’s free hand settled on his curls, bringing his face close to his. “An excellent reason indeed” he murmured fondly before bringing their mouths together in a heartfelt kiss, loving the feeling of that smile pressed against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! <33 As always, I love to read your comments! :)


	14. This Normal, Precious Life

When he opened his eyes, he was slightly confused by how utterly content and relaxed he was feeling immediately after waking up. That was unusual, to say the least, especially this early in the morning. Then the events of last night came to him —and he certainly had reasons for smiling.

He looked wistfully at the vacant space next to him on the bed— _why does he have to wake up so damn early_ — when he heard noises coming from the kitchen. He got up in the blink of an eye and tried to find something to put on amidst his scattered clothes all over the floor. Just his trousers would have to do for now.

“Hello there” Obi-Wan heard against his ear as he was enclosed in a tight embrace from behind.

“Now, you really should stop stealing my phrases.”

“And what if I don’t?” Anakin left a trail of kisses on his neck, inhaling the fresh and pleasant scent of cologne that he had come to associate with Obi-Wan.

“So insolent” Obi-Wan complained absentmindedly, unable to keep track of the conversation. When their eyes met, he couldn’t really repress the loving smile that pulled across his lips. “Good morning.” He turned around to softly press his lips against Anakin’s as he held him in a proper embrace.

“It would have been better if I hadn’t woken up alone” he pouted.

“My apologies.” He smiled against his mouth. “But, while you may arrive late to every class without any consequence whatsoever, I can’t really be late at work. I didn’t expect you to wake up so soon, though. Should I be worried?” He touched his forehead. “You don’t seem to be ill.”

“Really” Anakin deadpanned. “Even less funny than usual. It’s me who should be worried.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

“Love is blind, I guess” he answered nuzzling his cheek.

“Indeed. I can certainly attest to that.” He chuckled at the face Anakin made to that statement, before closing the distance between them once more. It was not fair, Anakin thought to himself, that he himself was half-naked, getting goose bumps at every tender caress on his back, while Obi-Wan was so annoyingly overdressed.

Anakin broke away from the kiss with a frown. “I don’t think I can do it.” How was he supposed to see Obi-Wan between classes and not think about this? If it was difficult enough before, now after last night it just seemed like torture. “Let’s just stay at home all day, and to hell with everything” he joked.

Obi-Wan smiled. “Don’t tempt me.” Anakin was playing around with his tie distractedly, still not looking at his eyes, when Obi-Wan’s hands settled upon his. “For what it’s worth, I don’t know how I’m going to do it either.” His lips ghosted over his cheek before he whispered against his hear. “I’m certain I will not be able to look at you without thinking about the feeling of your skin on mine.” Now, every part of Anakin was _very_ much awake, and he supposed it should be embarrassing how easily Obi-Wan could set his flesh on fire. Just a few words, that’s _all_ it took. Sure, it also helped that immediately after saying that Obi-Wan had buried his face on the crook of his neck, his beard tickling his skin while he placed open mouthed kisses alternated with soft bites and gentle sucking that he was sure would leave a mark afterwards.

Well, at least he should be grateful that today he wouldn’t have class with Obi-Wan. Or not. At this point, he didn’t know what of the two options was better.

“I wish I could give you a lift, but it would seem rather suspicious if we arrive together.”Anakin chuckled at Obi-Wan’s genuine remorse for not being able to accompany him. _Geez. Such a gentleman._ He had to admit, it was kind of cute. “Why are you laughing?”

Anakin just shook his head. “Nothing. Just go, you’re going to be late. By the way, this is the second morning I stay at your home while you’re out.” That night he’d run to his teacher’s home in despair over mum and Padmé’s death anniversaries seemed so far away now. He remember with clarity how utterly embarrassed he’d felt after waking up alone at the sofa. Which reminded him of...“Hey Obi-Wan, that night, did you sleep at the sofa too?”

“Yes. It would have certainly been impossible to break free from your hold without waking you up.”

He groaned. “I knew it.” He blushed furiously even if he should no longer feel embarrassed about this, considering the present circumstances. “You must have thought I was a nuisance.”

“Yes.”

Anakin gave him an unimpressed look.

“An adorable nuisance” Obi-Wan corrected himself amused.

“Stop calling me that.”

“And what if I don’t?”

Anakin rolled his eyes, barely able to conceal his own amusement. When Obi-Wan leant in to kiss him goodbye, he responded in kind, quite enthusiastically in fact. He parted his lips to deepen the kiss, and at the first contact of their tongues together, Obi-Wan dropped his briefcase to wrap his arms around him, at the same time that Anakin yanked him by his tie to bring him closer. He _really_ had no freaking clue as to how on earth he was going to be able to keep his distance at the university. He just couldn’t get enough of that mouth, of those hands that were now roaming down the expanse of his chest, with the same tenderness as always but with a sense of repressed urgency that clearly left no doubt as to how this moment would have ended if they only had more time. Both were panting when they pulled away. Obi-Wan lovingly bumped their noses together. “Have a nice day, my dear.” Anakin swallowed before replying with a shaky voice. “You too.”

* * *

He had always found the task of teaching others to be so incredibly rewarding. It was a privilege, getting to share his knowledge of the things which held his interest and, perhaps, manage to instil some of his enthusiasm on his students. Nevertheless, there were some days when, while still acknowledging how privileged he was, he found this task extremely tiring.

Due to his one month stay at the congress, he had a lot of work to catch up on. It certainly didn’t help matters that he’d done next to nothing the previous day—nothing related to work, that is— but then again, he’d much rather endure thousands of stressful and exhausting mornings like this one in exchange for days like yesterday.

At least now he had a break of half an hour to organize his work. He came across Windu on the corridor, and now he had _twenty_ minutes to organize his work. As much as he esteemed his colleague and once Jedi Master fellow, he had a tendency to gabble at the most inconvenient of times.

Obi-Wan took a detour through a corridor that tended to be empty most of the time, so as to avoid any further interruptions. If there was one thing he loved about this university, that was its antique and classical design. There were many places, such as the present corridor, which had a mysterious and captivating air about it.

He had no time to react. A pair of hands that appeared out of nowhere yanked him into a dark room, which he dimly recognized as a storage room that harboured among other things several cleaning products. His back was pressed against a wall with a loud thud, and, in the midst of his confusion, he terribly missed his time as a Jedi and war general, when defending himself against any unexpected attack had come so natural to him. Now he had the knowledge, but he lacked the ability to do it.

The confusion and fear lasted less than a few seconds; the time it took him to take in the familiar scent and frame of his companion. Even amidst the darkness, he would never fail to recognize those features.

“You’re incorrigible” he admonished him half-heartedly, his words swallowed by his mouth. “What if someone had seen you?” It was extremely difficult to stay focused under the attention of those exquisite lips on his, though. “Anakin...”

“Relax. There was no one outside.” Blue eyes stood out among the shadows of the room, shining with mischief. “So, it turns out I wasn’t able to keep my distance after all.” Obi-Wan kissed that cheeky smile of his. _And it turns out I’m not able to resist you._ Anakin, pleased to sense his mood change, let him take control of the kiss, while his hands wandered down the front of his shirt, ending up on his belt.

“We shouldn’t, not here...” His voice couldn’t have fooled even the most naive person in the whole planet. “This is so...”

“Uncivilized?” Anakin smirked against his lips when his hand grasped the bulge that was overwhelmingly visible behind his underwear. Obi-Wan gasped. “I don’t know, Obi-Wan, I have good proof in my _hands_ that your body disagrees with that.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes—in amusement or pleasure, he couldn’t say— for Anakin chose that moment to free his length out of his boxers, and now it was skin against skin. He rolled his hips, urging him to move his hand faster, and Anakin took mercy on him and stroked him more firmly, at the same time he placed a tender kiss on his cheek. Obi-Wan glanced nervously towards the door. “ _Relax_ , Obi-Wan. It’s locked. If someone tries to enter, they will think it’s blocked or something like that. Don’t worry.”

Just before he could give in to this— as every fibre of his being was asking him to— Anakin’s hand was gone _far too soon_ , just like the warmth of his body against him. Then he realised he was kneeling in front of him, his hands pulling Obi-Wan’s boxers and trousers down his thighs, a playful smile on his face that made his knees tremble.

“What—what are you doing?” He could barely recognise his own voice.

“What does it look like?” he asked with one raised eyebrow, that mischievous look of his on his face again, before placing a tender kiss on his hipbone. “Because I assure you...” he said in a low murmur, nuzzling into his pubic hair. “...it’s _exactly_ what it looks like.” Anakin then pulled away. “But of course, if doing this here is too uncivilized for you, we can leave it for another moment” he finished off smugly, looking far too much satisfied with himself. And rightly so: from where he was kneeling, he had an excellent view of how painfully hard Obi-Wan was at this point.

Obi-Wan could feel his own heartbeat pulsing in his ears as his eyes interlocked with Anakin’s. _Oh, God. I need you so much._ “Please...” he let out weakly.

Anakin’s teasing expression was replaced by a heartfelt smile. “That’s what I thought.” He soothingly caressed his thighs from his knees and upwards before he rested his hands on his hips, and then he took him in his mouth.

_“Force_ ” Obi-Wan gasped.  It was sensory overload. He forced himself to close his eyes, or else he wouldn’t last long. Anakin’s succulent lips around his length was certainly a sight that he was not ever going to forget, and one that he could _gladly_ get used to. “Anakin...” He buried his hands in his head, fingers tangled in those soft blond curls. A moan left Anakin’s throat, which he could practically _feel_ against him, a _nd oh, Force. I love you. I love you so much._ How could he have ever opposed to this in the first place? Yes, he did have lots of things that he should be working on in this moment. And yes, this was all kinds of uncivilized: here he was, hiding in the university inside a storage room with his _student_ and _former Padawan_. He leant his head against the wall and, through half-lidded eyes, amidst the darkness he could glimpse some boxes with cleaning products, a broom and a mop lying against a shelf which contained other recipients his sight couldn’t manage to distinguish. And, in the midst of that chaos, all he could hear were the _obscene_ noises coming from the wonders that Anakin was doing to him with his mouth.

Yes, uncivilized didn’t begin to cover it. But, revelling in the marvellous sensation of Anakin’s hot and wet cavern engulfing him, he concluded that there were times when it was more than worth it to be uncivilized.

* * *

Exams were coming near, and he needed _way_ more days to catch up on everything. But he was not worried, not too much, at least. He would manage to do it. Sure, the work at Watto’s garage was not helpful either. The effects of Obi-Wan’s threats on him seemed to be cooling down, and, even if he wasn't as exploitative as he used to, a jerk will always be a jerk. But even when he wasn’t being annoying, the night shift prevented him from getting a much needed sleep many days. But it was okay. A few coffees— or tea, in case he was staying at a certain someone’s place— and he was as good as new. Also, he seemed to be at a standstill with that literature thing, just when he thought he had made a lot of progress. But still that was okay. He just needed to practice more to completely get the hang of it.

For the first time since what seemed forever, Anakin was utterly happy. He felt as if nothing could weigh him down. And it was such a _good_ feeling, that it sometimes terrified him. Normally, good things didn’t happen to him, and when they did, they never lasted for too long. A part of him couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But _still_ , even that was okay. Not even that fear of losing what he had could sombre his mood. The past didn’t have to repeat itself, after all. Perhaps, good things did happen. Perhaps this time it would be different. He could only hope.

He tore his gaze away from the window to steal a glance at him. There he was, on the sofa, focused on some papers and an endless pile of books, just as he always seemed to be as of lately. Obi-Wan had a lot of work to catch up on these days as well. Seeing him like this, reading pensively and brushing his beard while he thought, reminded him so much to his former Jedi Master. He smiled to himself as a memory came to him.

They had come such a long way since then.

* * *

" _Hey” Anakin greeted him with a smile as he entered Obi-Wan’s apartment in the Jedi temple. “What’s up, old man? Do you have any time to spare to your former Padawan?”_

_“Why do you ask, if you’re going to come in whatever my answer is?” he sighed exasperated, although Anakin thought he could see the beginning of a smile pulling across his lips._

_“Good point.” Anakin sprawled on the sofa, resting his legs on the coffee table._

_“By all means, make yourself at home” the older of the two said with sarcasm._

_Anakin gave him a cheeky grin. “That’s what I’m doing.”_

_Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “That was an ironic remark. Not that I expected you to catch such a subtle figure of speech.”_

_“Oh, come on.” Anakin feigned to be offended. In truth, he was enjoying the banter far too much. “This is how you thank me for paying a visit to my friend and former Master? We barely see one another lately. Well, I mean, when we’re not fighting in the kriffing war, that is.”_

_“Oh, forgive me, Anakin. You’re right, I should be grateful that the ‘Poster Boy’ deigned himself to pay me a visit.”_

_“Don’t call me that!” Now, Anakin’s annoyance was not only feigned. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”_

_“Oh, yes.” Obi-Wan smiled smugly. “And that’s why I’ll never stop calling you that.” Before Anakin could reply, Obi-Wan continued speaking. “You’re right, of course. This time, that is. Precisely because of how rare it is to have a few days off as of lately, last night Ahsoka and I were trying to contact you so as to do something together. But you never answered your comlink. Where were you?”_

_“Oh, uh, sorry. You know how I get when I’m working on some spaceship.” He tried to laugh it off. “I just forget about everything else. I was at the hangar until very late.”_

_“Sure.” Was it Anakin’s imagination, or had Obi-Wan sounded sarcastic right there? For a fleeting moment, he wondered if he suspected where— and most importantly, with whom— he’d spent the night. Then he had to contain his laughter at such a crazy idea. Obi-Wan knowing anything about him and Padmé together? Ridiculous! If that were so, the whole Council would know it by now, Anakin would no longer be a Jedi, and they wouldn’t be having this conversation right now._

_It wasn’t so funny, though. Anakin felt a twinge of guilt every time he had to lie to his friend. But it was not his fault that the Jedi had such a ridiculous rule against attachments! Yes, he was doing nothing wrong. Surely there’s no harm in keeping a secret from your best friend._

_Except, it was not the only secret. Before he could start feeling guilty for his secret about what he did to the Tuskens, Obi-Wan’s voice brought him back to the present._

_“...Anakin. Anakin!”_

_“What?”_

_“Were you listening to a single word I said?”_

_“Well, no! You just talk too damn much.”He gave him a lopsided smile to let him know he was speaking in jest. Then he frowned. “Why do I have a cup of tea in my hands?”_

_“I offered you tea, and you accepted. Perhaps you shouldn’t space out so much when I’m talking.”_

_“Well, I actually don’t hate tea. Just your unhealthy obsession with it. Anyways, as fun as this is, I didn’t come here just for the banter.”_

_Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow. “Let me guess, you came here for the tea.” They both shared a chuckle._

_“Nope, sorry.” He looked at him with excitement. “How about we spar? It’s been a while since we do it, just for the fun of it. And I do enjoy seeing you lose at something.”_

_“Your honesty is astonishing. Almost as much as your lack of humility.”_

_Anakin laughed. “You chose to see it that way. I did imply that you are better than me at other things other than a lightsaber duel. So I was praising you... from a certain point of view.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes again. “Come on, what do you say?”_

_He looked at him for a few seconds, seemingly amused at his eagerness. “Alright, fine.”_

_“Great!”_

_“But not until I’m finished with what I was doing.”_

_Anakin groaned, sitting down again on the sofa. “And what were you doing?”_

_“Completing a report on my last mission. I was almost done, so if you’re actually able to stay silent for a few minutes without exploding, we may go to spar sooner than you think.”_

_He bit his lips, swallowing his retort to that—‘I’m perfectly able to stay silent for more than a few minutes without exploding, thank you very much’— because he would have only proven him right by saying it. So he just stayed silent, looking amused at the way Obi-Wan brushed his beard every now and then when he was thinking hard about something while completing his report._

_Yes, it felt nice being around his friend without the weight of war on their shoulders for one day._

* * *

Anakin gave a long sigh. That was a nice memory, even if nothing remarkable had happened in it. Perhaps that was what made it special.

And, indeed, they had come _such_ a long way since then.

“You’re thinking too loud.” Obi-Wan’s voice brought him back to the present this time as well.

Anakin chuckled lightly. “What, can you read minds now?” He joined him on the sofa. “Need I remind you we’re no longer Jedi?”

Obi-Wan huffed amused. “I don’t need to read minds to notice that frown of yours and that vacant stare. What were you thinking about?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not always brooding.” Anakin held his hand, lacing their fingers together. “It was a nice memory.” He smiled when Obi-Wan’s free hand started caressing his cheekbone. They both were sprawled on the sofa facing each other, Obi-Wan’s books forgotten for the moment.

“Do you ever miss it? Being a Jedi.”

Anakin stayed silent as he thought about his answer. “Well, I do not miss the nonsensical rules of the Jedi Code, that’s for sure...But I do miss the excitement of that life.” War had been hard, and he certainly didn’t miss _that_ , but it had been nice to feel that you were fighting for a noble cause. Also, in spite of the pressure of living up to the expectations, it had also been nice having been the Chosen One, to feel that he was destined for great things. And, according to the Yoda of his dream, he did manage to fulfil the prophecy in that other reality. _Yes, but at what cost?_ Yoda’s ominous and imprecise words never failed to give him chills, so he brushed that thought aside. “I miss the feeling of having a purpose in life.”

“But we still have a purpose in this life.”

“But it’s not the same, you know?”

Obi-Wan looked at him thoughtfully. “I know what you mean, but I insist, we _do_ have a purpose. Everyone does. The fact that it’s not grand, or lofty—call it as you will— doesn’t make it any less valuable.” Anakin still seemed unconvinced. “Look at it this way. Back then, would you have said that any of the civilians that were not involved in great conflicts—that were allowed to live simple, happy lives— had no purpose in life whatsoever?”

“No! Of course I would have never thought something like that.”

“Then there’s your answer.” Obi-Wan smiled to him. “Do not underestimate the value of ‘simple’ lives, Anakin. Sometimes, the greatest things come out of those, whereas loftiness and power end up degenerating more often than not.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Anakin snuggled closer against him. “Do you know what I miss the most about being a Jedi?”

“Let me guess... my lectures?”

“Please, Obi-Wan. How can I miss something that I have to endure in this life as well?” Anakin erased his grimace with a peck on his lips. “No, what I miss the most is being able to move things without touching them. Think about it, not having to stand up ever again whenever you need to take something” he joked, eliciting a laugh from Obi-Wan.

“You know, for someone who is so restless, you can be pretty lazy when you want to.”

“What about you?” Anakin asked intrigued. “What do you miss the most?”

Obi-Wan gazed intently into his eyes. “Our Force bond.”

_Oh._

Obi-Wan smiled at Anakin’s awed expression. He placed a tender kiss on his eyebrow. “I miss being able to sense you when we were near, and even to feel that uncontrolled whirlwind of emotions of yours whenever you failed to raise your shields.” Anakin’s lips on his prevented him from saying more.

“I miss our bond too.” Anakin said between kisses. “In fact, I think that’s the thing I miss the most. Even more than flying. _And_ even more than moving things without touching them.”

Obi-Wan laughed against his lips. “I should be honoured.”

Anakin hummed in the middle of their kiss. “Although, to be fair, we have something even better now.”

“Indeed.”

“And, I think we’re still able to sense what the other is thinking most of the time.”

“Is that so?” Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow, grey-blue eyes shining with mirth. “Then, what am I thinking right now?”

Anakin smiled. “That you love me” he whispered against his ear.

“Well, then I believe that we _both_ are thinking the same thing.” He met his lips effusively, and there was no more talking for a while.

* * *

Anakin woke up feeling uneasy. He couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming about; only that it had not been good.  His last thoughts before falling asleep had been about how terrified he was about feeling so happy, if that made any sense. It did make sense to him.

He looked to the side, hoping to find him next to him. He also remembered having waited up for him inside the bed— Obi-Wan had been preparing his classes, correcting exams and whatnot in the living room— but Anakin himself had been feeling so sleepy, and the blankets had felt so warm around his body, that his eyes had closed against his will pretty soon.

Obi-Wan _was_ next to him inside the bed now; only, not resting— as he should be at one AM— but buried amongst piles of sheets and books; and the man _really_ needed to take a break, for God’s sakes.

The older of the two realised he was being watched. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did the light wake you? I can go back to the living room if you want—”

Anakin placed all those kriffing books and all his working stuff on the nightstand. “No, the light didn’t wake me, and don’t even think about going anywhere else. But you should really stop working, Obi-Wan.” He placed his hand on his chest. “You need to take a break! Ever since you came back from the congress, you’ve been working almost nonstop.”

Obi-Wan sighed soundly. “Precisely, that _blasted_ congress... I don’t even know why they sent me there, it’s not as if it was useful in any way. It certainly wasn’t worth it all the things I’ve got left to do now.”

“I know, but you have to take it easy, Obi-Wan.”

“Yes, like you’re one to talk.” He huffed ironically. “Today must be the only day you don’t have to work at the garage. And the exams are getting closer. If only you accepted my help and left that blasted job...”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Please, not this again. You know I’m grateful but—”

“But you’re just too proud to accept my help—”

“Now, we were not talking about me. Don’t try to divert the attention, Obi-Wan.” He snuggled closer until he was resting on top of him. “You’re so stressed-out. Let me take care of you” he said as he started placing kisses and small bites down his neck.

“And yet it’s you the one who always manages to divert the conversation” he complained, unable to not react to his loving attention. His hands settled on his thighs. On his smooth and very _naked_ thighs. “A-Anakin. You’re not wearing your sleep pants.”

Anakin smiled smugly. He _also_ remembered having planned to seduce Obi-Wan when he came to bed, but his own exhaustion had spoilt his plans. Well, he had a second chance now. “Not quite, Obi-Wan. I’m not wearing _anything_ at all.”

Obi-Wan groaned. _That’s not fair._ “I still have to finish my work.”

“Is it something you need to do for tomorrow?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then it can wait.” Anakin’s tongue prodded past his lips, and he couldn’t help opening his mouth fully to invite him in. He wasn’t sure what had happened during his absence, what had brought about Anakin’s change of mind and his not feeling guilty any time things got passionate between them. _Perhaps it was my absence itself? Or maybe our love confession at the beach?_ Whatever the reason, it filled Obi-Wan’s heart with joy; not because that meant he got to be intimate with the man he loved— which was wonderful in ways he couldn’t begin to describe— but rather because his dear Anakin had stopped suffering. He could see it in his eyes, and whenever he smiled to him. He was happy. And to know that he was one of the reasons for that— well, that was another feeling for which he lacked adequate words that could make it justice.

... but he really needed to get out of bed and finish his work, no matter how _good_ it felt to have a completely naked Anakin— _oh, Force—_ lying on top of him. No matter how perfectly well their tongues fit together.

He mustered all of his self-restraint to break away from the kiss and switch positions, pinning his wrists above his head. “I really should go” he said victorious. He might have claimed victory too soon, though, for now Anakin’s _warm_ and _smooth_ body was beneath him, and he was gazing up at him with inviting eyes, looking far too tempting for Obi-Wan to resist.

“Yes. You should.” Anakin seemed so satisfied with himself— he knew Obi-Wan had lost this battle— and Obi-Wan always knew when it was time to admit defeat.

He kissed him as if his life depended on it—since he had already lost, he might as well make the most of it— and Anakin responded with the same fierceness, fumbling hands getting Obi-Wan’s sleep pants and underwear out of the way, too impatient to bother with his nightshirt . When his former Padawan felt Obi-Wan’s thumbs caressing the underside of his thighs, just behind the knees, he smiled against his lips and he opened his legs in invitation.

“You’re going to be the death of me” Obi-Wan said breathless as he settled between the warmth of Anakin’s long legs.

“Don’t say that” Anakin complained. “You know I didn’t like it when you said that.”

 “It was just a joke.”

“I don’t like that joke. It’s not funny” Anakin looked seriously at him, then he gasped in pleasure when one finger teased his entrance.

Obi-Wan brushed his lips over his, swallowing his moan. “Alright, I’m sorry. I won’t say it again.” It was quite endearing how worked up Anakin could get by the sole idea of anything happening to him, even when it was a simple, nonsensical joke.

“Thank you” he whispered against his mouth before letting out a series of whimpers as Obi-Wan’s fingers spread inside of him. Obi-Wan’s mind was miles away from the work now, his senses overwhelmed by the tight and delicious heat surrounding his digits, and his sole purpose to bring pleasure to the writhing man under him.

As for Anakin, he was pretty lost in the moment as well, but even then that thought never left his mind. _Please, just please_ , he silently prayed to whatever deity that might be listening, _don’t take this happiness away from me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading!! <3 Please let me know what you think in the comments :))


	15. Lights and Shadows

“Somehow, I already knew you would be just as I left you” Anakin said, fresh out of the shower and wearing one of Obi-Wan’s bathrobes, rolling his eyes fondly at him. Obi-Wan was still engrossed in his many books and essays, the wood of the big coffee table barely visible beneath all of his working stuff.

“Shall I congratulate you for your great intuitive skills?” He had to repress a snort at Obi-Wan’s sarcastic tone which, somehow,—and in spite of the many times he had claimed the contrary—  never failed to amuse him. He sat on the edge of the table right in front of him. “ _Careful_ , Anakin, these are important papers—”

“So grumpy” he rolled his eyes again, placing the damn papers safe. Now all he had to do was to get rid of that damn book Obi-Wan was reading. “Come on, Obi-Wan... are you really going to ignore me?”

“Ignore you? I fail to see how I’m ignoring you, Anakin.” He turned the page without looking up. “It’s you who keeps interrupting me while I’m doing important...” He lifted his gaze when he heard a rustling sound. Then he gawked at him for several seconds, as his brain registered that the sound he’d heard was that of Anakin's bathrobe falling to the floor. “...things.”

Anakin smirked, pleased to see that he finally had his attention. His _entire_ attention. He swallowed, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

Obi-Wan had come to discover that, once Anakin had gotten over his inhibitions and they had begun to explore the physical side of their relationship, he was _very_ affectionate. Passionate, energetic, devoted, generous— just like he was in everything else he did in life.

Not that Obi-Wan was complaining. It did mean that now his young student and former Padawan had more means at his disposal to get his attention— and to get away with things far more often than Obi-Wan would like to admit.

And it was certainly worth it.

Right now, for instance, his book was lying forgotten on his lap as he gazed enthralled at the tanned and smooth expanse of skin before him, eyes following avidly the little drops of water that were tracing a path down his legs. He heard a soft sigh, and only then he realised that his hands had already moved on their own volition, massaging his lean thighs, just where the hypnotizing drops of water had been.

Blue eyes gleamed with rare shyness and not so rare mischief. “Well? I take it you’re done with the _ignoring me_ thing?” He played with the collar of Obi-Wan’s shirt, undoing the first button. “Because I can sense a headache forming right here” he pointed at his forehead with his free hand, “and I can think of a few ideas to make you feel better.” He stole his book and placed it above the other essays.

Obi-Wan didn’t offer one of his sarcastic comments this time. He just smiled. Then he lent in to start leaving a trail of kisses across his legs, as his hands continued caressing him. “Lie down.”

Anakin raised one eyebrow, amused. “What, here? What about your precious papers and all that—” Obi-Wan took his working stuff and threw it into a chair nearby. “...okay.” He chuckled and lay down— luckily, the table was pretty big and strong, although he had never known until now how useful that fact would end up being—, never breaking eye contact with Obi-Wan. That annoying—not really— fluttery feeling that he was sure would never disappear came back with force as he felt himself the sole focus of that stare. He was feeling incredibly self-conscious all of a sudden. And rightly so: there he was, sprawled _naked_ on the table, as Obi-Wan— overdressed as ever— was sitting on a chair in front of him, with that regal aura of his that made him look every ounce the great Jedi Master he once was.

There was a thrill to it very difficult to describe. It felt as if Obi-Wan was looking into his very soul, and it awed him as much as it made him nervous.

Obi-Wan’s lips returned to his thigh, and Anakin shuddered. He had a sudden urge for Obi-Wan to see him, all of him. And his former Master— ever the perceptive one— took the hint. He grabbed his legs, thumbs caressing the skin behind the knees, and he opened his legs wide. Anakin, eyes closed, heard Obi-Wan’s chair scrapping against the floor as he moved closer towards the edge of the table. He couldn’t help blushing—blushing furiously, in fact— at being this exposed before him, feeling the intensity of that piercing gaze on him, observing all the private parts of him that were now on display.

And it was what Anakin wanted, and those lips felt so wonderful on his skin, and the tickling of his beard was so pleasant... “But I wanted to make you feel good” he somehow managed to let out.

“Oh, believe me, Anakin”, Obi-Wan sounded amused, “this makes me feel good.”

 Anakin held his breath as those lips neared his groin. He had a really good idea of where this was going, and he _very_ much approved.

But Obi-Wan surprised him. Instead of following the path he had been expecting him to, he moved away. Anakin might or might not have moaned pathetically at the loss of contact, receiving an apologetic smile in response. Obi-Wan then grabbed him gently by his thighs again, lightly pushing his legs backwards so that now Anakin’s backside was just on the edge of the table, completely exposed to him. Anakin gulped as he felt himself blushing even more, silently grateful that Obi-Wan seemed to be too occupied elsewhere to pay attention to his face. The loving kisses from before returned, lips advancing along the underside of his thighs, but this time his path ended on one buttock, where he placed a tender kiss.  And then Anakin felt his breath very near his... surely he wasn’t going to...

He was. Anakin made an embarrassing sound when he felt that soft wetness teasing his entrance, tracing circles around it, before it finally entered him.

_Oh, Force._ It was too much, and not nearly enough at once. The only thing he could see through half-lidded eyes was Obi-Wan’s copper hair between his spread legs, strong hands keeping them in place. He could feel the motions of his tongue, slow and hesitant at first, making his way through him. And it was so careful, just like Obi-Wan was always so careful; and yet there was a sense of repressed urgency in its movements that told Anakin he was holding back.

But that wet, wonderful warmth left him all of a sudden, and Anakin, much to his own embarrassment, felt that his hole fluttered at the loss of contact, wanting to be filled again. He felt his face heating up—again— when he realized that Obi-Wan must have seen that, judging by the sigh he made and the way his grey-blue eyes lingered hungrily on that spot.

“Is this alright?” Obi-Wan’s deep, low tone of voice in moments like these never failed to give him goose bumps.

 He swallowed and waited until he felt he was collected enough to speak. “Only if you continue.”

His evident frustration earned him a teasing smile. “Your wish is my command.” And then he was in him again.

Anakin pushed his head back against the table, and he lost himself in the sensations. He tilted his head to the side and gasped pathetically once more, as the motions became progressively more daring and insistent.

He felt as if he was drunk. The bleak illumination of the living room certainly didn’t help: the sun was on the verge of setting, and weak rays of light entered through the curtains occasionally, when the clouds outside allowed it. Looking at his surroundings in a haze, he almost chuckled at the... _incivility_ of the mess around them. Some of the papers that Obi-Wan had left carelessly on a chair had fallen to the floor, as well as other non-important items that had been on the table before Anakin sprawled on it, urged by the other man in the room, who—for once— didn’t seem to care a single bit about the mess. Anakin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was painfully hard, but refrained from doing anything about it, keeping his hands still on the table: he didn’t want to have his senses distracted by anything that wasn’t Obi-Wan’s tongue in him. This thing they were doing now, this was more than sex. The enormous intimacy of it was overwhelming—the good kind of overwhelming. The kind that shut all the noise and chaos in Anakin’s mind, making him forget about everything but their love.

Another embarrassing sound left his mouth, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care, because that wet, restless thing had reached a bundle of nerves inside him, sending jolts of pleasure all over him. Obi-Wan stilled for a brief, agonizing moment, before resuming his movements in search of that same spot, and then he curved his tongue and—

“Obi-Wan!” he screamed loudly, squirming in pleasure. Encouraged by his reaction, Obi-Wan did the same thing over and over again, _thoroughly_ eating him out, all traces from any previous hesitation gone. And Anakin was so, so grateful for the table supporting his weight, for Obi-Wan’s firm grip on his legs. That contact was necessary for him: he needed something grounding him to reality, because he somehow felt as if he was floating on air, as if he didn’t have any ounce of strength left on his body. Which, again, it could have been scary, but it was not. It was a whole new level of wonderful not being able to think about, or _feel_ anything that wasn’t related to Obi-Wan. As he kept squirming and whimpering, he felt his inner walls relaxing completely, letting the older man do with him as he pleased. Obi-Wan tightened his grip on him, thumbs softly caressing the skin behind his knees, as his tongue went deeper and deeper still, Anakin’s tight heat responding to his motions and clenching around him. Then Obi-Wan let out a pleased, muffled moan, which reverberated inside of him—and Anakin thought he was going to lose his mind.

As he dizzily looked around him, the familiarity of Obi-Wan’s apartment reminded him of the times Anakin had been there when they were just teacher and student, still unaware of their shared past. So many times Anakin had been explained tedious and abstract concepts related to poems and rhetorical devices in this same table. And little did he know back then that in another life he had been his student as well. They were never meant to end up like this. And yet they had. Be it by chance or fate, or as a result of something terrible and unknown that had taken place in another reality, they were here: just two ordinary people loving each other, as if the fate of the world didn’t depend on them. Because this time it didn’t. Two ordinary people with no powers or lofty goals, with no fate determining their future. They had nothing here, and yet they had everything.

“I love you.” His voice sounded weak and raspy. “I love you so much.”

The warmth inside his hole disappeared, and it made him feel so _empty— no, don’t stop, don’t you dare stop_. Obi-Wan had to muster all of his self-restrain to resist his pleas for him to continue— and to ignore the way his entrance fluttered again at the loss of contact— because he knew his Anakin, and he knew that in this moment there was something he needed even more.

He situated himself above him, his forearms pressed against the table on either side of his face. “I love you too, my dear.” His lips kissed away one tear that had fallen on his cheek, and that Anakin didn’t know he’d shed until now. “You can’t imagine how much.” Obi-Wan didn’t ask him whether he was alright— he’d come to learn when Anakin’s tears were due to emotion instead of sadness— and continued pressing small kisses on his cheek before letting out a surprised sigh when his young companion  tilted his head to kiss him fully on the lips. Anakin certainly didn’t mind one single bit where those lips had been moments before, and he devoured his mouth with his own tongue with the same voraciousness that Obi-Wan had ravished him earlier. They were panting when the kiss was over. Obi-Wan gave him a tender smile before moving away, presumably to continue where they’d left off.

But Anakin stopped him. He sat up on the table and yanked him by the collar of his shirt to capture his lips again, before unfastening his belt frantically and pulling his trousers down his legs, hands playing with the fabric of his boxers. “I need you” he whispered against his lips, getting rid of his boxers. Obi-Wan let himself be pushed against the chair, shuddering in anticipation when Anakin propelled himself from the table to end up sitting on his lap, straddling his waist. “Oh, Anakin.” His eyes rolled back in pleasure as Anakin positioned himself and guided Obi-Wan’s throbbing member into his tight heat.

He would gladly spend the rest of his days like this if he could, Anakin thought to himself, as he lowered himself onto his lap and Obi-Wan thrust up into him. Here was all he needed. The room was filled with moans and the erotic sound of skin against skin as they found their pace. All the while, he couldn’t take his eyes off Obi-Wan, and thought— not for the first time— how lucky he was to get to see him like this. It was humbling to think that the meticulous, self-composed, aloof and unattainable professor Kenobi was the same man that kept grunting in pleasure as he rocked his hips up and down, dishevelled hair pointing in all directions as drops of sweat fell down his forehead, half-naked, with his shirt on while his trousers and underwear were down around his ankles. The same man who was clutching his hips with passion, nails sinking into his flesh as he moved Anakin and positioned him exactly where he wanted him. There was something indescribably beautiful in the way Obi-Wan let himself go completely when they were together. Because when Obi-Wan let go, Anakin let go as well. And it felt wonderful.

The annoying clock in Obi-Wan’s living room chimed the new hour. He suspected that the reason Obi-Wan didn’t get rid of it, no matter how many times Anakin complained about it, was _precisely_ because of the many times Anakin complained about it. It had become one more reason for them to banter— as if they didn’t have enough of that already. He opened his mouth to tease him about it, but just then Obi-Wan hit that sweet spot inside of him. His mouth hanged open with a silent cry, followed by a series of whimpers. “Nghh, Obi-Wan...y-yes, right there.” Before he knew it, Obi-Wan had captured his lips and they were exchanging a heated and messy kiss, continuously panting in the middle of it as Anakin pressed himself closer against him, wanting more of that delicious sensation. “You feel so good. So good, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sat up straighter and began thrusting into him harder, hitting that magical spot again and again and _again_ , making him see the stars.

In moments like these Anakin just wished that time would stop.

* * *

He wasn’t expecting the client that came into Watto’s garage that afternoon. The mayor himself— and former Chancellor of the Republic—had shown up with a minor problem in his car. Even more surprising was to find him alone, no bodyguards with him this time. Which was certainly a relief: there was something about those stout, grim-faced men that he didn’t like at all.

“Here you go!” Anakin smiled after he was done fixing it. “Good as new.”

“What? So soon? You must be a genius!”

He laughed and waved it off. “Sure I am! But, no, truth be told, it was just a minor problem” he said in the middle of a yawn. “Sorry, long day.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Anakin! It’s only normal you’re tired, look at the hour! Frankly, I didn’t expect to find you here this late. When do you find the time to study for your degree?”

“Well, that’s a _very_ good question. One that I don’t have an answer for.” He sighed soundly. “It was not so bad lately, actually... but exams are coming closer, and the night shift is a pain in the ass. But the degree won’t pay itself, so...” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

He was truly against the ropes lately, though, because if he didn’t do well in the exams he would lose his scholarship, and, well, let’s just say he would be really screwed then. There was no way in hell he would be able to pay for his studies then, no matter how many extra hours he worked. Of course, if things reached that point, he would have no other choice but to accept Obi-Wan’s money. _But only as a last_ resort. He wanted to avoid that at all cost.

He sighed inwardly. Just the other day they had argued over this again. Obi-Wan had called him proud and stubborn for not accepting his help, and Anakin had just ignored him, as he always did when this topic came out. Obi-Wan just didn’t understand. And Ahsoka didn’t understand either, always siding with Obi-Wan in this particular matter. Anakin didn’t want to depend on him, to be a burden! He was enough of that as a Padawan, and those days were _long_ past him.

“...Anakin?”

“Sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?”

“I asked why you don’t look for another job.”

“Oh, I have, believe me.” He shook his head. “But haven’t found anything yet.”

“I see... well, actually, I might be able to help you.”

“Help me?” he repeated confused. “How?” He was already prepared to answer with a resounding _no_ in case he offered him money. If he didn’t accept Obi-Wan’s, he certainly wasn’t going to take Palpatine’s.

“I can offer you a new job.”

_Oh._ Well, now they were talking.

“Really?”

“Yes! And it’s also related to mechanics as well. You see, several years ago, I used to enjoy collecting old cars. Quite pretentious, I know... but when one has so much money, he doesn’t know what to do with it most of the time. Of course, I have changed since then! Now I dedicate most of my free time to charity causes. But I guess we all have a dark past” he joked lightly. “The thing is, back in my mansion I have a handful of antique cars that I would really like to get rid of.  I’ve entertained the idea for some time now of organizing an auction to that purpose. ”

“That’s a good idea. But I fail to see where I come in all this.”

“I would like you to have a look into these cars. You see, I have neglected the maintenance they require— I have more important matters to concern myself with, after all— and I’m certain that at least some of them are in need of a few improvements before I organize the auction. Of course, I would pay for all the pieces you need, don’t worry about that. And I could give you a flexible schedule so that you have time for studying your exams... how about once a week? At least until the semester is over. And you can choose the day that suits you better.”

“Are you kidding me? That would be great! But...” _But there’s no way I’m earning enough money with that._

Palpatine guessed the reason for his hesitation. “And I assure you, you will earn the same as in your current job.”

The same, but working just _once_ a week? “Wow, I... I don’t know what to say.” _I mean... where’s the catch?_ It was too good to be true. “But, I don’t understand... surely you could hire someone more prepared for this job than me? Not to talk about the schedule, or the salary... You’re very generous.” _Too generous._

“Well, of course, but I’m not just hiring an employee as much as helping out a friend.”

Anakin smiled, feeling as if he had travelled through time and space and he was staring at the former Chancellor of the Republic— and a good friend— at his office in Coruscant. “Thank you.”

* * *

“Oh, I do remember this poem! Isn’t this the one we argued about once?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18. You certainly were in quite a mood that afternoon.”

“What did you think of me back then?” he asked with an amused grin.

“I thought, ‘what possessed me into tutoring such a stubborn and bad-tempered man’?”

Anakin frowned and resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at him. “Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks for sugar coating it.”

“You’re welcome.” Anakin couldn’t help it this time— he stuck his tongue out at him before returning his attention to the poem.

Obi-Wan looked at him with a fond smile. “I also thought that your eyes seemed to hide too much sadness, far more than one would expect to find in someone so young. And I wished there was something I could do to cheer you up.”

Anakin raised his gaze and stared at him in silence, too moved to speak.

“And then it’s me the one who says cheesy lines” he said after a few seconds.

“True. I might be spending too much time with you.”

They shared a laugh, Anakin shaking his head in mocked exasperation. “You did cheer me up” he said fondly when their chuckles died out. “Well, driving your car did.”

“I’m glad that something good came out of my almost having a heart attack due to your reckless driving skills.” Anakin opened his mouth to respond to that, but Obi-Wan interrupted him pointing at his notes. “Now, the poem. I would like to do a review of the topics studied throughout the year at least twice before the exam, and we don’t have that many days ahead of us. So no more distractions.”

“Yes, _Master_.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Oh, I forgot to tell you! I have good news. Last distraction, I promise.”

“Well?”

“I found a new job!”

“Really?”

“Yes!” He returned his brilliant smile with another of his own. “You’re not going to believe it. Palpatine showed up at the garage with a problem in his car, and we talked about my job, and then he told me that...”

He excitedly told him the whole story, still barely believing his own luck. “...and after that, I told Watto that he could go fuck himself. Well, I used different words, but the concept was pretty much the same. Can you believe it, Obi-Wan? I won’t have to see that bastard’s ugly face ever again! Isn’t it great?”

“Indeed.”

“Indeed?” he repeated confused, his smile slowly dying out. “That’s all you have to say about it? Geez, Obi-Wan, don’t get so excited!” he said with sarcasm.

“It’s just...”

“What?”

He brushed his beard pensively. “Doesn’t it seem to you a bit odd— a bit too convenient— that Palpatine has the perfect job for you? Something that you’re good at, a flexible schedule, and incredibly well-paid for the small amount of hours you’ll be working?”

“Well, yes, but he did say he wanted to help me as well.”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Precisely. So you can accept his help, but not mine?”

“Oh, please. So that’s what this is all about? You didn’t offer me a job, Obi-Wan! You just offered me money.”

“I offered you money because I wanted to help you, and Palpatine offered you this job because he wanted to help you. Is it really that different? Why is it so hard for you to accept my help?”

 “And why is it so hard for you to just be happy when I tell you some good news? But, no, instead you have to go and twist things, like you _always_ do.”

“I’m just trying to understand!”

“No, you know what the real problem here is? You’re jealous.”

“Of Palpatine?” Obi-Wan laughed at the ludicrousness of this conversation. “Don’t be absurd, Anakin.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “No, not _that_ kind of jealous. But, back then, you never really approved of me spending so much time with him. You never liked it that someone with so much influence as the Chancellor thought so highly of me, that he even saw me as an equal, because you always wanted to keep me on a leash!”

“Are you listening to what you’re saying? No, I didn’t approve of you spending so much time with him, but not because of the utter _nonsense_ you’re saying. _I_ was your Master, not him. I just wanted you to feel that you could resort to me when something worried you. I just wanted you to trust me!”

“I trusted you!”

“And yet you preferred to tell some Chancellor about what you did to the Tuskens rather than your own Master.”

“What—seriously?” Anakin rose from his chair. “You’re bringing that up again? I thought we were past this!”

“I thought so too, but judging by what you said, we’re clearly not past _anything._ ” Obi-Wan stood up as well, walking a few steps until he was right in front of him. “Did you really mean it?”

Anakin held his gaze, silent for a long moment, and hated himself for having lost his train of thought under the intensity of that look. “I don’t know about you, Obi-Wan, but I _do_ tend to mean the things I say.”

Obi-Wan snorted, shaking his head. “Unbelievable.”

"What else was I supposed to think? You talk a lot about trust, bud did _you_ really trust me?”

“ _Yes_ ” he replied without hesitation, taking another step towards him. “With my life.”

“With your life, yes, but what about everything else?” Obi-Wan looked at him as if he didn’t understand. “I was no idiot, Obi-Wan. I could feel the looks of mistrust from other Jedi, ever since I arrived in the Temple. And these looks didn’t stop when I grew up, no. Quite the contrary. They intensified as I became more powerful. And I just wanted to prove myself, to prove everyone that they were wrong, but you were always so reluctant to give me more responsibilities!”

“And how on earth does that imply that I didn’t trust you? You were my Padawan, and it was my job to protect you. From others as well as from yourself. And, judging by what you did to the Tuskens, it was with good reason.”

Anakin shot him a hurt and angry look. “Fuck off.” He moved with the intention of going to his bedroom, but Obi-Wan’s voice prevented him from it.

“Oh, yes, so typical of you. Withdrawing when you know I’m right.”

Anakin abruptly turned around to look at him. “Sure, because you’re _always_ right. Really, I mean it. You’re so good at... _manipulating_ words, at twisting things, that you always manage to make it _look_ as if you were right.” Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, but Anakin interrupted him. “And, yes, I did mean what I said before. You didn’t like me hanging out with Palpatine so much because you wanted to keep me on a leash. You were always holding me back, because you were afraid of my power! And now it just irks you that even if I’m a nobody in this life, someone as important as the mayor still wants to be friends with me.”

Obi-Wan touched his forehead tiredly. Anakin’s eyes followed his every move as Obi-Wan went towards the couch to grab his jacket. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“You’re only talking nonsense. I refuse to continue this conversation right now.”

“Why do you always have to decide when to end our arguments? I want to continue this conversation.”

“And I will gladly do so, when you stop acting like a child.”

“Like a child? Like a—”

“Yes, you heard right.”

“Fine, just go already!”

Anakin stormed off to his bedroom before Obi-Wan exited his flat. The novel that Obi-Wan had lent him once was on the nightstand, and it seemed to be staring at him with scorn. Irritated, he threw it to the opposite wall, then he heard a crash. His and Padmé’s picture on the other nightstand had been hit by the book and fallen to the floor. There was a crack right above Padmé’s face, and little pieces of broken glass on the carpet, as well as a page torn from the book. Anakin looked at the mess around him with a sour face, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t know whether he was apologizing to Padmé, to Obi-Wan, or to both of them at once.

_“And I will gladly do so, when you stop acting like a child.”_

No, he was definitely _not_ apologizing to Obi-Wan.

It was not the first time they had an argument since their relationship started. Although they were very different regarding several traits of their personalities, they were practically the same as far as character and stubbornness was concerned.  Both of them stood firm on their opinions, and they clashed pretty often as a result. However, it was all soon forgotten after some teasing banter and some more apologetic kisses.

But this fight had been different. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so angry with him.

_“When you stop acting like a child.”_

_Damn you, old man._

A frustrated grunt escaped his lips. He had been expecting Obi-Wan would be so happy when he told him his good news. But, so much for having a good day.

He shook his head and went for the dustpan in the kitchen, and started cleaning up the pieces of broken glass on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending the chapter like that!! Please let me know what you think in the comments :) And thank you for reading!


	16. Our Secret Corner in the Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was able to update much earlier than I had thought! So make sure you have read chapter 15 before reading this one :)

Palpatine’s mansion was nothing short of impressive, although perhaps a bit too sumptuous for Anakin’s taste. The service was really kind to him, and they told him several times not to hesitate in asking anything that he needed. He went there to take a look into the antique cars before he started working on the repairs, so as to decide which pieces he would need.

“Mr Skywalker, are you lost?” a kind woman in her middle forties asked him.

“Uhm, well...” It was pretty embarrassing to admit he had lost his way inside a _house_ , no matter how big said house might be. “Actually, I was just taking a look around. Palpatine told me I could. Sorry, maybe I misunderstood—”

“Oh, don’t worry! Of course that’s okay. Only, I wouldn’t go around these rooms if I were you. Some repairs are being made and it’s all full with wires.”

“Okay.” He just stood where he was, feeling like an idiot, before admitting defeat. “Look, I just... might have forgotten the way out. Could you be so kind as to show me the way?”

She chuckled. “Follow me, Mr Skywalker.”

A certain copper-haired man would have found that situation very amusing, teasing him no doubt about his terrible sense of direction. Anakin brushed that thought aside. Thinking about him hurt.

His new job meant that he now had more interactions with Palpatine. And it felt weird, because he was constantly reminded of their many conversations in the other life. A part of him wished that his friend could remember him.

“So, Anakin, are you happy with your new job?” They were now walking side by side along the gardens of his mansion.

“Happy is an understatement. Really, I can’t thank you enough—”

“Nonsense, Anakin” he waved it off. “You don’t have to thank me.”

As he gazed at the stream of a fountain, he thought about it all. _Will he end up remembering anything, just like Ahsoka, Obi-Wan and I did?_ Even more so, who was he to say that he didn’t remember already? Maybe they were both thinking the same thing now, as they walked side by side.

It just seemed significant that Palpatine remembered. He had been such an important person in his life, after all. A father figure of sorts, and very lenient and understanding. He didn’t think less of him when he told him about the Tuskens; whereas a certain _someone_ seemed to take delight in bringing that thing up again and again, every time they had an argument. _Why can’t he just let it go?_ Whatever, he didn’t care.

He was overcome with nostalgia when Palpatine took interest in his life, asking him about his degree and his aspirations. It reminded him to the way he had worried about him when Anakin got his frustrations off his chest when he had been a Jedi.

 Some things truly never changed, just like some people never changed either.

He didn’t know yet the extent to which that statement was true. And, lost as he was in the beauty of his surroundings, the cunning look from his companion went unnoticed.

* * *

“You took your time!” Ahsoka reproached him.

“Not my fault! The printer didn’t work. Don’t worry, we still have...” he glanced at his watch, “... one minute. Do you have a stapler?”

“Yes, but we can do that inside the classroom.” She sighed. “We’re always out of time when we have to hand over an essay. I’m _never_ pairing up with you again.”

“So you said last time” Anakin answered smugly. “And cut the drama, it’s not my fault the printer didn’t work.”

“No, you always blame the— oh, hi Obi-Wan!” she said when they came across him in the corridor. “Do you know if Windu has recovered from the flu?”

“Yes, he’s perfectly well. On his way to the classroom when I last saw him, in fact.”

“Oh, shit” Ahsoka complained. “We’re going to be late again. Can you believe it?” she said to Obi-Wan.

“I most certainly can. Don’t worry, he was not in a bad mood today.” His smile died out when he glanced at Ahsoka’s former Master. “Anakin, I was looking for you. I have to give a class at six, so we’ll need to delay one hour our private lesson of today. Come at my place at seven.”

“Okay” he answered without looking at him.

Obi-Wan nodded and looked at Ahsoka then. “Well, you better hurry now. Have a nice day.”

Ahsoka gave Anakin a funny look. “What was that all about? Let me guess, trouble in paradise?”

Anakin snorted mirthlessly. “Something like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, no. Come on, let’s go.”

It’d been several days since their argument, and their only interactions had taken place in the classroom or in their private lessons. If one could call those things interactions, that is. They were one of the most uncomfortable moments he’d ever had to go through: they only spoke to each other to solve Anakin’s doubts and questions in relation to the themes of the course, and even then, their conversations couldn’t have been more strained.

It also didn’t help that anywhere he looked in Obi-Wan’s apartment, his brain was assaulted by a myriad of uncivilized images. Just a few days ago, Anakin had been lying naked and spread-legged in this same table, completely at Obi-Wan’s mercy as he—

_No. Not going there, brain._ He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, hoping that Obi-Wan wouldn’t notice.

But, _God_ , it’d been far too many days since they had been together, and his insides burned with the ardent memories of that engorged warmth filling him so perfectly—

_Not going there, not going there._

He found a pretty effective way of pushing the loving memories away. Really, the only thing he had to do was replaying their argument in his mind, and that was enough to make his blood boil. _I mean, throwing in my face the Tusken thing again? Calling me a child? Getting angry instead of being happy for me after I just told him I had a new job?_ Oh, yes, that definitely pushed the _other_ memories away.

“Let me see.” He read through Anakin’s notes. “This is... terrible. We should have dedicated our time to this instead of the other topics. Anakin, you told me you already understood the contents of this unit.”

“And I do! Look, I already got the hang of it, it’s just that I’m really tired.”

“I thought that with your new job, in which you only have to work once a week, you wouldn’t be so tired.”

Anakin had to bit his lips so as to not react to his sarcastic tone. He didn’t want to make things between them worse than they already were.

“I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

_And that’s your damn fault_. Before, whenever he had a bad dream, Obi-Wan was there to comfort him. But since their argument, Anakin had revived in his dreams almost every night— every _kriffing_ night— Padmé and mum’s deaths. Then he woke up alone. And then, after he finally managed to fall sleep again, he had nightmares with Obi-Wan dying in different ways. And, again, there was no comforting embrace to calm him down when he woke up in panic.

Obi-Wan stared at him fixedly, taking in the deep bags under his eyes. “Anakin, even if we... even if things are not well between us, you know I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything.”

Anakin snorted to himself. _I don’t need to talk. I just need you with me._ And, damn it, he hated himself for needing him so much even when he was angry with him.

“I don’t need your _pity_ ” he replied coldly.

“My pity?” Obi-Wan repeated incredulously. He was about to say something else, but seemed to think better of it, and simply said with disdain, “you really are impossible.”

No more words were exchanged between them, save for the comments related to the subject, and the atmosphere in the room was even more strained than before.

* * *

Just when it seemed that things could not be getting any worse, he received a phone call from Palpatine requesting his presence at his home. So far so good. The thing was, he wasn’t supposed to go there that day, so it could only mean that Anakin had somehow managed to screw things up. _What if I messed some car up?_ Oh, God. _What if he fires me?_

_No,_ Anakin reassured himself, _Palpatine is not like that. Surely if there’s been some problem, he will understand._

But what if he didn’t? He _really_ needed that money. _Shit, shit, shit._

He stared at the big mansion with apprehension before entering through the iron gates. It was getting dark, and as he crossed the gardens, he thought that they didn’t seem as appealing as they did in the mornings. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there was something about that place that was giving him the chills. A sudden feeling that came from nowhere urged him to go back.

  _Don’t be ridiculous. The so-called Hero with No Fear afraid of some trees and hedges and a little darkness?_ He laughed to himself and continued walking decisively.

“Anakin” Palpatine greeted him from an armchair in front of a fireplace when he entered his office on the second floor. “You must be wondering why I made you come here at this hour.”

He stared at his office with his mouth open for a few seconds. Now it _really_ felt as if he had travelled through time and space: that room seemed to be a replica of Chancellor Palpatine’s office in Coruscant. True, there were some differences— such as the fireplace and the armchairs in front of it— but, minus some exceptions here and there, it really looked practically the same. So much so that, if Anakin hadn’t recovered his memories yet, he was sure that seeing this would have caused within him a strong sense of deja vu, similar to those he used to experience occasionally before the awakening of his memories.

He remembered his manners and closed his mouth, at the same time he shook his head.

“Well, yes, I have to admit I was a bit surprised when you called me. So... what did I do wrong? Whatever it is, I promise I will fix it, but _please,_ don’t fire me, I really need—”

“What? Fire you?” He gave an animated laugh. “No, Anakin, this is not about the job! You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh. Okay.” _Then why am I here?_ The unspoken question lingered between them.

“Please, have a sit.”

Anakin joined him in front of the fireplace, sitting on the unoccupied armchair next to his.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for some time now... but it’s quite complicated to understand, I’m afraid.”

Anakin looked reassuringly at him. “Don’t worry, I’m quite an expert at all things complicated.”

He gazed at the dying embers as he waited for him to speak.

“You’ve told me in several of our conversations how there were times in the past when you felt as if you were missing something important... as if you didn’t belong anywhere.”

“...yes.”

“What if I told you...” He made a dramatic pause. “What if I told you that I may know the reason for that?”

Anakin withdrew his eyes from the fireplace to look at him. The flames were drawing shadows in the mayor’s pale face. As Anakin held his gaze, the realization hit him, and he released the breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding.

“You remember.”

Palpatine blinked, seemingly taken aback. “You do, too?”

“Yes... Chancellor.”

They exchanged a smile.

“It’s so good to see you again, my friend!”

“Yeah, you too! But... aren’t you confused?”

“Well, I was when I first remembered.” He rose from his armchair and started pacing along the office. “But I’ve had many years to digest it.”

“Oh, so... you’ve remembered this whole time. When we met, you already knew who I was.”

“Indeed. Didn’t you?”

“No, I... I remembered a few months later.” Anakin shook his head, amused. This whole situation seemed so surreal. He’d been hoping for so long that his friend would remember him, and it turned out that he’d known about his past all along. The revelation seemed quite anticlimactic. But this was real life, not one of those novels Obi-Wan liked so much, where every moment was significant. It certainly didn’t downplay at all his happiness for finally being reunited with his friend.

“There are so many things I don’t understand, though.” Palpatine was now staring out of the window thoughtfully, gazing at the lush vegetation that could be seen in the horizon. “The last thing I remember, I was in my office pondering over... well, different prospects for the future. I don’t know why or how we ended up here.”

“I do.”

Palpatine slowly turned around.

“Oh?”

Anakin gave a long sigh and told him all about his conversation with Yoda, all the while Palpatine listened with an inscrutable look on his face.

“So in that future... you ended up fulfilling the prophecy?”

“Yes, that’s what the Yoda from my dreams told me back then.”

“That’s wonderful, Anakin” he said gazing out of the window, turning his back to Anakin. “But yet, something... terrible happened before that, you say?”

Anakin nodded sullenly, then remembered that Palpatine was not looking at him. “Yes. Yoda gave me the chance— well, he said the Force gave me the chance— to start anew in this reality. So that I don’t have to go through that tragedy, or whatever.”

“But, what tragedy? Didn’t he specify?”

“What, Yoda? Being something else than abstract and obscure? No chance. The only thing he told me was something along the lines of ‘a high price, the galaxy had to pay’’” Anakin said imitating his way of speaking. “And something about destruction, treason, massacre and so on.” 

“Very unspecific indeed. I can’t fathom what he might have meant by that.”

“Yeah, neither can I... just thinking about those words gives me the chills. Better not to think about it.” Palpatine made a non-committal sound. “That life is gone, after all.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Palpatine finally turned around. “Do you miss it?”

Anakin sighed wistfully and looked once more at the dying embers of the fireplace. He’d had this conversation with Obi-Wan already. _Obi-Wan._ _What is he doing right now?_ It was nine o’clock, so he’d probably had dinner already. _He must be reading some nerdy book._

“Sometimes, I do. I miss the thrill of it. But, actually, I’ve come to appreciate the tranquillity of this life.”

Palpatine hummed. “You have suffered important losses in this life, though. You lost your mother... and Padmé.”

Anakin gulped nervously and rose from his armchair. “Yeah, well, about Padmé... we fell in love in this life, but we were just friends before—” The lie and the need to justify himself came so natural to him. He knew it didn’t matter anymore if anyone knew— _Force,_ Obi-Wan himself _had_ known, much to his surprise, so who’s to say Palpatine hadn’t suspected something either?— but old habits die hard, and it had been so important back then to keep his love for Padmé secret, that he now simply lied driven by instinct.

“Now, Anakin, you don’t have to justify yourself! Whatever you had, or didn’t have with Padmé, is certainly not my concern. It never was.”

Anakin nodded gratefully, joining him in front of the window. “Well, I have lost a lot in this life, that’s true. But I’ve come to terms with it, and learned to appreciate the things I have here.” Again, his thoughts drifted towards his professor, and he felt miserable. _Do I still have those things?_

“I’m really glad to hear that, Anakin. I must say, though, that I don’t entirely share your point of view.”

“Aren’t you happy here?”

“Oh, I am. But I can’t help but having a sense of... unfinished business, so to speak. As if a part of me would like to continue where I left off. It was a difficult life, but at least we had a great purpose. But here... here, we are no one.”

“Yeah, I... I get what you mean.” He’d told Obi-Wan something very similar as well, when they were on speaking terms.

And it was... a truly depressing thought. The former Jedi, warrior, hero— _The Chosen One_ — reduced to a simple student of mechanical engineering, always struggling to make ends meet. Here he was no one indeed.

“Oh, look at the time! You must be starving. How about you stay for dinner? And we can continue our conversation as we eat. It’d be nice to reminisce about old times!”

Anakin tried to smile back, but it came out strained. That conversation had worn him out, and he didn’t have the strength to talk about anything else for the day.

“Thank you, but I really should go. I need to do some homework for tomorrow.” He felt slightly guilty for lying to his friend.

“Oh, well. Another time then! It’s really good to be able to talk as old friends once more.”

“Indeed.” This time, Anakin’s smile was honest. “And, sure, another time. Goodnight, Palpatine.”

He left the house in a haze, pondering over the insignificance of his own life. _We’re no one._ He walked and walked and walked, with no direction in mind. He walked aimlessly, just like his life was aimless.

It was a warm, calm night; one of those one would expect to find in summer rather than spring. A soft gentle breeze was blowing, though, and it helped him clear his mind to some extent. It was not surprising that his steps led him to the beach, his refuge. He always went there whenever he needed some time alone to think. And he certainly had a lot of things to think about that night. The tide was low, so he went to the secret part of the beach Obi-Wan had shown him once. And, _damn_ , he was constantly reminded of that name, wasn’t he? He just wanted to forget about him for a little while. And to forget about his past, and about the emptiness of his existence. He just wanted to be alone.

And so it seemed as if the universe was playing a crude joke on him when Anakin realised he was not alone. And of course, it had to be him. It always had to be that _infuriating_ old man.

He had his back to him, so he couldn’t see Anakin. And Anakin _might_ have taken advantage of this fact to observe him without being noticed, just for a little while. He was standing there with his hands behind his back, in a contemplative pose that reminded him too much of the former Jedi Master he once was. _What is he thinking about?_ It hurt not being able to tell. Anakin had come to share _everything_ with this man in this life, and now they were like two strangers. He had a sudden urge to say something, to make himself known. And then... and then what? _Then you could apologize._

Apologize? Him? _No chance._ Obi-Wan had been the one to initiate their fight, not him. _“When you stop acting like a child”_ Obi-Wan’s words echoed in his mind. Anakin shook his head and started to go back the way he’d come.

“Who’s there?”

_Shit. So much for being silent._ Jedi or no Jedi, Obi-Wan’s perceptive skills were just as good. Much to his chagrin.

 Anakin bent down to hide behind a rock, but he figured Obi-Wan would find him eventually, and that would be much more embarrassing. _Childish_ , even, and how much he hated that fucking word. He came out of his hiding place.

“Anakin” he sounded surprised.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here. I’ll go somewhere else.”

“No, wait!” Anakin turned around. “You don’t have to go, it’s no bother.”

They both stood silent gazing at the sea, avoiding each other’s eyes, and Anakin thought that this was a _very_ bad idea. You could cut the tension with a knife. The silence was so incredibly uncomfortable, that he tried hard to think and come up with something to say, _anything_.

“Palpatine remembered.” Anakin groaned to himself. _Are you stupid or what? Is this the best thing you can come up with? Really?_

“Is that so?” At least that seemed to catch Obi-Wan’s interest, and he rewarded him with a curious look. Well, on the bright side, he was looking at him now. “And did he take it well?”

“Oh, no, it’s not like that. I mean, he already remembered. For some years now.”

Obi-Wan nodded. “I see... I suspected as much. The fact that he already remembered your former friendship explained his strange interest in you.”

Anakin huffed. This had definitely been a very bad idea. “Sure. Why else would he want to be friends with a nobody like me, right?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Please don’t start again. That’s not what I said.”

“But it’s what you were thinking. Just like you used to think that the only reason he took an interest in me back then was because I was the Chosen One!”

He let out a tired sigh. “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. I’d rather be alone.”

“Well, too bad, because you’re going to hear me, Obi-Wan!” He took a few angry steps in his direction until he was standing right in front of him. “That’s _all_ I was to you back then, wasn’t it? The Chosen One?”

Obi-Wan glared at him. “I’m fed up with your delusions. If you don’t go, I’ll go.”

Anakin roughly grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving. “Answer me!”

“Get off me!” They were standing only centimetres away from each other. “I can’t stand you.”

“Good, then that makes two of us!”

Anakin wasn’t sure who initiated it, but next thing he knew, they were hungrily kissing each other, venting all of their frustrations into that one kiss. Teeth clashing against teeth, swollen and abused lips that soon were blood red attacking each other. It was a battle for dominance, a battle that neither of them could win.

“You’re insufferable” Obi-Wan said devouring his neck with his mouth, eliciting a moan from Anakin as the younger of the two hungrily tugged at his clothes.

“Not more than you” he said breathless as his hands caressed the soft hairs on his chest, leaning in for another kiss and sucking mercilessly on his bottom lip. It was all soon roaming hands everywhere— massaging, grasping, clutching— as the sand was filled with layers and layers of clothing that were carelessly discarded. Anakin brought Obi-Wan down with him to lie on top of the clothes, even if getting dirty by sand was the least of his worries right now.

 It had been far too long, so they didn’t waste much time. Later, they would have hours and hours to slowly worship every inch of their bodies as they got reacquainted with each other. But that would be later.

Now, Anakin was gazing at the calm sea while he was on all fours, spearing himself on Obi-Wan’s engorged cock as the older man made love to him from behind. He was dimly aware of the pleasured moans that escaped his own lips, focused as he was on the animalistic groans that he heard coming from Obi-Wan. The silence and calm of the sea were broken by their joined cries of pleasure, by whispered words of praise and pleas— _harder, Obi-Wan, please, harder—_ and by the seductive sound of skin clashing against skin with every frantic thrust. Obi-Wan was gone, completely lost to his desires, and that was the part that excited him the most. This was _the_ Mr. Perfect-And-Always-Calm Obi-Wan Kenobi, the same man that was fucking him with abandon, and whose wild moans were anything but civilized. A violent wave crashing against the seashore was the last thing Anakin saw before orgasm hit him. He came whispering his name, his inner walls clenching around Obi-Wan's swollen shaft. Feeling ragged, he happily took the rest of Obi-Wan's deep thrusts, and then he heard a strangled moan at the same time his former Master emptied himself inside of him.

They lied quiet for a while as they regained their breath, spooning, Anakin’s back pressed against the older man’s chest while Obi-Wan’s right hand softly caressed his torso.

“I didn’t accept your help” Anakin broke the silence, “because I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”

Obi-Wan, who had been pressing small kisses on his shoulder blades, stilled. “A burden?”

Anakin nodded. “I know you didn’t mind lending me the money, it’s not that... it’s about the way I would have felt if I had accepted it. I was your responsibility for so long when were Jedi... and, you know, one of the best things for me when I was knighted, was the fact that we were finally equals. Not because of pride, or desire for power, or because of _anything_ like that. It’s just... I didn’t want you to see me as someone you had to constantly worry about, or as a... as the annoying _child_ you still had to look after. I wanted you to see me as someone you could rely on, or even someone you could.... I don’t know, _admire_ ” he laughed mirthlessly at his own ridiculousness. “And now that we’re together, I didn’t want to have to depend on you again. To be a responsibility. I always wanted to be so much more than that” he admitted in a low whisper.

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan’s arms tightened around him as he placed a tender kiss on his nape. “You always were so much more than that. You say you wanted me to see you as someone I could rely on? I already _did_ , my dear. You can’t imagine how proud I was of the Jedi... of the _man_ you became.” He placed his hand on his chest, right above his heart. “I don’t know when it exactly happened, probably some time after your trials... but when I looked at you, I no longer saw a child—by the way, I apologize for calling you that the other day. I didn’t know it riled you so much—. When I looked at you, all I could think of was that you had become a far greater Jedi than I could have ever hoped to be.”

“Really?” he asked in wonder.

Obi-Wan chuckled, his lips veering to the side of his face. “Really. And my trust in you was absolute. If you ever got the impression that I... how did you call it the other day? Oh, yes, that I ‘kept you on a leash’ because I was afraid of your powers... well, you were entirely mistaken. At the most, I might have erred on the side of caution because of how protective I felt of you. But I swear to you, Anakin, I _never_ mistrusted you. And as for your reasons for not accepting my economic help, I can assure you that I would have never thought any less of you for that. I don’t see you as a responsibility, Anakin, get that into your head. On the contrary, what I see is a brave and resourceful man, that no matter how many hardships and obstacles life puts on his way, he doesn’t fall apart. And if he does, he always finds the strength to keep fighting. Had you accepted my money, my opinion of you would have been exactly the same.”

Anakin fought against the humidity in his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward so as to catch his eyes. “It’s true that you tend to over think things quite a bit, to put it mildly. But then again, you wouldn’t be my Anakin if you didn’t.” He gave him a fond smile as he sweetly rubbed their noses together. “My Anakin broods a lot, easily gets angry, and is twice as stubborn as I am.” His breath ghosted over his lips as he gazed deeply into his oceanic eyes. “And I love him just the way he is.” Their lips met in a gentle, heartfelt kiss, and when it ended Obi-Wan tenderly held his bottom lip hostage between his teeth.

“Thank you” Anakin whispered against his lips, as a cheeky grin that Obi-Wan knew too well formed in his face. “Now’s when I should say that I hope we never have another fight anytime soon, but I dare say that the _amazing_ make-up sex made up for it.”

 “Oh, indeed.” Obi-Wan gave him a grin of his own. “For once, I have to agree with you.”

They contentedly stayed where they were, entangled in each other’s arms, underneath the stars and enjoying the soft breeze that caressed their naked limbs.

“What do you want to do now?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Is that a joke? Now, I would really love to have a shower and get a good night’s sleep.”

“Oh, come on! It’s a beautiful night. We could even bathe in the sea for a little while?”

“Absolutely not. The water must be cold, and I’m exhausted. You truly worn me out before, love” he whispered against his ear, sounding amused. “You must not forget I’m an old man.”

“No, you’re not!” Anakin tilted his head to plead with his eyes, and Obi-Wan kissed his pout.

“Oh? So now I’m not an old man. I would love to record this conversation, but I can’t be bother with looking for my phone amidst all these clothes right now.”

“Come on, Obi-Wan. Don’t be such a spoilsport. It’ll be fun. _Please?”_

“No. I won’t surrender to your puppy eyes this time. You go to the sea if you want to.” He yawned. “In the meantime, I’ll take a nap.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, knowing that insisting would lead him nowhere. _And then he calls me stubborn._ As he felt Obi-Wan’s peaceful breaths in the back of his neck, he had a brilliant idea. Maybe he wouldn’t surrender to his puppy eyes this time, but he had other more effective means at his disposal.

He moved his back closer towards Obi-Wan’s front until he felt his soft member pressed against his backside, and then he moved. Still, no reaction from Obi-Wan. Anakin bit his own lips as he pressed himself even closer against him. It felt so _good_ to have Obi-Wan’s shaft between his ass cheeks. He gave another tentative move. Was it his imagination, or had Obi-Wan’s breath quickened? He started to move more firmly, slowly, making Obi-Wan’s member slide along the cleft of his ass with his motions. Obi-Wan’s not-so-soft member.

“Anakin...” he complained half-heartedly.

“Mm, yes?” _God,_ it really felt _so_ good. “W-what is it, Obi-Wan?”

“You know exactly what— _oh_. Oh, Force.” Anakin smiled satisfied as he felt against him the proof that Obi-Wan was _very_ much awake now. Anakin continued his motions, and he knew Obi-Wan was about to give in.

And he guessed correctly. He almost claimed victory when the strong hand that was placed on his abdomen drew him _impossibly_ close against him, and Obi-Wan started rubbing frantically his hard member between his ass cheeks. A part of Anakin’s brain reminded him that he was doing this for a reason, but he couldn’t remember just what it was, because Obi-Wan felt just so _good_ against him, and the low grunts against his ear were _so_ erotic. And, to make things worse— better, actually— the hand that was on his abdomen had moved upwards to pinch one nipple. He kneaded it until it was hard, and then he moved on to do the same with the other nipple.

 “You are far too tempting, my dear” he whispered hotly against his ear, making Anakin shudder. Obi-Wan’s hand on his chest lowered slowly but surely, getting into his pubic hair, until it grabbed his cock.

“Nghh, Obi-Wan.”

He began to pump his length, in synch with the way he kept grinding on him. Anakin was overwhelmed, loving far too much the feeling of Obi-Wan all around him. But there was something he was forgetting... what was it? Just when the tip of Obi-Wan’s cock started moving with more intent, looking for his entrance, by some miracle he remembered.

He freed himself from Obi-Wan’s grasp and stood up.

Obi-Wan groaned. “Where are you going?”

It took all of Anakin’s self restraint to resist the image of a completely naked— and frustrated— Obi-Wan, sprawled on their clothes and with his hard member standing proudly between his legs— just like his own was. His mouth watered, and he almost yielded to the sudden urge to straddle him and ride him wildly until Obi-Wan forgot everything but his name. Almost. Obi-Wan was right: he was really stubborn.

“If you want to continue this” Anakin said with a smug smile, “you’ll have to go with me into the sea.”

“So that’s the way things are, uh? “Obi-Wan arched an amused eyebrow. “Sorry to disappoint you, Anakin, but I can be very stubborn as well. Your antics will not work this time.”

  _Seriously?_ He tried to mask his frustration under an indifferent semblance. “As you wish. Have it your way.” He then lowered his eyes, gazing intently at Obi-Wan’s groin. “And good luck with that.”

“Likewise.”

He rolled his eyes and turned around, smirking to himself as he imagined the hungry look on Obi-Wan’s face as he walked towards the seashore.

Obi-Wan laughed at the familiarity of the exchange as Anakin walked away. At the familiarity of the _banter_. _Force, I’ve missed this._

This moment right here felt so significant, even if nothing extraordinary had taken place in it. Maybe that was the reason. Here, under the starred sky and the big moon, and only the vast sea on the horizon, it felt as if they were isolated from the rest of the world. It also felt as if this place itself existed in isolation, as if it was frozen in time and space. Past and present joined together, outside the laws of physics and the mystery that had made this other life possible.

There was a sense of bitterness to it. Because, whenever he seemed to be experiencing such soaring happiness, it only felt natural that some unforeseen circumstance would come to take it away. To bring balance, so to speak, because no person should be allowed to feel so much joy. Their last argument was but an example. He remembered thinking that things couldn’t have been going better for them, and then some misplaced comment added to past resentments was enough to destabilize their hard fought peace. When would their past lives stop hunting them? How long until their past caught up on their present again? It felt like a never ending race, a race you already knew you were going to lose since the moment you were placed on the starting line. And still you kept running. But, perhaps, he was looking at it from the wrong perspective. It had been thanks to their past that this had been possible, after all.

Whatever life he was in, of one thing he was sure: all of his paths would end up leading to the young man that was now swimming beneath the moonlight. There was something indescribably magnetic in him, something that his own soul seemed to be drawn to, inevitably. For better or worse, their fates were joined. He knew they were. And, true, his beauty was alluring. His bronzed, wet skin sparkled under the dim light of the moon, and his strong back and his defined abdomen stood in great contrast to the innocence of his angelic face. _Beautiful. You’re so beautiful_. But it was always the pull of his soul the one which he couldn’t resist. Not now, not ever.

Swimming in the sea at night was immensely liberating. As he submerged himself into the sea and re-emerged again, the feeling of fresh water covering every pore of his skin was like a balm for his soul. His breath hitched when something grabbed him from behind, and he was ready to scream for Obi-Wan’s help when humid lips pressed against his ear.

“It seems that this old man is not able to resist you, after all.” Anakin closed his eyes and let his head rest against Obi-Wan shoulder.

“Was it my antics from before, or perhaps my dashing looks?” he joked with a lazy smile.

“Neither” he answered enigmatically, hands roaming down the expanse of his chest. “It’s really unfair, I must tell you. I’m exhausted and the water is freezing, and yet here I am. The sacrifices I have to make for you.”

“You do realise that I can feel the evidence of how very _not_ exhausted you are pressing against my back, right? Also, don’t exaggerate, it’s not freezing. And talking about sacrifices, I think I’m clearly ahead of you.”

“Is that so?”

Anakin hummed, tilting his head to look mischievously at him. “I just let you fuck me senseless against kriffing sand, after all.”

“True.” Obi-Wan gave him a warm smile as his middle finger traced a path down his strong back. “Your hate for sand, how could I forget...I should be flattered.”

“You should” Anakin said unfocused, distracted by his caresses. “I had fucking sand all over me earlier. And when I put on my clothes, it’s going to be much worse.”

“How terrible” he couldn’t help chuckling against his ear. “I can make it up to you, though. As soon as we’re home, I will arrange a bath for you.”

“For you and me both” Anakin corrected him. “Together.”

“Of course. The contrary was never an option, my dear. And after that...” He left a trail of wet kisses on the crook of his neck. “I will personally make sure—with my tongue—that there’s not a single grain of sand left on your body.” Anakin held his breath. “I will lick every single inch of you until I’m _completely_ certain that they’re all gone.” The finger on his back lowered until it slid along the cleft of his ass, and Anakin opened his mouth in a breathless moan when it teased his entrance. “ _Every_ single inch.”

Anakin turned around and captured his lips frantically. “Home. Now.”

Obi-Wan chuckled against his lips. “ _Patience_ , my former apprentice.” Anakin rolled his eyes. “Now that you’ve dragged me into the sea and that I’m finally used to the temperature of the water, I plan to stay here for a little while. How about a race? Let’s see who reaches that rock over there faster, shall we?”

“Oh, I would hate to put to shame an _old man_. But, since you insist...”

Actually, it was Obi-Wan the one who won the race, but Anakin couldn’t care less. As their lips met in a deep and languid kiss, no sense of urgency this time, Anakin forgot all about the apprehensions that had overcome him just a few hours ago. He might not be a Jedi in this life, or a hero, or the Chosen One; and, hell, he might just be an average student of mechanical engineering, always struggling to make ends meet, with no lofty goals or heroic qualities, or a great destiny ahead of him. He had none of that now.

But he had Obi-Wan. And that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, they made up! I hope you enjoyed the chapter :) Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! And as always, thanks for reading!


	17. The Letter

_He was falling. The air was cold around him as he fell and fell and fell—_

The moment he crashed into hard and sharp rock, his eyes opened to return him to the land of the living, far away from the realm of dreams—or rather, nightmares— and thus sparing him the pain of the blow.

He took a calming breath while he sought tranquillity in the gentle tapping of the water drops against the windowpane. It was the wee hours of the morning, and the town slept oblivious to the weak storm that hovered over their houses.

The mattress creaked when the person next to him in the bed shifted. “ _Blasted_ mattress... it’s like sleeping on the floor.”

Anakin stifled a laugh. “Come on, Obi-Wan.” His voice startled the older man. “Have you forgotten the countless times we had to sleep on a real floor back then?”

“Well, we didn’t have a choice.” Obi-Wan shifted to face him. “Now we’re not on a mission. Honestly, Anakin, how can you sleep in this?”

“And to think it’s you who calls me whiny” he teased him. “The bed at your place is comfier, true, but mine is not so bad. You’re just spoilt and whiny.”

Obi-Wan scowled, feigning to be offended. “You hurt my feelings, dear. You know something’s going _really_ wrong in this world when _the_ Anakin Skywalker calls you whiny” he deadpanned. “Why were you awake? Bad dream?” Anakin nodded, resigned. “Come here.” He opened his arms in invitation so that Anakin could snuggle next to him. While they remained embraced, a hand started drawing circles on his back, soothingly. “Better?”

Anakin hummed, taking comfort in the calming sound of Obi-Wan’s heartbeat against his ear. “I can’t wait for the exams to be over” he said in the middle of a yawn.

“And they haven’t even been started yet. Which is a good thing... I don’t know about the subjects of your actual degree, but as far as literature is concerned, you still need to dedicate more hours to its study.”

“So demanding. You said it yourself that I had improved a lot! It’s just that damn shit, post-structuralism... I’ll never get the hang of it.”

“We just need to review that unit a couple of times more.”

“Agree. I’ll go tomorrow afternoon at your place and—”

“No. Neither my place, nor yours. I’ll reserve a classroom in the university. You know very well we always end up being sidetracked by other... non-academic activities otherwise.”

 “That’s true, Obi-Wan...” Anakin caught his eyes and sent a playful smirk his way, “... but, if memory serves me right, you weren’t complaining about those non-academic activities earlier. Far from it.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “And that’s _precisely_ the problem.” He pressed a tender kiss on his lips. “Only two more weeks, Anakin. And afterwards, we’ll have all summer to ourselves.”

“Can’t wait already” he smiled against his lips. “But two weeks can be a really long time.”

A lot of things can happen in two weeks, after all.

* * *

“I hate this damn clock, Obi-Wan. Its sound is obnoxious. How can you even focus?”

“It doesn’t bother me at all.” Obi-Wan was sitting on an armchair in front of the fireplace, a book on his lap. “Your ceaseless talking, well, that’s a different thing entirely.”

“Ha ha. Very funny” Anakin deadpanned, taking a look at the few pictures of a younger Obi-Wan that were in the living room. Anakin smiled fondly. Even as a teenager, he already distilled that aura of serenity and authority of his. It had been a long and exhausting week, but it was finally Saturday and they had the whole weekend ahead of them.

“What are you so absorbed in, anyway?”

“A book.”

“Which one?”

“You don’t know this one.”

Anakin perched on the armrest and leant in. “Humour me.”

Obi-Wan closed it. “It’s nothing.”

The younger of the two looked at him quizzically. “What would you need a pen for, anyway? And what are these notes?”

He grabbed the book—it was a notebook, actually—, but Obi-Wan quickly took it off his hands. “What on earth are you—oh.” His eyes opened comically as the pieces of the puzzle came together. “You were writing!” Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I didn’t know you were a writer!”

“A writer?” That elicited a laugh from Obi-Wan. “The fact that I enjoy writing some things every now and then as a hobby doesn’t make me a writer, Anakin.” 

“Well, semantics.” He rolled his eyes. “Let me put it this way then, I didn’t know you liked to write as a hobby.” Anakin smiled enthusiastically at him. “Since when do you write, then? And do you have a story on the way, or something?”

“I have some ideas in my mind, and I’ve written down some scenes. Nothing special, I’m afraid.” Obi-Wan’s blue eyes stared vacantly at the fireplace. “You know, when I was a child—in this life, obviously— I wanted to be a writer. Of course, I soon realised that one should be more realistic, and that in order to make a living, childhood’s dreams are more often than not best left behind.”

“But you have a lot of money.” Anakin grimaced inwardly. He didn’t like to think about their different economic positions, because it made him feel inferior to him. “Surely attempting to achieve one’s dreams is much easier with money. I’m certain you could allow yourself to stop working for some time so as to give that writing thing a try, and just drop it if you see it doesn’t work.”

“Perhaps. But I guess that at this point it’s more a matter of being protective of my things. I’ve been working for so long in this, that it would feel as if I was giving away a part of myself if I let others see it.”

“I understand.” Some time ago, be it in this life or another, Anakin would have no doubt insisted, trying to convince Obi-Wan to let him see his work. But he had come to know him well here, and the man was really protective of his privacy. Anakin had learned to respect his boundaries— most of the times— ignoring his own urges to satisfy his curiosity. Besides, Obi-Wan used to open up in his own time.   

“Furthermore, and as I told you before, my writing leaves much to be desired.”

Anakin ran his right hand through copper hair affectionately. “I’m sure it’s much better than you think.”

“Oh, are you?” The older of the two sounded sceptical. “And how can you be so sure, if you haven’t seen it?”

“Because”, he jumped to his feet before keeling in front of him, resting his arms on Obi-Wan’s thighs and smiling brightly at him, “you are good at everything.” Obi-Wan seemed at a loss of words—miraculously— and a blush burned his cheeks bright red. “Well, except taking compliments. You’re terrible at that. But that’s fine. I love to make you blush.”

“Then we share that same trait. Although, I dare say I don’t look half as adorable as you do when you blush.”

Anakin groaned. “Obi-Wan... don’t call me that.”

“What, adorable? But it’s what you are.”

“No, I’m not.” He shook his head, exasperated. “I mean, the Hero with No Fear? _Adorable_? Nope.”

“Hmm, I see.” Anakin leant forward to close the distance between them, and closed his eyes when Obi-Wan moved towards him as well. “But, Anakin” Obi-Wan said, interrupting the kiss before it had even started, “what about the Poster Boy of the Republic? Surely we could use the term adorable to refer to him.”

“Obi-Wan.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

Obi-Wan’s chuckle sounded muffled against soft lips. “You know, of all the ways you could have used to shut me up” he murmured against his mouth, “this one’s my favourite by a mile.”

“Mine too.” Anakin rewarded him with a dashing smile as he tugged at his hands, dragging him into the floor.

Their joined hands, all of their fingers interlocked, were pressed against the red carpet just above Anakin’s head. His free hand squeezed the fluffy carpet while he gazed at the crackling fireplace to his left, head turned to the side as Obi-Wan’s face remained buried in the crook of his neck. The soft, tender kisses, and the tickling provoked by his beard were responsible for the expression of pure bliss on Anakin’s face. He smiled contentedly and closed his eyes, revelling in the loving attention.

_He was falling. The sharp rocks were closer and closer and he had nothing to hold on to, the roar of distant waves morphed into a maniac laughter that seemed oddly familiar as he fell and fell and fell—_

He opened his eyes, silently admonishing his subconscious for bringing up the disturbing contents of his dreams in such a peaceful moment. As he looked at the hearth and listened to it, among the gentle crackling of the fireplace and the howling wind he thought he could distinguish that unsettling, maniac laughter, and in the middle of it all, desperate screams, as agonizing as if someone was being burned alive. It all sounded far away, like an echo.

The clock struck midnight, erasing those imaginary sounds from his mind. For once, he was grateful for its obnoxious presence.

His breath had hitched and his heartbeat quickened. He hoped Obi-Wan wouldn’t notice, and if he did, that he might mistake it for the excitement of having the older man sucking the sensitive skin under his jawline. That might have been partly the reason too, to be honest.

“Anakin? Are you—”

Anakin’s mouth swallowed his words, and whatever question he had been about to ask eluded Obi-Wan.

As for Anakin, that feeling of dread lingered in his stomach for a while. But like flames turned to ashes, it ended up fading away. It was easy to forget about it, underneath the body of the man he loved and lulled by the warmth of the fireplace. The lingering echo of maniac laughter and unsettling screams in his mind was extinguished as soon as the room was filled by soft moans and sweet nothings.

* * *

Once he’d visited mum and Padmé’s graves, he crossed the cemetery and met with Obi-Wan at the iron gates.

“What, so soon?” Obi-Wan asked. “You’ve barely been gone for ten minutes.”

“Couldn’t focus. The church bells were awfully loud today.”

“Really? I didn’t hear them.”

Anakin smiled teasingly at him. “That’s because you’re always in a world of your own.” He held his hand as they exited the cemetery. They both stilled. “Sorry, I didn’t realise.” He quickly withdrew his hand, taking a look around to make sure no one had seen them.

He just couldn’t wait to pass that silly literature subject. Then Obi-Wan wouldn’t be his teacher any longer, and they wouldn’t have to hide their relationship when they were in public.

“Don’t worry, no one saw. I have to go this way, I’ve got a meeting with Windu and other colleagues.”

“I don’t envy you” Anakin said making a face.

“See you later, then?”

“Not sure if I’ll be able to. I have to go to Palpatine’s today, and afterwards I’ll probably meet with Ahsoka to go over the contents of our next exam. I’ll send you a message.”

“And how’s your new job going?”

“Fine.” Anakin frowned, having noted that sarcastic tone of his that always managed to get on his nerves. Or perhaps he had imagined it? It’s true that they had talked things out at the beach, but he guessed Obi-Wan was still slightly hurt that Anakin didn’t accept his help when he offered it.

“I didn’t say anything!” Obi-Wan defended himself with an amused look.

Anakin rolled his eyes. “No, you never do.”

Obi-Wan made a move as if to kiss him goodbye, but just then a couple entered through the iron gates of the cemetery and he remembered their situation. He halted and settled for a manly pat on his shoulder. “Well, then. Goodbye, old friend.”

Anakin gave him a sympathetic look and a knowing smile. “Goodbye, Obi-Wan. I’ll call you later.”

Palpatine was not home that afternoon, so they had to leave their reminiscing about past anecdotes for another day. As soon as he was done working on the repairs of the antique cars he went home.

Ahsoka called him to say that she would arrive a tad late, so he started going over the contents of their next exam on his own.

“Now, where are you” he said out loud looking for a book on the living room shelf. In the middle of his search, several books that were placed at an awkward angle fell to the floor. “Damn it.” At least Obi-Wan wasn’t there to call him untidy.

“Oh, look at that!” Among the bunch of books that had fallen, there was the one he thought he’d lost more than one year ago. _Jocasta will be happy_. Anakin smiled. After the awakening of his memories, his dislike towards the strict librarian had faded. He did give her a hard time after all, what with his constant chattering with Ahsoka in the library.

He was fondly looking over books he hadn’t read in a long time—some of which he hadn’t even finished— when he came across an envelope that was just between the book cover and the title page.

“What the—”

_To Anakin_ , it said, written in small and rounded letters that he knew very well. That familiar handwriting was pulling at his heartstrings, and he had to take a sit on an armchair nearby to compose himself.

The envelope in his hands was like a treasure. It felt as if he was about to engage in a conversation with someone long gone.

_When did you write this? And how come I never saw this before?_ He had to be grateful to the messy state of the shelf, otherwise he would have never found this treasure.

He delayed the moment of opening the envelope, though. The wistfulness it might bring along could be too painful. _Come on, pull yourself together_ , he chastised himself, _read it for her._ Besides, he couldn’t deny being curious.

Just when he had made up his mind, his phone rang.

“Hey, Skyguy! Sorry for the delay, I’ll be there in less than five minutes!”

“Sure, don’t worry.”

“...”

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“The Anakin that I know wouldn’t have missed the opportunity to reproach me for being late.”

Anakin chuckled. “Ah, well, I just decided to cut you some slack. I’m always late after all.”

“And admitting your own faults as well? Now I’m really worried” she teased him. “See you soon!”

“Bye, Snips.”

He had five minutes to read the letter and compose himself after that. He took a deep breath, opened the envelope and—

And then his phone buzzed. Again.

“Yes?”

“Hello, Anakin” Palpatine greeted him cheerfully. “I’m sorry I wasn’t home today when you came...  I had some business to attend. Tedious things that I don’t want to bore you with. But you owe me a dinner so that we can chatter about old times, don’t think I’ve forgotten! Would you like to come to my place tonight, at nine o’clock?”

“Oh, of course I haven’t forgotten! We do have lots of things to catch up on. Only, I can’t tonight, sorry. How about tomorrow?”

“Excellent. Tomorrow at nine o’clock it is.”

“Great! Do I need to bring anything?”

“Oh, no, don’t worry. Just your presence will be enough. See you tomorrow.”

As soon as he said goodbye, the doorbell rang. Anakin put the letter inside his pocket _. It seems this will have to wait._

“Coming!” he shouted before welcoming Ahsoka inside his house.

Three hours later, he was all alone once more. He went to the kitchen, grabbed something to drink— he didn’t really like to drink alcohol unless the occasion called for it, but something told him he might need it this time— and sat down on the same armchair as before.

After one minute of staring at the ‘ _To Anakin’_ written in dark blue, he opened the envelope and began to read the letter.

* * *

Obi-Wan opened the door to Anakin’s flat after having rung the bell for a good minute to no avail. Even if now they both had a copy of the keys to the other’s house, he always preferred to ring first so as to respect his privacy.

“Anakin?” When he entered the living room, Obi-Wan could see the back of his head from where the young man was sitting on an armchair near the bookshelf. A strong scent of alcohol penetrated his nostrils. “I rang the bell for a minute, but you didn’t answer.”

“I didn’t hear you.” His voice came out broken and raspy. If Obi-Wan hadn’t thought that something was wrong before, he would have certainly suspected it then.

He approached him, and when he was finally in front of the armchair, his heart broke at the sight of him.

Heartbreaking tears were running down his face, one after the other, slow and silent. The fact that he was so silent, that he wasn’t even sobbing, made for a far more distressing image. He had a lifeless gaze, his big blue eyes— breathtaking even now— glazed over, staring off into space as his hands clutched some paper on his lap.

Obi-Wan knelt down in front of the armchair and cupped his cheeks, his thumbs brushing away the harrowing tears. But more kept falling continuously. “What is it, Anakin?” His own voice didn’t sound so good either. “What happened, love? Tell me so that I can help you.”

His haunting gaze finally fixed on him. “You can’t.”

“Well, then let me try” he pleaded desperately, gazing deeply into his eyes.

“Obi-Wan...” He closed his eyes, and then he started sobbing. “I-it can’t be...”

“Shh. Take a deep breath, my dear. That’s it.” Anakin seemed so scared, and lost, and just...plain shocked. It reminded him so much of the little boy he once had to look after. “I can’t take this anymore, I can’t see you like this... Please, just please _,_ tell me what is wrong. _Please_ , Anakin.”

Anakin’s hands came to rest above his, still cupping his cheeks, and he lowered them to rest on his lap. Just when Obi-Wan thought that his help was being rejected, he realised that Anakin had placed that paper— _a letter?_ — on his right hand.

Obi-Wan looked quizzically at him. “What—”

“Read this. There you’ll find your answer.”

After making sure that Anakin was composed enough—under the present circumstances— he fixed his entire attention on the letter. At first sight, he could glimpse that some words were blurred due to fresh tears, and that fact alone reached into his very soul. He took a deep breath and started reading.

 

> _Ani,_
> 
> _I hope you don’t read this letter because that will mean I managed to talk to you in person. I don’t know how to tell you this, you’ll probably think I’m mad. I myself thought that I was going mad at the beginning. But I swear to you, I’m not. Please believe me, Ani._
> 
> _It all began when I overheard a conversation of Palpatine, the mayor, at the city council a few days ago. He was talking on the phone with someone... and you know that it’s not like me to eavesdrop, but there was something in the way he talked, in the things he said, that kept me frozen behind the door. I take no pride in it, but I’m glad I did. Thanks to that I end up remembering._
> 
> _Remembering what, you must be thinking. I’m going to beg you here, Ani, for you to make an effort and open your mind to what might otherwise seem impossible. I can only hope that this might somehow trigger your memories as well._
> 
> _Here I go. We knew each other in another life. Yes, that’s right. Not only that, but...we were married there. And we were so happy. It’s true that our lives weren’t always easy, but we had each other. And that was everything._
> 
> _Do you think me crazy yet? No? Well, brace yourself for what’s next._
> 
> _You were a Jedi in that life. A Jedi is... well, it’s complicated to explain. But just so that you get an idea, you helped people in need and tried to ensure the peace in the galaxy. You were some kind of hero. This is a lame explanation for what a Jedi is (I’m laughing at my own poor explanation as I write this) but this will have to do for now._
> 
> _Because, as if this wasn’t enough, I have something even more important to tell you. Something that I’ve had a hard time to come to terms with, even after embracing my memories._
> 
> _As I told you, I overheard Palpatine’s conversation. Now, Palpatine was someone really important there, far more important than he is now. The Chancellor of the Republic, no less. And he was a great friend of yours._
> 
> _Or so I thought._
> 
> _When I heard him, he... he sounded frustrated. He kept talking about things I couldn’t understand, that didn’t make any sense to me at first. Now I do understand and it’s... terrible. He said he had had big plans for the galaxy, and for you. Which shouldn’t be scary in itself, save for the fact that I overheard that he had been a Sith. Now, this term won’t mean anything to you, but I’m telling you, it’s not good. At all. If Jedi are concerned with the welfare of the galaxy, the opposite can be said of a Sith. They’re evil, and they only care about themselves. Again, this is but a lame explanation, but I want you to get an idea so that perhaps—hopefully—you might remember._
> 
> _I don’t understand how or why we ended up here. The memories of our previous life are now so clear to me. And I know that it might be unfair to judge someone based on what he did in another life. He seems to be such a nice person here. Always helping people in need, always involved in charity causes. But then again, he also seemed so nice back then. Appearances can be deceitful. All I’m telling you is, beware of Palpatine. If you ever meet him, bear all this in mind. I don’t care if I’m being unfair, right now I can only care about your own wellbeing. And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it._
> 
> _But why write a letter instead of telling you this in person? As you know, I have to go on a business trip this afternoon. I could have phoned you, sure, but... I don’t know, Ani, I guess I’m just being paranoid. I was so confused by the things I heard Palpatine say, that I didn’t notice he had ended the conversation already. And then he came out of his office, and even if I tried to act as if I was just about to knock on his door, I’m afraid my face might have given my away. I think he suspects I know something. And this morning, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. Do you know that feeling, as if someone was following you around everywhere you go? That’s why I didn’t want to call you. He’s very powerful, and has lots of contacts. Who knows if he could bug my phone if he wants to? I know, that’s highly unlikely, and maybe I’m just being too paranoid due to the stress of the last few days. But just in case something happens, I decided to write this letter. I’ll make sure to hide it somewhere you may find it, but no one else does in case they enter your home._
> 
> _If you read this and you freak out— as any normal person would do—, I’m asking you to please don’t worry. If you call me later, don’t bring up the contents of this letter. We’ll talk about this as soon as I’m home._
> 
> _But if something did happen to me, there’s one more thing I want to talk to you about. Many of the people in this town were in that other life too. I don’t know if they remember... maybe some of them do remember some things, and others don’t know yet. If something happened to me, you would be left all alone. And that breaks my heart. We had good friends back then, and I’m sure many of them must be here too, but I haven’t come across the majority of them. There is someone, though, who I’m sure you can trust._
> 
> _At the university where I studied Political Science, the same university you plan to start your degree of Mechanical Engineering, there is a professor that teaches literature— I think—whose name is Mr. Kenobi. Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the other life, he was your Master. And, again, this is a complicated thing to explain as well, but suffice to say here he was your mentor. But, mostly, he was your best friend. You two were so close, and I’m sure that he cared about you so much, that it always eased me when you went on dangerous missions together. Because I knew he would always be there for you in case you were in trouble. I don’t know him in this life in person, but he was a great man. Even if he turns out to be half as good as he was back then, then I assure you, in no one you can trust more than him. If something happened to me, I would like you to seek his help. It would ease me to think that you’re not alone._
> 
> _There is another I know you can trust. Mr.Yoda, the director of the university, was the Grand Master of the Jedi Order. I know he seems strict, and... a bit peculiar, I’ll give you that, but he was incredibly good and wise. I’ve barely interacted with him in this life, but just as I told you regarding Mr.Kenobi, if he is half as good as he was back then, then I’m certain he is an extraordinary person here as well. I understand if he seems a bit unapproachable to you at first sight, and maybe the fact that he is the director makes you back out. You could try seeking Mr Kenobi’s help first, and if by any reason that doesn’t work, then bear in mind what I told you about Yoda._
> 
> _And, finally, if your memories come back, you will remember that our last conversation in that life was not pleasant. I won’t enter into detail here, for it would only add to your confusion, but I just want you to know that it’s okay. If I know you well—which I do—you might be feeling sorry about it. But there is nothing to forgive, Ani._
> 
> _I’m just incredibly grateful that I got to know you, to love you in this life as well. And I’m sorry if this sounds as a goodbye. I hope it’s not. But as I’ve told you several times now, I’m really paranoid today, and I just needed to get it off my chest. You were a wonderful man back then, and you are a wonderful man here._
> 
> _Yours,_
> 
> _Padmé_

It took him a few moments to realise that Anakin wasn’t the only one to have shed tears. The silence in the room was overwhelming, only broken by Anakin’s laboured breathing, or his own— he didn’t know anymore. He raised his gaze to meet Anakin’s, but his former Padawan was staring off into space once more.

It happened very quickly. Eyes are the window to the soul, they say, and that held true for Anakin more than for anyone he’d ever known. Excruciating sadness was replaced by a furious glare; so wrathful, so ferocious, that it made his blood run cold. It was like nothing he had ever seen in this life. Only in their previous lives as Jedi he had witnessed some looks that came close to this. But this fire in his eyes... no, not even then had he seen his friend in such a state.

He rose from his armchair without even looking at him, and a few seconds later, a loud crash was heard. Scattered pieces of glass were all that remained of the bottle of whisky that had been on the table next to him. But even worse was the terrifying scream that escaped his throat. And then, silence, once more.

“He lied to me.”Anakin was trembling. “He lied to me this whole time. A Sith. A _Sith_ , Obi-Wan! How could I be so stupid!”

“He fooled us all.” Obi-Wan stood up from where he was still kneeling in front of the armchair and approached Anakin.

“Especially me.” He started throwing objects around the room, hitting anything that stood in his way, as if those inanimate things were at fault for his situation.

“Stop it, _stop_ , Anakin.” Obi-Wan, who had intended to keep his distance, held him so as to prevent him from harming himself.

“Get off me!” Anakin tried to free himself, but Obi-Wan was very resilient. After struggling some more, the young man in his arms stopped resisting and broke down again. “I-it can’t be. I can’t believe this, there must be some explanation. He’s my friend, was my friend, he loved me like a father...” Anakin’s mood swings were scary. The fact that he was furious at Palpatine one moment, and trying to defend him the next, spoke volumes of his state of mind. “There must have been some mistake, some misunderstanding...” Obi-Wan could bet his own life that there had been no misunderstanding, but he knew better than to correct Anakin in such a moment. “But if that’s not the case...” He parted from his side, and there it was again, that daunting glare from before. “I will kill him. I swear to you, if he had anything to do with Padmé’s _accident_ , I will kill him with my own hands!” Now he looked like a madman. “He’s invited me for dinner tomorrow night at his house. Well, he’s in for a surprise.” He sneered. “The Last Supper, how fitting.”

“Oh, yes? And what good would killing him do to you? For God’s sakes, Anakin, listen to yourself!”

“No, _you_ listen to yourself! Are you really going to ask me to sit on my hands? He was a Sith! He might have something to do with Padmé’s death! Of course I want to kill him! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you really so fucking spineless? I always knew you were a cold-blooded _bastard_ , but this is a whole new level of—”

“Enough!” Obi-Wan didn’t let his fury show very often, but when he did, it always managed to leave Anakin at a loss of words. And today was no exception. “You think I don’t care? You think I’m not affected by this? I just learned that my own Padawan, the one I was supposed to protect and look after, was under the influence of a Sith for countless years! I permitted you to go to him, alone, time and time again. I allowed that because it made you happy, because he made you feel loved, something that your own Master was spectacularly terrible at! Because it’s my fault and no one else’s that you saw me as a cold-blooded bastard.” Anakin was rendered speechless. He had never seen Obi-Wan this shaken. “And so I let you go with him anytime he requested your presence. I left my Padawan at his mercy, at the mercy of a Lord Sith, ever since he was a child! All that happened under my very nose, and I was blind enough not to see it!” His sweet, innocent Anakin had been in the clutches of that monster for _so_ long. Oh, how much Palpatine would have loved to corrupt him, to have the Chosen One on his side. But he had been unsuccessful. He had not managed to taint Anakin’s pure heart, for in the future of the other life Anakin had fulfilled the prophecy. That was his only solace. “Well, Anakin, I’m sorry to break it to you, but it seems that this cold-blooded bastard gives a damn after all. Believe me, I’m as affected by these news as you are, if not more. But killing him, that’s _not_ the solution. You would only stoop to his level! It would only ruin your life, and that I will not allow!”

“Obi-Wan.” He placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, anticipating his rejection. But Obi-Wan drew him closer to his side instead. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. But...I need to do something. I have to confront him! He can’t get away with this!”

“He won’t, and we _will_ do something. But not _that_ , Anakin. And we can't do anything in this state... we need to think through this first. Even without his powers, he’s too dangerous to act on impulse. Promise me you won’t do anything rash.” Anakin stood silent. “Promise me, Anakin!”

After a few seconds that seemed to last for an eternity, Anakin spoke. “I promise you I won’t go to his house tomorrow. I’ll tell him that I’m sick or something.”

Obi-Wan let out the breath he’d been holding. “Thank you.”

Anakin looked at him with repentant eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re not a cold-blooded bastard.” He cupped his cheek, fingers tenderly caressing his beard. “You’re the best man I’ve ever known.” Obi-Wan tried to answer, but the lump on his throat made it impossible for him to speak. “Padmé seemed to think that, too.” He gave him a sweet, teary smile. “She advised me to seek your help. Would you have helped me, though? If we hadn’t met because of those literature classes, if you hadn’t remembered who I was?”

“I am sure of it. All you had to do was look at me with those eyes, and I would have given you anything that you asked.” Anakin sobbed. Obi-Wan pressed their foreheads together. “I could have never denied you anything. That has _always_ been the case, my dear.”

Anakin held him as if he was holding on for dear life. “She said I was wonderful man. I think she was a wonderful woman.”

“Indeed, she was.” Even after her death, she still had found a way to help the man she loved.

“I hated myself for so long because of that argument. So many times I wished I could have apologised... and it turns out she had already forgiven me. And now that I finally have her forgiveness, everything is a mess. I can’t make sense of any of this, Obi-Wan. Nothing makes sense anymore...”

“Shh, I’m here. I will always be here, my love. We will come through it, together. Like we always do.”

Obi-Wan kept whispering soothing words against his ear as they remained embraced. Anakin opened his eyes, and he was met with his reflection on a broken mirror. He flinched at his own image. The mirror had been cracked when the bottle of whisky collided against it, and the face that was looking back at him was deformed, twisted. It seemed the face of a monster. He closed his eyes, despising his own reflection, and hid his face in Obi-Wan’s neck. His subconscious chose this moment to bring up the contents of his last dreams. That maniac laughter, those desperate screams, himself falling into the abyss.

“It’s okay, Anakin. Everything will be okay.”

Nothing was okay. And if life had taught him anything, that was that things could always go worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was an angsty chapter!! And very important as well, a lot of things happened in this one! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments :) I'm not sure how many chapters there will be in total, but as you might have guessed, we're nearing the ending of this story!  
> As always, thank you so much for reading <3


	18. The Final Choice

He had promised Obi-Wan he wouldn’t do anything rash.

That was the mantra he repeated himself, time and time again. He said it to himself before falling asleep in Obi-Wan’s arms, after hours of continuous and shared sobbing. He said it to himself the morning after, before and during the exam he had that day—an exam he did any which way. And he said it to himself— again, again and again— before making the phone call.

“Yes?” _Oh, God._ It was even harder than he had predicted. That voice alone made him want to _kill_. “...hello?”

“Hey, Palpatine.”

“Anakin! It’s so good to hear your voice. I can’t wait for tonight’s dinner.”

_I promised Obi-Wan I wouldn’t do anything rash._

Anakin coughed. “Yeah, about that... I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to go.”

“Oh. And why is that?”

“I’m not feeling good today. I think I might be coming down with something.”

The line was silent for a few seconds. “I’m sad to hear that. I was really looking forward to spend some time with you, my friend.” _I promised Obi-Wan I wouldn’t do anything rash._ “But of course, health comes first! Especially these days, when you must be so terribly stressed out due to your exams. Another time, then.”

_I promised Obi-Wan—_

“But maybe you could come to my place for a little while this afternoon? If that’s no bother, that is. I don’t feel well enough for dinner, but I would really like to talk to you about some things.”

“That would be excellent, Anakin! Of course it’s no bother, it will be my pleasure.”

“That’s great, thank you. See you later.”

Actually, and technically speaking, what he had promised Obi-Wan was that he wouldn’t go to Palpatine’s house. And he wasn’t. So he had kept his promise... from a certain point of view.

* * *

“How are you feeling, Anakin?” Obi-Wan had taken advantage of the break between classes to make a phone call.

“Fine...as far as can be expected.”

“And today’s exam?”

“To be honest, I have no freaking clue. I don’t even remember what I wrote. The exams are the least of my worries right now.

“I understand. But it’s necessary that you pass all the subjects in order to retain the scholarship... I know that this might seem irrelevant right now, but life goes on. Don’t let that monster take away more things from you than he already has, love. We’ll think of something, as soon as the exams are over.”

“Yes...anyway, I think I’m going to take a nap now. I’m exhausted.”

“That’s a good idea. Sleep well, Anakin. I have a lot of corrections to do today, but do you want me to come over after work?”

“Don’t worry, Obi-Wan. It’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. But thanks.”

“Alright. Call me if you change your mind.”

“Sure. Bye, Obi-Wan. I’ll call you later.”

“Goodbye, my dear.”

* * *

He was rereading the letter when someone knocked on the door. Taking a deep breath, he kept it somewhere safe and welcomed the traitor into his home.

“Hello, Anakin! I’m pleased to see you have a healthy appearance.”

He forced a smile. “Yeah, I spent the whole afternoon sleeping. I’m feeling much better now. Please, come in. Do you want something to drink?”

“Just water will be fine, thank you.” He left his jacket on the coat stand. “I’m so happy you invited me over. Truth is I have some important things to tell you as well—” He was forcefully shoved against the wall. “Anakin! What—” His voice came out strangled due to Anakin’s grip on his throat.

“Show’s over. Enough with the pretence!”

“What...are you—”

“I know everything! Did you order Padmé’s death?” He loosened his grip just slightly to let him speak. “Answer me!”

Palpatine was looking at him terrified. As if he wasn’t the monster here, as if Anakin was the monster and not him! And he played his part well, the fucking liar that he was. What a pitiful sight he made. It was hard to believe that the same man that looked so vulnerable, that was fruitlessly struggling against his grip, had been a _Sith_ in another life.

“Why are you saying these things? Anakin, you’re delirious. I think you should go to the hospital, I can drive you there—”

“Cut the crap! I know who you are, you fucking bastard! I know you were a Sith!”

“What?” The shock in his eyes seemed so real. But Anakin wouldn’t fall for it.

“Are you going to deny it, you filthy liar? I have proof of it, just as I have proof that you were involved in Padmé’s accident!”

“You cannot have proof of something I didn’t do!”

“Shut the hell up!” He was done with the lies, done with being manipulated, time and time again. Obi-Wan’s voice asking him not to do anything rash resonated in his mind as he strangled the one he once had loved like a father. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. The rage was too strong, and he just wanted to inflict that bastard some portion of the great suffering he had caused him. Anakin had to admit that, looking at the way those eyes contorted in panic, he was almost enjoying it.

“I...can’t breath...didn’t... kill Padmé...but I was... a Sith.”

Palpatine gasped when Anakin let go of his throat. The former Jedi kept him in place with a forceful grip on his shoulders. “What did you say? Do you admit it?”

“I was a Sith in the other life.” Anakin’s breath hitched. A part of him had still pathetically wished that it all had been some misunderstanding. “But I would have never hurt Padmé, or any innocent person for that matter.”

Anakin laughed bitterly. “Do you actually expect me to believe that? After what you just told me, after all the lies?”

“It was necessary that I lied! Anakin, what would you have thought of me if I had told you I had been a Sith?”

“The same thing I’m thinking right now!”

“Look, just— let me explain. Allow me to give you my point of view. And after that, if you still think the same thing, then do with me as you wish.”

“I’m not going to listen to any more of your lies! I’m done, I’m so done with this shit! So, how was it? How did you manage to make it look like an accident?”

“Who told you all this slander?”

“How I discovered the _truth_ is not of your concern. Just admit what you did to Padmé, and I _might_ be merciful enough to bring you to justice instead of killing you with my own hands!”

“I cannot and will not admit to such a thing! Why would I want to kill her? Especially considering that, in fact...” He held in gaze. “What would you say if I told you that we can bring her back to life?”

“What?”

* * *

As he gazed at the students doing the exam, his mind drifted towards the truth he had discovered less than 24 hours ago. He was still feeling pretty shaken, and he knew it would take him a long time to come to terms with this. But he had to be strong for Anakin’s sake.

But, in truth, the epitome of serenity and self-composure was climbing the walls. Just thinking about the countless occasions that his Padawan had been alone with a Sith no less, made his blood boil. Things could have ended so badly.

But they didn’t. Anakin fulfilled the prophecy in the other life.

And in this one, they had come to discover the monster behind the mask, thanks to Padmé’s invaluable help.

It would all turn out right in the end.

* * *

“You heard me right, Anakin. In fact, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about before. I haven’t been idle, all these years. I didn’t understand why or how we ended up here until you told me, but I knew this much: I’m not cut out for this simple, insignificant life. And neither are you, my boy. We were meant to do great things, together! And so I travelled all over the world for years, meeting with numerous psychics, with witnesses to supernatural phenomena. Many of them were mere swindlers, striving to make money out of my distress. But after many years of excruciating research, I think I’m very close, closer than ever, to regaining my old powers. And then I’ll be able to open a portal! We can come back to that reality from which we should have never been thrown out! A reality in which Padmé is alive! And you will no longer be a nobody, Anakin. You will finally be able to fulfil your destiny! And, together, we’ll make of the galaxy a better place!”

If someone had told Anakin, back when he was a Jedi, that he could ever feel sorry for a Sith, he would have never believed them. But, here, seeing Palpatine lost in his delusions, totally out of his mind due to the impossibility of coming to terms with the fact that their old lives were gone for good, that all they had now was this ‘insignificant’ life as he called it— well, he had to admit, it was a sad sight to see. But then again, he deserved this fate, and thinking about all the lies he had been told by that traitor erased any shadow of pity before it could really begin to take shape.

“You’re mad.”

Palpatine laughed bitterly. “Mad? It’s amazing how readily people resort to that word when confronted with things they can’t understand. I assure you, I’m not insane, Anakin. Do you think I haven’t been thorough? Do you really think that some...fraudster might have been able to deceive me? _Me?_ I’m much cleverer than that, my dear boy. I know what I’m talking about.”

“Fine, let’s play your dumb game. Let’s suppose that you’re not mad, that what you’re saying is actually achievable. Do you _really_ expect me to go somewhere, to work together with a once _Sith_? To believe that a Sith would actually want to...how did you say? Oh, yes, ‘to make of the galaxy a better place’!”

“You’re so mistaken, my friend. You were blind before, and you are blind now. What difference does it make that I was a Sith? Wasn’t I your friend before? Didn’t I help you, support you when the whole Jedi Council wanted to keep you on a leash? Who was there for you when you needed a shoulder to lean on? Who was there for you to understand you when you needed to get your secret about the Tuskens off your chest?” Anakin stood silent. “They would have never understood! Because they were afraid of your powers, because they were jealous! They didn’t even try to save your mother. If they had listened to you when you talked about your dreams, perhaps she would have made it out alive. And yet, it’s the Sith the ones who only care about themselves.” He shook his head. “Ah, the irony in that. And don’t even get me started with our little green friend!” He made a face. “The same one who, to protect you from some ‘unknown tragedy’ brought you to this life, only for you to lose your mother once more, and as if that wasn’t enough, Padmé too! But, if you come with me, you’ll be reunited with Padmé. Of course, I understand if your love interests have shifted in this life, but even so...

“What did you say?”

Palpatine gave him a patronizing smile. “Well, Anakin, your relationship with Padmé was obvious to me before, just as your romance with your dear professor and former Master Jedi is obvious to me now. But it’s okay! I’m sure that Padmé will understand. She was an exceptional woman, after all, so I have no doubts that she’ll be able to rebuild her life with someone else. Just as I’m sure that, even if your feelings for her are no longer the same, you will always love your once wife and will want the best for her. If you come with me, she will have the chance to start anew! And you’ll be able to spend the rest of your days alongside Obi-Wan, even in that life! It’s the Jedi who would have never understood. That _nonsense_ about attachments... They would have never accepted your marriage to Padmé—yes, I know that too— just as they would never accept your love for Obi-Wan. Can you imagine their faces? A Jedi Master and his former Padawan in a relationship! How scandalous! But, with me, you will never have to worry about that anymore. We will make a place with our own rules, where you won’t have to feel like a criminal just for being with the one you love!”

Anakin hadn’t rebuked him for a while, so Palpatine thought it wise to make a bold move, and put his hands on his shoulders. “Come with me, my friend. Let’s work together, let’s go back to where it all began. Let’s make things the way they should have been.”

Anakin closed his eyes, and when he opened them, there was a familiar determination in those blue irises that made Palpatine smile cunningly.

“I will _never_ work with a Sith.”

Palpatine’s smile died out. He seemed to look for something in his eyes, something which he couldn’t find. “You’ve changed.” Anakin frowned, but Palpatine didn’t elaborate. “It’s okay, really. I know when it’s the right time to admit defeat, my friend. If it’s not by fair means...” Suddenly, a handgun was pressed against Anakin’s jawline. “Then it will be by foul.”

* * *

Anakin was not answering his phone.

Which shouldn’t be worrying, considering that he had been about to take a nap when they last talked. And Anakin’s naps could be really long.

But, still...

It didn’t feel right to let him be by himself when he was going through such a hard moment. Obi-Wan was debated between his resolve to respect Anakin’s boundaries, and his need for making sure that he was okay.

One hour later, he still wasn’t picking up his phone.

_It’s been three hours already. Not even he sleeps this long._

It also didn’t help that their previous conversation on the phone had felt somewhat... odd. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but for some reason Anakin had seemed to be a bit off.

Maybe it was just his paranoia, or perhaps he still relied too much on intuition due to his former life as a Jedi, but he couldn’t help having a bad feeling about this.

* * *

_I should have listened to Obi-Wan, damn it._

“Now, unless you want me to blow your brains out, you’re going to come with me without making a scene.”

What choice did he have? The only thing he could do was humour Palpatine, play along this silly charade of his, and break free when he least expected it. He should wait for the right moment, though— and not do anything _rash_. _Oh God, I’m sorry, Obi-Wan._

And in the remote scenario that there was some truth, some sense in Palpatine’s delusions, he knew very well what he had to do. Or rather, not do. Under no circumstances would he contribute to Palpatine’s plans of opening a portal to their former lives, right where they left off, so that the Sith could do who knows what atrocities to the galaxy. If it came to that, well... then he supposed he would have his brains blown out. _I wish I could have seen you one last time._

Palpatine dragged him towards the hall, but he halted midway. Someone was knocking on the door. “Anakin? Are you home?”

_Oh, no._

_No, no, no, no, no._

_I take it back, I don’t want to see you, just go!_

He tried to speak, to scream, but the cold hand against his mouth muffled all sounds. “Quiet” Palpatine whispered, pressing the gun more forcefully against his neck.

“Anakin?”

_Please go. Please don’t come in. God, please, don’t let him come in._

If he made it out of this alive, he was sure he would never be able to listen to the sound of keys getting a door open in the same way. That had to be the most terrifying sound he’d ever heard: his world fell apart when he realised that Obi-Wan was entering his flat.

Palpatine shoved Anakin against a wall next to the door of the living room, waiting for the moment Obi-Wan would enter the room so as to make a more dramatic appearance, probably— the fucking bastard.

Every little step he heard approaching them was tearing his heart apart. He tried to scream, time and time again, but no sound came out of his mouth. He had to do something, anything! He somehow managed to sink his teeth in the palm of Palpatine’s hand that was against his mouth, and bit him forcefully.

“Run, Obi-Wan, run!”

Too little, too late. Obi-Wan had just come in.

“You wicked scoundrel” Palpatine said furiously tugging at Anakin’s hair. “Do that again, and I blow _both_ of your brains out.”

But Anakin had only eyes for Obi-Wan, who was looking at him with a mixture of his best ‘ _why didn’t you listen to me, Anakin’_ and _‘I have a very bad feeling about this_ ’ looks.

“I’m sorry” Anakin blurted out.

“Now, Anakin, there’s no need to be so sad!” Palpatine said cheerfully. “This will make things far more entertaining. Mr Kenobi, how nice of you to join us. Or should I call you Master Kenobi? I would really hate to come across as uncivilized. Hands where I can see them! Or you can say goodbye to your dear Anakin.” Obi-Wan raised his hands as ordered. “Much better. Where were we? Oh, yes, exchanging dishonest pleasantries. I see you’re enjoying the simplicity and idleness of this life! _The_ Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, content with doing nothing else than correcting exams and screwing his young student, who would have thought. Your appearance is a clear sign of how much you are _enjoying_ yourself in this life. You have a nice aspect.”

“I wish I could say the same.”

Palpatine chuckled. “My, my, withdrawing politeness as well? I never thought I would see the day. I do advise you to be nicer. If not for your sake, then for that of your precious student and former Padawan. Your most favourite _pet_.” As if to prove a point, he pressed the gun closer to Anakin’s temple with one hand, and strangled him with the other.

“Get your hands off him!”

“My, my, someone’s a bit too much protective. A bit too much _attached_.” Palpatine laughed. “Oh, but this is very fun indeed.”

“You wouldn’t kill me, you bastard. You need me for your crazy plans!”

“Is that so? Well, I do want you to join me, but I never said that your collaboration was indispensible.”

“What crazy plans?”

“Oh, just the delusions of a _madman_ , Obi-Wan” Anakin answered. “You would laugh your ass off if you knew.”

“Please, do tell me. I’m in dire need of a laugh right now.”

Anakin smiled to himself. Maybe if they riled him up they would be able to distract him enough so as to disarm him in the right moment. They were two-to-one after all, so the odds were clearly in their favour.

“Enough!” Palpatine seemed furious once more. “Do you think I don’t know what you’re trying to do? The _Negotiator_ and his pet playing their games. Some things never change. But that’s okay, you really stand no chance against me. So I will gladly humour you. My plans, Kenobi, are to open a portal to another reality, the one we all came from. And there I will rule the galaxy, like I was always supposed to do! I was just trying to recruit our dear Anakin over here to my cause. Yes, I know, he seems a bit reluctant, but he _will_ end up on my side. You’ll see.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes sought Anakin’s, and he sent him a look that seemed to say ‘ _My goodness, he really has gone insane_ ’ to which Anakin rewarded him with another that said ‘ _I told you’._

“You seem to be going to great lengths to get Anakin’s help. True, having the Chosen One on your side might prove to be a great asset, but one would think you would stop insisting once he has already refused. I wonder why that’s not the case.”

“Agree, Obi-Wan. I think he needs me more than he lets on. I think... I think you don’t just need me for your plans in the other reality” Anakin said to Palpatine, “but rather, that you need me to be able to go back to that reality as well.”

Palpatine laughed. “I see Obi-Wan is not the only one with the brains anymore. Good, that might prove to be useful. Yes, that’s partly right. To be able to open that portal, I need to regain all my powers, but having the Chosen One’s help as well...” He gave him an eerie smile. “That might save us a lot of time.”

“I’m not the Chosen One anymore. I’m just a normal, plain person! Just as you are no Sith anymore!”

“But you _were_ the Chosen One, you w _ere_ powerful, and some of that must be in there somewhere! You just need to come with me, and we’ll work this out.”

“I will never work with you Palpatine. I already told you!”

He sneered. “Yes, you did. You’re just being more resilient than I expected, that’s all. And whose fault would that be?” His face contorted in poorly contained rage when he addressed Obi-Wan. “ _You_. Always you.  Always hovering like a fly around garbage, interfering in Anakin’s affairs, being such a bad influence on him.”

“A Sith just told me that I am a bad influence. I’m not sure how I should take that.”

“And as if our former lives weren’t enough, here you are once more. Tutoring your former Padawan, teaching him a subject that has nothing to do with his degree! Ha! How _convenient_. That little green gnome always knew how to play his cards.”

“Wait, do you mean Yoda remembers?” Anakin asked.

“Oh, I don’t know for certain, but I’d bet my arm he does. It cannot be a coincidence that you ended up assisting to Kenobi’s classes of all people because of that ridiculous initiative! Former Master and apprentice, reunited once more!” he said dramatically. “How nauseating. Yes, I bet he wanted Kenobi to be your baby-sitter, again. And he never liked my interfering in the matters of the university either... I wonder if he suspects anything.” Then he started laughing like a maniac. “If that’s the case, well... then he already suspects more than he did back then! I managed to fool you all!” he said amidst crazy laughter. He really had gone bonkers. When Palpatine noticed that Anakin was looking at him with disgust, he punched him and threw him to the floor. _He’s much stronger than he looks, the bastard._

“Hands where I can see them, Kenobi! Or I shoot him right here!” he heard Palpatine say. His head was spinning because of the blow. He was dimly aware of Palpatine straddling him, still pointing the gun at his head, when he was punched in the face once more. “And _you_ are going to help me, boy.”

“Never.”

“We shall see. You just need a bigger incentive. And, since the prospect of seeing Padmé once more is not enough...” He gave him a devious smile. “I know exactly what, or rather, _who_ might make you twist your arm” he said looking at Obi-Wan, making Anakin shudder in panic. “By the way, shame on you, Anakin. What would poor Padmé think? You rejected the chance of seeing your loving wife once more, just so that you could continue getting fucked in the ass.” Anakin spat in his face. “You _really_ shouldn’t have done that.” He raised his hand to hit him again. Anakin closed his eyes, and then—

“Don’t touch him!” Obi-Wan, apparently deciding that the time for being cautious was over, approached Palpatine in the blink of an eye.

“Stay where you are Kenobi!” he said extending his arm towards him on impulse. And Obi-Wan stopped. His eyes contorted in panic as he struggled to breath. It seemed as if he was being choked, as if an invisible hand was strangling him...

_No!_

Obi-Wan’s shocked face mirrored his own, whereas Palpatine couldn’t have been looking any happier.

That was it. Palpatine had his powers back. Now they stood no chance against him.

“You were saying, Anakin? Who’s the madman now?” He laughed even harder when, after making another move with his hand, Obi-Wan’s back was pressed against the wall. Palpatine clenched his fist, making it impossible for Obi-Wan to breath.

“Stop, stop it!” Anakin screamed, desperate, feeling Obi-Wan’s agony as if it was his own.

“Gladly. I will let him go, as long as you reconsider my offer. Furthermore, I assure you that, once we reach the other reality, I will let him live. You can have him, for as long as you want to. . . All you have to do is say the words. Say that you will work with me, Anakin.”

“Are you deaf or what? I will never work with you!”

“Are you sure?” He clenched his fist again, and more choking sounds kept escaping his former Master’s throat.  “What choice do you have? Work with me, Anakin. Work with me to save the man you love.”

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan and his resolve started to crumble. He couldn’t lose Obi-Wan. He just couldn’t.

“Anakin...p-please, don’t.” He seemed horrified. “Don’t... do this.”

“Shut up, Kenobi!” He used his powers again, and Obi-Wan could barely speak now. “So, what’s it gonna be, Anakin?”

“...don’t.” Obi-Wan pleaded with his eyes. A weak whisper left his mouth. “I’d rather...die.”

“Shut up!”

Even if Obi-Wan couldn’t speak anymore, those eyes seemed to be telling him a million things at once. He knew Obi-Wan was telling the truth: he’d rather die than having Anakin joining Palpatine’s side. But a life without Obi-Wan would be so empty. Meaningless. He lost the one he loved once, and he knew he would never be able to go through the same thing again.

“What do you say, Anakin?” Palpatine said impatiently. “Time’s running out!”

“I say...” Eyes fixed on the man he loved more than life itself, he came to a decision, knowing that he would end up regretting whatever he chose. “I say...”

Anakin took a deep breath and Palpatine looked at him triumphantly. _Please, forgive me, my love_.

“I say you and your sorry Sith ass can go screw yourself, you fucking son of a bitch!”

He said it without taking his eyes off Obi-Wan, and the look of pride with which his former Master rewarded him was like nothing he had ever seen before, neither in this life nor in the other. Anakin knew that refusing Palpatine's offer would cost them their lives, but, revelling in the look of devotion and admiration in Obi-Wan’s face, he supposed there were much worse ways of going down than this one.

Palpatine’s look, as was to be expected, was a whole other story. Surprise gave way to confusion, which gave way to wrath.

“So be it. I didn’t expect you to become so _weak_ here, but I guess no one can escape the effects of this dull life. No one but _me_. Ah, Anakin, it’s a great shame. And I am certain that, had we remained in the other reality, you would have become just what I wanted you to.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I? So there really is none so blind as those who will not see. You managed to fulfil the prophecy in that other future, you told me. That’s what Yoda said in your dreams. But what exactly happened before that? What unnameable tragedy, treason, massacre took place before? And what part did you play in it? I may not know the whole story either, but I assure you, I _did_ have great plans for you.”

“What— you’re talking nonsense again.” But Anakin was looking at him apprehensively. Palpatine chuckled as he pinned his wrists to the floor and invaded his personal space. Anakin made a disgusted face when his bad breath ghosted over his cheek.

“Oh, I am _so_ tempted to let you leave, just so that you can have a chat with our little green friend. I would pay to see the look in your eyes when your whole world falls apart.” Then he made a face. “Of course, letting you go would prove to be suicidal on my part. But it’s okay. I can think of other ways to torment you. For instance... oh, yes. I did order Padmé’s death. That meddling bitch was too clever for her own good. It was easy, really. I just had to hire someone loyal enough who was willing to risk his life so as to make it look like an accident, and then...boom! The bitch was gone.”

“I’m going to kill you.” Anakin was trembling. “I’m going to tear you apart.”

“So much _rage_. It really is a great shame, you had such a great potential.” Palpatine shook his head before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Without your help, I might be trapped in this pathetic reality for longer than I expected, but in any case I’ll manage to go back sooner or later. Now, I will make sure to make this so entertaining that the memory of it alone will help me ease the dullness of this tedious existence for some time.” He looked at Obi-Wan, still immobilised against the wall, and gave him a devious smile. Then he lowered his eyes and stared at Anakin, who was still trapped beneath him, and started laughing like a madman. “Oh, and I assure you, I have a _great_ imagination.” He ghosted his fingertips over Anakin’s neck, making the young man flinch. “It’s so good that you decided to join us, Kenobi. I can sense already that what I’ll enjoy the most will be seeing the both of you suffer due the pain inflicted on the other. And I swear to you, the things that I'm going to do to you will have you begging me for mercy.” 

There was something in the way Palpatine was looking at him that made Anakin’s blood run cold. That malicious look heralded terrible and unimaginable atrocities. But he never came to know what that monster had in store for them, for in that moment Obi-Wan came out of nowhere to punch the once Sith in the face. His gun ended up on the floor.

“Oh, you’re going to regret this, Kenobi. And it will be your dear boy the one to suffer the consequences. Get back!” He extended his arm towards him...

...and nothing happened.

Anakin frowned, confused, but not nearly as confused as Palpatine himself looked. He tried to use his powers once more, but just as before, nothing happened.

Obi-Wan then smiled one of Anakin’s favourite smiles; the self-sufficient smirk that seemed to say that he knew better than everyone else, the one that seemed to say “ _You fell for it.”_

“Well, not to flatter myself or anything like that, but I dare say I was very convincing” he said with that confident and amused tone of his. “Perhaps I should try to give acting a try once this is all over.”

Palpatine stared at him open-mouthed, still pathetically trying to use his powers. Powers that he never had in this reality, for that had been a deception from Obi-Wan’s part. He had fooled him into thinking he was all powerful, that he had the situation under control, just so that he could strike back once the former Sith was distracted enough.

“Really, I deserve some recognition. It’s not easy at all to feign being Force-choked, mind you.”

Maybe it was the familiar way in which he resorted to banter so as to rile the enemy up in this kind of situations, or the captivating gleam in those grey-blue eyes that were shining with mischief, or perhaps the fact that that he had proven for the millionth time just how clever he was. Or maybe it was simply the realization that thanks to this trick, Obi-Wan would make it out of this alive.

Whatever the reason, Anakin thought he had never loved him as much as he did in that moment.

“And, not to rub salt in the wound or anything like that, but this turn of events clearly gives weight to the hypothesis of you being nothing more than a _madman_.”

Palpatine looked so furious that it almost seemed as if smoke was going to come out of his ears one moment or another. It was quite comical.

The next second, his eyes were fixed on the floor. On the gun.

It all happened very quickly. Anakin reunited the little strength that he had left in his body and kicked him in the stomach, at the same time that Obi-Wan ran towards the gun. He grabbed it and aimed at him.

“If I were you, I would surrender.”

Palpatine let out a maniac laughter. “And what are you going to do? Kill me? You don’t have it in you, Kenobi.” Obi-Wan stood silent, aiming at him, but he never pulled the trigger. Palpatine smiled. “Just as I thought.” And he left the flat in a hurry.

Anakin stood up—staggering— and resolved to run after him, but Obi-Wan stopped him by putting one hand on his chest.

“His fate is already sealed. I will call the police.” He took a deep breath. “He’s not worth our staining our hands with his blood.” Anakin nodded.

There was a brief moment of silence between them, before Obi-Wan dropped the gun and took Anakin in his arms.

“Are you alright?” He frantically caressed his face, his neck, his arms. His index finger ghosted lightly over his mouth, and he frowned at his bruised lip.Then he settled for cupping his cheeks. “Are you alright, Anakin?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just a couple of bruises.” He ran his own hands over Obi-Wan’s front to convince himself that, yes, this was real; and, yes, they were okay. His love was okay. A tired smile crossed his lips. “Nice trick, by the way.”

Obi-Wan let out a strangled laugh, his voice affected by the emotion. He was looking at him with teary eyes when he pressed their foreheads together. “For a moment there, I thought I was going to lose you.”

Anakin closed his eyes and sighed softly. “Me too." He sobbed. "Me too, Obi-Wan.”

They melted into one bone-crushing hug, frantic hands still striving to make contact with any part of the other that they could reach, all the while their laboured breathing intermingled with relieved sobs.

A loud crash was heard in the streets then, followed by an unintelligible turmoil. They disentangled from their embrace and shared a confused look, before coming close to the window.

They were in the third floor, but they could see enough. A group of people was gathered around the body, some of them with their phones in their hands, probably calling an ambulance. But, judging by the state of the body, there was nothing that could be done about it.

Palpatine, former Sith and Chancellor of the Republic, lied face up, motionless and helpless, gone forever. The one who once held so much power had lost his life after being run over, defeated by a car he didn't see coming in his frantic escape, when he was running across the road like a madman. Not even in death could he achieve the grandeur he had so desperately been after, for he died like any ordinary man, in this dull life he so much despised.

“It’s over, my dear” Anakin heard Obi-Wan say, “it’s over.”

Was it, though?

_You managed to fulfil the prophecy in that other future, you told me. But what exactly happened before that? Oh, I am so tempted to let you leave, just so that you can have a chat with our little green friend. I would pay to see the look in your eyes when your whole world falls apart._

Palpatine and his wickedness might have abandoned this world for good, but he had managed to plant the seed of doubt in Anakin’s mind before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was intense! I hope I didn't make you suffer too much haha :) I warn you, we're not done with the angst yet! But, hey, at least Anakin made the right choice this time! :D  
> Thank you for reading!! <33


	19. On the Edge of the Precipice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts and an almost suicide attempt. If this is a sensitive topic to you and you don't want to read it, just let me know in the comments and I'll be happy to summarize the chapter for you :)

A lonely figure was standing on the cliff edge, his disheveled blond curls and black clothes violently swayed by the strong wind. The liberating and endless sea lay before his eyes, grey and dull that afternoon due to the clouded sky. The sound of forceful waves crashing against rocks overwhelmed his senses.

_He was falling. The air was cold around him as he fell and fell and fell—_

Who knows, perhaps Palpatine had been right. Maybe his delusions hadn’t been so far-fetched, and he could have found a way to regain his powers in this reality. After all, it seemed that Anakin’s dreams had turned out to be slightly prophetic in this life as well.

In the distance, he could make out the beach where he and Obi-Wan had spent so many happy times together. He could almost see themselves, walking hand in hand along the seashore, joking and teasing each other. And he could see himself, telling Obi-Wan about his childhood, pointing at the same cliff where he was now standing and visualising himself at the cliff edge.

_“You see those cliffs over there? I went there many times with mum when I was a kid. It used to get her on her nerves every time I got near the edge.”_

What a strange sensation. It felt as if being in two places at the same time. As if he had gone back in time and was being witness to their conversation, appreciating the irony in it that was lost to them back then.

He was always meant to end up here. He could see that now. It seemed appropriate. Poetic, even.

This world had been freed from Palpatine’s evil nature, and now it would be free of his own.

Yes, it was for the best. For everyone involved. _And Obi-Wan..._

Obi-Wan was an exceptional human being. He would find someone else, someone better. Someone truly worthy of his affections. Someone who wasn’t a threat to him. He might not see it like that at first, but Anakin was doing him a favour.

His hair was getting wet. He dimly realised it had started raining.

_“I used to tell her that one day, when I was older, I would be brave enough to jump off the cliff.”_

It was six PM. He thought he could hear the church bells in the distance, and he might have imagined a sound similar to that of a car engine as well.

_“And that would be about the last thing you ever did. Don’t you see those sharp rocks on the water? It would take a miracle to not be killed on the spot.”_

Well, he was about to find out. And this time, he hoped Obi-Wan was right.

* * *

_Two days ago..._

“Dear God, Anakin. Is it too much to ask for you to be still for one minute?”

“Yes.” He winced when Obi-Wan cleaned the wound on his bruised lip.

“Sorry. I’m almost done.” Obi-Wan smiled ruefully. “This brings back so many memories.”

“You always enjoyed mothering me.” But there was longing in his eyes as well. “And I did, too. When you let me, that is. You were far more difficult to reason with in that area...one mention of the word ‘Healers’, and you were gone in less time than me when being talked about meditation.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Now, that’s going too far. There you are. Does it hurt?”

“A bit. Though maybe you could, you know, kiss it better.”

That brought a smile to Obi-Wan’s face. “Gladly.”

His lips brushed over Anakin’s, softly and gently, before pursuing contact with more intent, lightly enough not to hurt him but just with the right amount of pressure to feel him. “Oh, Anakin...I can’t believe it all turned out right in the end.” He buried his head in his neck, and his former Padawan held him near with a firm grip on his waist, urging him to lie next to him on the couch.

It was Anakin the one to break the peaceful silence. “Did you speak with Yoda?”

Obi-Wan hummed against his curls. “He remembers.”

“Of course he does. But that’s not what I was asking.”

A hand settled on his chin to turn his head to the side so as to make eye contact. “Are you still mulling over that?”

“How could I not?”

“Anakin... love, he’s—was— a lord Sith. Siths lie, they manipulate facts, they—”

“And they also tell the occasional truth if it can hurt you! There was a hell lot of sense in what he was implying.”

“Why should it matter so much what a different version of you did—or didn’t do— in another timeline?”

“Because that’s not a _different_ version of me, Obi-Wan! It’s _me_ , it’s what _I_ would have done—what I in fact did— in some other future, a future that would have come to pass to me, to you, and to everybody else here involved, had I not taken the chance that Yoda offered me! Of course it matters, and of course I want to know what happened!”

“Okay, alright. If it distresses you so much, we’ll ask Yoda. But don’t get your hopes up, perhaps he doesn’t know either.”

“Something tells me he will” Anakin mumbled.

“We’ll talk to him once you are done with your exams okay? So as to avoid further distractions. Just two more exams, love.”

“Fuck the exams.”

“Anakin! Need I remind you that one of those exams is literature? After all the endless afternoons I had to endure tutoring you, after all the countless times I had to summon all my patience when you contradicted me on principle, after all our disagreements, and you go and say something like that... you hurt my feelings.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “True. How heartless of me.” Then he seemed to think about something, and the hint of a smile came to his face. “When you offered to give me the private lessons, how did you expect it to go?”

“Well, what I certainly did _not_ expect was to discover that I had been a _Jedi_ in another life, that in fact _you_ had already been my student in said life, that the mayor had been—and still was— a terrible monster, and that I would end up falling head over heels in love with such an insolent, stubborn and cocky young man.”

Anakin smiled his first real smile of the day. “I did tell you once that it’s not how you start, but how you finish.”

“Wise words, my dear student. Wise words indeed.”

* * *

“Finally” Ahsoka said excitedly when they exited the classroom. “We’re free!”

“Yeah, talk about yourself. I still got the literature exam left, remember?”

“Oh.” She tried to make an apologetic face, quite unsuccessfully. “True. I did my exam of Graphical Design two days ago, that’s why I’m free—”

“Stop rubbing it in my face.”

She chuckled. “Sorry.”

“Besides, I’ve no idea how I did this one... with all the craziness going on in the last few days, I could barely focus.”

Ahsoka frowned at the mere thought of that mendacious bastard. “You deserve great credit for even doing all the exams, Anakin.”

When they’d told Ahsoka about Padmé’s letter and their confrontation against Palpatine, well... let’s just say that she reacted as was to be expected. “ _Why didn’t you tell me anything as soon as you found out about it?”_ and “ _so you thought it was a nice idea to face Palpatine alone, are you nuts?! You could’ve died!”_ , or _“Are you really telling me a Sith was infiltrated in the Senate for so long, and none of us Jedi could sense it?”_ were a few of the recurrent sentences.

“Life goes on.” He shrugged. “If I don’t pass all the subjects, I’ll lose the scholarship.” But he wasn’t nearly as focused as he should be, no matter how hard he tried. “ _Oh, I am so tempted to let you leave, just so that you can have a chat with our little green friend. I would pay to see the look in your eyes when your whole world falls apart.”_

He debated whether to tell Ahsoka about that nagging doubt that couldn’t leave his mind. But, no, speculating about the possible implications or different scenarios wouldn’t do. That would only increase his anxiety. What he needed were answers, and he needed them now. _“_ _We’ll talk to him once you are done with your exams okay? So as to avoid further distractions.”_ He sometimes wished he had Obi-Wan’s patience.

“Rex just sent me a message.” Ahsoka’s voice brought him back to the present. “How do you feel about going to a bar with some classmates to celebrate that the exams are o— ups, sorry” she amended after noticing Anakin’s scowl. “I swear to you I truly forgot this time.”

“It’s okay.” It really was. He wouldn’t have gone even if he didn’t have to study. Truth be told, he wasn’t feeling up to celebrating anything. “I’ll just stay at the library and go over that literature nonsense while you’re all having fun. But tomorrow _I’_ ll finally be free."

“That’s the spirit, Skyguy!”

The library was practically empty. With a deep sigh, he started going over all the units that he had reviewed—some of them from three to four times— with Obi-Wan. _Fuck, I can’t remember half of it_. Too many novels, too many poems, too many theories, and _far too many_ complicated names. The pile of books on his desk was scandalous, a truly depressing sight. Maybe that’s why he was now gazing out of the window instead.

The ticking of the clock was getting on his nerves.

_Tick tock. Tick tock._

_Ugh._ Perhaps he had developed some kind of phobia to clocks, he pondered absentmindedly.

_Tick tock._

Time had never seemed to pass so slowly. It was as if the watch hands were too lazy to move, or even as if they were going backwards.

_Tick—_

He shook his head and turned his attention to the pile of books of the size of the former Jedi temple. He stared at it in silence, without as much as laying one finger in any of the covers. And stared at it some more.

_—tock._

He rose from his chair and put all the books inside his bag. The march of his shoes against marble resonated loudly as he exited the antique library and, lost as he was in the sound of it, he didn’t even notice where his steps were taking him until he was standing right in front of the door at the end of the long corridor.

He made as if to knock on the door, but he hesitated, and decided against it. He raised his fist a few times, but courage deserted him. _Come on, Anakin. The Hero with No Fear, remember?_ He took a deep breath, and knocked. After being given permission, he entered the office.

The shutters were closed, and the rays of light that entered through the slits gave a sombre and somewhat enigmatic air to the room. A small man was standing with his hands behind his back. He slowly turned around.

“Waiting for you I had been, young Skywalker.”

Anakin didn’t know what to say. It was one thing to speak with the eccentric and strict-looking director of the university, it was another to do so with the former Grandmaster of the Jedi Order.

So he resorted to a joke, as he used to do in most uncomfortable situations.

“Must have been hard, uh? To speak like everyone else. And, still, I remember thinking when you were giving conferences that the way you talked was weird.”

The ghost of a smile crossed his lips, but he said nothing. Anakin cleared his throat.

“So you were expecting me?”

Yoda hummed. “That I remember, Obi-Wan must have told you.”

“And...since when do you know?”

“Several years ago, my memories were awakened.” Anakin nodded, opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it and bit his lip. Different skin colour, different size—although not that much taller either— and different ears—still, quite pointy—, but this Yoda had the same piercing eyes, that same look that seemed to go through yourself, baring the darkest secrets of your soul. “Well? The things that worry you, are you not going to tell me?”

And still as perceptive as ever.

Anakin had come here for answers, but the lump in his throat was holding his questions hostage.

“Hmm.” Yoda stayed pensive for a while as he observed him. “Prepared are you for your literature exam?”

Anakin huffed. “I’ve done as much I could, but I’d need another year to feel completely prepared. Speaking of which, there was something that Palpatine said... this initiative of assisting to the classes of another degree, did you make me assist to literature classes on purpose? So that Obi-Wan and I could meet?”

“Yes.” Anakin raised one eyebrow. He hadn’t expected Yoda to go straight to the point. “A good influence for you, Obi-Wan had always been.”

“Just like Palpatine had always been a bad influence, right?” Anakin stated. “Did you suspect something about him, then? In this life, I mean.”

“Warned by someone, I was. A long time ago, in the other reality. You weren’t the only one to receive the Force ghost of my future self in his dreams that night, I must tell you.”

“Hold on, hold on. Do you mean that you...that you remember our conversation? The same conversation in which you— or the Force, whatever— gave me the chance to start anew? But that’s not possible! The people of _that_ timeline were sent to this reality, so how could you know about something that you never experienced? Your Force ghost himself said that you wouldn’t remember that!”

“What I say, you hear, but listening to me you are not.”

And cryptic as ever as well. So much for going straight to the point. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That the Yoda that appeared in your dreams you wouldn’t meet here, my Force ghost told you, and that’s exactly the way it has been. Told you a minute ago I have, that warned by my future self in my dreams, I too was, in the other reality.”

“So you mean that you know all these things because your Force ghost told you, and not because you remember them?” Anakin rolled his eyes. _The Yoda in my dreams could have told me about this ‘small’ detail._ But he chose to be obscure. No surprises there. “But he—your Force ghost, I mean— he still told you far more things than he told me. He didn’t tell me Palpatine was a Sith!”

“For you to start anew, with no knowledge of anything else, the Force wanted.”

“But if here you knew about the kind of monster that he had been in that life, why didn’t you do anything about it?” Now he was screaming, and he should be feeling intimidated by Yoda’s look, but he was not. “Damn it, he killed Padmé! Maybe if you had done something, she would be alive now!”

Yoda’s stern look dissipated at that, and he looked sadder than Anakin had ever seen him. That appeased him slightly.

“The pain this causes me, I cannot describe. But nothing there was I could have done, because proof of his being evil in this life I did not have. Demonise someone you can’t, for something they haven’t done in this life.” Now Anakin had the disturbing feeling that they weren’t just talking about Palpatine anymore. “A chance there was, of him having been different in this life. But just as evil as he was, he ended up being. Still, an eye on you I decided to keep, especially in the light of his continuous interference in the matters of the university, and his sudden interest in you.”

Anakin gave a long sigh. Palpatine’s words kept echoing in his head, again, again and again.

“What exactly did your Force ghost tell you? Do you know what damn tragedy took place in that other future?” Anakin gulped. “And do you know what part, if any, did I play in it?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

His eyes were sad once more. “If the truth I tell you, only pain you will find.”

“I don’t care” he said emphasizing every word. He was trembling, out of rage or fear, he couldn’t tell. “It was _my_ life, _my_ future, and I more than anyone _deserve_ to know the whole story!”

Their eyes met, and the atmosphere in the room was filled with an unbearable sense of foreboding.

“If your wish that is” Yoda said, “then the whole story, you shall hear.”

* * *

From his desk, Obi-Wan observed the classroom full with students doing the exam. Some looked nervous, some looked confident, others kept making faces as they thought hard about something. His eyes lingered on one particular student, who seemed to be completely focused for once. He raised his head and their eyes met. Obi-Wan gave him a knowing smile.

Anakin smiled back at him. It probably looked somewhat strained, despite his efforts. He returned his attention to the exam. It was not so difficult, actually. He may end up having a good mark, even. Not that it mattered. Not anymore. But after Obi-Wan’s efforts and his invaluable help, he felt he owed that much to him. His former Master was an excellent teacher. It really was so unfair. So many months they’d been together, and he had yet to discover something that the man wasn’t good at. And now he would never know. But something told him he really was good at everything.

All the students seemed to be so nervous. What was the big deal? It was just an exam. Nothing more than that. He’d never felt as disconnected from the others as he did in that moment. He didn’t care about the result and he didn’t have a future to worry about.

But he did the exam anyways. He had to do it. That subject had been the beginning of everything, and all beginnings deserve to have an ending.

Later in the day, Anakin entered Obi-Wan’s bedroom, where the once Jedi Master was having a much needed rest. It was early afternoon, but the room was pretty dark.The orange curtains were drawn and the shutters were closed. 

“Hey, Obi-Wan.” The mattress creaked when Anakin sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you asleep?”

“Yes.”

Obi-Wan heard a low chuckle. “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. Just came to say goodbye. I’m going out to have some pints with Ahsoka.”

Obi-Wan hummed without opening his eyes. “To celebrate how well you did the literature exam?”

“You can laugh all you want, but I’m telling you, I did it pretty well. You’ll be surprised when you see it.” A hand settled on Obi-Wan’s hair and he felt soft lips against his cheek. “I couldn’t have had a better teacher. I was so lucky.”

Obi-Wan smiled. “You flatter me.” He laced their hands together. “Don’t drink too much, dear. I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to take care of a wasted Anakin today.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Anakin lied down and rested his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. They stayed in peaceful silence for a few minutes, just broken by their calm breaths.

“Obi-Wan.” The older man hummed, half-asleep. “I love you. I love you so much. You know that, right?”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and turned his head to the side to look at him. Those blue irises, visible even amidst the darkness of the room, were shining with an unfathomable emotion. “Of course I do. Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s just... I can’t forget about our confrontation with Palpatine.”

“I know it’s hard, but try not to think about it. He’s gone for good, I’m fine, _we_ ’re fine. It’s over, Anakin.”

“Yeah, it is.” He gave him a wistful smile. “But I just wanted to say it.” He sat up after giving one last squeeze to his hand. “Well, I’ll let you sleep now, my old man.” Obi-Wan chuckled tiredly.

“In twelve years time, I’ll remind you that you used to call me old at the age of thirty-five. Go on then, you’re going to be late. And have fun, you’ve earned it.”

A tender kiss was pressed on his head. “Goodbye, my love.”

Obi-Wan was so exhausted. Only that could explain the fact that he didn’t notice the oddity of their conversation, or the tear that fell on his forehead, or the final way in which Anakin said goodbye.

* * *

“Hello, Ahsoka. Anakin’s not answering his phone. Can you tell him that I may not be home by the time he arrives? I want to correct some exams, and it’ll probably take me a while.”

“What? Anakin’s not with me, Obi-Wan.”

“But... he told me he’d met with you, to celebrate the end of the exams. Why would he lie?” _Anakin, what have you gotten yourself into now?_ “When did you last speak with him?”

“Yesterday. I went with some classmates to a bar, but he stayed in the library to study literature. He seemed to be okay, all things considered.”

_Where are you, Anakin? Why would you lie to me? Where would you go without telling me—”_ Oh. Of course.

“Why?” Ahsoka said when Obi-Wan stayed silent. “What is going on?”

“Nothing, Ahsoka, I... I think I may know where he is.” _He must have gone to speak with Yoda._ Obi-Wan sighed tiredly. _Why didn’t you wait for me?_

“Well?”

“It’s just... I’m sorry, Ahsoka, I’m not sure I can tell you. It’s not my secret to disclose.”

“Like hell! You _are_ going to tell me, Obi-Wan. You can’t call me to say that Anakin is missing and then leave me this worried! Just the other day I found out you two had faced a former Sith _alone_. And you could have died! What am I supposed to think now?”

“You’re right. Forgive me, Ahsoka, it’s... it’s about something that Palpatine said. He insinuated that Anakin may have played a part in that ominous future of the other reality. And Anakin, well... he’s been mulling over this since that day.”

“Really? But Palpatine was a manipulating bastard! Why should he be worried about something he said?”

“That’s exactly what I told Anakin, but you know how he is. He can’t let go. He thinks Yoda might know something, and we were going to talk with him, _together_ , after the end of the exams. But I believe he has decided to go on his own.” _Because, of course, in what universe would Anakin listen to what I say?_ “I’ll ask Yoda.”

“Great. Please, text me when you find him.”

“Of course. Thank you again, Ahsoka.”

But Anakin was not in Yoda’s office.

“Yesterday, your former Padawan came.”

_Yesterday?_ _Then where are you now?_

“And did he ask you about..., well, you see, he was worried about something that Palpatine implied. He wanted to talk to you, ask you whether you knew anything about that other, terrible future, but I believe it’s highly unlikely that—”

“Yes, to both things.” He elaborated. “Know about it I do, and to Skywalker everything I told.”

Obi-Wan was feeling equal parts worried and angry. _Why didn’t you wait for me, this is the kind of thing we should have listened to together. Why, why, why._

“What I told him, you want to know.” It was no question, just a statement. “And the same warning, I will give you. The things that I’m going to tell you, you will not like.”

“I was never one to run away from the truth, or to take the easy way out. Please, Master. Tell me what you know.”

* * *

Three hours now. He’d been walking for three hours, and he hadn’t reached his destination yet. The wind was rustling the leaves on the trees, the bushes, soft whispers that seemed to be anticipating what was to come. Distant thunder announced the arrival of a summer storm, but it sounded from far away. Most likely, he wouldn’t come to see it. The roaring of the sea could be heard in the distance, as he walked through the familiar path, the steep slope wearing him out. Had he gone downwards, his steps would have led him to the beach, but he kept climbing the slope. Out of it, like a lost soul, yet resolved.

* * *

Time had stopped.

His whole life had stopped.

It was impossible, it seemed unreal. There was absolutely no way that his sweet, innocent, kind, honourable, and loyal to a fault Anakin had turned to the dark side in some other reality, forsaking his ideals, betraying all the Jedi, betraying _him_. No, he could have never become the very thing he had sworn to destroy, he could have never committed the kind of atrocities that only the monster who seemingly corrupted him was capable of.

And yet he must have, for the person who had told him this and that was now looking at him with concern would never lie to him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was furious. Furious against Sidious, that abomination that had managed to corrupt his own Padawan, furious about the fact that there was nothing that could be done about their tragic fates in the other reality, but most of all, furious against _himself._

_I failed you, Anakin. I failed you._

His mind, his heart needed _time_ to assimilate all these things, and yet time was a luxury he didn’t have, for even if it now seemed to have frozen, in truth life continued in its own pace, strange as it may seem. And Anakin knew about this, he had known about this for _a whole day_ , and now he was missing. Anakin was _missing_ , in only God knows what state of mind, which meant that Obi-Wan had to make an effort and brush all these painful thoughts aside. He had to be rational, to pull himself together, to _focus on the here and now_ , even if his own world had fallen apart.

“I should have been with him” he lamented himself. “I should have been here with him when he learned the truth. He must be feeling so lost, and I don’t even know where he is, I don’t know where to find him...”

“Know him better than anyone, you do. Trust your instincts, you must, and find him you will."

* * *

He wasn’t at his place, or at Obi-Wan’s either. Some part of Obi-Wan had foolishly, pathetically hoped to find him there, expecting him to have gone for a walk as he mulled over his thoughts, and then decided to go home after hearing the first thunders that announced the coming of a storm.

But of course that hadn’t been the case, and of course he wasn’t home. _Where are you, Anakin? Just where are you?_

If only they had gone to Yoda’s office together. Yes, the truth would have been equally painful, but at least they would have been _together_ , and at least Obi-Wan would know what Anakin’s _blasted_ location was.

At least Obi-Wan would have known Anakin was alright.

In this life, he’d witnessed on several occasions how utterly distressed Anakin could get when upset by something. He became unstable, unable to think clearly, and his actions were highly unpredictable.

And yet none of their previous misfortunes came close to this. Nothing could have ever prepared them for something like this. Obi-Wan himself was on the verge of losing his own mind. The only thing that prevented him from it was the fact that he had another’s state of mind to worry about. _What if something has happened to him?_ His face went white and he felt as if he was going to be sick. _Oh, Force, what if...what if he has—_

The grandfather clock in the living room struck five, bringing with every chime Anakin’s constant complaining about ‘that obnoxious thing’, as he used to call it.

_“Why don’t you get rid of this crap, Obi-Wan?” Despite his admonishing tone, he said it pressing a peck on his lips. “I’m sure you only keep it to annoy me.”_

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure how or when, but next thing he knew, he was hitting the clock, —‘the obnoxious thing’—with a chair, repeatedly.

_I shouldn’t have asked you to wait until the end of the exams. Then we could have gone to speak with Yoda together. And you would be here, with me. Safe._

The long case in which the pendulum was enclosed broke as a result of his blows.

_I should have known that a Sith was trying to get close to my own Padawan under my very nose._

The floor was filled by pieces of glass.

_I should have tried harder to bring you back to the light side, before maiming you and leaving you to burn alive._

He dropped the chair and punched the hard material with his own hands, the physical pain a welcome distraction from the agony he was feeling on the inside.

_I should have been better at showing you that you were loved back then._

He pushed the clock, and the impact against the floor destroyed it completely.

_I should have been a better Master._

Looking at the mess on the floor, he imagined Anakin’s satisfied face if he was here to see it, and his heart broke.

_“Hurry up, Obi-Wan! Or we’ll miss the sunset. Ugh, that damn clock again. Yes, yes, we know we’re late, you kriffing obnoxious thing. You can shut up now.” He blushed at realising that Obi-Wan had caught him talking—arguing—with the clock, and judging by his raised eyebrow and his amused smirk, he found the situation very funny.”Whatever you were gonna say, I don’t want to hear it. Come on, let’s go to the beach!”_

Obi-Wan’s misty eyes widened.

_Of course. How could I be so stupid._

The beach.

He grabbed the keys to his car and exited the flat in the blink of an eye, taking a leap to avoid the pieces of the broken clock on the floor.

* * *

To arrive to the furthest end of the beach, their secret place, one had to go through a narrow path among the vegetation, descending a great slope on foot. So he had no choice but to leave the car where the road ended, near the imposing cliffs that overlooked the horizon.

He ran downwards the steep path that led to the beach, slipping a few times. The ground was slippery due to the arrival of the summer storm.

Their favourite place in town had nothing of its usual idyllic air under the present unfavourable climatic conditions. The sea was rough, hostile and uninviting. The beach looked gray and dull. A shadow of its habitual splendorous state. Of course, it would have been the most beautiful place in the world to Obi-Wan, had Anakin been there.

But he wasn’t. Oh, _God_ , he wasn’t.

His gaze drifted towards their secret corner, and he was assaulted by memories of them two; happy, warm and together. That seemed to have happened a lifetime ago.

It had started raining with more force. His tears mixed with the water drops, as he finally allowed himself to cry, to wallow in despair. The other half of his soul was missing, and he didn’t know where to find it.

_Oh, Anakin... My Anakin..._

He cried for the Jedi Anakin, his old Padawan, who somewhere along the way had lost himself, had lost everything, and made everyone he once held dear lose everything too. And he cried for his Anakin, his dear student who had lost so much in this life as well, and who in this moment must be blaming himself no doubt for the things that Darth Vader did in that ominous future.

And he cried for the light of his life.

_For the love of my life._

His breath hitched when his eyes made out the silhouette of a person on the clifftop that Anakin had told him about once, standing dangerously close to the cliff edge.

He ran faster than he had ever run, lamenting the fact of having been _so_ near him without knowing it when he left his car at the top of the slope. Now he had to retrace the same path, running uphill, soaked to the bone, trying but failing not to slip every now and then. There was no time to waste. Anakin was on the cliff edge, and he was going to—

The unbearable sense of anguish within him provoked him nausea and the need to throw up. He emptied the contents of his stomach and kept running. It was agony. Every second that passed became the hardest moment of his life.

* * *

He took a deep breath, silently hoping that it wouldn’t be too fast. He deserved the pain. His eyes sought the sharp rocks once more and prepared himself to jump.

“Anakin.” _Oh no. That_ voice. “Don’t.”

Obi-Wan, breathless and with his heart on his throat, took in the image of his former Padawan as the young man slowly turned around. Soaked to the bone, just like Obi-Wan himself was, face twisted with hopelessness and a lifeless gaze clouding his usually bright blue eyes.

But he was there. Beautiful and _alive. Oh,_ _thank the Force you’re alive._

“Stay back, Obi-Wan! I swear to you, if you take one more step, I will jump.”

Obi-Wan halted and raised his hands to appease him. He had to be extremely careful. In this moment, it was as if Anakin was a wild beast. One wrong move, and the consequences would be disastrous. But in this case, it would be the beast itself the one to end up hurt.

“Although I’m going to jump anyway.”

“Anakin—”

“No! No, don’t _Anakin_ me! You’ve no idea, no freaking clue of what I... If you knew what _I_ know, you’d understand.”

“I do know. I talked with Yoda as well.”

A loud thunder filled the silence that stretched between them. Anakin wished to die more than ever, just so that he wouldn’t have to face Obi-Wan, knowing that he knew the kind of monster Anakin was capable of being.

His voice was weak when he spoke, barely audible amidst the noises of the storm. "Then why are you here?” Had it been whole, Obi-Wan’s heart would have shattered. “Don’t, don’t move!”

He stopped. “I’m here, because I will _always_ be here, by your side.”

Anakin looked shocked and horrified. “Are you mad? How can you even say that, knowing the things that I did?”

“That wasn’t—”

“Yes, it was! Sorry to burst your bubble, but that was _me_ , Obi-Wan! Palpatine was right about one thing. There are none so blind as those who will not see.”

“I’m sorry, Anakin, but quoting a lord _Sith_ doesn’t exactly give weight to your argument.” Anakin didn’t seem to appreciate his poor attempt at humour, if his glare was anything to go by.

“I already know what you’re going to tell me. ‘That wasn’t you, Anakin’ ” he said in an admittedly good impersonation of his voice. ‘You cannot take the blame for something you didn’t do, blah, blah...’ Well, _I_ tell you the same thing I did when you couldn’t understand why it was so important to me to learn the truth. If I hadn’t taken the chance that Yoda offered me, we wouldn’t have been reborn in this world, and that same future would have repeated itself! _I_ would have become that... _Darth Vader_ ” he said with disgust, “and I would have done all those terrible things! I killed _so_ many innocent people, I...” He sobbed. “I killed you. And yet here you are.”

Obi-Wan would have given anything to erase the agony from Anakin’s face, but he supposed that giving humour another go and saying something along the lines of ‘I always knew you were going to be the death of me’ would only worsen the situation in all likelihood.

“Anakin. You’re right, but you aren’t seeing the whole picture. Allow me to give you my point of view.” Anakin huffed and stayed stubbornly silent, but Obi-Wan took it as his cue to continue. “Firstly, and no matter how much you mock me, that wasn’t you. And, indeed, you shouldn’t take the blame for something that hasn’t happened in this reality.” He continued talking hurriedly when he sensed that Anakin was about to interrupt him. “Secondly, even after all that destruction, you ended up fulfilling the prophecy in a way in that other future, proving that there was always some good in you. And, last but no least, you continue mulling over the things that could have happened had you not accepted Yoda's offer, but what about the things that _did_ happen? Here, in this reality. Palpatine tried to corrupt your soul once more, he wanted for you to join his side and go back to the other reality to fulfil that horrendous future. And you refused. Don’t you see? Even when he threatened to kill me, you still refused. You stayed strong!”

“So? What difference does it make? Palpatine was being delusional, most likely. There was no way to go back to that reality. Yoda himself told me that it’s not possible to regain access to our old powers in this life. Besides, your life wasn’t even at stake. You were just feigning being choked.”

“But you didn’t know. You thought Palpatine had his powers back, you thought he was going to kill me if you didn’t join his side. And you made the right choice. It makes _all_ the difference.”

Anakin bit his lip. “That’s not... Obi-Wan, you don’t understand.” He turned around and came even closer to the cliff edge. Obi-Wan froze. The ground was slippery and full with puddles because of the rain that kept falling unceasingly. His limbs were aching with the need of coming closer and drag him away from that blasted precipice at once. But Anakin was so unstable that Obi-Wan truly thought that the young man would jump if he came any closer.

“So, earlier, at my place” Obi-Wan said with a stifled voice, “that was your goodbye, wasn’t it? Do you have _any_ idea of what your suicide would do to me?” It was a low blow, and selfish; but just for this once, Obi-Wan wanted to be selfish.

“It’s for the best.” He was still standing dangerously close to the edge, and Obi-Wan was running out of time and ideas. “Even if I did the right thing this time... I am the same person. I don’t care what you say, I’m certain that you for instance would have never turned to the dark side, had our roles been reversed. Because that evil, or at least that potential for evil is in _myself._ I can feel it. You know, when I faced Palpatine alone, and he was still playing the part of the vulnerable and innocent man, I almost choked him to death... and I _enjoyed_ it. I enjoyed seeing the fear in his eyes, and I wanted, more than anything, to make him suffer as much as I had suffered because of him. I just wanted revenge! And I’m sure you would have never stooped that low. So, the problem lies in _me_ , in my own character. If I was capable of doing all those terrible things in that reality, how can I be sure that I will never become that person here, if life circumstances push me to it?”

“Anakin—”

“I can never be sure, Obi-Wan. That is the sad truth. And you don’t know what it feels like, to be so afraid of yourself. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I know that I’m capable of doing it, because I _was_ capable of doing it, and that’s... that’s the worst torture you can imagine. So, yes, I’d rather kill myself to prevent any of that from happening.”

“Anakin. I can’t even begin to imagine how scared of yourself you must be feeling right now, but I understand your fears. I understand that it must be impossible for you to trust yourself right now.”

He didn’t realise that he had taken one step in his direction, but luckily Anakin didn’t seem to notice either.

“But _I_ trust you, Anakin. I _am_ sure you won’t become that kind of person. And I’ll help you see reason if I ever notice any sign of you going astray. I won’t fail you this time, Anakin.”

He extended his hand towards him.

“If you have lost faith in everything else, then have faith in me. Have faith in _us_.”

His former Padawan looked doubtful, staring at his hand with a frown. If Anakin jumped, then he would follow afterwards. That was the only certainty in this moment. Obi-Wan was not a great swimmer in this life, but he wasn’t terrible either. Taking into account the sharp rocks and the rough climatic conditions, there was a chance in a million of saving Anakin’s life, but one chance was still better than none.

As he considered his next course of action, something cold and quivering brushed over the palm of his hand.

It's amazing how such a small, hesitant contact, such a simple gesture as having another human being taking your offered hand, can instantly become the most important moment in your life. He let out a deep sigh, firmly took Anakin’s hesitant hand in his, and enclosed him in a tight embrace as soon as he dragged him away from that blasted edge. He pressed a kiss to his forehead, relieved beyond measure, allowing himself to cry for the second time that day. _He’s alive, he’s here, he’s here with me._

Anakin’s legs gave out as the young man broke in his arms as well, heartbreaking tears and weak sobs intermingling with muttered apologies. Obi-Wan placed one arm around his back and the other behind his knees, and he carried the soaked man in his arms.

“Shh, it’ll be fine, my dear.” He pressed his lips into his wet hair. Anakin was trembling, out of cold or distress, he couldn’t tell. Probably both. He needed to get him warm and safe immediately. “I know this is hard, it’s hard for me too. But there will come a day when the pain caused by this knowledge will become more bearable. You’ll have to trust me on this.”

He kept walking towards the car with his love in his arms, under the wild storm, leaving that forsaken place and the terrifying sound of waves crashing against the base of the cliff behind him.

Something told him he would never be able to look at the sea in the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did warn you in last chapter that we weren't done with the angst yet haha. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, even if it was sad and angsty!  
> Oh, and if you have noticed some changes in the chapter, I edited it and modified its structure a bit, as I thought it was better to begin the chapter this way.  
> I'm not sure yet about the total number of chapters, but we're getting very close to the ending of this story! I think there'll probably be around two more chapters, but I'm not sure yet.  
> Also, as you might have noticed, I decided to write the names of the chapters so as to facilitate navigation :)  
> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos and bookmarks, and of course, for the comments! They mean a lot to me <3


	20. Refuge - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: References to suicide, depressive thoughts

“I don’t understand. According to the map, the house should be here...” _Blast it_. How could a former Jedi knight, a once war General, be unable to correctly interpret a simple map? Obi-Wan Kenobi was not a conceited person, but he deemed himself more clever than that. _Besides, Anakin’s the one with the poor orientation skills, not me._

Luckily— maybe because of that— his companion in the passenger seat had not complained—not even once— about their disastrous journey. Anakin, quiet and wistful, had been staring out of the window for the last couple of hours. In all honesty, Obi-Wan would have preferred him to complain, if only because that would require him to say something, _anything_. He loathed those gloomy moods of his, for that only meant he was wallowing in his thoughts, and Obi-Wan couldn’t protect him from his mind.

Two weeks had passed since that horrific day, the scariest in Obi-Wan’s life, the one day he’d been on the verge of losing everything.

Obi-Wan had left that nightmarish cliff behind them as he carried Anakin in his arms, walking towards his car. His former Padawan was silent as Obi-Wan drove, just staring into space, quite like he was doing now. At some point, Anakin had stopped sobbing, but his lifeless gaze and resounding silence were even more worrying. When they entered his apartment, Anakin did a double-take at seeing what remained of the destroyed grandfather clock on the floor, but his surprise was short-lived, and his face instantly adopted an expressionless semblance. Obi-Wan took care of him, he dried his hair with a towel and urged him to change his clothes, lending him some of his own, forgetting that he himself was also soaked to the bone because of the storm. But that was unimportant. Anakin was his priority, only Anakin mattered. Things would be difficult from now on, he knew, but Anakin was there in his apartment, very much _alive_ , and he felt he could face any obstacle that life put on his way.

And things were difficult indeed.

“I feel so useless” he had told Ahsoka one particular bad day. “He stays at home _all_ day long, barely speaks a word, doesn’t laugh anymore— not even to laugh at _me_ when the chance presents itself to ridicule me for whatever reason!— and the only people he tolerates are you and myself. By the way, how did you find him yesterday?”

“Exactly the same as the last few days. A bad-tempered hermit.” She made a face. In spite of her sarcastic tone, she didn’t find the situation funny at all. “And when he wasn’t in a bad mood, he was apologising. Which is even worse. He can’t understand ‘why the kriff’ we still ‘give a damn’, when in fact we should avoid him ‘like the plague’. And he went as far as saying that my former self deserved having had a much better Master, and that he felt sorry for me, for having been the Padawan of “such a psycho’.”

Obi-Wan let out a tired sigh. “I know what you mean. In the span of ten days, he has apologised to me more times than in our entire acquaintance. As for his mood swings... one minute he’s telling me to leave him alone, to stop asking stupid questions about his wellbeing, and the next he’s saying sorry and begging me not to leave. I’ve noticed that, even when he’s having bad days and everything bothers him, he gets anxious when I’m not around.”

“He can’t go on like this the whole summer.”

“No” Obi-Wan seconded. “He can’t. That’s why I’ve been thinking... maybe a change of environment would do him well? He’s always complaining about the bustle in town, about the artificiality of it all. And he seems to love nature. It makes him forget about his problems.” That’s why he loved the beach so much, but thinking about that place after what happened—what _almost_ happened— gave Obi-Wan nausea.

“Obi-Wan?”

“My apologies. I was lost in thought. As I was telling you, I believe that a change of environment is what he needs, and I’ve been thinking that, perhaps,—if he wants to— he and I could spend the whole summer in a cottage surrounded by nature in the countryside. I have a specific place in mind I’m very well acquainted with, a hamlet where I spent many summers in my childhood. I truly believe we could benefit from the peace of mind it brings. I was going to suggest it this afternoon.”

“I actually think that’s a good idea, Obi-Wan. Don’t worry, I think he’ll be on board. That... retirement, or whatever you wanna call it, will be good for the both of you! If you survive those three months without killing each other, that is.”

Obi-Wan chuckled as he shook his head. “Making jokes out of distressing situations. You really are Anakin’s Padawan.”

Ahsoka smiled sadly, before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, you know the saying. Laugh so as not to cry.”

Anakin seemed to agree with his idea of spending the whole summer together in the countryside. “Yeah, good” he said distractedly while looking vacantly through the window. Obi-Wan waited for him to say anything else, but soon realised that this was as much enthusiasm as he was going to get.

And so here they were, driving along a narrow road full of potholes, surrounded by beautiful vegetation indeed, but unable to find that blasted cottage. Obi-Wan _should_ have known how to get there—just as he should have known how to interpret the map—, but he hadn’t been there for around twenty years. Surely that was an acceptable excuse.

The number of inhabitants in this hamlet was way below one hundred, and its few buildings were very scattered. Thus, there was no one around to give them indications in this precise moment. Obi-Wan was about to suggest to go back in the direction of a little house nearby he’d spotted before— hopefully someone _was_ home and could help them— when the elusive cottage _finally_ became visible some metres ahead, on the right side of the road, appearing there as if by magic.

“Here you are.”

 The cottage was just as Obi-Wan remembered it. Beautiful, idyllic and with an enchanted air about it. It almost looked as if it had been taken out of some fairytale. The cottage overlooked the stream that was to the left side of the narrow road. The flow of water sounded just as relaxing and mesmerizing as it had so many years ago. When a much younger Obi-Wan had been wide awake at night, that enchanting sound which entered his room through the open window had always managed to lull him to sleep. 

“You haven’t changed one bit” Obi-Wan murmured when he exited the car, as if he was being reacquainted with an old friend.

“You came here many summers?” Anakin was looking at the house with mild curiosity. The reason why he was taking an interest in _something_ , no matter how slight that interest might seem, was perhaps his being curious about anything that had to do with Obi-Wan’s past. The former Jedi Master took notice of this precious information: it might come in handy when in need of snapping Anakin out of his self-destructive thoughts.

“Until I was fifteen. Afterwards, the owner of the house decided to stop renting it. Qui-Gon and I continued coming to this hamlet, of course, and we stayed in another house that’s not very far from here. But we didn’t come so often after that, and this cottage always remained my favourite.”

“And now the owner just decided to go back to the renting thing?”

“He died. His eldest son inherited the cottage, but he works in the city, so this place remains uninhabited for the most part of the year. Safe for the occasional renter, just like us.”

Obi-Wan showed him around the house, striving to keep Anakin’s interest alive by telling him stories about his childhood, anything that came to his mind as he looked at his surroundings.

“I see they still keep the piano. It was never in tune... Oh, and here, let me show you your room!” He opened the door to a quite spacious and comfy looking bedroom. “So, the youngest gets the bigger bedroom, while the old man will sleep in another much smaller, almost half its size. The things I do for you...”

Anakin didn’t smile at his admittedly poor attempt at humour, not even a mere half-smile or a teasing comment, and _not even_ after Obi-Wan had called _himself_ an old man.

Instead, he frowned and looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else. Of course, Obi-Wan knew the reasons for his being uncomfortable— that was why he had attempted a joke to begin with, so as to normalize the situation.

It started the third night following the events of the fatidic, unmentionable day.

Anakin had seemed to be in great distress as he slept, undoubtedly because of his nightmares, which had increased since they learned the truth. His forehead was humid with sweat and his features contorted in pain, as he tossed and turned in the bed continuously. Obi-Wan hated to see him like this, and he hated the way that made him feel; so useless, so incompetent.

“Anakin.” He lightly put his hand on his shoulder when Anakin started muttering in distress. “Anakin, wake up.” He shook his shoulder gently. “It’s not real. Just a nightmare. Anakin—”

Anakin sat up abruptly on the bed, confused and terrified, and forcefully shoved Obi-Wan away from him, thinking him a menace. The former Jedi Master, off-guard as he was, ended up on the floor because of the shove and hit his head against the corner of the nightstand. Anakin stared in shock at the small wound on his forehead, then looked at his own hands horrified.

“I hurt you.”

“What—No! Don’t worry, love, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have startled you—”

“Stay away from me!” Anakin hid his face behind his bent knees and started sobbing. “I’m dangerous...”

“For God’s sakes, Anakin. It was just an accident!”

“Yeah, just like it was accident when I killed you in the other life, right?”

“Anakin—”

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” He cried bitterly, and the worst thing was that he didn’t let Obi-Wan come anywhere near to console him. “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt anyone...”

That was the last night they slept on the same bed.

Now, as Anakin continued to look uncomfortable, Obi-Wan decided to change the topic of the conversation. “Let’s leave our luggage here for the time being, shall we? I can show you the area surrounding the house. It’s beautiful, you’ll see.”

“Another time. I’m really tired. I think I’m gonna lie down for a little while.”

His heart sank. “Of course.” Obi-Wan pressed a small kiss on his cheek. “Just tell me if you need anything. Rest well, my dear.”

Obi-Wan experienced a strange feeling when entering his bedroom. This was the same bedroom where he’d slept so many years ago, and bar some changes here and there, it remained practically the same. His heart was assaulted by a bittersweet sense of nostalgia as a myriad of memories came to his mind.

It was a medium-size, rustic room, sober but appealing at the same time. There was a full-length mirror next to the wardrobe. He looked at his reflection, and again he was invaded by that sense of nostalgia. It was humbling to think that the previous time he’d looked at himself in it, he had been fifteen years old.

He looked back on those years and didn’t recognise himself. It was disconcerting. Now he was the same person, but at the same time he was not. A vital piece of information of himself had been missing, and only now that he had gained the knowledge, only now that those suppressed memories had been awaken, did he feel whole. _Knowledge is power, they say._ That may be true, but what Obi-Wan had come to discover was that knowledge was a double-edge sword as well.

The positive effects were obvious: after embracing the memories of his past life, he discovered what it was to be complete, to feel like _himself_ , not to mention that he’d been able to be reacquainted with his best friend, who had managed to earn a place in his heart even in this life, when he was still just the cocky and stubborn student he had offer to tutor. Well, not even then he was ‘just’ that. For he was also brave, sympathetic, charismatic, even charming in his own way, and had that... magnetism that had made it impossible for professor Obi-Wan Kenobi to not feel implicated, that same magnetism that Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi had always been drawn to.

As for the negative effects of knowledge, it could be best exemplified by their discovery of what had happened in the future of that alternate reality, a future that would have repeated itself had Anakin not taken the chance that the Force offered him. Obi-Wan wouldn’t be here now, but there, witnessing the downfall of the one person that had always been by his side, the one that was supposed to be _always_ by his side. The Team should have never been broken. His kind, sympathetic, and immensely _good_ Anakin wasn’t supposed to do all those evil things. Obi-Wan felt so sorry for himself, for that Obi-Wan who in some other timeline had had to endure such tragedy. How much he must have suffered, he couldn’t even begin to imagine.

This ultimate knowledge had caused him pain, had caused his Anakin agony, to the point that he had almost— no, he didn’t want to revisit that memory.

Was then knowledge always desirable? Would it have been better for the both of them not to know about this? They had been happy in their ignorance, after all. _Would I choose to forget about this if I could?_

He again thought about himself when he was younger, in this world. There were times when he’d felt sad without a reason. Empty. Something important had been eluding him, but he hadn’t known what it was. He used to feel as if he was going through the motions, as if he was playing a role in a theatre play of which he didn’t know the whole script, and wasn’t even able to see the stage. Knowledge had changed that. Now he was among the audience, now he could see what was beyond the stage, now he had access to the missing parts of the story. And Anakin was next to him as well among the audience. They were suffering because of the tragic scenes they could see just now.

Knowledge had brought them pain. Here they were, in this cottage surrounded by nature in an attempt to make things better, an idea that didn’t look very promising as for now, for the first thing that Anakin had done once they’d arrived here was to go to bed, depressed, mulling over all those things that made him suffer.

And yet, even as silent tears rolled down Obi-Wan’s cheeks, he thought that he’d rather take the pain, and the guilt, and all those negative feelings that this knowledge had  brought them. Because even when it hurt, it was _real_ , it was part of who they were.

He’d much rather know the whole script, even if it made him miserable, than be happy in an illusion.

* * *

Waking up was the hardest moment of the day. That second when you realise that it’s all real, that it’s not a bad dream, was the worst imaginable torture.

After a long nap— it was eight PM already—he began to unpack his things, soon grew tired of the task, and decided to take a look around the house. It was nice, he guessed. Even if it was just a one-story cottage, it was big enough. There was a fireplace in the living room—although due to the season of the year he highly doubted they would make use of it—, a long sofa overlooking the fireplace and two sophisticated armchairs that stood opposite each other, a bookcase with dozens and dozens of books— _Obi-Wan must be delighted_ —, an antique, wooden base coffee table with granite on top surrounded by the armchairs, a TV located in a furniture next to the fireplace, and a grand piano to the left, situated against the wall that was midway between the corridor and the living room. There was also space for a long dining table, and the low rays of sun of twilight entered through a large window that overlooked the stream that was near the house. The kitchen was very cosy, and it had another—and much simpler— dining table. The bathroom was quite modern and spacious.

He went towards Obi-Wan’s bedroom. “Obi-Wan?” He knocked on the door. “Are you there?” He wasn’t. The room was indeed smaller than Anakin’s, and he— of course— had already unpacked everything.

Anakin exited the cottage, hoping to find him there observing the stream, or examining the vegetation, or doing any of those geek things he liked to do. But he wasn’t.

_Where are you?_

What if something had happened to him? What if he had gone out to explore the surrounding area, and some wild animal had attacked him? What if some psycho out in the woods had crossed paths with him? _Now, Anakin, you’re being paranoid._

He knew what fear was, and he knew that those scenarios were unlikely, but that’s the tricky things about fears: you can’t escape them, and you can’t reason with them, because they’re irrational.

However, there was one possibility which was far more plausible.

_Maybe he just grew tired of me. Of my mood swings, my bad temper. And I wouldn’t blame him for it_.

But what was he to do without Obi-Wan? He didn’t deserve him, he knew, and an adequate punishment for the things that Anakin had done in another reality would be no doubt for Obi-Wan to leave him.

_But I can’t lose him. I just can’t._

* * *

The sun had already set when he came home. _Home_. First day in this cottage, and he was calling the place home already. _But then again, home is wherever he is_.

“Hello, dear. Are you hungry? I was thinking I could cook some—”

“Where were you?” Anakin interrupted him. He looked annoyed and anxious. “And why the kriff did you leave your phone at home?”

“I went to the market in a town nearby so as to do the shopping” he said shrugging his shoulders, not understanding what all that fuss was about. “I didn’t have any battery, so I left my phone here charging.”

“And don’t you think you could have told me before leaving just where the hell you were going? Damn it, Obi-Wan, think before you act, will you?”

_You’re not the most indicated person to say that_ , Obi-Wan would have said in another circumstance, annoyed by this petty behaviour and his unwarranted reproaches. But he knew about his distress, and initiating an argument was the last thing Obi-Wan wanted to do on their first day here.

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Whatever.”

They stayed in silence for a long minute.

“Do you want to have dinner?”

Anakin shook his head. “I’m not hungry. I’m gonna call it a night.” And he disappeared behind the door to his bedroom.

Obi-Wan brushed his forehead in exasperation, let out a tired sigh, and looked at the bags with all the food he’d bought, hoping to cook a special dinner for their first night together.

_No one said it would be easy_.

* * *

Anakin lay wide awake, staring up at the ceiling, afraid of falling asleep and having another nightmare. He dreamed about himself killing Obi-Wan, about himself killing children, about himself following the orders of that traitorous scum of a Sith. He hadn’t experienced those things, but his imagination was enough to recreate those terrible images.

The gentle flow of the stream outside was calming, but it also made him feel sad and lonely.

Still, that was much better than sleeping.

* * *

Obi-Wan, engrossed as he was in his book, still noticed Anakin’s sigh of relief.

“Well?” He lifted his gaze to meet his. “I’m in dire need of good news.”

“I got a grade of 7 out of ten on my Fluid Mechanics exam. That was the last mark I had left to know.”

“Which means that you will retain your scholarship. I’m so proud of you, Anakin.” The young man wasn’t smiling—he hadn’t seen him smiling for a long while now— but there was something there, something timid and fragile, that died out before it could begin to take the form of a smile. “Even after the excruciating turmoil you went through those days, you still managed to pass all the subjects.” Obi-Wan raised one amused eyebrow. “Even literature.”

His lips twitched, and there it was again, that miraculous gesture, that beginning of a smile—

It was already gone.

“Well” he answered shrugging his shoulders, attempting that teasing banter between them that also—yes, even _that_ — was nowadays always out of reach. “I did tell you you’d be surprised when you saw my exam, in case you’ve forgotten.”

It was Obi-Wan’s turn to look forlorn. “I remember very well.” Anakin seemed confused, then realization struck him, and he paled.

_“Just came to say goodbye. I’m going out to have some pints with Ahsoka.”_

_“To celebrate how well you did the literature exam?”_

_“You can laugh all you want, but I’m telling you, I did it pretty well. You’ll be surprised when you see it.” A hand softly caressed his hair, soft lips gently brushed over his cheek. “I couldn’t have had a better teacher. I was so lucky.”_

Obi-Wan would forever have nightmares with that conversation, with what could have been their final goodbye. 

He shook his head. _Focus on the here and now._

“Anyways.” He cleared his throat. “We need to celebrate your successful academic results. Would you like to go out and—”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Doesn’t matter. You said ‘go out’. And the answer’s no. I don’t feel like speaking with strangers for hours and hours.”

“It was just half an hour, Anakin. And what was I supposed to do? I knew them in my childhood, I couldn’t really just say ‘oh, excuse me for my uncivilized manners, but my very young companion is averse to any kind of social interaction that doesn’t involve me or his former Padawan’.”

“Yes! Yes, that would have been nice. Especially the Padawan thing. I would’ve paid to see their faces.”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “We’ll walk through a solitary path, alright? And, in the unlikely scenario that we come across anyone, I promise you it will be a short chat.”

“No, Obi-Wan!” Why couldn’t he understand? A ‘short chat’ for him was, at present, just too kriffing much. Forcing polite smiles, faking interest in whatever nonsense the other person had to say, withstanding the emptiness and hollowness of the small talk... it wore him out. “Besides, just because I’m not social as of lately, that doesn’t mean you have to be asocial as well. Go visit your old friends, talk with them as many hours as you want to.”

“But I’m not interested in doing that! I just want to have a walk with my b—” Obi-Wan bit his lip. That word he’d been about to say seemed so empty, so hollow to describe the enormous extent and depth of their relationship.

Anakin was looking at him amused. “Were you just going to say ‘with my boyfriend’?”

_Blast it_.

“As always, you seem to overlook the heart of the matter” he diverted with a furious blush. Anakin crossed his arms, looking far too much satisfied with himself, to which Obi-Wan simply rolled his eyes. “Well, if you change your mind, just call me.”

Later, lost in his thoughts while surrounded by nature, he replayed their conversation in his mind. _Could it be that we were bantering just before?_ He remembered the gleam in those blue eyes, and concluded that, yes, they were.

For the first time since what seemed forever, he thought he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was still fragile, timid, unsure. But _there_.

There were times, though, when progress seemed to come to a halt.

“What are you reading?” Anakin asked him curiously one night. He had turn off the TV— there was nothing worth watching— and the silence made him feel itchy. It made him think about things he didn’t want to think about.

Obi-Wan lifted his gaze, startled by the question. “Oh, it’s a book I took from the bookcase last week. There are so many good books here, from authors of all periods and all countries, all of them translated into English.” _I knew that the adorable bookworm that he is would be delighted._ “I already read this one once, many years ago.” He closed the book and gave his entire attention to Anakin. “Have you ever heard about _Don Quixote_?” Anakin shook his head. “I expected as much. I never mentioned this book in our classes.” Before Anakin could say something along the lines of ‘ _I already knew what books were before I started with those classes, mind you_ ’, Obi-Wan continued speaking. “It’s a Spanish novel written in the seventeenth century. It’s pretty long, but the summary goes like this. Don Quixote is a gentleman that, after reading books and books, gets obsessed with the chivalrous ideals that he’s read about so many times. So much so that he ended up deluded, not knowing what was real and what was fantasy, to the point that he believed himself to be a chivalrous knight. Thus, he decided to go on a noble quest, accompanied by his faithful squire.”

“So, he was just nuts.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “I suppose that’s one way to call it. The scene I was reading just now made me think quite a lot. When he goes on his ‘quest’, he comes across with what he thinks to be giants, which, in fact, are nothing more than mere windmills.” Anakin snorted. “He valiantly decides to fight against them. I would like to know your opinion on this matter, Anakin. Do you think him brave, or on the contrary, do you believe that his actions prove that he was simply ‘nuts’, as you so aptly put it a minute ago?”

Anakin stared at him in concentration. Obi-Wan was up to something, he knew. He had that same tone he used to employ when he wanted to get his point across during their lessons, be it in this life or in the other.

“I don’t know, I guess... both. He was nuts because the giants weren’t real, but then again, he thought they _were_ real, and still he decided to fight against them. So he was also brave, even if there was no real menace.

Judging by his pleased smile, Anakin knew he had said exactly what Obi-Wan had wanted him to say. “My thoughts precisely.”

As he stared at those eyes, realization struck Anakin.

“No. No, just _no_.” Anakin rose from his armchair, annoyed. “It’s not same thing, Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan rose from his own armchair as well. “And, pray tell, why not?”

“Even if I thought that Palpatine had his powers back when in fact he didn’t, even if I thought you would die if I didn’t join his side, even if I believed that there was some truth in his delusions of opening up a portal to our previous lives, and _even_ considering that, in spite of it all, I rejected working with him... that doesn’t change all the crazy things that I did in the other life!”

“That _Vader_ did.”

“I _am_ Vader! _”_ he replied back, screaming. “Damn it, Obi-Wan! Stop making stupid excuses! When will you fucking realise that I am the same person? Can’t you see that your constant denial of the blatant truth makes me feel even worse?” He threw that _damn_ book against the wall, and the cover was damaged as a result. Obi-Wan frowned at him. “But you just can’t handle the truth, can you?” Anakin sneered. “It’s much easier to think of that monster and your _precious_ , _innocent_ Anakin as separate entities, isn’t it? Because you know, you just _know_ , that if you saw things the way they truly are you wouldn’t stand being anywhere near me. You know, you have some things in common with that character from that book. You prefer to live in a delusion, than admit to yourself that _I_ am Vader, and Vader is _me_. _You_ are nothing more than a kriffing coward, Obi-Wan!”

His former Master was glaring at him, but before he could speak, before he could admonish him with that self-righteous tone of his, Anakin stormed off.

The darkness of the night as he left the house should have been daunting, but to him it felt welcoming. No one to judge him, or to look oddly at him in the dark. The stream glistened under the bleak light coming from the moon and stars, and a soft breeze gently swayed the branches of the trees. He walked until he reached a little bridge, and he sat down in the edge of it. From there, he could see their little cottage, since it was located pretty near the bridge. But there was no light coming out from the front window, the one that was located in the living room. _He must have gone to bed_. “Whatever, I don’t care about what the old man is doing.”

His frown was replaced by a surprised look when he heard a gentle _meow_ to his left. A cat with grey fur was looking at him quite comically. It had lively, green eyes, which were staring at him with intensity.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Meow” the cat said, as if it was making his acquaintance.

Anakin chuckled in spite of himself, and the cat tilted its head to the side in response. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you.” _Talking to cats at midnight on a bridge. Now I’ve reached a whole new level of madness._ The cat just stared curiously at him. It was cute, he guessed. He’d never seen a cat with such clever eyes before. “I just found it funny that nowadays it’s much easier for me to introduce myself to a cat than to a human. Name’s Anakin, by the way.”

“Meow.” _Pleased to meet you_ , it seemed to be saying.

Anakin smiled. “I wish I could ask you your name but, no matter how well I seem to understand you, that seems to be a bit out of reach even for me, don’t you think?”

“Meow.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Both human and animal were startled by the presence of another in the bridge. _Obi-Wan_ , he groaned to himself in exasperation. “Meow!” Anakin looked to his left, but the cat was already gone. He could see movement behind the bushes near the river bank, presumably where the smart cat had hidden.

“Were you talking to yourself?” Obi-Wan sat down next to him on the bridge’s edge.

“That’s none of your business.” He avoided his eyes and looked at their reflections in the water.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go straight to the point. I find it really unfair how you always manage to have the last word in our arguments by storming off.” _Like a child_ , unspoken, hanged in the air between them. “It’s true, Anakin.”

“What’s true?” he asked feigning indifference.

“You and Vader are the same person.” His blood froze. “And, yet, I was right before.”

“You can’t say that I am Vader and that you were right in the same sentence without contradicting yourself” he mumbled. “Those things are exclusive.”

“Oh, I beg to differ. You see, as always, you’re looking at things from the wrong point of view.”

Anakin sighed soundly. “I’m not in the mood for your lectures, Obi-Wan. Or should I say ‘Master’?”

“Call me as you like, my old Padawan.” Obi-Wan sounded mildly amused. Anakin rolled his eyes. “That won’t get you out of this.” His voice was serious once again. “Vader might have been that which you could have become—what you in fact became in another reality— but also _you_ are the person that Vader could have been under different circumstances.”

“I’m not following.”

“What I’m trying to say is that one isn’t inherently evil, or good, when they’re born. You say that this potential for evil is in yourself, because you would have become Vader if you hadn’t been offered this second chance in this world. But what you fail to see is the potential for _good_ that exists in you. And, yes, I have to repeat myself. Here in this life, when tempted by Palpatine, when my life was at stake and the easy way out would have been to yield to him so as to save me, you didn’t. Here you made the right choice when confronted with the fear of losing a loved one. This life is simpler in many respects— although you have suffered so much here as well—, and it has proven how things could have been under different circumstances. Because there’s good in you, because there was still some good in Vader when he gave his life to protect his son. Your son. It’s our choices who define us as good or evil, Anakin. You are capable of good, just like you are capable of evil, just like _everyone_ is capable of doing both. You will not become the monster that Vader was if you don’t want to, Anakin. It’s up to you to decide which path you want to choose. Your fate is not sealed, and this life has proven just so.” Obi-Wan cleared his throat after a minute of silence. “On another note, do try not to throw objects around the house every time you get upset.” _Like a child_ , again, was probably what he had refrained from saying. “This is not our property, after all, and we would have to pay for the damages.”

Anakin blushed, ashamed, but didn’t apologise. He stayed pensive for a while, and when he turned his head to answer him, Obi-Wan was already gone. He stared at the retreating figure that kept walking among the shadows of the night towards their home.

“Meow.” The cat had come out of his hiding place.

Anakin smiled sadly. “It seems you’re the only one who wants to be around me, buddy.” _You wouldn’t want to, if you knew the whole story._

 When it— he, actually— curled up by his side, Anakin started petting him. “So that grumpy old man over there was Obi-Wan. Quite annoying, don’t you think?”

“Meow.” _Indeed_ , the cat seemed to be saying.

“He’s been giving me lectures since time immemorial. You see, he’s always had this ability to make me think really hard about something. Even when I don’t want to. He’s so annoying.”

“Meow.”

“I’m repeating myself, you say? Well, at least _I_ know more words than just ‘meow’.”

“Meow!” The cat seemed annoyed by his comment. Anakin laughed.

“You’re such a clever cat, you know that?” He continued petting the cat, which seemed to appease the animal.

"Meow."  _I know that_ , it could have meant.

“Then why do I even listen to his lectures, you must be thinking.” Anakin was gazing at the cottage, and stared wistfully at the lights going off in Obi-Wan’s bedroom. _Now you have_ _indeed gone to bed_. “And, yes, I do listen to his lectures, even if I sometimes claim the contrary. Well, I listen to _some_ of his lectures” he corrected himself. “I guess I just...” He smiled sadly, still staring at the fairytale like cottage. “I guess I sometimes need to hear another point of view. But don’t tell him I said that.”

_“You will not become the monster that Vader was if you don’t want to, Anakin. Your fate is not sealed.”_

Annoyed as he still was, he prayed with all his might that Obi-Wan was right.

* * *

His eyes opened drowsily. Again, that same agony right after waking up. To make matters worse, he had another thing to worry about that morning.

He had enough time to mull over their argument when he went to bed. Their disagreements regarding the implications of what happened in the other reality aside, Anakin knew very well he hadn’t been the easiest person to live with during the last few weeks. Sure, he had reasons for feeling like this— depressed, anxious, and just furious against the world— but it wasn’t fair to Obi-Wan. His former Master had to deal with the burden of that knowledge—just like Anakin— but he also had to worry about him all the time. For God’s sakes, about a month ago he’d prevented Anakin from killing himself. _He must be suffering as much as I am, but he keeps it to himself so as not to add to my worries. And how do I repay him?_ By being an ungrateful, whiny bastard, that’s how.

_I’ll try to make things easier for you. You deserve as much._

When Obi-Wan entered the living room in his pyjamas, he was surprised to find Anakin already up this early in the morning. Judging by his wet hair, he’d just had a shower, and had already put on his jeans and a black t-shirt. He was sitting on an armchair and had a book in his hands. _Am I still sleeping?_

Anakin raised his eyes to look at him. “Hey” he greeted him somewhat awkwardly.

“Good morning” Obi-Wan answered. The atmosphere in the room was very uncomfortable. “I’ll just go make some tea.”

“I’ve already done that.” Anakin pointed at the coffee table. Indeed, there they were the teapot and two cups of tea. _Yes, I’m definitely dreaming._

As Obi-Wan kept staring oddly at him, Anakin stood up and placed the book— _Don Quixote_ — in his hands. “I’ve fixed the cover with sticky tape. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I could do.” His silence was unnerving. _Could you please say something instead of just staring at me as if I had grown two heads?_

At last, he answered. “Don’t worry about that, Anakin. This book is actually mine.”

“Oh? I thought you’d taken it from the bookcase...”

“I did. As I told you, when I was younger I used to come here many summers with Qui-Gon. He used to give me many books, since I loved reading. One summer I forgot this one here. And then I forgot it the following summer, as well as other books. You see, I used to read here even more than in town, since there are not so many things to do here. The owner of the house told me that he didn’t mind it if I left all those books here, as he loved reading as well.”

“So, many of the books here are yours?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “I used to like having these books here. It became like a custom of sorts. Another thing that contributed to the charm of this hamlet. I read this book in particular several times. Qui-Gon gave it to me on my twelfth birthday.” _You read such tomes since so early?!_

“Great, now I feel even worse. I’m so sorry for ruining it, Obi-Wan.”

To his surprise, Obi-Wan gave him a warm smile. “What, this?” he said pointing at the sticky tape that was keeping a part of the cover in place. “It’s barely noticeable. Just a small... scar. In fact, I think I prefer it like this.” His hand brushed over his, both of their hands still touching the book. “Now I’ll always think of you every time I look at it.”

Anakin’s stomach flipped. “Obi-Wan... I know I’ve been insufferable to live with as of lately, and so annoyingly self-centred.” Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow, amused. “And I wish I could I say I won’t be like that anymore, but I can’t. Knowing what I did in that timeline... it’s just too hard to digest, and I’m not sure whether there’ll come a day when I wake up without feeling dead on the inside.” Obi-Wan’s eyes were unbearably sad then, and for a moment there Anakin regretted having said those words. But, no, he’d come to learn that being honest was usually the right path, even when it hurt. “But you are suffering as well, and I’m sorry if I sometimes seem to forget it. I’ve been so selfish, and ungrateful, and I... I just hope you can forgive me. I want you to know that I do appreciate your infinite patience.”

“Anakin...” He gave a gentle squeeze to his hand. “Please, never apologize for feeling the way you do. Of course this is hard for the both of us. I told you it would be. But we’re in this together. I feel that I can face anything, as long as I have you by my side.” The fatidic day at the beach was overwhelmingly present in their minds as they looked at each other, and Anakin could almost hear the sound of waves crashing against the rocks at the base of the cliff.

“At least let me apologise for having damaged your book. And for calling you a coward. Well, for having been a jerk, basically.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Apology accepted.”

“Can I make it up to you in any way?”

Obi-Wan looked thoughtful. “Actually, yes. There’s something you could do for me.”

“Name it.”

“Do you remember the old couple that lives five minutes away from here?”

“Yes.”

“They were really nice to me when I was a kid, and I feel so bad for having cut our conversation short the other day.” _You shouldn’t feel bad_ , Anakin admonished himself, _that was also my fault._ “Perhaps— if it’s not too much to ask, of course— we could go visit them this afternoon? I promise you it won’t be long, and if you’re feeling anxious once there, I’ll make up some credible excuse for leaving.”

“Alright, Obi-Wan. I’ll give ‘socialising’ a go for you.”

“Thank you.” Obi-Wan’s smile would surely be worth it the bad time Anakin would undoubtedly have there.

“And how will you introduce me to them, by the way?” he teased him. “As your _boyfriend?_ ”

 “Well, I guess I will, since I don’t know a more adequate word to define my relationship with the extraordinary man that I’m madly in love with.”

Anakin was rendered speechless.

Socialising wasn’t so hard, in the end. Sure, he had to fake smiles, to pretend being normal, to withstand the hollowness of the conversations. But whenever he was having a hard time, he said to himself: _I’m doing this for Obi-Wan_ , and that made things a bit easier. Besides, they were very nice to Anakin.

Sometimes he spaced out, like in this very moment. But Obi-Wan, sensing his distress, was soon by his side, holding his hand.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

“I’m fine.” Anakin smiled reassuringly and gave a light squeeze to his hand.

It felt so refreshing to be able to do this in public. To act like any other couple, unafraid of being caught. Even if the classes were over, they had decided to keep their relationship secret from the people in town at least until the end of the summer. But here, here they didn’t have to hide. And it felt wonderful.

Night found them back at the living room in their cottage. Obi-Wan was sitting in the armchair, writing down some notes, as Anakin lay sprawled on the couch, staring at him.

“What are you writing?” he asked, half-asleep.

 “Oh. You see, since we have all summer to ourselves, I decided to follow your advice and give my writing a go.”

“I’m glad.” Anakin gave him a tired smile before his eyes closed.

Obi-Wan knew the exact moment when the nightmares began. Anakin was muttering in his sleep, and he seemed to be suffering _so_ much. Obi-Wan approached him carefully, kneeling in front of the couch, not daring to do anything. He didn’t want the incident of that night to repeat itself. He wasn’t concerned about his own safety, but rather, he didn’t want Anakin to feel guilty if he ended up hurting him by accident. But Obi-Wan couldn’t take Anakin’s distress for much longer.

“Anakin” he said softly, barely touching his shoulder. “Wake up.”

Startled blue eyes met his, clouded by fear, but this time he didn’t react violently. “Obi-Wan?”

“Shh. It was a nightmare, darling. Nothing more.”

Before he could leave his side, Anakin’s hand gripped his arm. “Please, stay. Stay with me for a while.”

“Of course.” He lay down on the couch next to him. Anakin was soon asleep again, and Obi-Wan continued with his writing.

At some point he must have fallen asleep as well. He was startled awake by the sound of his notebook hitting the floor with a thud. It was one AM, so he had been sleeping for an hour. He and Anakin had come closer during their sleep. Their legs were entangled, Anakin’s left arm was draped over his chest, and his face was hidden in the crook of his neck.

This was the closest they had been since everything got so complicated. Anakin seemed so relaxed now. Peaceful breaths were tickling his neck, and he was getting pleasant goosebumps at the feeling of soft lips brushing his skin. All he could smell was the scent of Anakin’s sweet shampoo— he’d had a shower when they arrived home—, and his bathrobe had loosened considerably, giving an excellent view of his shoulders and his firm chest. Obi-Wan tried to move without waking him, but Anakin held him even closer in his sleep. Now he had one leg draped over his hip, and his bathrobe could do nothing to hide his long legs, his lean thighs. He was a sight to behold like this, and they were so close. _Too_ close.

Obi-Wan had no choice but to wake him, and he somehow managed to disentangle from his embrace without making things more awkward.

“Obi-Wan?”

“We fell asleep” he said without looking at him, hastily standing up.

“Oh.” He glanced at his watch. “Damn, it’s one AM already.”

“Indeed. We should go to our rooms, it’s been long day. Goodnight, Anakin.”

“G’night” Anakin answered him a bit confused by his sudden hurry.

Obi-Wan leant his head against the door to his bedroom as soon as it closed behind him. He was horrified with himself, with that treacherous part of his body that couldn’t help reacting to Anakin’s closeness. _How heartless I am_ , he admonished himself looking with disgust at the bulge on his groin, visible even behind his trousers. His dear Anakin was suffering, and here he was, thinking about things he shouldn’t.

Somehow Anakin thought him perfect. He was anything but. He hated himself in that moment, and he hated himself even more when his hand slid under the fabric of his boxers. He gasped. His neck was still tingling with the memory of Anakin’s breath, Anakin’s lips against it. It brought to mind other moments, much happier moments. And he loathed himself, but his right hand kept moving. He closed his eyes and all he could see was Anakin’s face contorted with pleasure. Flashes of himself inside Anakin, of themselves just lazing around in bed any Saturday morning, knowing that they would have all weekend ahead of them. He moaned, and the motions of his hand became more frantic. He imagined that this delicious friction was not caused by the palm of his hand, but by Anakin’s fist, his tight heat, or his lustful mouth. Moans kept escaping his throat as that warm and shameful pleasure welled between his thighs. What he missed the most was how happy he could make Anakin feel when they were loving each other. Now Anakin was always miserable, and Obi-Wan felt so useless. It was precisely that, the expression of pure bliss on Anakin’s youthful features, the last thing he saw before reaching orgasm. “ _Anakin_...”

He was soon too aware of the stickiness in his hand. That wetness brought with it the guilt. It made him feel so dirty. He shouldn’t have indulged in his fantasies, not when his love was still so vulnerable and the only thing that should occupy Obi-Wan’s mind was his wellbeing.

_I’m sorry I’m so weak, my love._

He was unaware of how close his loved one was. On the other side of the door, Anakin had been listening to it all, sitting on the floor. He knew those moans too well, and it didn’t take him long to guess what the other man was doing. Anakin listened to those sounds with longing, and tried to bring pleasure to himself. What a pitiful image he must have made, he thought to himself as his fist enclosed his soft length, sitting on the floor and listening to Obi-Wan’s pleasured moans as he touched himself. But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he missed Obi-Wan’s touch, or how much he wished to be directly responsible for the pleasured sounds that could be heard on the other side of the door, he was unable to bring pleasure to himself. Because soon his lustful fantasies were replaced by images of himself killing Obi-Wan, and he was reminded why he had avoided any kind of intimacy between them since he discovered the truth. A part of him always knew that he didn’t deserve Obi-Wan. He didn’t deserve to be happy, not when Vader had caused so much destruction in that other life. His hand stilled, and he leant his head against the door, defeated. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks when he heard his name being uttered by Obi-Wan’s voice, followed by a sated moan.

_I wish I could stop feeling like this, if only to be able to bring you pleasure._

* * *

They’d been in this hamlet for more than a month already. Sometimes, time flew, other times— the difficult ones—, hours seemed to stretch for days and days. Nonetheless, he was more and more convinced with everyday that went by, that coming here for the summer had been a good idea. Anakin was _slightly_ better, even if he still had days when he didn’t even want to get out of bed. But there were other moments when a familiar gleam could be appreciated in those expressive blue eyes of his. A gleam that bespoke of energy, that was full of life and that, for that same reason, took Obi-Wan’s breath away. True, those moments could be counted on the fingers of one hand, but it still could be deemed as an improvement.

Many nights found him in his bed working on his notes until very late. Writing helped him not to think. Strong as he tried to be for Anakin’s sake, in truth the tragic fates of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jedi knight Anakin Skywalker were tormenting his mind more often than not.

He heard gentle knocking on his door. “Come in.” Sometimes, when he looked at Anakin, he found it impossible to believe that this brave, gentle, good man could have turned to the dark side in that ominous future. _I should have been a better Master, I should have noticed something was wrong. I’m sorry I failed you. Oh, Anakin, I’m so sorry._ He brushed those thoughts aside. _Be strong, be strong for him_. He greeted him with a smile. “Is something the matter? Did you have a nightmare?”

Anakin shook his head, and after a long stare that left Obi-Wan confused, he unfastened the knot of his robe. The black fabric slipped down his body until it hit the floor. Anakin stood there, beautiful and bare, in all his gloriousness. Obi-Wan felt himself gawking at him, and was rendered speechless.

He just stayed where he was, on the bed, watching transfixed as Anakin approached him. The young man straddled his hips, and gazed at him with intensity. Obi-Wan stared at him dumfounded, and then realised he hadn’t closed his mouth yet. He gulped and began to ask, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Anakin, what—”

His unfinished question was swallowed by Anakin’s enthusiastic mouth on his. Obi-Wan could not but respond to that passionate kiss eagerly, revelling in the motions of that playful tongue that didn’t seem to get enough of him. This was their first kiss since almost a month and a half, and Obi-Wan tried to keep it gentle and tender, but Anakin’s passion was contagious.

Anakin placed his hands above his. “Touch me, Obi-Wan.” Some part of him hesitated, and he kept his hands where they were. Something was wrong. Anakin had avoided any kind of intimacy between them all this time, and now he wanted to do this all of a sudden? _Stop, Obi-Wan. He’s not ready for this._ Anakin, probably sensing his hesitation, guided his hands and lowered them towards his own chest. “Please touch me.” Obi-Wan’s hands betrayed him, and he could only stare at them as they massaged his chest on their own volition. He could only stare dumbly at his own fingers, rubbing the sensitive and rosy flesh of his nipples. _Dear Force_. He could only think about how much he loved him as he continued kneading him, all the while Anakin attacked his neck with humid kisses, alternating soft bites with mind-blowing sucking. “Touch me” he repeated when Obi-Wan’s hands settled on his thighs, not daring to move upwards. Again, Anakin grasped Obi-Wan's hands, guiding them towards the soft and tempting curves of his ass. Obi-Wan couldn’t remember the meaning of the words caution or self-restraint when he was touching his Anakin like that, and he indulged in his desires, squeezing that alluring flesh.

Then Anakin did something that took his breath away. He grabbed one of the hands that were squeezing his buttock, and guided one finger to his own entrance. “ _Force.”_ The sucking on his neck continued, and the tip of his middle finger was burning with desire. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but pushing it inside, and his eyes rolled back in pleasure as he got reacquainted with that sacred place. “Oh, _God_.” Anakin was so, _so_ tight. It was sensory overload. Plump lips were soon on his again, that restless tongue kept exploring every inch of his mouth, just like Obi-Wan’s avidly explored his. Only then did he notice the strong taste of alcohol as he kissed him. That helped him clear his mind.

“Anakin.” He broke the kiss, and was slightly ashamed of how low his voice sounded. “Have you been drinking?”

“Who cares?” He leant in to capture his lips again, but Obi-Wan pulled away. Anakin whimpered when Obi-Wan withdrew the finger that was buried inside him.

“We have to stop.”

“What’s the matter?” He frowned.  “You don’t want this?”

Obi-Wan laughed bitterly. “Oh, I do. I want this too much.”

Anakin smiled invitingly at him, and—again— Obi-Wan was rendered speechless. “Then stop worrying.” He didn’t object when Anakin pulled Obi-Wan’s sleep pants and boxers down his thighs, and much less when he straddled his lap and began to roll his hips. “Make love to me, Obi-Wan. I can feel just how much you want this.” He whispered seductively against his ear. “I heard you the other day, you know. Touching yourself, moaning my name.” He kissed his earlobe. “I’m sorry I have neglected you in that area for so long. Let me give you what you want.”

Obi-Wan, horrified, pulled his boxers and sleep pants up and left Anakin’s side. His heart shattered when Anakin lay on all fours and said, “Take me, Obi-Wan. Take what’s yours.”

Anakin heard the creaking of the mattress as Obi-Wan left the bed. He looked to his left and saw himself reflected on a full-length mirror on the opposite wall near the bed. Seeing himself like this, alone and naked, _begging_ to be taken, lying on all fours and with his ass lifted up in invitation, like a... like a cheap _whore_ , made him feel so ridiculous. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so ashamed. And so alone. He was doing this not for himself, but for Obi-Wan’s sake, and yet... _and yet not even Obi-Wan wants me_. Anakin was repulsed by his reflection, he couldn’t stand looking at his own body. His knees gave out and he lay flat on the bed, face-first against the pillow. _But of course he doesn’t want you_ , said that insidious voice in his head that never missed the chance to torment him. _Why would he want you, Vader? You are nothing more than an assassin. You may stay in that position all night long, offering your body like a whore, and still he won’t even touch you. Because you disgust him._

Something warm and soft draped over his body, covering his nakedness. Obi-Wan hadn’t left the room, he had just left Anakin’s side to retrieve the discarded robe. His former Master wrapped his arms around him, holding him in a protective embrace from behind. He pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and whispered against his skin.

“Why are you doing this, Anakin?”

“Because you want this.” Anakin’s voice sounded weak. “Or at least I thought you did.”

“Anakin... of course I want you, of course I would love for us to be together that way. That is not the reason I am rejecting you. You said you were doing this because that's what I wanted. But what about _you_ , Anakin?”

“Me?” he repeated, confused.

“Yes, you. What do _you_ want?”

“What I want doesn’t matter.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the living proof that one’s heart could be shattered more than once.

“What you want”, he said after a long silence in which he wasn’t able to utter a single word, “is the _only_ thing that matters. I understand that you’re not comfortable with physical intimacy right now, love. Can’t _you_ understand that I’m okay with that? Could it be that you’ve forgotten what I told you at the beginning of our relationship, when you weren’t ready to take things between us to the next level?” Anakin shook his head. “Then why are you doing this? You’re breaking my heart, Anakin. I’m so sorry you heard me the other night, I can see how that might have added to your distress. Please, promise me you won’t degrade yourself like this _ever_ again. It breaks my heart to see how little you love yourself.”

If Anakin had felt ashamed before, now he felt like the most stupid person in the world. “I promise.” His eyes felt humid, but he strove hard not to let the tears show. He was feeling vulnerable enough as it was, and he didn’t want Obi-Wan to see him completely broken. But there was something he needed. Something he did want. Once he was collected enough to speak, he asked him. “Can I sleep next to you tonight?”

He felt lips pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. “Of course, my love.” A blanket that came out of nowhere was draped over his body. “Of course you can.”

Anakin must have fallen asleep immediately after that. When he opened his eyes and the events of last night came to him, he groaned. Awesome. Now he had yet another reason to feel like shit right after waking up, because his mornings weren't bad enough already, apparently. _Damn it,_ _I’m so fucking stupid! How am I supposed to face Obi-Wan now?_ To say that he was mortified was an understatement. Also, his head was about to explode. Well, now he had _two_ more reasons for feeling like crap in the morning. When would he ever learn? _I’m not drinking alcohol ever again_. “ _So you said last time_ ” replied back a voice in his head that sounded far too similar to Ahsoka’s. He groaned and turned in the bed. He was met with Obi-Wan’s eyes staring back at him, and, _oh, fuck, this just can’t get worse_. His cheeks turned bright red, and that made him feel even more embarrassed.

“Good morning, Anakin.”

_Good morning? Seriously? How can this man act so calm all the time? Even after what I did, even after I undressed and climbed naked into his lap and— Shit, shit, shit._ He could feel his cheeks burning.

“G-good morning. Obi-Wan, about last night—”

“So, I was thinking, the fridge is practically empty, and we both know how irritable you can get with an empty stomach. How about I take the car and drive us to the nearest town? We could have breakfast there, and afterwards do the shopping.”

Anakin smiled, silently thanking Obi-Wan for giving him a way out of this embarrassing situation. His former Master seemed to catch the message, judging by the amused gleam in his eyes. Anakin felt a pleasant warmth in his chest. They may not be Jedi any longer, but they didn’t need to read minds to be able to tell what the other was thinking. “I’d love that.”

When they exited the cottage, Anakin was greeted by a small friend.

“Meow.” It was perched upon the windowsill, and he ran excitedly towards Anakin as soon as he spotted him.

“Hello, buddy.” Anakin started petting him.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “Have you made a new friend?”

“Yeah.” Anakin chuckled when the cat licked his hand. “Isn’t it cute?”

“I’m not too fond of cats.” The cat hissed and seemed to be annoyed by Obi-Wan’s comment.

Anakin laughed. “I swear to you, sometimes I get the feeling that he can understand what we’re saying.” He stayed thoughtful. “And that I can understand what he’s saying as well.”

“Fascinating” Obi-Wan deadpanned. Anakin made a face. “Who’s his owner?”

“He doesn’t have one.”

“And he would like _you_ to be his owner, judging by the looks of it.”

“You think so?” Anakin looked hopeful, then frowned and seemed to think hard about how to phrase his next sentence. Obi-Wan’s lips twitched in amusement. “And... do you think that, maybe, we could keep it?”

“I’m not too fond of cats” he repeated, trying to hold back a chuckle when Anakin looked at him with _the_ puppy eyes.

“But...I already gave him a name.”

“Oh? And how did you name him?”

“R2.”

_Oh._

Of course, Obi-Wan had been bluffing before. He was certainly _not_ going to turn down the chance of keeping the one responsible for making Anakin smile his most honest, carefree, and _happy_ smile since that horrific day. Of course he would want to keep the animal, even if— and that much was true— he wasn’t too fond of cats. But, even if his refusal had been true, he was sure that hearing the name that Anakin had given the cat would have made him change his mind.

“Well, then what are you waiting for? The Anakin that I remember wouldn’t leave R2 behind, would he? Not even when his Master told him to let go.” Anakin stared at him dumbfounded. “Come on, pick it up. Since we’re going to the town nearby, we could make a stop at the veterinary surgeon so that he can take a look at it.”

“A-are you serious?” His puzzlement gave way to sheer cheerfulness. “Did you hear that, buddy? You’re officially part of the family now!”

“Meow!”

Anakin picked it up and approached Obi-Wan. “Thank you” he said with a disarming smile that reached into his very soul. Obi-Wan just nodded; he didn’t trust himself to speak.

“You’ll end up loving him, you’ll see” Anakin said as they kept walking towards the car. “Just as you ended up loving R2 in the other life.”

“Now, that’s going too far—”

“Do you think that, maybe, he could be the _real_ R2, reincarnated in this life? I honestly think he _knows_ who I am, and he instantly responded to the name R2.”

“A droid reincarnated as a cat?” Anakin shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, why not. I think nothing can surprise me in this life anymore.”

Anakin chuckled. “Yeah, I second that.”

“I guess this means I’ll have to save my loose wire jokes for when he’s not around—”

The cat gave an annoyed hiss, looking in Obi-Wan’s direction. Anakin and Obi-Wan stared at each other, puzzled. “I told you!” the young man said in wonderment.

The cat kept staring at him annoyed. Could it be possible? _Oh, Force, he’s really R2, isn’t he?_ And now, apparently, he would need to earn the forgiveness of their new housemate. _Why did I consent to this?_

Anakin kept playing with the cat— _with R2_ — on their way to the car with a brilliant smile on his face. _Oh, yes. That’s why._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a long chapter! I hope you enjoyed it :) Only two more chapters to go! Thank you so much for reading <3 As always, I love to read your comments! :)


	21. Refuge - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: References to suicide, flashback to the almost suicide attempt of chapter 19

Blue eyes shied away from the blinding sunlight. For a brief moment, everything was perfect. It was summer, meaning he could linger in bed as much as he wanted to. The sunrays felt warm and comforting against his skin, and he was in the countryside, away from the hideous routine of town, surrounded by calming nature. _Why did we come here?_ Oh, right, it had been Obi-Wan’s idea, hoping that it might help them take their minds off the fact that Anakin had been a cold-blooded murderer in another timeline, a traitor, a child assassin. Just like that, in a second, everything went to shit. _Will there ever come a day when waking up doesn’t feel like torture?_ He got up and went to the living room.

“Hey, Obi-Wan.”

“Good morning, Anakin. Or should I say good afternoon? I swear, I’ve never known anyone who likes to sleep as much as you do.”

“We’re on vacation!” he defended himself. “If I don’t get to sleep now, then I never will.”

“Vacation” Obi-Wan repeated amused. “My dear old Padawan, you really are funny sometimes. I have to go now, or I’ll arrive late to the Council meeting. I left you some tea in the kitchen.”

“You know I’m not a big fan of tea—”

_Wait a second._

“What did you just say? And why are you dressed like that?”

“Like what?”

“Those robes...” Anakin pointed at him. “You look like your old Jedi self.”

Obi-Wan looked at him perplexed, then laughed. “What is it with you this morning?”

“No, what is with—”

Anakin looked around them, and realised with a start that they weren’t at the cottage.

They were at Obi-Wan’s apartment in the Jedi temple.

_No. No, no, no, no!_

“What the hell is going on?!”

Obi-Wan’s amusement faded. He looked oddly at him. “That’s a very good question. Anakin, do stop pacing around, will you? What are you doing? Anakin!”

“That bastard... he must have a found a way to go back to this timeline, Obi-Wan! That’s the only explanation. But he died... how is it possible?” _Maybe he told someone about his plans before dying?_ No, that didn’t make sense! If Palpatine could have achieved his wish without Anakin’s help, then why did he try so hard to recruit him? _Maybe he didn’t need my help for coming back. Maybe he just wanted..._ Maybe he just wanted Anakin to become Vader once more.

“What are you talking about? Anakin, you’re not making any sense.”

_Why is he looking at me like that?_ Anakin’s heart sank. “You don’t remember?”

Obi-Wan gave a long sigh. “I knew you shouldn’t have abandoned the Halls of Healing so soon.”

“The Halls of Healing?” His voice was barely audible.

Obi-Wan hummed. “Temporary memory loss. They said this might happen. Anakin, you were infected with a virus during our last mission, and spent one month in a coma as a result.”

“A coma?” he dumbly repeated.

“You woke up a few days ago, confused, just like you are now. You see, that virus can provoke hallucinations very intense, so much so that they might seem to be real. The Healers wanted to keep you in observation for a few days, but of course, you acted your usual stubborn self.” He sighed soundly. “It’s obvious that some of its effects still linger in your organism. If this happens again, you _will_ go to the Healers. I’ll drag you there myself if I have to.”

_Hallucinations?_ Anakin was about to be sick.

“But- but it felt so real” he stammered. “What about the cottage? A-and the private lessons, and your neighbours and—” _And mum, and Padmé. And_ us. “And the beach, and the poems... I was a student of mechanical engineering” he continued lamely, as if saying those things aloud would make them true. “And you taught me literature.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “What a peculiar place your imagination conjured up. By the way, why I would be teaching literature to a student of mechanical engineering?”

“I-it’s complicated.” He closed his eyes and saw themselves, discussing rhetorical devices in Obi-Wan’s apartment. He could see little Lizzie, listening with interest to their interactions one day she’d come asking for ingredients for a cake. Anakin’s heart was mourning the losses of the people that, apparently, never existed. “And you and I, we were...” _We were what we could never be here._ “...friends. We were good friends.”

That brought a smile to Obi-Wan’s face. “I’m glad your imagination thought of me as a friend.” He put his hands on his shoulders. “Anakin, I know we haven’t been on the best of terms as of lately, especially after the Rako Hardeen incident. But, no matter how many arguments we have, I want you to know that you will always be my best friend.”

Once, those words would have meant the world to Anakin.

Now they sounded like defeat.

_A dream. It was only just a dream._

“Senator Amidala has just come back from her journey, by the way. You may want to inform her about your well-being.”

 If Anakin noticed his sarcastic tone, he didn’t say anything about it.

When he arrived to her apartment, eyes the colour of honey stared back at him for the first time since what seemed forever. “Ani! Are you alright? I was so worried.”

“Padmé. I—” He broke in her arms, like a lost child who didn’t know what to make of his world any longer, but who’d stumbled upon something valuable and precious along the way. “I’ve missed you. Oh, I’ve missed you _so_ much...”

“Me too... Anakin, what’s going on?” He continued crying against her shoulder. “You’re scaring me.”

“I don’t know. I wish I knew, but I don’t, I don’t...”

“Shh, calm down. I have to go to the Senate now, but later, you can tell me what’s worrying you, okay?” Anakin nodded. “I see you later, then. I’m so glad to see you’re fine, Ani.”

She closed the distance between them. Anakin pulled away before their lips could make any contact.

Her eyes were not gentle anymore.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Oh, I see. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, to be honest.  I’ve known you don’t love me for a while now.”

“No, Padmé, that’s not it! Of course I love you! It’s just...” It’s just, _what?_ How could he explain that kissing her felt like betraying Obi-Wan? How could he explain that he’d fallen in love with a fragment of his imagination? _How can I explain that our relationship felt so real?_

Padmé smiled bitterly. “Just not that way. It’s fine, Anakin, really. I always knew you’d end up choosing Obi-Wan over me. It was only a matter of when.”

“What? No!”

“So you’re saying Obi-Wan has nothing to do with this?” Anakin had no answer to that. “That’s what I thought. I must say, though, I never expected you to cheat on me. That’s too low, even for you.”

“Padmé! How can you say that? I would never do that!” Even if he’d fallen in love with Obi-Wan— for real, and not in a dream— and even if Obi-Wan could have loved him back, he would have _never_ acted on those feelings without talking to Padmé first.

“Please, Anakin. Don’t play the innocent on me. If you’re capable of annihilating a tribe of tusken raiders out of rage, then you’re capable of doing pretty much anything.”

That hurt like a blow. “Padmé!”

“Get out of my house. We’re done.”

“But—”

“We’re _done_.”

“I respect your decision. But, _please_ , don’t turn your back on me, not now... I need a friend now, more than ever. You can’t imagine what I’m going through at this moment—”

She gave an ironic laugh. “How can you be so self-centred? I can’t see why I ever loved such a selfish, childish ‘man’.  Just go!”

Later, as he hid between the columns of a solitary corridor in the Jedi temple, he wished to become one with the stone.

He didn’t know who he was anymore. A dream, a kriffing _dream_ had changed him! _How can this be?_ Was he crazy now?

One thing was clear. He’d never been so alone.

He’d lost Obi-Wan, his Obi-Wan, the one who was always by his side, who had saved him from killing himself, who still stayed with him when he learned he’d been a murderer in another life.

But of course it had been a dream. The Obi-Wan he knew would have never forgiven him. The Obi-Wan he knew would never love him back. Not that way.

And he’d lost Padmé, his wife, because he’d fallen in love with someone who wasn’t real.

_But how could I dream all that?_

This is what Palpatine would have wanted. Supposing his dream was true, supposing that monster had managed to send them back to this reality, _this_ is exactly what he would have done. _He wouldn’t make it too obvious. He’d want me to distrust everything else. To make me vulnerable, to take advantage of the situation._

_You fooled me once, but you will not fool me twice._

Anakin waited in that corridor, until the one he had been waiting for made his appearance.

“Anakin” Obi-Wan greeted him. “What are you doing here, lurking in the shadows? What are you doing?” he repeated when Anakin dragged him towards the columns, deeper into the shadows.

“Do you trust me?”

“Less and less by the second.”

“Obi-Wan! No jokes now, this is important!”

“Goodness me, someone’s a bit irritable today.” His mocking gesture turned into a kinder one. “Of course I trust you, my friend.”

“Good.” Anakin gulped. “Great, because what I’m going to tell you... it might sound a bit crazy to you at first.” Kriff, this felt like that day, when his memories had been awakened and he decided to tell Obi-Wan everything. He’d been scared to death Obi-Wan would think him crazy then. That was never a possibility, though, since that Obi-Wan had already remembered as well. Now their situation was different, but, in essence, pretty much the same. What would Obi-Wan do now?

_Will you believe me?_

“Obi-Wan, my dreams... it was all real. We met each other in another life. Well, let me phrase it better. We were in this world, when the Force ghost of Yoda from the future appeared in my dreams, telling me that the Force could give me a second chance in another reality, because... because otherwise something really bad would happen to us. And there we met, and there we... became friends. Lots of things happened. Then someone I knew and trusted with my life betrayed me. He wanted to go back to this timeline, just so that he could make everything go to hell once more... he died, but I believe he has somehow managed to achieve his purpose.” Obi-Wan was staring at him with an unfathomable expression in his face. “Please say something.”

“Anakin...” He placed one hand on his shoulder. “You are coming to the Healers with me this instance, young one.”

“What—No! Obi-Wan, I’m not crazy!” Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow. “I know it sounds crazy, but I’m not!”

That was it. If he couldn’t even make _Obi-Wan_ believe him, then he would never find a way to stop Palpatine.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Maybe this will make you remember.”

He kissed him.

Anakin had tasted those lips so many times before—yes, in a kriffing _dream_ —, and yet this felt different. It felt like finding an oasis in the middle of the desert.

It also felt like dying when Obi-Wan pulled away.

“What are you doing?”

Surprise, no, _disgust_ was all that Anakin could see in his face.

“We were together” Anakin said lamely. “We loved each other in that life.”

Obi-Wan let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t know the extent of your attachment.”

“You loved me back!” Anakin said desperately, gripping the fabric of his robe. Obi-Wan placed his hands above his. It was no tender gesture. It was condescendence.

 It was pity.

“I would never let attachment cloud my judgement. Much less attachment to my former Padawan.”

Obi-Wan turned around, while Anakin’s whole world— or what was left of it— crumbled before his very eyes.

“I trust this episode will not repeat itself ever again. Otherwise, I will have to inform the Council. Perhaps it’s better that we don’t go to missions together for a while.”

Every word felt like a stab to his heart.

“If that’s what you want”, Anakin said teary-eyed, grabbing his arm to prevent him from leaving, “then so be it. But, _please,_ at least hear me out.” Obi-Wan nodded and crossed his arms on his chest. “Palpatine, he... he was the one who betrayed me. He’s a lord Sith, Obi-Wan. We must stop him!”

“He said you might say that.” Obi-Wan looked sad.

“What?” Suddenly, two guards were holding him prisoner. “Get off me! What the hell?” Obi-Wan just stood there, watching. “Are you gonna help me or what?”

“He told us what you did to the Tusken raiders.” Anakin paled. “He gave us evidence of it. Are you going to deny it?”

“...no.” _This can’t be happening, Force, please someone just help me!_

“I can’t begin to express how utterly disappointed I am in you.”

“Obi-Wan... I can’t deny it, and I’m so sorry. I will explain everything to you, and I will accept _any_ decision that the Council makes. But you can’t trust that scum. I’m telling you, he’s a lord Sith! You have to believe me!”

Obi-Wan gazed deeply into his eyes. He didn’t seem to like what he saw.

“The only Sith I can see here it’s you. Guards.”

“What—”

“You are under arrest. Tomorrow you shall be executed.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? He’s brainwashed you! Obi-Wan, look at me, you know I’m not like that!”

“Bring him to his cell.”

Anakin resisted the guards. “No! Let go of me!” He looked at Obi-Wan. “Obi-Wan, _please_! You said you trusted me!”

“I guess that means I lie almost as well as you do.”

“No! Please, wake up! I know you’re in there! Remember what you told me in the other life, when I was about to jump off the cliff?” He pleaded with his eyes. “You said, you said that if I had lost faith in everything else, then I should have faith you. In us.” Obi-Wan frowned. “And I do! I know you’re in there, Obi-Wan. Please come back. Come back to me. I love you!”

One of the guards punched him in the face, knocking him down.

He woke up in a white cell much later, alone. The brightness in it felt disorienting. It didn’t match his mood.

Maniac laughter echoed inside the cell, before the owner of that hideous voice made himself known.

“ _You_!” His anger made Palpatine laugh harder. “You are going to regret this. Even if I die, I swear to you, my ghost will never rest until he finds you and then... and then you’ll pay for everything you’ve done.”

“But I haven’t done anything!” he answered in mocked innocence. “You have done that to yourself.” He pointed at a mirror that was in the opposite wall.

Anakin’s face stared back at him. He didn’t have blue eyes anymore.

They were yellow.

He emptied the contents of his stomach as Palpatine laughed even harder.

A Sith. _Anakin_ was the Sith.

He passed out.

When he woke up, he was not in the cell, but in a familiar cosy bedroom in a little cottage. He couldn’t breathe, and his heart was about to explode. He didn’t trust his perception, not anymore. That’s why he didn’t dare get his hopes up.

He ran towards the living room. It wasn’t Obi-Wan’s apartment in the Jedi Temple. But, still, he didn’t trust himself.

“Good morning, Anakin. You see, R2 has—”

Anakin grabbed him by his arms. His former Padawan seemed upset, shaken.

“Who am I?”

“Pardon me?”

“ _Who am I?_ ” he screamed. “Answer me!”

“You’re Anakin Skywalker. You’re twenty-three years old, you’re a student of mechanical engineering, and you were my Padawan in another life.”

“Where are we?”

“Anakin, I’m bringing you to the hospital—”

“Damn it, I don’t need to go to the hospital! I’m okay, I just need you to answer my fucking questions. I just need to make sure that—” He left his sentence unfinished. “Where are we?”

“We’re in a cottage. It was my idea to come here for the summer.”

“Tell me something that only you and I both know about this life. What did we do on our first date?”

“I took you to a very expensive restaurant, which you didn’t seem to like, to put it mildly. Then we went to the cinema, and afterwards, Lizzie’s grandparents told us that she was missing. We looked for her, and you found her hidden in a corner next to the letterboxes, under the gap left by the lowest stairs. We told her that she shouldn’t be scared about the fact of having a little brother, for her parents would love her just the same.”

“And afterwards? What did you do when you kissed me?”

Obi-Wan let out an exasperated sigh. “I slammed the door in your face, something that I will forever regret, since you don’t miss the chance to throw it in my face whenever you feel like it. There, are you satisfied— _oh_.” Anakin had thrown himself into his arms, and he was holding on to him for dear life. “What happened, love?”

“Just had a terrible nightmare” he mumbled.

“Do you want to talk—”

“No. Just hold me.”

Obi-Wan tightened his grip on him, unaware of the extent of his inner turmoil.

“I love you, Obi-Wan.”

_“I would never let attachment cloud my judgement. Much less attachment to my former Padawan.”_

“I love you too, darling. _Always_.”

Anakin mumbled something he didn’t quite get to hear. “What was that, Anakin?”

“Thank the Force... thank the Force you’re real.”

Obi-Wan didn’t understand, but knew better than to ask questions now. He just tried to offer him comfort with his embrace.

“Obi-Wan.”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to go out for a walk this morning?”

This was the first time Anakin took the initiative since they were here, the first time he suggested a plan that didn’t involve staying at home, mulling over his self-destructive thoughts.

“I shall be delighted.” Obi-Wan pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, and didn’t try to hide the emotion in his voice when he continued speaking. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, my dear.”

* * *

“I have the feeling R2 doesn’t like me.”

“Of course he likes you” Anakin assured him as he dried the clean dishes that Obi-Wan kept passing him. “I’m sure he’s just a bit angry because of your loose wire jokes in the other life. You gotta admit, you were a bit hard on him.”

“But I just said those things to tease you! It was nothing personal.”

“I know” Anakin said amused. “Don’t worry about it, Obi-Wan. I’m sure you’ll win him over.” When he saw his face reflected on the metallic surface of the pot he had in his hands, he frowned and quickly averted his eyes.

That detail didn’t escape Obi-Wan. It wasn’t the first time Anakin did something of this nature; he’d been avoiding looking at himself in mirrors for weeks now. Obi-Wan wanted to ask him about it, but decided to wait for the right moment.

“So” Obi-Wan changed the topic of the conversation. “Tomorrow’s a special day.”

“I told you I didn’t want anything.”

“Yes, I remember. But can’t we even do something special to celebrate it?”

Anakin shook his head. “I don’t want anything” he stubbornly repeated.

“But I do. How about we celebrate it for my sake?”

“For your sake?”

Obi-Wan hummed. “Tomorrow I’ll officially be _just_ eleven years older than you. But next month, I’ll be an old man once again.”

The former Jedi Master smiled triumphantly when Anakin smirked teasingly at him. “Tomorrow you’ll still be an old man, Obi-Wan. But I guess I see what you mean. Okay, we’ll celebrate my birthday for _your_ sake. But nothing too fancy. And no presents!”

“I know, you don’t have to repeat yourself so many times. As for your other petition, don’t worry. There are no fancy restaurants here to torment you with, sadly” he joked fondly. “We could go on a picnic. Would you be okay with that?”

“I don’t know, would _you_ be okay with that? We’re celebrating it for you, after all.”

“Oh. Right.” Obi-Wan chuckled. “Yes, I would like that.”

“Then I would like that, too. By the way, since in a few hours it’s my birthday, can I duck out of helping you with the dishes?”

“Oh? I thought you didn’t want _anything_ for your birthday.”

“Well, I don’t want presents. But this... this would only be a nice gesture from your part.”

“A nice gesture” Obi-Wan repeated, amused. “The nerve of you. Fine, I’ll let your laziness pass for this once.”

“Thanks.”

Anakin smirked self-sufficiently at him before leaving the kitchen. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but when he was left alone and continued cleaning the dishes, he couldn’t really hold back the fond smile that formed on his lips.

* * *

_He was staring at the sea from the cliff’s edge. Anakin never thought that things would end like this. Of all the ways of going down, this was the one he’d never considered. How ironic. But then again, he never thought there’d come a day when he would willingly decide to stop fighting. One never expects their life to reach the point of no return._

_The sea was calling him._

_Soon, it would all be over._

“No!” Anakin needed a few minutes to calm himself down. Between ragged breaths, he took in his surroundings, and repeated to himself that it didn’t happen.

24\. He was twenty-four this morning. _What an awesome way to start one’s birthday,_ Anakin thought grimly.

It was quite fitting that they were going to celebrate it for Obi-Wan’s sake.

After all, if it wasn’t for him Anakin would forever be stuck in 23.

He shuddered.

Just then, Obi-Wan knocked on his door. “Come in” he told him when he felt collected enough to speak. “Obi-Wan...” he said reproachfully as he took in the tray that Obi-Wan was carrying, full of appetizing food. “I told you I didn’t want anything!”

“You told me you didn’t want presents. But this... this is merely a nice gesture.”

Anakin sighed before letting out a chuckle. “I knew I would end up regretting skipping out on cleaning the dishes. Come here.” He signalled to the space in the bed next to him. “There’s enough food in there for the two of us. And for the whole hamlet, I’d dare say.”

Obi-Wan lay next to him on the bed, staring at him with an unfathomable look as Anakin ate his breakfast. “Happy birthday, Anakin.”

Anakin gulped and stared back at him. “Thank you.” _For everything._

He leant his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. R2 came out of nowhere, and after licking Anakin’s hand fondly for a good minute, he settled on Obi-Wan’s lap.

Anakin chuckled. “I think you just found the way of winning him over.”

“What, spoiling you?” His former Padawan hummed as he smiled contentedly.

“Well, that’s a relief. Then I have no doubts that he’ll end up loving me by the end of the day” Obi-Wan said pressing a soft kiss to his curls.

The picnic went fine, but Obi-Wan kept noticing things. Things such as Anakin flinching when they were looking at the stream and he saw his own reflection. Things such as Anakin making the most unexpected of questions. “Obi-Wan...do you believe that Jedi Kenobi could have forgiven Jedi me for the things that I did as Darth Vader?”

“I-I don’t know” he said completely out of his depth, not having expected a question of such seriousness to pop up in their—apparently— relaxed conversation.

“It’s okay. I expected you to say something like that.” But Anakin’s face told a different story. It wasn’t okay, not by a mile.

A brilliant idea came to Obi-Wan.

“Anakin... you’ve been asking so many odd questions this afternoon. I know something’s bothering you, and I know you’re looking for a specific answer that, apparently, I seem to be unable to give you.” The young man stayed silent, neither denying nor confirming his words. “And, since I have questions of my own as well— and since we’re in dire need of talking things out— I’ve thought that, maybe, we could play a game of sorts.”

“A game?”

“A truth for a truth. We ask each other questions, and we are only allowed to say the truth. You may choose not to answer one specific question if you don’t want to but, in that case, I’ll be allowed to opt out of another question of your own as well.”

“So, if I answer all your questions, you’ll have no choice but to do the same as well?” Obi-Wan nodded. “And how do we know we’re not lying?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Well, we’ll just have to trust each other, I suppose. Do you trust me?”

“Is that your first question?” Anakin laughed when Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I do.”

“And I you. Very well, let’s begin. I’ll let you begin, since it’s your birthday.”

“Oh, alright. Let’s see... Did you think I was breathtakingly handsome when you first saw me in class?”

Obi-Wan laughed. “What kind of first question is that?”

“Are you skipping out on the first question already?”

“No, I’ll answer that one. I’m sorry to burst your ego, but I’m very professional and I would never think about a student of mine in that way. That being said, I did think you were attractive, objectively speaking, of course.”

“Aha!”

“But then you opened your mouth, and all your charm—if any— flew out of the window” he teased him. Anakin seemed unimpressed. “My turn. Did you miss me the first time I had to leave for a congress?”

“I already told you I thoroughly enjoyed the peace of mind your absence brought me... although, well, I did end up missing you a bit as well.”

“I knew it!”

“Don’t let it go to your head. Okay, so... how about our first date?” Obi-Wan had a _bad_ feeling about this. “What were you thinking when you slammed the door in my face right after you kissed me?”

“For the love of... I think we’ve established— _several_ times already— that I simply wasn’t thinking.”

“Oh, come on. You must have been thinking _something_!”

“No! I just... panicked. I was afraid I might have hurt your feelings, and I feared you didn’t feel the same way.”

“See, that’s something.”

“Whatever.” _He’ll never let that go, will he?_ Obi-Wan sighed inwardly. “Why is it you flinch and avert your eyes whenever you see your reflection in a mirror?”

“I pass.” _Somehow,_ _I already knew you wouldn’t answer that._ “My turn. In the other life, and under different circumstances... If I hadn’t been with Padmé, and if you and I had fallen in love, would you have given a secret relationship between us a go? Or would you have rejected me instead, fearing that attachment might affect our duties?”

“That’s more than one question. And I pass, by the way.”

Anakin scowled. “You may as well say no.”

“You know the rules of the game. If you want me to answer that, then tell me why you avoid mirrors.”

“No. Next question.”

Anakin’s good mood seemed to have diminished considerably, so he decided to go back to lighter questions.

“Were you telling the truth when you said you didn’t mind it when I showed up at your work and defended you from Watto?”

“I was.” Anakin smiled wistfully. _Mission accomplished_. “I think that was the moment a part of me realised I was in love with you, even if I was still trying to run away from my feelings. Alright, so...before you remembered our old lives and you were just my professor, did you have any kind of non-platonic feelings for me?”

“I wasn’t aware of it back then, but now, looking back on those days... I have no doubts I already felt something for you, beyond our friendship. What about you?”

“I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself just yet, but, yeah. I had also begun to fall for you already. My turn. Whatever happened to the grandfather clock back at your place? It was destroyed when we arrived the day that—well, you know.”

Obi-Wan let out a tired sigh. “ _I_ happened. I thought you might be in danger, and when the clock struck a new hour, all I could think about was your constant complaining about it. _Force_ , I wanted to hear you complain so much in that moment. I couldn’t stand listening to its sound, knowing that there was a possibility you would never be able to hear it again.”

“I-I’m sorry.” He tried to lighten the mood. “I know how much you loved that kriffing clock.”

Obi-Wan laughed bitterly. “It’s okay. I love you way more. Why do you avoid mirrors?” Obi-Wan insisted.

This time, Anakin answered. “Because I hate myself. When I look at me, all I can see is the monster behind the mask. And I’m afraid that, at any moment, my eyes will change colour, and I’ll find yellow eyes staring back at me.”

“Oh, Anakin...”

But Anakin didn’t waste his time. He’d given him an answer, meaning, Obi-Wan would have to do the same.

“Would you have given a relationship between us a go when were Jedi?”

Obi-Wan wished to say yes, but he honestly didn’t know. There was no way of knowing now what Jedi Kenobi would have done in such a predicament.

“I’m afraid I don’t know.”

“Why did I have the feeling you would say that?”

“Anakin—”

“I want to tell you about the nightmare I had three days ago. I dreamed that we were in your apartment in the Jedi Temple... and you didn’t remember anything about this. About us. You told me that I had been in a coma for a month, and that none of this had been real, although in truth, it _had_ been real, as Palpatine had somehow managed to fulfil his plan of going back to the other reality. Then I met with Padmé, and I was so relieved to see her _alive_ , but then she... she tried to kiss me, and I couldn’t. I _couldn’t_. I felt like I was betraying you, even if, apparently, we had never been together that way. But to me it still felt real... and then Padmé was so disappointed, so _angry_. I feel so guilty now. I know it was a nightmare, but still. I rejected her! And she knew, she just _knew_ I was doing it because of you. I keep thinking... what if that had happened? If Palpatine had managed to go back to that life, what would I do then?” Anakin closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “I think I know... Even if I will _always_ love Padmé, I don’t think I would have been able to love her that way. Not anymore, not after all that happened between you and I...” A tear fell down his cheek. “I’m a terrible person.”

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan shook his head. “You waste so much time and suffering thinking about the what-ifs. How can you get so worked up over something that never happened? You have enough _real_ things to worry about as it is.”

“But it matters to me, Obi-Wan! If there’d been some truth in Palpatine’s delusions, it _could_ have happened, and now I realise how difficult things could have been.”

“Indeed, but you needn’t feel guilty about it. It’s only natural that you’d have been unable to go on with your former life as if nothing had happened. Because a whole other _life_ happened to you! Padmé would have never blamed you for rebuilding your life with me. She’d understand. And the letter she wrote to you proves just so.”

“Yes, but... I don’t know, it still feels _wrong_. By choosing to be with you, it’d still feel like I was betraying her as well. No matter how hard I think about it, I’m not able to see what would have been the right thing to do.”

“Sometimes in life we are confronted with a choice in which none of the two options available are completely right, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, well, life sucks.”

Obi-Wan smiled. “That’s one way to put it.”

“But that’s not all. In my dream, I... I decided to tell you everything.  But you didn’t believe me. I told you we loved each other in this life, and when I kissed you, you were _disgusted_. You said, you said you’d never let attachment cloud your judgement. Have I already told you how repulsed you looked by the mere idea of it? You went as far as suggesting informing the Council about my attachment, and you didn’t even want to go to missions with me any longer.” _So that was what your question from before was about_. “Also, Palpatine had brainwashed you. He’d told you about the tuskens, and you didn’t even lift a finger when the guards captured me. I was locked in a cell, waiting for my execution.”

“Surely you must see the ludicrousness of it all? That would have never happened.”

“I know.”

“...but?”

“ _But_ , what about my question? What would you have done, for real, if I’d told you about my feelings when we were Jedi? Do you think you could have attempted a relationship between us, if you’d loved me back? And, _please_ , don’t tell me you don’t know.”

“Anakin, I wish I could give you a different answer. I truly do. But I really don’t know. Circumstances are so different now. You and I were like brothers, you were in love with Padmé... this thing between us was never a possibility. Even here, in this world, it took me so long to admit I felt something of that nature towards you. Even if there’s no way of knowing for sure what I would have done, I know myself, and I’m afraid I couldn’t have ignored the dangers of attachment. You know what your attachment to Padmé led to. I’m sure Palpatine would have noticed any changes in our relationship, and he would have undoubtedly taken advantage of this fact.”

“So when you say you don’t know, you actually mean no.” He didn’t even try to hide his disappointment.

“It’s far more complicated than that. Anakin—”

“What about my other question? The one that prompted this ‘game’.”

_“Do you believe that Jedi Kenobi could have forgiven Jedi me for the things that I did as Darth Vader?”_

“I don’t—”

“Fuck you, Obi-Wan.”

“Anakin! Will you let me speak without interrupting me all the time? When I say ‘I don’t know’, it is not my intention to avoid your question. It’s practically impossible to navigate in the what-ifs, and know for sure what we would have done, how we would have felt, in such dire circumstances. Even so, I believe that when I— when Jedi Kenobi— maimed you and left you to burn alive... I think I didn’t finish you off because I couldn’t. I think- I think I must have fought that battle without wanting to kill you from the beginning. I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbroken your betrayal must have left me. What I do believe is that I never stopped loving you. Not even then.”

Anakin nodded, teary-eyed. “It’s so hard to believe we ended like that in some other timeline. I can never be thankful enough for this second chance.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.”

They fell silent after that. It was getting dark. Soon, they would have to return to their cottage. But, first, there was something Obi-Wan needed to clear up.

“As for you previous question regarding attachment... let me finish what I was going to say. It’s true, I don’t know whether Jedi Kenobi would have ever been willing to let things between us go that far. What I _do_ know is what I’d choose now. Knowing all that I know now, about this life and the other, I would forever choose to retain this precious thing we’ve built here if I was offered the chance to forget about everything and start anew somewhere else. I’d forever choose to tutor that insolent young man that came late to my class, because you couldn’t arrive on time to places for the life of you.” Anakin felt his lips twitching in amusement. “I would forever choose to befriend you here, to have my memories awakened and be reunited with my dear old Padawan once more. And I’d forever take you on that date, and I’d forever take the risk of attempting something more between us. Because I know _for sure_ that I want you in my life, that I’ll always want you in my life. And I’d even choose not to forget about that terrible future of the other life. Because even if it hurts, it’s part of who we are—of what we could have been—and it makes me even more grateful to know that we get to have this here.”

The way Anakin was looking at him now... it was like nothing he had ever seen before. They exchanged a smile that conveyed more things that any word could have.

“And would you choose to slam the door in my face once more?”

“Dear God, Anakin—” His reproach was left unfinished. Anakin’s cheerful laughter made him forget about it. “I think I would choose to do it again, if I can get to hear you laugh as a reward.” He placed one hand on his cheek. “It’s so good to see you smile once more.”

Later at their cottage, they were hesitantly staring at each other while they stood in front of the door to Anakin’s bedroom.

“Thank you for—”

“Would you—”

They shared an awkward chuckle when they spoke at the same time. “You first” Obi-Wan said.

 “I just wanted to thank you for today. I had a good time.”

Obi-Wan smiled warmly at him. “You’re very welcome.”

“Well... goodnight, then. Oh, wait, you wanted to tell me something?”

“Yes, I... would you mind coming to my bedroom for a little while?” Anakin’s puzzlement must have shown in his face. “Oh, no, it’s not what you’re thinking!” Obi-Wan felt the blush starting to form on his face. “I just want to show you something.” _Blast it, that sounded even worse!_ “No, I didn’t mean that! I just want to show you—”

Anakin chuckled lightly. “You’re so cute when you get all flustered.” Obi-Wan made a face. “Alright, let’s go to your room. Let’s see what you want to show me.”

Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed and signalled Anakin to sit next to him. Then he urged him to look ahead, where the full-length mirror was and—

“Oh, no. No, just _no_!” He made as if to stand up but Obi-Wan stopped him, pleading with his eyes.

“Anakin, love, please stay. I really think this could help you. It’ll be just five minutes. _Please?_ ”

Obi-Wan’s puppy eyes could certainly rival his own. “Alright. Just five minutes.” He sat on the bed once more, and tried to withstand the agony that took over him when he looked at his own reflection.

“Tell me what you see, Anakin.”

“Seriously? Do you think you’re a psychologist all of a sudden or what?”

“Please, just... humour me.”

Anakin sighed soundly. “I know my eyes are blue, but my mind keeps playing tricks on me. All I can see is the face of a monster that was able to commit unnameable atrocities in some other reality.” His eyes watered, and he felt the warmth of a hand holding his. “I also see the coward who tried to kill himself because he was unable to deal with the things he’d learned about himself, and because he was afraid of ending up hurting you here as well, not stopping to think for a second—because that coward is a selfish bastard as well— that my death would have hurt you more than anything. And I also see an ungrateful, self-centred bastard that’s making your life so utterly miserable, because you try to stay strong enough for the both of us, when on the inside you’re just as broken.”

“Let me tell you what I see. I see the face of my former Padawan, the one who I once loved like a brother. I see my best friend, the insolent knight Skywalker that, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable our missions could get sometimes, always managed to make me laugh at the worst of times with his cheeky, ill-timed comments. I see my brother in arms, who risked his life so many times to save mine and vice versa, who always had my back during those deathly battles. And I see my dear student of literature, the cocky young man who changed my life for the better, who gave meaning to a meaningless existence. I see the wonderful person I fell in love with, the brave man that never jumped off the cliff, and that no matter how many obstacles life keeps putting in his way, he still keeps fighting. And I see the man who made good use of this second chance, who made the right choice here when confronted with Palpatine. I see everything I lost in that other timeline, everything I could have lost here, and I thank the Force every morning for not taking you from me this time.” Anakin, mute, stared dumbly at their reflections and saw Obi-Wan pressing a kiss to his curls. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” And he left, saying something about giving food to R2.

Anakin looked at himself, but this time, he didn’t see the monster. He didn’t see the wonderful man Obi-Wan had been talking about either, but...

For the first time in a long time, Anakin saw self-acceptance.

* * *

They’d been here for two months already, and Anakin had got much better. He still had rough mornings, but these happened with less frequency.

 And he still suffered from terrible nightmares.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Anakin used to ask in the middle of the night, after knocking on his bedroom’s door whenever he had one of those scary dreams.

“You know you don’t have to ask.” And, lulled by Obi-Wan’s breathing, Anakin was asleep in seconds.

He also suggested more plans now.

For instance, one week ago they’d gone to a lake Obi-Wan used to go as a child. And it was fun, but Obi-Wan was so tense and uncomfortable for the most of it that he could barely enjoy it.

He just hadn’t expected Anakin to have the _brilliant_ idea—note the irony— of swimming _naked_ along the crystalline waters of the lake.

“Damn, it’s so hot in here. How about we swim?”

“Wait a minute, let me grab my trunks.”

“Why are you looking inside my bag?”

“Well, you said you’d be the one to bring our swimming trunks.”

“No. _You_ said you’d bring them.” Obi-Wan let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, it’s no bother. We’ll just have to get in naked.”

Obi-Wan wriggled out of his clothes and dived into the lake quickly, averting his eyes when Anakin began to undress.

He tried to relax and keep his distance, but Anakin kept swimming towards him, splashing water on his face, smiling brightly and looking _beautiful_ and just making things so difficult for Obi-Wan.

“Stop— _stop_ , Anakin!” he complained as the young man continued splashing water.

“What’s the matter, Obi-Wan? Afraid of some water? That’s odd, I only remember you being scared shitless when we had to fly.”

“When you were piloting, more like.”

Anakin chuckled and, unexpectedly, placed one hand on his cheek, his fingers fondly playing with his beard. “Aw, don’t get angry with me, Obi-Wan. You know I’m just teasing.” Anakin’s fond smile was breathtakingly beautiful this close.

“I know. I’m not angry.”

“You sure?” His former Padawan placed his other hand on his shoulder. They were _dangerously_ close now. “You’ve been even grumpier than usual this afternoon.” Obi-Wan could feel the warmth radiating from his body. Too close, they were just _too_ close, and if Anakin came any closer he would feel his—

“Sorry, love. I’m just hungry, that’s all.” Obi-Wan swam away, trying to ignore Anakin’s odd look. He didn’t want to seem ‘grumpy’, but Anakin noticing the real reasons for his being uncomfortable was an even less desirable outcome. “It’s getting late, we should head back to cook dinner.”

He hadn’t forgotten that night when Anakin had shown up naked in his bedroom, trying to please Obi-Wan, disregarding his own desires. His heart still ached when he remembered Anakin’s words, and he’d sworn to himself not to do or say anything that might make him get the wrong idea.

That’s why Obi-Wan was acting the way he was now. He just didn’t want Anakin to feel uncomfortable at realising the effect that their closeness had had on that treacherous part of his body.

But Obi-Wan wanted to be nice as well, and so he also suggested many plans of his own. Safer plans, plans which didn’t involve so much nakedness, if at all.

“I can’t see anything!” he complained for the tenth time.

“That’s the idea” Obi-Wan replied, amused at imagining Anakin’s frown under the blindfold.

“Obi-Wan, you’re being ridiculous. I already know we’re on the hill, not sure why you decided to blindfold me all of a sudden. We’ve been walking in circles for ten minutes—I think, since I can’t see my watch, or _anything_ for that matter—. You sure you know where you’re going?”

“Darling, I think you’re forgetting you’re the one with the poor orientation skills, not me.”

“Hey, wait a second—” Obi-Wan pressed a kiss to his cheek to appease him. “How much longer until we arrive?”

“We’re almost there. Alright, here we are.”

“Finally. I was starting to get dizzy, you’re a terrible guide— _oh_.”

Anakin stared open-mouthed when Obi-Wan retired the blindfold.

Stars. More stars than he’d ever seen in this life. So bright, so beautiful. From this height, they had a privileged view of the starred sky— he was never calling Obi-Wan a terrible guide _ever_ again. Nope— and the crescent moon gave an even more enchanting air to their surroundings.

It almost felt as if he was flying.

“Wow” Anakin said dumbly. “This is just... wow.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Your eloquence is astounding.”

“Can you blame me? Look at this place, Obi-Wan! Don’t you think it’s beautiful?”

Obi-Wan hummed. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” he said without taking his eyes off Anakin.

His former Padawan turned his head to the side and, when realization struck him, an adorable blush— _adorable, yes, you’re adorable no matter how much you complain about it_ — settled on his cheeks. Anakin smiled bashfully— _again, adorable_ — and bowed his head, unable to hold his gaze.

Obi-Wan lost track of time. He never knew for how long they stayed on that hill, sitting side by side, gazing at the sky.

 “You know” Anakin broke the silence, “it almost feels as if we had travelled in time and space, don’t you think?”

“I know what you mean.” There was nothing else here. Just them, and the stars. “The sky looks just the same.”

Anakin looked sad all of a sudden. “What is it?”

“It’s just... I feel so sorry for our old selves of that other timeline. They could never have this.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Let me guess... I’m looking at it from the wrong point of view?” he teased him.

“That you are.” Obi-Wan nudged him fondly. “We’re them, after all. In a way, they got their second chance through us.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Anakin sighed wistfully. “You know, back then when I was a child, I used to wish that, one day, I’d visit every star system in the galaxy.”

“That is something you will not be able to do in this life, I’m afraid.”

“That’s okay.” Anakin withdrew his gaze from the sky to look at him. “I already have everything I need right in front of me.”

Obi-Wan remembered having stared dumbly at him. He also remembered wanting to close the small distance that kept their lips apart. He almost did, since Anakin’s expectant look gave him hope. In the end, he didn’t dare. Anakin gave him a soft smile before returning his attention to the sky, and just like that the spell was broken.

Only hours later in his bed, as he replayed their conversation in his mind, did Obi-Wan realise that he didn’t even give him an answer.

_The so-called Negotiator, at a loss for words_ , he thought amused to himself. _How the mighty have fallen_.

In any case, what mattered here was that Anakin was getting better. His smiles were more frequent, sudden bursts of laughter were not so rare anymore, and his eyes sparkled with _life_ once again. Obi-Wan couldn’t have asked for more.

He heard gentle knocking on his door, but that was okay too, because one day the nightmares would also pass. Or at the very least they would diminish.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“I told you, you don’t have to ask.” Obi-Wan smiled before turning towards the bed.

Before he could move, he felt the warmth of a soft hand enclosing his. Anakin seemed insecure. He took a hesitant step towards him and gazed deeply into his eyes. “I mean, can I... do you want to _sleep_ with me tonight?”

His gaze ended up on his feet as soon as he finished his sentence. Anakin’s nervous breathing— or perhaps his own, he didn’t know anymore— stood in great contrast to the calming sound of the flow of the stream outside, which penetrated into the room through the open window. Obi-Wan’s fingertips lifted his chin until their eyes met.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Anakin’s small intake of breath died on Obi-Wan’s lips. Their mouths met slowly, shyly, as if this was their first kiss. In many ways it felt like it was. And it was also gentle, a tender request for love and acceptance.

“God, I’ve missed you” Anakin murmured against his mouth, awed.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, my dear.”

Their lips met again, gentle as before, but with an undercurrent of urgency that conveyed the longing and loneliness of the past few months. The intimacy of it, of their lips softly touching, their tongues slowly caressing, their noses bumping lightly, it was everything. This kiss was everything.

Anakin pushed him gently across the room until his back was pressed against the edge of the desk located in front of the window. Obi-Wan sat there without breaking the kiss, as Anakin settled between his legs. His hands slid under the hem of Obi-Wan’s sleep shirt, eliciting goosebumps along the way as Anakin became reacquainted with the skin on the older man’s back. Soon, the sleep shirt was discarded, Anakin’s mouth was deeply buried in the crook of his neck— sucking, kissing, biting— making him sigh in satisfaction. His lips veered towards his shoulders, and as he lavished the soft skin there with attention, he opened his eyes and took in the beauty of nature that could be seen on the other side of the open window. The darkness of the night made it more beautiful, and their kisses felt even more intimate.

“I’m glad this cottage is so far away from the other houses of the hamlet. Just imagine having another house in front, instead of that pretty stream and the trees.” His hands caressed the soft hairs on his chest. “The neighbours would be pretty scandalized right now, if they were looking towards the window.”

“It would serve them right, for being nosy.”

Anakin chuckled, his lips descending along his chest, only stopping when he reached one nipple. “They would have an excellent view of your back, though.”

“To be honest, I-I don’t think I could care much about that at a moment like this.”

Anakin smiled self-sufficiently. “How uncivilized” he murmured against his skin, his tongue playing with the tip of a hard nipple.

They reached the bed between endless, languid kisses, their clothes slowly being discarded along the way. They were skin against skin now, hands reverently caressing, exploring, massaging. Obi-Wan buried his hands in his curls as he kissed him, sweetly on each cheek at first, before interlocking their lips and losing himself to the indescribable feeling of breathing Anakin’s air.

Anakin’s hand sought his, lacing their fingers together as they continued covering each other with kisses. “What do you want us to do, love?” Obi-Wan whispered softly, knowing that Anakin would not be ready yet for more than kisses and loving caresses, but asking the question nonetheless so as to make clear that they shouldn’t hurry things, that he was more than okay with taking things slow.

“I want to ride you” Anakin whispered hotly against his ear.

_Force. So much for taking things slow._

Anakin smiled at realising the effect that just his words had had on him. He slowly pushed him against the mattress by placing one hand on his chest, rolled atop him and straddled his waist.

“I want to ride you until I forget everything but your name.”

“ _Force_. Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s eyes rolled back when the young man positioned himself and began to sink down. “No, wait. Not until we—”

“I’ve already...prepared myself” Anakin said breathless as he continued to take him in.

“Oh, God.” Obi-Wan placed his strong hands on those taut thighs. “You must have been a sight to behold.”

He smirked. “I’ll let you watch me... _ah_...some other time.” Anakin whimpered in slight discomfort. Prepared or no prepared, they hadn’t done this for months, and he was _maddeningly_ tight as a result.

“Easy, love. There’s no hurry.” Obi-Wan soothingly caressed his thighs up and down as he willed his own hips to stay still, ignoring the urge to just sink in that welcoming warmth. “We have all night.”

“ ‘m okay, just...need a minute.” Obi-Wan continued with his caresses, awed by the sweet feeling of his love all around him, by the beautiful sight of Anakin’s thighs spread over his hips as the young man’s body got used to him.

When Anakin began to move, he could only stare in sheer adoration as he drank in those youthful features gleaming with bliss, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape as he kept pushing himself down on him.

“You feel so good, love” Obi-Wan exhaled. He clutched his hips as he met his motions, sliding in and out of him, lovely moans escaping Anakin’s succulent mouth. “So good... so tight.” His fingertips played fondly with those enticing hipbones as they continued with their slow lovemaking. Soon Anakin’s movements became more erratic, putting his all into propelling himself up before sinking down on him completely. “You are so beautiful.”

Anakin opened his eyes at that, breathtakingly blue meeting his adoring gaze, and a lovely blush adorned his already flushed cheeks. Obi-Wan smiled, enamoured with that reaction. “My beautiful Anakin.” He tightened his grip on his hips as he gave a deep, long thrust, eliciting a gasp from his lover. Obi-Wan couldn’t get enough, he wanted more: more pleasured sounds, more lovely blushes, more happy sighs. He sat up straighter and began to thrust deeply, erratically into him, his nails clutching the tender skin of his hips. “I love you” Obi-Wan panted as he kept pounding up into him, desperate, revelling in the sheer happiness in Anakin’s face at hearing those words. “I love you, I love you, I love you” he said with every thrust.

“Love you— _Ahh_ — love you too” Anakin somehow managed to let out, panting and moaning and grunting at the same time. He was riding him wildly now, enthusiastically meeting Obi-Wan’s thrusts as he pleasured himself with one hand. Their loud whimpers mixed with the calming sounds of nature outside, the only witness to their seductive, loving dance. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Anakin panted out his name and shivered around him before he came across Obi-Wan’s stomach. He slumped forward, welcoming the warmth of Obi-Wan’s seed dripping down his thigh after his former Master came inside him with one last desperate, deep thrust.

They lay entangled in each other’s arms, worn out and fully sated, but not even exhaustion stopped them from showing their love with lazy kisses and innocent caresses. Minutes or hours later, when the sky was still dark, Anakin could make out his own reflection on the mirror. He was lying on his stomach, smiling and giggling against the pillow as Obi-Wan was _very_ occupied elsewhere, covering his body with kisses, his beard tickling the skin on his back as he kept going down. It was dark, but he could see enough. The eyes that were staring back at him in the mirror were blue— _blue_ , not yellow, just wonderfully blue—, shining with mirth and pupils slightly dilated, his former Master’s loving attention being at fault for that. “Obi-Wan... Ah-!” His reflection on that once loathed mirror didn’t show the face of a monster. He was just a man, a man very much in love, his mouth hanging open with silent moans as he felt warm pleasure pooling in his stomach, caused by both what he was feeling and by what he could see in the mirror. And what an erotic sight they made. Obi-Wan’s face was buried in Anakin’s ass, his hands gently kneading his buttocks as he ravished him with his tongue. He watched himself pushing back onto Obi-Wan’s face, wanting him even deeper, desperate for _more_. Obi-Wan chuckled and teasingly withdrew, pressing a chaste kiss on each of those soft curves before resting his face on his backside. Their eyes met in the mirror, overwhelming trust and love passing in that look. “Obi-Wan...” Anakin whined, annoyed by the interruption, rolling his hips in an attempt to tell him what his words couldn’t at this very moment.

Obi-Wan’s eyes seemed to understand, but—of course— being the teasing rascal that he was, he just smiled innocently at him, eyes fixed on the mirror.

“Yes, dear one?”

Anakin could only squirm. “ _Please..._ ” Obi-Wan must have sensed the raw _need_ in his voice, for his own eyes sobered—the light teasing from before being replaced by overwhelming affection— and withdrew his gaze from the mirror. Anakin could only stare in awe as Obi-Wan spread his cheeks and buried again his beautiful face there, tongue going deeper than before. And Anakin kept watching themselves in the mirror, enthralled, and what he couldn’t see from what they were doing, he could _feel_. He felt Obi-Wan’s beard softly scratching his sensitive skin, he heard and saw the way his own mouth opened to let out an obscene moan as that wet, devilish thing thrust deeper into him, gloriously breaking him apart. And he could see his toes curling in pleasure before he closed his eyes and saw the stars.

* * *

When he woke up, it was midday already.

_What is that noise?_ he thought half-asleep, turning around in the bed to find it empty. He got up and looked for his boxers among the scattered clothes on the floor, smiling to himself as a myriad of memories from last night came to him.

He walked towards the living room in a trance, guided by the enthralling sound of a piano being skilfully played. It was a sweet, nostalgic melody. It bespoke of sadness and of joy at the same time, of longing and regrets, but mostly, it was making his heart beat with something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The first thing he saw was Obi-Wan’s bare back; the second, his elegant hands, skilfully playing the notes, touching the keys with the gentleness of a caress, the same gentleness with which he touched Anakin.

He approached him until he was standing behind him, softly placing his hands over his naked shoulders. The other man was slightly startled by the contact, but it barely showed on the melody, and he didn’t stop playing until it was over. The sound reminded Anakin of rainy autumn days, of gentle breeze blowing across the sea, and of the warm caress of the sun over your face right after waking up.

When the music stopped, Obi-Wan looked up to him with a dazing smile. “Hello there.” His greeting was muffled by Anakin’s lips, soft and sweet, their smiles lovingly pressed together.

“You play really well” Anakin praised him, sitting next to him on the bench.

“Thank you.” Obi-Wan grabbed his hand, fingers intertwined, as their joined hands rested on Anakin’s bare thigh.

“I shouldn’t be surprised, though. You know how much I love your hands. I know for a fact they can do wonders.”

He would never get tired of making Obi-Wan blush.

The older man cleared his throat, a fond smile forming on his lips as he looked at him and saw Anakin’s eyes shining with mischief. “Can _you_ play?” Anakin shook his head. “Well, then there’s obviously no such correlation, since you must also know by now how much I love your hands too.”

Their lips were nearly brushing. “Oh, I do.” Anakin smirked as he slid his hand down Obi-Wan’s sleep pants and gave a gentle squeeze to his ass.

R2, who was perched on the piano, left the room at that. “Meow.” _“Don’t need to see that”_ , it probably meant.

Obi-Wan and Anakin shared a chuckle. “Did R2 just leave the room to give us some privacy?”

“I did tell you he was very clever” Anakin replied amused. “Don't forget he saved our asses—yours included— in the other life several times.”

They stayed in comfortable silence after that, silently reminiscing about past missions and anecdotes that seemed so far away now.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Anakin said with a thoughtful look.

“What is?”

“We know each other so well that I feel as if you were the other half of me. But I didn’t know you could play the piano. I’m sure there must be so many things of our lives here that we still don’t know about the other.”

“Well,” Obi-Wan smiled warmly at him, “We have our whole lives ahead of us to find out.”

“Yeah” Anakin said returning his smile, his breath catching in his throat as he was overwhelmed by the same unfamiliar emotion from before. “We do.”

He recognized it as hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two <33 I hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and I'm sorry if the beginning of the chapter scared you haha :) Just one more chapter to go! Thank you so much for reading <3 <3 <3 Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! :))


	22. Rewriting the Pages of Our Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry for the wait, these past few weeks I've been really busy, but I've finally found the time to finish writing the last chapter! :) I hope you enjoy it <3  
> Warning: Reference to the almost suicide attempt of chapter 19
> 
> Edit: This was originally going to be the last chapter, but I decided to add an epilogue as well, which is chapter 23 :)

_Two years later…_

“I’m so sorry, professor. We got the metonymy of the first stanza wrong.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry.” First-year students could get so worked up when making mistakes. It never ceased to amaze him, especially considering that this humility was usually completely gone by the second year. “This is our last class of the course, it’s only normal that you are a bit distracted. And you still have three weeks ahead of the final exam. To put your mind at ease, I will tell you that I once had a student who initially believed metonymies to be some kind of illness.” His comment was followed by surprised and cheerful laughter. “And he ended up having a good mark, so—as you can see—anything is possible.”

During the break, and as he was making good use of the pause by grading papers, a fourth-year student entered the classroom.

“Mr. Kenobi?”

“Hmm?” he said without lifting his eyes from his desk, a half-smile forming on his lips.

“Do you have a minute?”

“That depends on what you’re here for.” He lifted his gaze and saw the tall young man walking towards him, a confident air about him.

“I was just wondering if I could, maybe, take the sexiest professor of the university on a date.” Obi-Wan had to repress a laugh. “How about tonight, 9 o’clock?”

“I’m flattered by your interest. But I’m afraid I’ll have to decline, Mr. Skywalker.”

“Oh? And why is that, if I may ask?”

“For starters, I don’t think that my future husband would be very keen on that idea.”

Anakin smirked. “He doesn’t have to know. And why would you care so much about what he thinks, by the way?  From what I’ve heard you say, he seems a bit of a jerk.”

“Well, he certainly has an impressive amount of faults. He’s irritable, impatient, stubborn—God, don’t even get me started with how stubborn he is—, never picks up after himself, always makes a drama out of everything—”

“Now, Obi-Wan, you better take that back unless you want to sleep on the couch tonight—”

“ _But_ ” he continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Somehow, in spite of it all, I only have eyes for him.”

Anakin cracked a too pleased, too confident, and _just too dashing_ smile. “Is that supposed to dissuade me?” He climbed into his lap. “Because, I gotta tell you, it kinda had the opposite effect.”

Anakin lent in for a kiss, and Obi-Wan couldn’t but respond to it just as eagerly.

The day Obi-Wan proposed to Anakin began like any other Friday. Except it was not any other Friday. Anakin kept noticing things; things such as Obi-Wan being far too edgy, and picking up a fight— _even more than usual!_ — over the most stupid of things.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan had shouted from the kitchen. “You’ve been messing with the dishwasher again, haven’t you?” Anakin simply rolled his eyes, too occupied tidying the living-room, just like Obi-Wan had asked him—pester him— to do, barely five minutes ago. “Anakin! Are you ignoring me?”

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Anakin shouted back, too distracted by the little box that had fallen to the carpet when he carelessly shoved Obi-Wan’s briefcase out of the way. “What the—”

His breath caught in his throat when he opened it and saw a ring inside. He could still hear Obi-Wan’s complaints coming from the kitchen, but these sounded distant, like an echo, and they certainly could do nothing to erase Anakin’s amazed smile from his face.

“Anakin!!”

“Coming!”

He had moved in with Obi-Wan almost a year and a half ago, since Obi-Wan’s flat was much bigger and Anakin already spent practically all his time there anyways. It hadn’t been easy to let go of his old apartment, though. Those four walls distilled so many memories. Some were good, some were... not so good. Nevertheless, all of them were important.

 But it was nothing more than a place. Those memories would forever be a part of Anakin, wherever he went.

“You took your time. Anakin, I don’t approve of your—” His reproach sounded muffled against soft lips. “Do you really think that I’m going to be so easily distracted?”

“No, but I just wanted to kiss you.” Obi-Wan was slightly confused by Anakin’s heart-warming smile and his serene countenance, especially considering Obi-Wan had been ranting about his being a complete shambles for a good five minutes.

“Alright, my dear old man” Anakin said fondly after giving an exaggerated sigh. “Let’s see what the fuss is all about.” He snorted. “As I imagined, there’s no problem with the dishwasher. The only problem here is that you’re as useless technology-wise in this life as in the other. Some things will never change.”

“I know about other things that haven’t changed either, such as your complete inability to _not_ tinker with about any electronic device that is unlucky enough to cross paths with you.”

“Ha _, you_ ’re lucky I’m so good with machines. I honestly don’t know how you’ve survived without my help for so long... ”

At some point— and when their banter was already over— Obi-Wan broke the silence. “Anakin, about tonight’s dinner...” Anakin’s breath hitched, but he tried to appear nonchalant as he took a look at the dishwasher. Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “I’ve made a reservation in the restaurant that’s located in the central square.”

Anakin had to repress a smile. “You mean the place we went to in our first date? The one that cost an arm and a leg and was full of stiff and loaded people?”

“...yes.”

“Okay. What time?”

“Uhm, nine.” Obi-Wan seemed mistrustful. "I didn’t think you’d agree to it without putting up a fight...”

Anakin just shrugged his shoulders. “Well, one day’s not gonna hurt anybody, is it? I guess I’m just feeling receptive today.” _So you should take advantage of this fact, in case you want to ask for something else_ , he almost added winking an eye, but refrained from doing so since it might have seemed somewhat... suspicious. Yeah. A bit.

Hours later in the restaurant, Anakin was very much regretting the fact of not having been more obvious earlier. Every time— _every kriffing time_ — Obi-Wan seemed about to say it, he backed out. It was so damn frustrating.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan placed his hand on his. “I’ve been meaning to tell you...”

“Yes?” he asked with a lump on his throat, trying but failing not to get his hopes up. _This is it, this is it! Yes, of course, of course I want to marry you—_

“I, uh...” He cleared his throat. “These past two years... I know that things haven’t been exactly easy, and that a part of us will forever be grieving our tragic fates in the other reality... but, we’ve somewhat learned to live with that knowledge, and I just wanted to tell you how immensely happy it makes me to see you well.”

“Oh.” He tried to mask his disappointment. It’s not that Obi-Wan’s words didn’t mean anything. On the contrary, they meant the whole _world_ to him as well, but something told him that, even if it was true, that was not what Obi-Wan had initially planned to tell him. He squeezed his hand, lacing their fingers together. “I know what you mean.”

When Obi-Wan suggested going to the cinema afterwards, he again had to repress a snort, feeling as if he had gone back in time. _I know what you’re doing_ , he thought in fond amusement. _And to think that he calls_ me _a romantic sap..._ Well, Anakin was certainly willing to collaborate.

“Let’s watch this movie.”

“The one with the space battles? I thought you hated those, what with the ‘horrid’ and ‘far-fetched’ special effects, as you so aptly put it.”

“They’re not my favourite, yeah, but I have the feeling that’s the one you want to watch. As I told you earlier, I’m feeling quite receptive today.”

Obi-Wan was beautiful. That was the only thing he could think about as they watched— as _Obi-Wan_ watched— that dreadful movie. _And he wants to marry me_ , he said to himself in wonderment. _Well, if he gets up the nerve to ask me, that is._ He looked at Obi-Wan’s left hand resting on his thigh, and extended his own hand to hold it.

Obi-Wan gave him a rueful smile. “Bored already?” he whispered, even if they were practically alone at the cinema.

“I’m good.” He smiled his most dashing smile. “I could watch you for hours and hours and never get bored.”

Obi-Wan’s cheeks were adorably red now. Anakin had closed the distance between them and their foreheads were almost touching. He could see the nervous way in which his right hand moved inside his pocket, probably playing with the little jewellery box. “Anakin.”

“Yes?” Their lips were nearly brushing, but Anakin didn’t give in, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to hear what Obi-Wan was about to say even more.

“I...”

A loud crash coming from the movie broke the spell. Obi-Wan jumped in his seat and then chuckled lightly at his own reaction.

Anakin had never despised those surreal space battle movies as much as he did in that moment.

When two hours later they were at the doorstep of their home, Anakin couldn’t take it any longer.

“Obi-Wan” he said standing in the middle of the doorstep, blocking Obi-Wan’s way into their home. “You know, I’m more observant than you think... and all night, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something you wanted to tell me. Something important.”

Obi-Wan stammered. _The_ Obi-Wan Kenobi, former Negotiator, actually _stammered_ at that.

“I, uhm... yes. Yes, you’re right.”

“Well...?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “You know, I had a long speech planned for this moment, but my treacherous mind has gone blank, apparently.”

Anakin couldn’t really refrain from teasing him. “What, cat got the negotiator’s tongue?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “So it would seem” he said as he put the jewellery box out of his pocket.

Anakin wasn’t sure why he did it, but as soon as the words “ _Would you marry me_?” left Obi-Wan’s mouth, he slammed the door in his face. He wasn’t able to stay like that for more than a second, though, and still giggling, he opened it to find a very confused looking Obi-Wan staring back at him. Anakin grabbed his arm and dragged him inside their home, pushing him against the door as soon as it closed behind them and surprising him with a loving and messy kiss, chuckling in the middle of it. Obi-Wan’s confusion didn’t stop him from responding to his kiss with enthusiasm.

“Yes” he said without breaking their lip lock. “Yes, of course I want to marry you, you dumbass.”

 Obi-Wan’s teary-eyed smile mirrored his own when he slipped the ring through his middle finger. “I discovered the ring this morning... I thought I was going to die every time you were about to say it and then backed off. Oh, and for your information, I was planning to propose to you within the next month, actually, if you hadn’t gotten ahead of me.” Their mouths met again, slowly this time, lips tenderly brushing and tongues softly caressing.

In the midst of their endless, languid, distracting kisses, Obi-Wan was reminded of something. “Hold on, hold on, did you just...” Another kiss. “...slam the door in my face...” Speaking in coherent sentences was practically an impossible task under the loving attention of those plump lips. “...right after I proposed to you?!”

“Payback’s a bitch” the young man chuckled against his mouth. “It’s actually your fault, Obi-Wan. The date at that kriffing restaurant, the cinema... it was only natural that the night would end up with someone slamming the door in someone else’s face. It’s what we might call a... cyclic narrative. Wasn’t that the term for it?”

He’d been about to say something else, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him just what it was. Obi-Wan had switched positions, and now it was Anakin the one who was pinned against the door, fingers entwined right above his head. Obi-Wan whispered in a low murmur against his ear. “I’m not sure if you know this, but it really turns me on when you demonstrate to _actually_ retain some knowledge on literature, no matter how scarce that knowledge may be.” Obi-Wan pressed himself impossibly close against him, the hardness against Anakin’s thigh a good proof of the truth of his words.

“You should have told me that two years ago, Obi-Wan.” He chuckled against his lips. “I would’ve paid _much_ more attention in your classes if I’d known that.” They shared a contented smile, foreheads pressed together. “By the way, I’m buying you an engagement ring as well.”

“I would love that.” They looked at each other with exhilarating anticipation. Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “My neighbours have returned from their holidays... which means that we will have to be very, _very_ quiet.”

Anakin smirked, eyes shining with mischief. “Don’t look at me, I’m perfectly able to be quiet.” He slipped one hand under Obi-Wan’s boxers, eliciting a gasp from the older man. “The real question here is, will you?”

Neither of them were able to be particularly quiet that night, and it turned out that they would not only remember that door for the incident after their first kiss. As they passionately made love against the wooden surface, a sense of longing and happy nostalgia invaded them, bringing to their minds the difficult path they’d had endure to be able to lose themselves in the perfection of that moment.

Now, though, they were inside the _classroom_ , Anakin sitting on his lap as the young man’s tongue was too busy exploring the roof of his mouth to care about the inconvenience of their surroundings.

“Anakin, we can’t. Not here.”

“Yes, here. Who cares?” He smirked. “Everybody knows by now.”

“Yes, but knowing about us in one thing, and catching us in the act is quite another. Just imagine Yoda, or Windu, walking in on us as we—”

“Geez Obi-Wan, you really do know how to kill the mood.” His disgusted face made Obi-Wan laugh. “And here I was hoping to have one of our last...‘extracurricular encounters’ in the university before I officially become a graduate next month, and... why are you smiling?”

Obi-Wan shook his head, a besotted smile on his face. “I’m just so proud of you. And happy.”

Those words, “ _I’m proud of you_ ” would never fail to leave him speechless, to the point that, whenever that happened, he was only able to give him a pleased and bashful smile as he lowered his eyes. So he looked at their joined hands instead, both of them now exhibiting their engagement rings. Just then the bell signalled the end of the pause. Anakin sighed soundly. “I’m not going to miss that damn sound. Well, enjoy the rest of your day, Mr. Kenobi” he cheekily said with one last peck, winking at him before leaving.

These past two years hadn’t been exactly easy. There were still days when the weight of their knowledge about Vader and their tragic fates in the other timeline was too much to bear. And Anakin still had his nightmares— although these happened with much less frequency than before, fortunately— and there were still days when he woke up screaming, after crashing against the hard and sharp surface of rocks that were on the base of a cliff that overlooked the sea. Obi-Wan was often haunted with similar nightmares too.

But little by little, things had gotten better. They would never forget— not that they wanted to. But it’s true that time heals most wounds, or at the very least, the pain becomes more bearable.

Obi-Wan had waited until Anakin was about to graduate to take the next step in their relationship, even if he’d been wanting to propose for a long, long time. And apparently, that had also been the case for Anakin. Obi-Wan smiled as he looked at the ring given to him by his future husband.

Obi-Wan had also achieved one of his childhood dreams: he’d managed to publish the novel he began writing two years ago, in their little cottage, and it was so successful that he was now writing the second part to it. He still imparted classes at the university, but it was a half-time job now. As for Anakin, he was given an internship in the university about one year ago, and after his graduation that would officially take place in less than a month, his intention was to specialize in automotive engineering.

Unsurprisingly, Obi-Wan was sometimes afraid that something would come to take their happiness away. But this time, nothing did.

* * *

“Hey, Ahsoka!” Anakin said to his friend when they exited the classroom. “So, Obi-Wan and I have bought you this.”

“Let me see... Tickets for the spa, meal included?” She looked suspiciously at him. “Okay, spill it. What is it you want?”

“What? Nothing! Can’t I just have a nice gesture with my best friend and former Padawan?” She was still looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He chuckled. “Look, just... we wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yes, if it weren’t for you... I think it would have taken Obi-Wan and I a bit more time to get our shit together and begin a relationship.”

She snorted. “Understatement of the millennium.”

“... and I know it’s been almost three years since that happened” he continued as if he hadn’t heard her. “...but now that we are engaged we’ve realised we never really thanked you properly.”

“I see. So now you’re going to give me whatever I ask?”

“Well, no, not everything. Don’t push it, Snips. Besides, even without your intervention, I’m sure we would—”

“...still be pinning after each other, yes” she interrupted him sounding smug, making Anakin laugh as he rolled his eyes.

* * *

Anakin was a bad influence on Obi-Wan. That’s what he told himself when he dragged him inside the dark storage room they’d made used of so many times— far more times than he felt comfortable admitting—. Anakin’s surprised and pleased smile was worth it, though.

“I’ve changed my mind” he whispered against his lips. “We may as well have one of our last extracurricular encounters in the university.”

Yes, Anakin’s cheeky smile was certainly worth it. “Wisest thing I’ve heard you say in all day.”

This was not the only place in the university where they... well, where they used to meet when the need to be alone was too great to be ignored. It didn’t matter that in a few hours they would be alone in their apartment. Their _home_. Sometimes, even that was too long a wait. Out of the places where they used to have their extracurricular encounters, this storage room was probably his favourite, undoubtedly because of its sentimental value. It would forever remind them of those early days in their relationship, when they used to hide there to be closer.

They exited the little room one hour later between giggles, only to run into Windu and Yoda, who were walking through that corridor. They tried to repress their laughter at once— Obi-Wan was much more successful at that than Anakin.

“We weren’t... we were just—” Kriff, Obi-Wan had no right to look so cute all flushed and embarrassed. Still, Anakin decided to take pity on him by coming to his rescue.

“I heard noises coming from this room, and figured someone was locked inside... then I managed to open it and ended up locked inside as well.”

Obi-Wan’s _are-you-serious_ look almost made him dissolve into laughter once again, but he stayed strong.

“Is that so? That’s rather curious, so many doors have been giving problems for a couple of years now. I wonder why.” Obi-Wan’s face was scarlet, and it became almost impossible for Anakin not to laugh. Windu’s raised eyebrow could certainly rival Obi-Wan’s own when he was being sarcastic, but it was the realization that he was joking which made Anakin smile. After their confrontation with Palpatine in this life and when the waters had somewhat calmed— and when their summer at the idyllic cottage was over—they’d had another conversation with Yoda in which they discovered that Windu had also known about their past lives all along. Anakin noticed that his attitude towards himself had radically changed that year, probably when he learned about the difficult choice Anakin had had to make when he was tempted by the evil mayor. Anakin knew he had earned his complete trust here in this world, and even if they still clashed every now and then—just like in the old times— there was nothing but mutual respect between them now.

“And, whenever that happens” Yoda intervened, “the two of you around the problem, for some reason, always seem to be. Hmm, curious, yes, very curious.” He gave them a patronizing smile before the both of them disappeared through another corridor. Anakin couldn’t help but chuckling animatedly when he looked at Obi-Wan and saw his handsome features contorted in profound embarrassment.

“For the love of God, Anakin...”

“Relax, we were doing nothing wrong” he said holding his waist with one arm. “You’re not my teacher anymore. And they know about us.”

“Yes, but we have our own home to do these... things.” Anakin chuckled some more. “At this rate they’re going to think we are nothing more than a couple of horny teenagers...”

“Hmm, no, don’t worry about that, my very handsome old man.” Anakin grinned. “Need I remind you that in less than four months you’ll be thirty-eight?”

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Ah, no, you don’t. How could this old man forget that he is somehow going to marry a young and beautiful boy who is twelve years younger than himself?”

His tone was sarcastic—as always—but Anakin could detect an undercurrent of self-criticism, which he didn’t like one bit.

“You know I’m only teasing when I call you old” he said frowning.

“Oh, I do.  I dare say I proved how very _not_ old I am with our... energetic activities earlier.”

He gave him a self-satisfied smirk now that didn’t manage to completely fool Anakin, who knew him better than he knew himself. Still, he couldn’t help teasing back. “Well...” he said suggestively. “I may be up for another round. You look far too tempting all flushed and embarrassed for being caught.”

Obi-Wan laughed shaking his head. “I have to go give a class now, and _you_ have your own class to attend, in case you’ve forgotten. So you better leave now before you’re late again.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, his smile betraying his amusement. “As you say...Master.”

They shared a chuckle. “You are impossible. What am I going to do with you?”

“Well, you better had thought that before you asked to marry me.” He felt his smile against his lips when he closed the distance to give him one last peck. “See you at home, Obi-Wan.”

* * *

“Are you ready?”

Anakin took a deep breath before nodding.

“You?”

“As ready as I can be.” He squeezed his hand before they exited the car.

He thought he was ready, but nothing could have prepared him for the feeling he got when he was standing again at that precipice, gazing at the beautiful landscape that could have easily become the last thing he ever saw, two years ago.

None of them had been able to come near that place since that day, no matter how much they loved the sea and their secret corner in the beach. But the cliff overshadowed the beauty of everything else, standing proud and imposing in the midst of the magnificence of nature, a cruel reminder of how easily everything can come to an end.

But also, a reminder of how lucky they had been.

A few seconds. Just a few more seconds, and the young man at his side would no longer be there. If Obi-Wan had had any problems with the car, if he had fallen one more time as he ascended through the slippery slope, or if it’d taken him just a bit longer to devise Anakin’s figure standing at the cliff’s edge...

Then it would be over. The light of his life would have been extinguished.

 Obi-Wan drank in Anakin’s sullen features to convince himself that he was really there.

Whenever he looked back on that day, Anakin was never really able to remember with precise clarity what was going through his mind. He only remembered vaguely having had a sense of sheer desperation, an all-consuming need to not become that monster. An urge to escape from everything, mostly, from himself.

“Are you okay?” The sound of forceful waves drowned his voice. Instead of replying, Anakin turned away from the edge and met his eyes, an inscrutable look on his face. Soon Obi-Wan was surrounded by long and strong arms that held him in a tight embrace.

“Thank you.” He didn’t say more; he didn’t need to. Obi-Wan held him tighter and thanked the Force for letting them have this.

“It’s raining” Anakin softly murmured against his neck.

“How fitting.” Obi-Wan’s sardonic tone made him chuckle. “Shall we go back home?”

_I’m already home._ He focused on Obi-Wan’s heartbeat resounding against his chest, inhaled his sweet scent of cologne, revelled in the familiar sensation of his beard tickling the skin at his neck. He also took in the invigorating mixture of aromas coming from nature: that of the salty sea, of damp earth and wet grass; all of it penetrating his nostrils and making him feel full of _life_.

“Yeah, let’s go” he whispered against copper hair, voiced thick with emotion. He wasn’t afraid of this place anymore.

When they exited the elevator, they were met with their neighbours. Lizzie’s grandparents greeted them cheerfully as the little girl was making faces to the two-year-old child that was on the stroller. It took her a while, but when she noticed them, she run towards them to give them a suffocating hug.

“Ani! Obi!”

“Hello, little one. How’s your brother doing?” Obi-Wan came close to the stroller when Lizzie released them, and held the baby’s little hand in greeting.

“Yeah, you seemed to be having so much fun playing with him.” Anakin grinned self-sufficiently. “I did tell you once you would love having a little brother” he said with an air of superiority.

“And I told you it was a date” she said just as smugly, pointing at his ring.

Obi-Wan’s amused laughter was heard at his side. “Anakin Skywalker, outsmarted by kids since time immemorial.”

“Well, Obi, you weren’t much better either.”

“Aha! You were saying, love?” Anakin teased him.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but couldn’t really hide his fond smile.

* * *

After hanging his jacket on the coat stand, he sighed at seeing the mess in the living room. Then he did a double take.

_What is happening?_ For a brief moment, he thought he had lost his mind, or that he had travelled back in time. Nothing else could explain the presence of the grandfather clock in his home, _the_ grandfather clock he used to be so fond of— and that Anakin had despised so much— and that he himself had destroyed the day that changed their lives.

But, no. It wasn’t the same clock, he realised when he examined it closely, but they were incredibly alike. A note was attached to it through a small cord.

_Hello there! :P_

_So, I know there are still a few months until your birthday— and that my birthday comes before, anyways! — but I wanted to give you a present in advance. By the way, I don’t want to hear you talk about that nonsense of being older than me ever again (when we’re not teasing each other, that is). Twelve years is nothing, and if they were, I wouldn’t give a fuck._

_Alright, so, your present._

_When I worked for that traitorous scum of a Sith, that lying and manipulative bastard and—well, you get the general idea— I met some people that worked in antique shops, and that’s where I bought this clock, just a few days ago. I instantly thought you’d like it— it looks as terrible as the old one, and its sound is just as obnoxious. I know how much you loved that damn clock, and I’m sorry about the circumstances that led you to destroy it (by the way, I always thought I’d be the one to do that, not you! :P ) I know, I shouldn’t make jokes about it. I bet you must be shaking your head in exasperation right now._

_Anyways— and now’s when you’d call me cheesy, but I couldn’t care less— I guess I just wanted to do something with ‘symbolic significance’, that kind of thing you liked to talk about so much in your classes (you’re a geek and I love you so much for it). See, I did learn some things in your classes, it wasn’t always that I was looking at your ass ;) In all seriousness now, that day could have been my last. But it wasn’t. And it turns out that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, even after learning the whole story of what happened in our other lives. So, I’d like this clock to be a symbol of our new lives together, and let me add that I can’t wait to be your husband._

_Love,_

_Anakin_

_P.S.: Oh, I’ll be in the shower, in case you want to call me cheesy... or in case you want to thank me for my present ;)_

The bathroom was hot and full of vapour. His clothes fell with a soft thud against the floor tile before he joined him in the shower, holding that warm and wet body from behind and eliciting a sigh from his fiancée when his hands started roaming down his chest, all the while soft and humid kisses were placed on the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

“I’m guessing you liked my present?”

“Very much so. I was wondering, though, can I have my other present in advance as well?” Anakin gasped when Obi-Wan’s right hand grabbed his cock and began to pump him firmly.

“Yes, please” he all but moaned against Obi-Wan’s mouth, his flesh on fire as his former Master lifted him by his thighs, helping him wrap his legs around his waist. Anakin was passionately kissed against the wall of the shower, the hot stream wetting both of their bodies, adding to their passion. The kiss turned sloppy and filthy very soon, and as much as Anakin was enjoying this, he’d much rather go to their bedroom to do all the things that he had in mind.

“Bed” he purred against his lips, turned on beyond measure when Obi-Wan didn’t let go of him not even to go to their bedroom. They reached their bed between languid kisses, and once there Obi-Wan placed him gently on the mattress before hovering above him.

Obi-Wan’s phone rang once, twice. “Please, please, don’t take it.” Anakin needn’t have begged; he couldn’t think about anything that wasn’t the warm and writhing body beneath his. He pinned the young man by his wrists, fingers intertwined above Anakin’s head, their engagement rings a reminder of the hopeful future that lay ahead of them. Together. Always, together.

It would never cease to amaze him. The way Anakin’s muscles contracted as Obi-Wan’s mouth moved down his defined abdomen, those little spasms, his chest moving up and down in time with his shaky breathing. He loved to tease him—in every aspect of their lives— so it was only natural that Obi-Wan absolutely adored teasing him in this area as well, his tongue playing with his belly button in anticipation. He himself was mad with desire as well, and when he finally took him in his mouth, he revelled in the desperate way in which those hands tangled in his hair. The obscene sounds he could elicit from his lover when he did this were like music to his ears. He gripped him by his thighs then, pushed them backwards towards Anakin’s chest and took in the breathtaking image of his future _husband_ — _Force, I love the way that sounds_ — utterly exposed to him, trusting, _happy_.

“I also can’t wait to be your husband” he said in reference to Anakin’s words in his note. His former Padawan smiled.

“And aren’t you going to call me cheesy? For the note and all that.”

“Mm, no. I love it when you’re cheesy.” His tongue moved lower—agonizingly slowly—down the sensitive skin of his perineum, eyes never leaving his as it slid into his entrance and disappeared inside him.

_Kriff_. “And I...” He found himself unable to not push back against that restless muscle. “... _Ahh_ , I love it when you do that.”

Obi-Wan withdrew just to tease him a little longer, eyes heavy with arousal. “Not as much as I love it, my dear.” And he was in him again, that moist invasion stretching his opening and reducing Anakin to a whimpering mess.

However, his phone kept ringing and, after ignoring it for the _tenth_ time, he began to worry.

“Nggh, no, don’t.” He had to muster all of his self-restraint to resist Anakin’s pleas for him to continue.

“Sorry, love, it might be important. Yes?” It wasn’t important, or not as important as it could have been. He mouthed Anakin the words “ _work related_ ” as the young—and very naked— man rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I did send you those documents... don’t worry, I’ll send them again when I... return home.” But his colleague kept asking him doubts, and Obi-Wan tried to give him the right answers— he _truly_ did— but it became an incredibly difficult task, for he could hear Anakin’s moans when his former student got bored and, desperate for some attention, began to pleasure himself. He shouldn’t have looked at him, but Obi-Wan would never learn, and when he did and was met with the image of a spread-legged Anakin, fingering himself with his eyes fixed on him, he had to bite back the animalistic moan that threatened to escape his lips as best as he could, feigning a cough to conceal his arousal. He hanged up soon after that— couldn’t remember for the life of him what he told his colleague— and helped Anakin getting ready for him before he buried himself in that tight heat. “I love you, Anakin” he said with every thrust. “I love you so much...” And that would never cease to amaze him as well, how _every_ time he said the words Anakin’s face gleamed with bliss.

His phone rang again. “Blast it.” He took it and his eyes rolled back when Anakin wrapped his legs around his waist to keep him in place. “Kriff, Obi-Wan, ignore it, just ignore it...”

“I was turning it off, darling.” He smiled unfocused, thrusting inside him just a bit harder. “As if I could ever leave you like this...”

“Good.” Anakin said breathlessly, panting, tightening his legs around him in response. Then he moaned soundly, this new position making him feel wonderfully sensitive as Obi-Wan kept hitting that sweet spot inside him with every thrust. “Good...”

In the midst of their passion, they heard the grandfather clock striking the new hour from the living room. They looked at each other before sharing a breathless laugh, their smiles touching when Obi-Wan leant in to capture his lips with his own.

* * *

R2 came rushing to the door as soon it opened to greet Obi-Wan. Anakin chuckled fondly, looking at them from the sofa.

“Told you you’d win him over.”

Obi-Wan joined him in the sofa after petting R2 a few times. “Of course I did. I won you over after all, so anything is possible for me.” He greeted him with a soft kiss. “What are you reading?”

Anakin blushed. “Oh, this? Nothing, I’m just studying for the final exams—” He sighed as Obi-Wan took the book— the book Obi-Wan had written himself. He smiled self-sufficiently.

“I didn’t know you liked it so much.” Anakin rolled his eyes.

“Well, I did tell you it was good. Also, need I remind you that I was the one who encouraged you to write?”

Obi-Wan laughed. “It doesn’t happen very often, but every once in a while you seem to have good ideas.” Anakin stuck his tongue out and, instead of calling him childish, Obi-Wan closed the distance between them to capture it in his mouth.

“Mm, you are distracting me, it’s not fair.” Anakin complained half-heartedly. “I had the perfect comeback in my mind for that, but now I’m not able to think...” Obi-Wan silenced him with another open mouthed kiss. When his lips were his own again, Anakin asked. “You know, the protagonist of your story reminds me so much of myself.”

“I might have sought inspiration in people I know” he said with a smirk.

“I knew it! But I’m much better than your character, aren’t I?”

“Hmm, well...” He feigned to be lost in thought, amused by Anakin’s scowl. “Of course you are, dear.”

“Can you read some pages aloud for me? And before you call me lazy, I just like your voice too much. It’s so hot.” There it was, the blush he’d been looking for.

“Pass me the book.”

Anakin snuggled next to him in the couch as he was lulled by Obi-Wan’s calming voice. At some point, he lost track of the story, and he just stared at him, taking in those mannerisms— such as his habit of caressing his beard, or the way his brow furrowed in concentration— that Anakin was so familiarised with and that, for that same reason, made him feel like home. Obi-Wan had always known in their former lives the exact moment when his Padawan was no longer paying attention to what he said, and that was one of those things that hadn’t changed— that would never change. Their eyes met, and Anakin gave him a knowing smile which Obi-Wan returned as he held his hand. Then he continued reading, and as good as the story was, Anakin thought that it couldn’t come close to their own.

And the best part was that, whenever he wanted to relive it, he didn’t even have to open a book to reread it. He just had to gaze into gentle grey-blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was some angst along the way, but at last our boys got their happy ending!! :D I can't believe this fic is already over, I've spent so much time writing it that I miss it already! Thank you so, so much for reading this story, for the kudos and bookmarks, subscriptions, and of course, the comments! Every single one of you has a special place in my heart <3 <3 <3  
> Edit: Next chapter is the epilogue of this fic :) Also, as you might have noticed if you've already read the story, I made some changes in this chapter. I deleted the smut scene in which Obi-Wan was bottom, as I wasn't convinced with that scene and I decided to be consistent with the top/bottom dynamics of the rest of the fic :)


	23. Epilogue- Words Left Unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I had originally planned chapter 22 to be the last one, but then this idea came to my mind and I decided to add this chapter as the epilogue! It takes place around a couple of months after chapter 22. Anakin has already graduated, and as you might recall from last chapter, our two lovely boys are engaged (yay!)  
> Enjoy! :)

“ _But, Master. Why can’t I go with you?”_

_“The Council did not deem it necessary. And how many times do I have to tell you, it’s not necessary that you call me Master anymore.”_

_“You will always be my Master.”_

_Obi-Wan’s mocking half-smirk faltered under the intensity of his words. He came close to his friend and put his hands on his shoulders._

_“And you my Padawan.”_

_He sought his eyes, which were warm and gentle once again. Reassured. Obi-Wan’s smile was returned, and the Jedi Master nodded before turning away._

_“Still, we’re the Team.” Obi-Wan turned around, barely managing to repress the urge to roll his eyes. “This is a dangerous mission. Should we not go—”_

_“Anakin.”_

_“Okay, fine. I had to try. Again.”_

_“If only you were so resilient when I tried to make you listen to my teachings.”_

_But teasing banter would not work this time, apparently._

_“Yeah, if only” his former Padawan replied absent-mindedly. “Look, just... be careful.” Obi-Wan raised one amused eyebrow. Anakin rolled his eyes. “Forget it, we’re never careful. Just don’t do anything I would do.”_

_“Gladly.”_

_“I just would hate to have to save your sorry ass once again, old man.”_

_“So insolent.”_

_They both chuckled before saying goodbye with their usual ‘May the Force be with you’, Anakin’s smile dying on his lips as he watched his retreating figure becoming smaller and smaller across the gardens of the Jedi Temple._

_“I just couldn’t take it if something happened to you” he said to himself, the words that he actually had been wanting to say to his friend before,  and that be it by pride or self-awareness, were now lost among the eternal whispers of the wind._

* * *

The soft breeze blowing on his face brought him back to the present, away from the land of memories and things unsaid. The sun was on the verge of setting on the horizon, slowly but surely hiding beneath the vast sea.

“It was never a good sign when you stayed silent for more than five minutes. What’s on your mind, my dear?” The arms that were holding him from behind tightened around his waist. “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts the day before our wedding” he added in mocked concern with his chin on his shoulder, both men watching the sunset.

“I’ve been having second thoughts ever since I said yes” Anakin deadpanned, turning his head to the side to look at him.

“Oh. I’m relieved to know I wasn’t the only one.”

Both men dissolved into laughter, their smiles touching when their lips met in a loving kiss.

“In all seriousness now...”

“Who said I wasn’t being serious?” Anakin joked, gently nipping on his bottom lip.

“...in all seriousness now, it hasn’t escaped me that your mind seems to be somewhere else these past few days. What is it, Anakin?”

The younger of the two sighed, turning his attention to the red and orange sky and the retreating sun, closing his eyes in contentment when Obi-Wan pressed his lips to the skin on the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

“I’m just... afraid, I guess.” He snorted self-deprecatingly. “Scared shitless, more like.”

“Is the prospect of marrying me so depressing?”

“Oh, yes. Terrifying” he said between chuckles. Obi-Wan always knew what to say to make him laugh. A minute of silence passed, in which Obi-Wan waited patiently for him to speak. “I’m terrified of being so happy. Like, if there’s something I’ve learned in this life— in both lives—, that would be that whenever things are looking good, shit will happen to take the happiness away. I can’t help but waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? And— what the hell, Obi-Wan, why are you smiling like that? I don’t think that what I’m saying is funny at all!”

“Forgive me, Anakin” he said gently, with that look that made it impossible for Anakin not to forgive him pretty much anything. “It’s just the irony in that. When we were Jedi, I would have loved to see ‘the Hero with No Fear’ admitting to being scared every once in a while.”

Anakin rolled his eyes and looked at the sky, the seagulls filling the comfortable silence.

“For the record, I’m scared too.”

Anakin looked at him. “Are you?”

“Of course. I think I’ve been feeling a bit scared every day since...” He didn’t need to finish the sentence; Anakin understood very well. Both were overwhelmingly aware of the imposing cliff looming in the distance, and both were resolutely ignoring it, gazing at each other’s eyes instead. “But sometimes, being scared is a good sign.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.” He held him closer. “The more afraid you are, the more precious it is that which you are afraid to lose.”

Anakin needed a moment to be able to speak again.

“I share your point of view.”

Obi-Wan smiled. “Oh, I know you do.”

Neither of them could see the last seconds of the sunset, but lost in each other’s lips, neither of them cared.

* * *

“I have to go this way. See you tomorrow at the town council, my dear.”

Anakin groaned. “This is so stupid. Sleeping in different houses the night before our wedding... I mean, why did we accept to go along Ahsoka’s absurd idea in the first place?”

“Because we wanted to thank her for her precious efforts that contributed to the “getting our shit back together” in the first stages of our relationship, as she so aptly put it. And because she and Rex can be very insistent.”

“What a fine match they make. I swear to you, they just enjoy putting us in ridiculous situations for the sake of it. It’s a good thing we refused to having a bachelor party. Whatever that imaginative head of hers would have come up with, I’d rather not think.”

“Well, we did let her organise that dinner, which ended up being a repetition of a Jedi council meeting of sorts, in this world.”

“Yeah.”He chuckled. “Seeing Yoda drunk was worth it, though. It turned out that he can speak _even_ weirder than he already does after a couple of glasses.”

“And seeing you contradicting them on principle—arguing over decisions regarding war offensives that took place _in another life_ — was quite the sight, too.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t forget your ceaseless ramblings on meditation. I’ll never get rid of those, apparently, no matter what life we are in.”

It was a quiet summer night. An occasional car broke the silence of the solitary street where they were now standing.

Anakin cleared his throat. “Well... see you tomorrow, then. Don’t miss me too much tonight.”

“Worry not, my dear. R2 will miss you more. Ouch” he complained half-heartedly when Anakin pinched his arm. “See you tomorrow, love.” He kissed him goodbye. “If you don’t leave me in the lurch, that is.”

“Hmm, I’ll sleep on it!” Anakin shouted back at him with a smirk, waving his hand as they parted ways.

“Likewise!” was the answer he got in return.

Ah, good old banter.

It always came to that.

* * *

_"What’s the matter, Master?” He ignited his lightsaber, the blue halo enhancing the playfulness in his features. "Afraid your old Padawan will put you to shame?”_

_“Another duel? Goodness me, you’re insatiable.”_

_“Well?”_

_“I’ve just returned from my mission. I need to inform the Council on the details—”_

_“Such a lame excuse... surely that can wait.”_

_“Anakin! I—contrary to a certain Jedi knight I’m well acquainted with—_ do _like to arrive on time to places.”_

_“At least that Jedi knight never backs out of a challenge. But then again, he was never a kriffing_ coward _either.”_

_“Such a foul mouth” he said in time he ignited his own lightsaber. Anakin smirked. “Didn’t your Master ever tell you that you should show some respect to your superiors?”_

_“He was too busy rambling on meditation and other irrelevant stuff of the like.”_

_“Maybe he deemed you too impulsive.”_

_“Probably.”_

_“Perhaps you should have listened to him more.”_

_“Probably not.”_

_The duel started. Nobody else was there, on the training grounds, this late in the day. They’d come across each other by chance. Anakin was practising with his lightsaber so as to kill time, just because he was bored, and certainly not because the lack of news on his Master’s mission had him climbing the walls. And he was most certainly_ not _considering disobeying the Council’s orders and go save the old man—again. In the end, no disobeying was necessary, and the first thing that Anakin did when he saw him was to challenge him to a duel. And here they were, under the moonlight and the artificial glow of their lightsabers, doing that which they did best._

_“I win.” The duel was already over. Anakin had disarmed him and had him now trapped against the cold floor. It didn’t feel like winning. “You’re losing your touch, Master. Next meal in Dex’s is on you.”_

_“Nice alibi. Don’t think I don’t know the real reason you duelled against me” he said with an air of superiority, as he stood up and smoothed his tunic._

_“Oh?”_

_“You never miss a chance of feeding your ego.”_

_“You hurt my feelings, Master” he replied with a grin. “Arrogance is unbefitting of a Jedi.”_

_Of course, the real reason was that he was overjoyed to see his best friend safe and sound, because he_ might _have been climbing the walls before, and doing that which they did best— fighting side by side, and bantering— were the only ways he felt comfortable showing it. Not talking, no. They were never good at that. Leave fancy words to poets and the like._

_Besides, it’s not like he needed to say it. Obi-Wan knew it, anyways. So what was the point?_

* * *

Since he had already agreed on Ahsoka’s absurd idea, he might as well make the most of it. And that’s how he ended up playing spaceship videogames with Ahsoka and Rex in Ahsoka’s flat the night before his wedding.

He hadn’t counted on being the one having his ass kicked this time, though.

“Two losses in a row! Apparently Commander Skywalker is losing his touch” Rex joked. “Or maybe he’s just a wreck of nerves.”

“Don’t give him an excuse, Rex” Ahsoka joined in the teasing. “He was never that good at this game.”

“This is how you two thank me for having saved your asses so many times in so many battles?” Ahsoka and Rex exchanged _the_ look.

“Oh, but we should be ashamed of ourselves, Rex! How ungrateful of us. Then I suppose we better not bring up the many times Anakin here got himself captured...”

“Or the multiple times we had to come to his rescue...”

“Or the _countless_ times he crashed the ship.”

“Alright, you two are impossible.” Anakin rose from the couch. “It’s no wonder you’ve started dating. Just for the record, if you two ever get married, I’ll make sure that the night before your wedding is just as terrible.”

That effectively shot the two lovebirds up, who could only stammer and blush like a couple of teenagers, avoiding each other’s eyes. _Serves them right._

Alone in his bedroom, the nerves in his stomach were even harder to ignore. He debated calling Obi-Wan— his voice always had a soothing effect on him— but quickly deserted that idea. He was probably sleeping already, and Anakin didn’t have it in him to wake him up.

* * *

_"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!”_

_“I HATE YOU!”_

_“You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."_

* * *

He woke up with a gasp, not a sound escaping his throat or his open mouth. But those terrifying screams as he was burned alive still resonated in his pulsing ears.

That was no mere dream. He might have not experienced that agony— thus, it was no memory either—, and he might not know the specifics of it, but Yoda had told them enough. So that could only mean...

_A vision._

Not a vision about the future, but of the past. The past that took place in that tragic, alternate timeline.

So many times he’d thought about it. None of his musings could come close to the real thing, to what he’d just seen, _felt_ , in his dream. The horror of it. The disappointment in Obi-Wan’s eyes, the _betrayal_ , Anakin’s own resentment at being betrayed (for from his point of view, he _was_ betrayed as well) by his brother, who didn’t lift as much as one finger as the flames consumed his flesh and he was almost reduced to ashes.

He hurried up to the bathroom and threw up.

In as much silence as he could, he changed into his clothes and left the house.

At 2 AM the night before the wedding, he was at the beach again, just where he and Obi-Wan had been standing, watching the sunset, in the afternoon. The tide was high, so he couldn’t go to their secret corner. But that was fine. No one was there at this hour anyways, so the vast beach he had to settle for felt just as isolated and welcoming.

“Hello there.”

_No._

He went rigid, not ready yet to hear that voice again, not so soon. “ _You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.”_

He noticed out of the corner of his eye Obi-Wan sitting down next to him on the sand.

“What-what are you doing here?” He wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming still.

“I could ask you the same question. It’s funny, isn’t it? We sabotaged Ahsoka’s plan without even meaning to.”

Anakin looked at him with a frown, only half-listening to what he said. “I had a dream” he finally admitted. “A bad one. I think... I think it was a vision, from the other life. From the timeline we didn’t experience.”

“Me too.”

Anakin held his eyes, and only then did he notice that Obi-Wan didn’t look so well either. Realization struck him. “You had the same dream as I. With the lava, and...?” A light nod, and Anakin couldn’t hold his eyes anymore. He watched the shore in the distance instead. “How...”

“How could we both have that vision? Well, normal as this life is, you do seem to retain some of your old prophetic abilities. Didn’t you use to dream about cliffs the days prior to our confrontation against Palpatine?”

Anakin shuddered; in cold or discomfort, he couldn’t tell. “Yes. But that wouldn’t explain that you should have a vision as well, about that past, and at the same time I did no less. It’s kinda... surreal.”

“Because our lives are anything but surreal? Do I need to remind you that we are a reincarnation of two Jedi Knights that fought for the welfare of the galaxy in another reality? Two Jedi Knights that had access to the Force, that could move things without touching them, that could—”

“Yeah, okay—smartass— I get it. That still doesn’t explain _why_. Why, just why did we have access to that... that moment, and today of all days?”

Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. We are about to experience an important change in our lives. Maybe this is supposed to remind us how lucky we are to have avoided that from happening to ourselves.”

“Maybe. Or perhaps it’s a bad omen.”

“How so?”

Anakin laughed mirthlessly. “It may not appear in the civil registry, but this isn’t the first time I marry someone. And last time, it didn’t end up exactly well, in case you’ve forgotten. We just witnessed some of the consequences, in our dream. Maybe fate, or whatever, is giving us a warning.”

“A warning...?”

“Maybe we are not supposed to get married.”

“Are you being serious now?”

“No. Yes. In mean... no, of course I’m not having second thoughts or any nonsense like that! Geez, Obi-Wan, I just... It’s just...”

“Fear. It’s just fear.”

“Yes” Anakin concurred softly, then gave him a self-deprecating smile. “It always comes to that with me, doesn’t it? That kriffing, stupid word.”

“Come here.” Obi-Wan put off his jacket and placed it on the sand—so that Anakin wouldn’t complain about it so much— and held him in a protective embrace as they lay down, eyes fixed on the starred sky. “It was not a bad omen. And your marriage was not the cause of that tragedy. It was a weak spot—out of so many— like the crack in that rock over there. A crack that some monster spotted—orchestrated, even, I’d dare say— and took advantage of, so as to break that which wasn’t his to break.” The bitterness in his tone was more than obvious. “But your marriage in itself wasn’t the trigger. Not only. And as a result of that love, you and Padmé gave life to two exceptional children.”

Anakin hummed quietly, his face seeking refuge in the curve of his neck. “It saddens me that I’ll never get to know Luke and Leia.” It saddened him _so_ much.

“I understand.” A hand got tangled in his hair, softly caressed his nape, before it settled on his shoulder, just barely touching the skin that Anakin’s short-sleeve shirt left uncovered. “Try to find comfort in the fact that they existed in the other timeline, and that they mended the mess their father made” he said fondly, a desperate attempt at humour to ease the tension. His efforts found reward in the form of a wistful smile.

“Yes, they were awesome. No doubt they took after their mother." A long sigh. “I hope life treated them well.”

They fell silent after that, listening to the waves breaking against the shore in the distance. Anakin took his hand, slipping his fingers between Obi-Wan’s as he looked at their joined hands in thought. He was on the verge of nodding off, his face nested under his future husband’s chin, when Obi-Wan broke the silence

“Can you forgive me?” His voice was low and upset. “For what I did... maiming you, leaving you to burn alive.” Anakin sat up slightly to send him an incredulous look, the weight of his head supported by his bent arm. “I don’t- I _can’t_ erase that image from my mind, Anakin. It’s one thing to know about it from Yoda, and an entirely different thing to see it for myself, like I just did in this dream. How can I— how could I just leave you like that?”

“Obi-Wan—”

“Why did that meddling... _bastard_ have to take an interest in _you_ when you were a child, you of all people.”

“Obi-Wan, listen to me—”

“Why didn’t I notice until it was too late—”

“Obi-Wan!” His future husband rarely resorted to swear words when he wanted to insult someone, and the fact that he just did, said a lot about his current state. “Just- just don’t waste your time thinking about that son of a bitch. He’s not worth it. What’s done is done.”

Obi-Wan inhaled deeply. “You’re right.” He hesitantly lifted a hand, stopped midway, before resolving to cup Anakin’s cheek with it. “Can you forgive me, though?”

“Sure, as long as you can forgive me for falling to the dark side, betraying all the Jedi, and killing you several years later.” The ridiculousness of it all almost made them laugh.

“When did our lives become so utterly complicated?” His thumb traced Anakin’s cheekbone.

“When you were forced to teach literature to a student of mechanical engineering” Anakin answered pressing a soft kiss to Obi-Wan’s free hand.

“On the contrary, that made it easier. Our lives were already that complicated without us knowing it.”

Anakin smiled. “True.” He lent in to place small kisses down Obi-Wan’s cheek, his beard, his jaw line. But not even that could erase the frown from his former Master’s face.

“Still... when I left you in my dream—”

“Obi-Wan...”

“No, listen. This is important. I could feel what I felt in that moment. Just as I had predicted, I fought that battle without meaning to kill you, uselessly hoping that I might get you to see reason. That’s why I left, I... I wasn’t able to finish you off. I couldn’t do it...”

_Because you loved me. If only you would have told me that sooner..._ But it was no use thinking about that now. Just as Anakin was gazing at the sea again, his eyes spotted it. At night, the cliff looked paradoxically less chilling, its contour blurred amidst the dark sky.

Anakin snuggled further into Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “If I had jumped... what would you have done?” The question had slipped through his lips before he had any time to take it back. The answer was given just as quickly.

“I would have jumped after you.”

“You would have died.”

“Probably. There was around one per cent chance of saving you.”

“Is it one per cent worth the risk?” Anakin’s question was barely audible.

“Always” came the unfaltering response, followed by chapped lips against his forehead.

* * *

_"Obi-Wan. I need your help.”_

_“Of course. What can I do for you?”_

_“I need you to get me out of the Halls of Healing.”_

_Obi-Wan stared at him in confusion before dissolving into laughter._

_“Like Master, like Padawan. I’m sorry, my friend, but that is something I cannot help you with. Have you forgotten about the gravity of your injuries?”_

_“Nothing that I haven’t had to deal with in other missions” Anakin said rolling his eyes, “I’m fully recovered now!”_

_“You will be fully recovered when the Healers deem it so” he said in a tone that left no room for arguments._

_Anakin crossed his arms on his chest. Sulking in the bed like a child, dressed in a white hospital gown that was a bit too short on him, and a dark bruise on his left eye— he looked kind of adorable._

_“You’re an ungrateful bastard. I’m telling you, when our positions are reversed — and you know they will be— I’m not helping_ you _getting out this place ever again. So you better save your breath when the time arrives.”_

_Obi-Wan, unlike his old Padawan, was not childish, and so he made a great effort not to roll his eyes._

_“Three more days here and I’ll help you out.”_

_“One day.”_

_“Two. That’s my last offer.”_

_“Done deal.”_

_Obi-Wan shook his head in feigned exasperation, and was struck by a sudden wave of affection towards his best friend. It was unfair that his former Padawan was so used to this war already, that he had come to view the injuries he got in the battlefield as an everyday, unimportant occurrence. It irked Obi-Wan how quickly his friend brushed his own wounds off— again, aware that he himself was guilty of the same behaviour, but for some reason annoyed beyond measure when it was Anakin the one to do the not caring about himself._

_Obi-Wan did care. Anakin was not just his former Padawan, or a fellow Jedi knight, or even a friend. He was_ family. _He lov- cared for him like a brother._

_Blast it. He loved him like a brother._

_Sometimes he wondered if Anakin knew. True, Obi-Wan wasn’t the most demonstrative person in the galaxy when it came to talking about his feelings, but it was through his actions that he showed he cared. He hoped Anakin realised it. Yes, surely he knew. After all, he knew Obi-Wan better than anyone._

_And yet... and yet maybe he didn’t._

_Well, now there were more pressing matters to deal with. They would have time to talk about everything else when the war was over._

_‘Yes’, Obi-Wan said to himself. ‘After the war.’_

* * *

“Anakin. Anakin, wake up.”  The younger man let out a grunt, wishing that voice to just shut the hell up so that he could continue sleeping. _Ugh, but why does my back hurt so much? And why am I surrounded by kriffing sand?!_ He opened his eyes to find the dark blue sky and the first lights of dawn, and the face of his future husband just inches way, sending him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry to wake you this soon, but it wouldn’t do for us to arrive late to our own wedding, would it?”

“Our wedding” he dumbly repeated half-asleep as the events of last night came to him. “Our wedding!” He hastily sat up, almost colliding with Obi-Wan in the process. When he turned his phone on, he had five missed calls from Ahsoka. “Has she called you as well?”

“Probably. I have run out of battery.”

They couldn’t help laughing. “She must be thinking I ran off to our home so that you and I could get into each other’s pants and spend the night together. She’ll never believe the truth.”

“It would go like this... So, Anakin and I happened to share a vision about our other selves in the alternate timeline, the timeline in which everything went downhill, and distressed as we were feeling after waking up, he and I also happened to have the same idea of going to the beach in the wee hours of the morning in hopes that some fresh air would do us good, and after meeting by chance in said beach, we did nothing but talking until we fell asleep in each other’s arms; no getting into each other’s pants involved. I don’t know, Anakin, it doesn’t sound so hard to believe to me!”

“You’re right, not hard to believe at all” Anakin said, deciding to play along. “Besides, we could even get into each other’s pants now and she wouldn’t know either.”

Obi-Wan tried to bite back his chuckle, quite unsuccessfully at that. He lent in so that their foreheads were touching. “Don’t tempt me. You look far too adorable half-asleep and with your hair full of sand.” Anakin made a face at the mention of sand in his hair, which only made him look more adorable. “But, sadly, we don’t have time for that.” Obi-Wan took Anakin’s hand. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“ _Very_ nervous. But... the good kind.”

Obi-Wan smiled radiantly. “Me too.”

“I just can’t wait to call you husband.” He gave him a sheepish smile. “Especially... tonight.”

Obi-Wan’s breath caught on his throat, as he lifted Anakin’s hand to bring it against his lips. “Neither can I.” Every time they were together felt like the first time. The same sense of exhilaration at every touch, the same frantic heartbeat when they were so close that they could smell each other’s skin. And yet every time felt unique for its own reasons, and tonight couldn’t come soon enough, for he ached for doing all of it being able to call him husband.

Anakin’s phone rang, and they were reminded they had their own wedding to attend first.

It was an intimate ceremony. They didn’t have that many connections, and even if they had, they would have preferred it like that. After being officially married at the town council— _Force_ , he would have given anything to go back in time and space just to see both of their faces when told that former Master and apprentice had ended up marrying in some other life— the celebration took place in the outskirts of town, in an elegant wedding restaurant with plenty of green space around it—such a beautiful landscape and sights— so as to bask in the warmth of a nice summery afternoon. Obi-Wan had invited some colleagues from work, many of whom were former Jedi that by now remembered everything as well, so their wedding may as well have been a Jedi Council meeting of sorts. The irony in that was not lost to Anakin: it would have been unthinkable to have Yoda, or Windu, as guests in his previous wedding. Somehow that thought reassured him: nothing good ever comes out of secrets. And it felt... nostalgic, in a good way, to see Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda or Windu engaging in some conversation pertaining to other times. Of course, everyone made sure not to let anything slip when the guests unaware of all of this were around, such as Obi-Wan’s neighbours.

Anakin separated from the group to go for a walk alone for a little while, leaving Obi-Wan to do all the socializing. As much as Anakin teased him about it, he loved that about him: how he always knew the right thing to say in a conversation, that even when two people with different ideas and characters were chatting and clashed at any moment, Obi-Wan said something that instantly eased the tension away and found them all agreeing on some unexpected topic against all odds. Well, he hadn’t been called the Negotiator for nothing, after all.

It was in days like these when their losses were felt even more greatly. His mum, Padmé, Qui-Gon... Obi-Wan and Anakin would have given anything to have them right here, sharing their joy. But they were always in their hearts, so they were never really gone.

* * *

_His friend was oddly silent as they walked side by side along the gardens of the Jedi temple._

_“Would you like to come with me to Dex’s? If memory serves me right, I owe you a meal.”_

_“Thanks, but I have already met with Ahsoka to practice some lightsaber moves. Another time, then. Hey, Obi-Wan, I... thank you.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For standing up for me in front of the Jedi Council today.”_

_Anakin had sort of—almost—screwed it up in his last mission by coming to R2’s rescue. It wasn’t the first time he did something of the like, but it_ was _the first time that, by doing so, he had almost compromised the success of the mission. And the Council already distrusted him enough as it was without reason— ‘they don’t know about my marriage or about the Tusken thing, so yes, without reason’_ _Anakin stubbornly said to himself— so Anakin’s last stunt hadn’t exactly help matters. But Obi-Wan had surprised him. Instead of keeping out of it, he’d voiced Anakin’s actions in a way that didn’t make him look like a reckless, impulsive brat too attached to his droid. The Negotiator. He could have kissed him right there. Well. Maybe not that._

_“But it didn’t require much meddling from my part. They were quite understanding, considering. You know, they’re not the inflexible ogres you sometimes seem to believe they are.  You have an erroneous perception of them.”_

_“Maybe I do.” Palpatine would think otherwise. “Anyways, thank you.”_

_Obi-Wan rewarded him with the smile that was only ever meant for him. “You’re welcome.”_

_It only made Anakin feel even worse that he was lying to him in return. He wasn’t going to meet with Ahsoka today, but had plans of spending the whole day in the loving warmth of Padmé’s embrace instead._

_So Obi-Wan had just defended him in front of the Council, and he was repaying him by lying to his face. Some friend he was._

_He was done with the secrets, with the half-truths, with living a double life. Done with hiding like a criminal just for being with the woman he loved, done with his secret about the Tusken that was eating him alive._

_What if... maybe..._

_Maybe Anakin had an erroneous perception of him as well? Maybe he’d understand?_

_“Obi-Wan, wait.” Anakin blocked his path, making Obi-Wan almost stumble upon him. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, for some time now.”_

_Obi-Wan was looking expectantly at him. “Well?”_

_“I, uh...” The air stilled, no birds could be heard singing anymore, and the rustling of the leaves swayed by the wind was no longer there. Anakin swore time seemed to have stopped in that moment. “It was me who broke your favourite teacup the other day by accident.”_

_“Oh.” Anakin wasn’t sure, but he thought he could see disappointment in those grey-blue eyes for a moment, just a fleeting second, but then Obi-Wan broke into laughter and Anakin thought he’d imagined it. “Of course you did. Who else but you?”_

_He couldn’t do it. There was too much at stake, he just couldn’t risk being expelled from the Jedi order. He was meant to do great things, he was meant to end this nonsensical war once and for all! He was the Chosen One._

_So he would have to lie just for a little longer. Until the war was over. And then, he’d tell him._

_And if Obi-Wan still wanted to be friends with him after that, he’d tell him he loved him, that he was part of his family. And maybe one day, when he and Padmé had children, Obi-Wan could teach them, just as he taught Anakin everything he knew._

_One day, after the war._

* * *

“There you are. I have to say, I find it quite rude that you leave all the talking to me. What is it with you and your obsession with the sea, by the way?”

Anakin greeted him with his eyes still set on the horizon, from where he was standing in a nice corner that overlooked the sea in the distance. “Don’t worry, I haven’t grown tired of my husband just yet. It’s a good thing you found me. I wanted to be alone with you for a little while.”

“Can’t even wait until tonight?”

Anakin chuckled rolling his eyes. His hands sought Obi-Wan’s, and he adopted a serious look.

“When you used to part alone on some dangerous mission, I was worried sick you might not come out of it alive. I couldn’t have taken it if something happened to you and I wasn’t there at your side to save your ass. And when you returned safe and sound from those missions, I insisted on practising with our lightsabers not because I wanted to win and feed my ego, but because I had missed you so damn much I couldn’t think of other excuse to spend more time with you. Whenever I lied to you, or told you some half-truth, I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the galaxy, and as a pathetic excuse for a best friend. There were times when I couldn’t bear it, to the point that I almost gathered enough courage to tell you the truth... but it turns out they were wrong when they called me the hero with no fear. So I resolved to wait until the war was over... but of course, we both know how that story ended” he concluded bitterly.

“You and I, we were never good with words, were we?” Not even the so-called Negotiator. _‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you_ ’. “I wish I had told you I loved you sooner.”

“You two, lovebirds!” Ahsoka’s shouted at them in the distance. “You better come here, or you’ll miss a tipsy Yoda saying—trying to say— tongue-twisters!”

“Well” Anakin said, trying to compose himself and ignoring the lump in his throat. “That’ll certainly be fun.”

“Wait.” Obi-Wan pulled at his hand and drew him closer. Anakin stared at him mute, as Obi-Wan’s hands started caressing the soft fabric of his shirt down his arms, paying special attention to his right arm. The wind was blowing, softly dishevelling those unruly curls, obscuring his sight. Obi-Wan’s hand tenderly brushed aside a strand of hair before cupping his cheek. “My Padawan... my husband.” Anakin swallowed. “You were wrong in one thing. _This_ is how that story ended. Vader ended up bringing balance to the Force... just not in the way we expected. And because of your sacrifice, the Force gave you another chance, here. And you made good use of your second chance. My dear...” He lent in so that their foreheads were touching, Anakin’s shaky breathing was not lost amidst the whispers of the oceanic breeze, reaching Obi-Wan’s ears with unerring clarity. “And we did tell each other all those things, after the war. Just now. And just not in the way we expected.”

Anakin’s lips found his, right at the same time Obi-Wan had closed his eyes to lean in for a kiss himself. He tilted his head deepening their kiss, Anakin’s lips parting swiftly to give him access, letting out a soft gasp that was lost in Obi-Wan’s mouth. This was his former Padawan he was kissing, this was his best friend’s waist he was holding, this was his fellow Jedi knight he’d loved then as much as he loved him now. Another kind of love back then, true, but just as deep. No different in the way it got his blood boiling with life, his mind bubbling with excitement at the prospect of any interaction of them two, his heart singing with joy for knowing another heart akin to his.

Anakin’s eyes were glassy when they parted for air, probably a mirror to his own. They stayed close, gazing at each other’s eyes lost in thought—or rather, not thinking at all,—their noses nuzzling together. Until someone called them lovebirds again.

“Alright, so...” Anakin said chuckling. “Time for socializing. That which you do best” he mocked him, making Obi-Wan roll his eyes. Later at home, if he didn’t forget, he would tell him he actually liked it when Obi-Wan always acted like the perfect host in his daily life.

_No. I will tell him now._

“Wait!” Anakin was the one to tug at his hand now. “You know, I find it cute how you always try to make everyone feel comfortable in reunions like these.”

Obi-Wan raised one eyebrow, amused. “And you’re telling me this now because...?”

“Because life is short, and unpredictable. We better say the things we want to say now, since it’s not always that one is given another chance in another life to say them.”

 “My, my, when did you become so wise? Well, in that case, let me tell you that I actually think you’re quite endearing whenever you shy away from the world in order to spend some time alone thinking, in other words, sulking...”

“I do _not_ sulk! _”_

“... especially considering I’m one of the few privileged persons you want to be around in those moments.” Anakin gave him a heartfelt smile. Obi-Wan extended his hand towards him, looking intently at their wedding guests— their friends— sharing jokes a few metres away from them. “Well, Anakin. Are you ready to start this new, exciting adventure in our lives? A different kind of adventure from what we were used to, undoubtedly, but quite an adventure nonetheless."

“I’m ready” Anakin said resolved, taking Obi-Wan’s offered hand, their wedding rings gleaming in the sunlight. “After all, there’s nothing that _the Team_ can’t accomplish, so long as we stick together.”

_And this time, we will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* This was an emotional chapter. I must admit I teared up more than once when writing the scenes when they were Jedi. This was initially supposed to be just a fluffy one shot of the fic so as to show their wedding, but then it escalated into this and I had to add it as the epilogue, since I think it gives a better closure to the characters, both considering their past and present lives :)  
> I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you so much again for reading this story!!! <3 <3 <3


End file.
